AJ and Dani walked into his house after a day out on the town.  They had gone to the mall, and had spent most of the day out of the house.  It was a good way for the both of them to get their mind off the trouble that was going on.  They walked in the door and AJ threw this stuff down on the floor and went to check the messages.  He had only one and knew all too well who it was from.  AJ hit the button and heard the message.

     "Dani...it's Brian I know you're staying there, would you please stop ignoring all the messages I'm leaving and call back, it's important."  AJ sighed and walked into the kitchen where Dani was getting a drink of water.

     "So, Brian called, again.  Don't you think you should call him back?"  AJ sat down on a chair and grabbed his pack of cigarettes from his pocket.  He pulled one out and lit it.

     "AJ why don't you lay off about it.  I can't talk to him."  AJ inhaled and rolled his eyes at her.

     "Okay, but you can't hide from him forever.  He does seem to be worried about you," he said.

     "I don't care if he's worried.  There's nothing I want to say to him."  AJ sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

     "Okay, whatever.  But, next time he calls, I'm telling him you have nothing to say to him.  At least he'll get the hint and stop trying."

     ""Do whatever you want," she shrugged.  AJ nodded and smiled.

     "Oh, don't worry, I will," he said.  They both sat silently for a few moments until Dani broke the silence.

     "So you haven't said anything about Chrissy since the day I got here," she said.  AJ bit the inside of his cheek and just sat silently.  He nodded his head and looked at her.

     "Yeah, so?"

     "So she's that easily forgotten huh!"

     "Uhh, not quite.  I just have nothing to say about her, that's all," he shrugged.  They both sat silently again.  Dani shifted in her chair and tried to think of something to say.

     "So do you wanna work things out with her?" she asked.  AJ arched his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders.

     "I don't know.  It's like sometimes I think I do because we had a really good thing going.  And, then, other times, I just think maybe it's not worth it, ya know?"

     "Well what was good about it?"  AJ sat back in his chair and began to think.

     "Lotsa stuff.  I could just talk to her, ya know?  I could talk and I knew she was listening.  And, I listened to her too.  And, I just felt like I could trust her, and that made me feel good.  I loved being able to just, ya know, 'be' with her.  Didn't have to say anything, but just hang out with her and know that everything was okay.  It wasn't like with Maria, where I had to keep her entertained all the fucking time," he shrugged.  "With Chrissy, it was just, ya know...it was love," he said.

     "And does the bad overshadow that?  I mean I know her sleeping with that guy at the party killed you, but was that the only bad thing?  Cause you never talked like that about Maria AJ.  Never."  AJ thought about it for a second and lit another cigarette.  He quickly inhaled and exhaled.

     "I've thought about that, ya know?  Just like, trying to overlook what she did by sleeping with Josh.  But, if I can't trust her Dani, what do I have?  I don't wanna be in this relationship and have it be in the back of my mind that she's out there fucking someone else.  I can't do that Dani," he said.

     "Well is there something more going on with that Josh guy than that one night?  I mean did she cheat, or has she been stringing you both along?"  AJ leaned forward on the table with both elbows and thought quietly.  He shrugged.

     "I don't have a fuckin' clue Dani.  I mean, if she did just fuck up once, why was that asshole comin' out of her apartment the other day?" he asked.

     "I thought you said you haven't seen her since it happened?"

     "Well, I haven't.  But, the day that you came, I was coming back from her apartment.  I was gonna go up and try and talk to her, but when I saw him walkin' out, I decided to just say 'Fuck it' and came home instead," he said.  He sat back in his chair and began to pick at his thumbs.

     "That explains the 'I just lost my puppy' look you had that day.  I'm sorry 'J, I hate her for doing this to you, you're the last person on this earth that deserves to be treated like that," Dani said.  AJ smiled a little.

     "Thanks Dani," he shrugged.  "I guess shitty things just happen to everyone, huh?"

     "Just us," she said.  AJ nodded.

     "Seems like it anyway."  Silence filled the kitchen again.  Dani shifted in her chair and sat up straight.

     "Maybe we should hook Brian and Chrissy up, then she could cheat on him and he could get drunk and forget about it!" Dani said cynically, AJ burst out laughing.

