"Brian, wake up man I gotta piss." The voice slowly lulled Brian from his peaceful slumber.  "Brian!" It screamed.  Brian's head rose quickly, a rush of nausea coming over him.   He looked at his surroundings, cold ugly green tile, a white bath mat and Trevor looming over him.  He was in the bathroom, and his mouth tasted like a toilet.

    "Brian would you get out of the fucking way, I have to piss." Trevor yelled, pushing Brian with his foot.

    "Yeah." He muttered, getting up off the floor and barely walking into the hotel room.  He threw himself onto one of the beds, pulling the covers over himself, his boxers not providing much warmth in the chilly room.  He felt like death warmed over, his head throbbed with a rhythmic beat and his stomach churned with any movement, threatening to spill out once again.

    "Do you know you puked in the bathtub?" Trevor said coming out of the bathroom, tying the drawstring on his pants.

    "I did." Brian mumbled, his face buried in a pillow.

    "Yeah.  Rough night?"

    "I think so."  He said, rolling over with a moan.    "I don't know.  Last thing I remember is fighting with you.  Why the hell did I get into a fight with you?" He asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

    "Hey, if you don't remember I'm not tellin'" he laughed. "Don't worry, it was nothing."

    "So do you know how I got back here?" Brian asked.

    "Nope, when I got back you were in the bathroom sleeping.  I just shut the door and left you there."

    "You didn't even give me a blanket." Brian asked.

    "Nope, I had company."

    "What time is it?" Brian asked, looking at his bare wrist.

    "It's almost noon."

    "Oh god I don't want to get up, when's the wedding?"

    "At seven.  But we have to meet there by five."

    "Then I can sleep some more." he said, pulling the blanket up over his head and trying to sleep, the sinking feeling that he had made some big mistakes the previous night, but not knowing what they were.
 
 

        "Where were you last night?" Jody asked with a sly grin when Dani emerged from the shower, her head throbbing and her stomach still queasy.

    "Huh." Dani said, her mind in a fog.

    "I was just wondering where you slept last night, since it obviously wasn't here, you know considering I let you in the room this morning."  Dani's gaze fell to the floor, and she walked past Jody to her side of the room.  "Tell me who it was!" Jody said like a teenager, jumping up and down, getting the vibe that something had happened with someone.

    "Who, who was?"

    "The person who gave you those gigantic hickeys on your neck." Jody said as Dani bolted for the nearest mirror, Jody's laughter swiftly following.  "No, I was kidding.  But obviously from that reaction there was someone.  C'mon spill, who was it."

    "No one, it was no one." Dani snapped.

    "Do I know him?" Jody said excitedly.

    "I don't want to talk about it Jody, it was just some guy, I want to forget about it, let it be."

    "Fine." She said, slinking away into the bathroom.  Once Dani heard the shower running her tears returned.  Tears she had cried all morning, tears of regret, tears of self-pity.  She had woken up wrapped in the sheets on Brian's hotel bed,  every memory of what they had done vivid and ingrained into her memory, she looked around for Brian,  She didn't see him anywhere in the room, but she heard him in the bathroom, obvious sound of puking coming from within.  She rose out of bed, quickly grabbing the first shirt she could find, pulling it over her head and making her way to the bathroom.  He sat on the floor, wearing only his boxers, puking hard  into the toilet.  He wiped his mouth with his arm and looked up at her as she knelt down beside him.

    "Dani?" He asked.  "What are you doing in my room?"

    "What?"

    "I was looking for you.  I didn't want him to find you, but I couldn't find you." He said, so much confusion in his voice, his words still slurring slightly.

    "Brian you did find me...remember, you came to my room."

    "Am I in your room?" Brian asked wide-eyed.

    "No, we're in your room." She said.  "Don't you remember coming back here?"

    "Nope." He said quickly, returning to the toilet bowl where he regurgitated more of the evenings drinks.  Dani cringed and looked away, the smell making her want to vomit too, but instead she reached onto the sink counter and filled a glass with cold water, handing it to Brian.

    "Thanks."  he muttered, drinking it slowly setting the glass on the floor by his feet.   "Did Trevor call you?"

    "What?"

    "Did Trevor call you to come take care of me?  Did he bring me back here?" Brian asked, laying his head down on the toilet again.

    "No, Trevor didn't call me, and he didn't bring you back here." Dani said with annoyance in her voice. " I brought you here." she said pointing to herself.