     "Shit Dani, that's too fuckin' funny," he laughed.

     "Well who know's it could be match made in hell,"  Dani said. "Although it still leaves us alone and pissed off." she shrugged.  AJ nodded.

     "Well, fuck that.  At least we've got each other to bitch to.  For right now, fuck 'em.  Who needs 'em?"

     "I definitly agree with that."  They both smiled at each other and sat quietly at the kitchen table, and watched the sun set through his kitchen window.
 

         The next day, Dani was sprawled out on AJ's couch watching another fascinating episode of Passions when the doorbell rang.  Annoyed that someone was interrupting her, she waited until the commercial that was quickly approaching and groaned as she got up to answer the knocking.  Dani opened the door and saw a curly red-headed girl waiting on the other side.

     "Hi, can I help you?"  Chrissy looked strangely at Dani.  She didn't know who she was and began to look at the door number to see if it was indeed the right place.

     "Uhhh, yeah, I was looking for Alex," she said.

     "He went out for a bit, can I give him a message?"  Chrissy looked down at the ground, still unsure as to who this girl was answering the door.

     "Umm," she said as she looked up at Dani.  "Can you just tell him Chrissy stopped by, and that I need to talk to him?" Dani snorted a little.

     "Yeah I'll tell him.  But I can guarantee he won't care."  Chrissy stepped back a little.

     "Umm, excuse me?"

     "Look, I know all about you and everything you did to AJ.  Just go away and don't bother him anymore."  Chrissy shifted her feet and crossed her arms over her chest and inhaled a long breath to calm her nerves.

     "Excuse me, but who the hell are you?"  Dani smiled a bit.

     "Who do you think I am?"  Chrissy rolled her eyes at her.

     "Look, I don't have time to play stupid games with you.  Just tell me who you are, and tell me why you're acting like Alex's guard dog," Chrissy said.

     "Hi nice to meet you," Dani said as she extended her hand towards Chrissy. "I'm Dani, AJ's guard dog!"  Chrissy just looked at Dani's hand, but didn't shake it.

     "Charmed, I'm sure," Chrissy muttered.

     "Actually I've been wanting to meet you face to face," Dani said.

     "Can't say I've been pissing myself in anticipation to meet you," Chrissy said as she rolled her eyes.

     "What gives you the right to treat AJ like that anyways?  If you wanna be a whore, be one, don't stomp on people's hearts to do it."  Chrissy's eyes bulged and her heart leapt into her throat.

     "What the fuck did you just say to me?  Excuse me, but you have no idea what went on with me and Alex, so why don't you just stay the fuck out of it?"

    "Oh, I know what happened.  Cliff's notes version: you are a bitch and cheated on probably one of the greatest guys around because you are a skank.  How's that?" Dani asked with a look of anticipation on her face.  Chrissy could feel her palms start sweating and her anger was quickly escalating.

    "You know what? I don't have to explain a fucking thing to you.  I don't know you, and you certainly don't know me.  So, why don't you just tell Alex that I stopped by and go fuck yourself," Chrissy said with a sneer as she began to turn around and walk away.

     "I'll leave the fucking to you Chrissy," Dani said.  Chrissy stopped dead in her tracks and turned quickly back around.

     "Alright you little bitch," Chrissy said as she walked back over in front of Dani.  "You think you're so smart and that you're AJ's little protector, don't you?  Well, just keep on bein' that, but don't act like you know me.  Don't fucking make snide little comments about me and certainly don't pretend to understand anything that happened between Alex and me.  You just sit here and wait for him to come home, and then act all high and mighty.  That's fine with me.  But, you know, I'm sure he can fight his own fucking battles," she seethed.

     "I can be a bitch to you all I want, you don't deserve to be treated any better.  In fact you don't deserve much of anything.  Enjoy your pathetic existance. Goodbye!" Dani said as she slammed the door in Chrissy's face.  She stormed back into the living room to resume her soap opera, but this time she was totally pissed off.

     Chrissy stood at the door and felt her heart beating wildly in her chest.  She began swallowing really hard so she wouldn't start crying.  She turned around quickly and began walking away.  Chrissy forced herself not to look back and walked away as quickly as she could.
 

     Dani was still watching "Passions" when AJ walked in.  He came into the living room and laid his jacket on the table.

     "Hey," he muttered.

     "Hi, AJ you have to come see this.  Remember how I was telling you about what was happening with Ethan and Theresa?  Well it's getting really good!" Dani said, never taking her eyes off the television screen.   AJ clenched his jaw and stood where he was.

     "What the fuck was that out there Dani?"

     "What was what?"

     "Out there, just now.  I heard everything Dan," he said.

     "Just a little friendly conversation AJ!"  He shook his head and walked over and turned the television off.

     "I can fight my own battles Dani," he said.

     "I wasn't fighting your battles AJ.  I was telling her what was on my mind."

     "What gave you the right to do that?"

     "I think it was the Bill of Rights, ya know that whole freedom of speech, first amendment thing.  Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you?"

     "Nothing's wrong with me.  Dani, you don't even know Chrissy.  I understand you're pissed off at her for what she did to me, but that's between me and her, not between the three of us.  Stay the fuck out of it, please," he said as he walked into the kitchen.

     "Don't get mad at me for saying shit to her because you don't have the balls to do it yourself AJ!   I know she broke your heart, and I just wanted to put her in her place."  AJ walked back into the living room.

     "With all due respect Dani, even though I do appreciate your sentiment. Believe me, I do.  Fuck off.  It wasn't your place to do that," he said.

     "You fuck off AJ.  Like you wouldn't have done the same thing to Brian.  I know you, and I know you would," Dani said.

     "And I bet you woulda been pissed about me doing it too, Dan.  It's none of your business," AJ yelled.

    "You're my business, AJ."  He didn't have a comeback for that.  He sat down on the couch and looked at Dani.  "AJ, I wasn't doing it to piss you off, I was doing it cause I was pissed off.  I know what this is doing to you and it was the only thing I could do."  AJ nodded that he understood.

     "I know Dan.  And, I do appreciate it," he nodded.

     "You don't sound like you do!"

     "I just don't know what to think or how to feel about it Dani.  Yeah, maybe I wish I could say everything you said, but on the other hand, I love this woman and I know what you said probably hurt her," he shrugged.

     "If I hurt her it certainly wasn't as much as she hurt you AJ."

     "But two wrongs don't make a right," he said.  Dani rolled her eyes and smiled.

     ""Yes, Mom!"  AJ smiled.

     "I do appreciate it Dani, but I need to be able to talk to her on my own.  I need to be able to tell her how I'm feeling, ya know?"

     "So stop bitching at me and go tell her AJ!"

     "I know, I will," he said as he nodded his head.

     "Sure you will.   I know you'll just sit around here dwell on it some more, and before you know it, weeks have gone by, and it's all too late."  AJ's annoyance with Dani rose again.

     "Maybe it'll be different this time Dani.  You don't know," he said.

     "I know AJ. I know you and the way you do things, and nothing'll be different unless you do something to change it."

     "Dani, you don't know what I'm feeling," he shrugged.

     "Yes, I do know how you're feeling."

     "Oh yeah?  Then, how am I feeling?"  His jaw was clenched and his patience was wearing thin with her.  Dani looked AJ straight in the eyes and grabbed his face.

     "You're pissed off that I'm right.  And you want a bowl of Fruit Loops."  AJ looked Dani directly in the eye and shook his head.

     "Damnit Dani, why do you do that?"

     "Why do I do what?"  AJ sighed and looked at her.

     "Why do you always think I like Fruit Loops when you know damn well I love Fruity Pebbles more?"  AJ cracked a smirk.  Dani laughed. He looked away and mumbled  "But yeah, I do hate it when you're right."

     "You must hate being around me a lot, huh?"  Dani said.  She looked at the clock and sank back into the couch realizing that "Passions" was over.  "Go if you're going AJ, and bring me back something to eat," she said.  AJ smiled at her and nodded his head.

     "Yeah, maybe I should.  What do you want to eat?"

     "Surprise me!"  AJ got up off the couch.

     "Fine," he said.  He began to put his jacket on.  "Oh yeah, if anyone else I know comes to the door, try and refrain from biting their heads off and shitting down their necks, okay?"  Dani laughed as she saluted AJ.  "Alright, I'm gone.  Be good."  AJ walked to the door giving one last glance at Dani and chuckled mildly to himself.  He shook his head and walked out the door, knowing exactly where he was headed to.
 