    "Thanks Dan, you're a good friend." Dani flinched at his statement, leaving the bathroom as Brian closed his eyes.  Did he really not remember?  She wondered.  He wasn't that drunk was he?  You don't forget something like that.  You don't say things like that and forget you said them! She screamed in her mind tears brimming her eyelids.    Dani looked around the room, a room that not even an hour ago had been witness to everything they said and did.   Dani walked around the room, picking up anything that belonged to her.  With all her clothes held in her arms she peeked in to make sure Brian was okay before leaving the room.

No regrets

She heard his words so clearly in her mind now that she sat in her own hotel room replaying everything that had happened.  How could I not have regrets, my promise was based on you not having any regrets, on you wanting me like you said you did.  She yelled the words in her mind, tears streaming down her face.  Maybe Lauren didn't instigate what happened, she thought of her sister, maybe Brian really did, maybe he did to her what he did to me.  What am I saying.  He didn't do anything to me, I brought this upon myself, I'm more to blame than he is, I could have stopped it, if I wanted to.    Why did I let that happen?  she wondered, searching around in her bag for the tylenol she knew she packed.   She swallowed two pills without water, and curled up in the bed, wishing she could fall asleep and forget as easily as he seemed to do.

    "Dani, are you okay?" Jody asked sitting down next to her on the bed.  Dani hadn't heard her come out of the bathroom and here she was crying her eyes out, curled in the fetal position on the bed.

    "Yeah." She muttered.

    "Why are you crying? Nothing happened to you did it Dani?" Jody said in a serious worried tone, sitting down next to her on the bed.

    "I'm not crying Jody." She said sitting up on the bed, wiping her face, an obvious lie.

    "Do you want to talk about it?"

    "No I don't want to talk about anything." Dani snapped, getting off the bed and going back into the bathroom. "I'm just hungover and sick.  I had a bad night, that's all."

    "Are you sure?" Dani could tell Jody didn't believe her, I wouldn't even believe myself, she thought looking into the bathroom mirror at her splotchy face and bloodshot eyes.  "Dan, I have to go help Deanna get ready.  Are you sure you'll be okay?  if you want me to stay I will."

    "Jody, I'll be fine, I'll just take some tylenol and I'll see you there, don't be late on account of me." She said shutting the door in Jody's face and sitting down on the closed toilet seat, listening until she heard Jody leave.  Finally she crept from the bathroom, and  sat down on the bed, looking through her stuff so she could start getting ready for the wedding.  The shrill ringing of the phone pierced into her head, the tylenol not taking it's desired effect.  Dani walked over to the phone, sitting down before answering.

    "Hello?" She said picking up the phone.

    "Hey Dani." Brian's voiced greeted her on the other end, her heart caught in her chest and her breathing stopped momentarily.   She wanted to talk to him, she needed to know if everything that happened was just because of some drunken stupor, or if it was because  of something deeper.   She needed to know if he remembered, but she didn't know how to bring it up.

    "Hi." She muttered, for lack of anything better to say.

    "So, how are you feeling today?" He asked.

    "Pretty shitty."

    "Me too, I puked all morning, it hasn't been one of my most glorious mornings." She smiled hearing his laugh, as bittersweet as it was.

    "So...." She said, trying to bring up the subject, afraid to do it.  "Some night last night, huh!"

    "Yeah." he sighed.  "I was pretty out of it."

    "Me too."

    "I bet you didn't wake up in the bathroom." He laughed, to no response. He really didn't remember, or he was pretending he didn't, the familiar tightness in her chest returned.  "Dani?" Brian said after her long pause.

    "I'm still here."

    "So what did you guys end up doing last night?"

    "We went to some club.

    "Yeah us too, although I don't remember very much of it."

    "Brian, I have to go get ready.  I'll see you later." She said quickly, hanging up the phone and barely hearing his goodbye.  It all ran through her mind again.  How could he forget?  How can I go to this wedding and watch him stand up there with Matt and try to act happy?  How come he gets to be the one that doesn't remember?  She thought, tears returning to her eyes.  Why couldn't it have been me that forgot?  I'm the one that's getting hurt over this.  Why did it have to happen at all?  Dani stared at herself in the mirror,  a face she barely recognized stared back at her, a face full of crushing depression.  A face that never in a million years thought she'd be feeling this way.   How could she possibly hide what she was feeling today, she could easily cover the red blotchyness of her tears, but making herself appear happy, to be able to face Brian and not show her disappointment in him and in herself, was going to be the hardest thing to hide.

No regrets Dani

She heard again.  All she had were regrets, she succumbed to all her desires for him and now she was paying for it, the love she had hoped would be returned was being flushed through the sewer systems of Atlanta.  A synthetic love he didn't have in his heart, just one you could find at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Lyrics Taken From:
"I wish I felt Nothing" The Wallflowers
Written by: Dylan
© 1996 Interscope Records