        Chrissy sat on her stool at the diner and looked listlessly at the people eating their food.  She stared at the back booth and sighed deeply.  She shook her head and quickly got up off her stool when she heard the pick-up bell ring.  Chrissy picked up the food from the counter and turned around, and at that moment her heart dropped.  AJ was sitting in his usual booth, with his head down and a cigarette lit.  She quickly delivered the food and walked over to his table.

     “Hey,” she whispered.  AJ looked up at Chrissy and nodded.  “What’s up?”

     “I’m hungry,” he said.

     “The usual?”  She looked at AJ and he nodded.  He took another puff off his cigarette and remained quiet.  Chrissy nodded and turned in her order.  She wanted to go sit with him, but she was on the job.  So, she retreated back to her stool and watched AJ smoke cigarette after cigarette.  He was so close to her, yet they couldn’t have been further away from each other.  Chrissy shook her head and blinked away the tears that were burning against the back of her eyes.  She heard the order bell again, and retrieved AJ’s food.  She nervously walked over to his booth and set his food down.  He nodded his thanks to her and began eating.  Chrissy looked at him for a few seconds and turned to walk away.

     “Wait,” said AJ.  “When do you get off?”  Chrissy turned around and looked at him.

     “In about twenty minutes.  Why?”  AJ took a sip of his iced tea and let out a stifled belch.

     “I think we should talk,” he said.  Chrissy’s mouth went dry, so she just nodded instead.  AJ nodded in agreement and began eating again.  She walked back to her stool and began counting the minutes until she got off from work.
 

         Chrissy took off her apron and jammed it in her coat pocket.  She walked over to AJ’s booth and plopped down on the vinyl seat.  They both just stared at each other for a few seconds.  Chrissy looked down at AJ’s full ashtray and smiled a little.

     “Can I bum one?” she asked.  AJ slid his pack of Marlboro’s across the table towards her.  She pulled one out of the pack, lit it up and took a deep inhale.  They both sat quietly for a few moments.  AJ was picking his thumbs, and Chrissy quietly sat and smoked her cigarette.  Finally AJ coughed.

     “I heard you stopped by my place today.”  Chrissy ashed her cigarette and rolled her eyes.

     “Yeah, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Dani today,” she said.  AJ nodded.

     “Yeah, I heard she wasn’t exactly nice to you,” he said as he pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit it.

     “You could say that, I guess.  Actually, she was a straight up bitch.”

     “She’s just protective,” he shrugged.  Chrissy chuckled.

     “Yeah, well, whatever she is, she’s still a bitch.  She doesn’t seem like someone you’d hang around with Alex,” Chrissy said.   AJ ashed his cigarette and took a sip of his tea.

     “She’s exactly someone I’d hang around with.  Someone I know would never hurt me intentionally, and would always be honest with me,” he said icily as he stared directly into Chrissy’s eyes.  She looked away and blinked rapidly.

     “Ouch,” she whispered.  They both sat quietly for a few moments.  Neither one knowing when to break the silence, or exactly how to do that.  AJ stared at Chrissy’s face and took in how she looked.  Her eyes were cloudy and her face seemed pinched somehow.  She seemed harsh and sad, but he didn’t pity her.  He felt the same way, but he just couldn’t feel bad.   AJ looked at her again and stubbed out his cigarette.

     “Why’d you come over?”

     “I wanted to talk to you,” she said.

     “Yeah, you seem to be busting at the seams with things to tell me right now,” he said.  Chrissy furrowed her brow and stubbed out her cigarette.

     “Why are you being like this?”

     “Why am I being like what?”

     “You’re being a total asshole, Alex.   I deserve a little bit better than that,” she said.  AJ sat back in the booth and shook his head.

     “What exactly do you think you deserve?” he said, raising his voice.  Heads turned in their direction as Chrissy looked around.

     “Shh, people can hear you.”

     “I don’t give a fuck.  What exactly is it you think you deserve?  You think I’m gonna see that you’re sad and forgive you?  You think I should just say ‘Let’s just forget it Chris, I love you and I wanna make this work’?  Cuz, I may feel like that, but I’m not gonna get played twice.  I’m not gonna fuck myself up for someone who doesn’t care about me enough,” he said.  AJ grabbed his pack of cigarettes and began to scoot out of the booth.  Chrissy grabbed his arm.

     “Alex, don’t go,” she pleaded.

     “Why not?”

     “Don’t leave like this.  Please, just stay and hear me out,” she said.  AJ looked at her and shook his head as he scooted back into the booth.  Chrissy’s heart was beating rapidly and her thoughts were racing a mile a minute.  AJ sat in the booth and waited for her to speak.

     “Any day now,” he said.  Chrissy closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

     “Okay Alex.  I understand that you’re upset with me,” she said.  AJ let out a small chuckle, but let her continue.  “I know that I hurt you.  And, I know that I’ll probably never be able to get back whatever it was that we had.  But, I have to try,” she said.  She began to blink rapidly because tears were threatening to spill over.  “I can’t just say ‘Oops, I made a mistake, guess it’s over now,’ and move on because you are too important in my life,” she said.  AJ sat up in the booth.

     “If I was so goddamn important in your life, why’d you sleep with that fuckhead then?”  Chrissy put her head in her hands and gave a deep sigh.

     “Look, I made a goddamn mistake.  I’m so fucking sorry for that,” Chrissy said as the tears she had tried so hard to fight came spilling down onto her cheeks.  “I’m not expecting you to forgive me for sleeping with Josh right now, and Lord knows I’m not forgiving myself either Alex.  But, if you knew how I felt about you, then maybe you would see what I see for us.”

     “What exactly do you see for us Chrissy?”  AJ asked as he shrugged his shoulders.    She shrugged and quickly wiped some tears away.

     “Well, I can’t see you not in my life, that’s for sure,” she sniffed.  AJ sighed and shook his head.

     “Well, I’m not sure I can give you that right now,” he said.  Tears welled up in Chrissy’s eyes as he said that.

     “Well, what are you sure of?”

     “All I know is that right now, I don’t know if I can trust you.  I don’t know if I even wanna trust you Chris.  I’ve been burned before, but I never thought you would do it to me.  I told you stuff about me and Maria, and then you go around and do shit that’s equal if not worse than what she did,” AJ said.  He could feel his heart rate racing and his palms began to sweat.

    “Chrissy, I cared about you more than I ever wanted to.  I didn’t want another relationship after Maria, but there you were, and I thought it’d be okay.  I thought you knew how I felt about you,” he shrugged.  Chrissy swallowed.

     “You never told me Alex,” she said.

     “What the fuck should I have told you?  I showed you everyday that I cared about you and that I was in love with you.  Do I have to say ‘I Love You’ to you every goddamn day to make that point?”  Chrissy sniffed again.

     “It would have been nice to hear it once in a while,” she whispered.

     “The same could have been said for you Chrissy.  When did you ever tell me how you felt about me?”  AJ stared at Chrissy and waited for an answer, but she gave none.  “And, ya know what?  Don’t fucking turn it around on me Chrissy.  Don’t fucking make it all my fault that you fucked Josh because I never said those three fucking words to you.  Yeah, maybe I should have said them, but you coulda too,” he said.  He sniffed and watched Chrissy wipe away tears.  They both sat silently for a few minutes.  Chrissy coughed.

     “I wish it was different Alex,” she said.  AJ nodded.

     “Me too, but it isn’t.  It’s all fucked up, and there’s nothing we can do to make it any different.”

     “We could start over.”

     “A relationship has to be built on trust. Maybe even friendship, and right now, I don’t trust you, and I’m not your friend,” he said as he scooted out of the booth.  Chrissy grabbed his arm.

     “But, I love you Alex.  Doesn’t that mean anything?”  AJ stopped and stared at her and shook his head.

     “I love you too Chrissy.  But,” he shrugged.  “I just can’t.  Not now,” he said as he got up from the seat and began to walk away.  Chrissy turned around in the booth and cried as she watched him walk outside and to his car.
 
 

Lyrics Taken From:
"If it's Hurting You" Robbie Williams
Written by: Williams
© 2000 Capitol