Dani sat outside in the warm breeze as rain fell in fat drops on her skin.  She was thinking about Brian, as she had constantly since the moment she had seen him a few days ago, he still  hadn't called, and it was driving her crazy, regardless of what AJ said.   The cool wetness of the rain splashed onto her face, she had always been able to think and clear her head when it was raining, but tonight was different, the cloud of wonder and hope that had always filled her head where Brian was concerned was back, and no matter what she did she couldn't get rid of it.    The rain pitter-patted on everything around her like an instrumental song, so soothing and yet at the same time making her want to cry as a flood of regret washed over her.  Regret over missing five years of his life, and having him miss out on hers;  because even though she knew he made no effort to return her emails and letters, it was her fault this all happened.    Lightning lit up the sky as Dani rose from the seat on the front step of her house and walked barefoot in the wet grass, circling her way around the scatter of trees and shrubs that lined the yard, making her way to the back.    Her back yard was a sea of darkness, the only light came from a small window above the kitchen sink, and from the zig zag of lightning that sliced through the clouds, neither of them shedding much light.

Think, think, think.

    Why can't I ever stop thinking about this? About him? she thought slapping the palms of her hand against her forehead.  Why hasn't he called? He promised he would.  He's never broken a promise to me.  But I don't know him anymore, he could have changed a lot, I know I have.    Dani was frustrated by her own thoughts, constant questions swirling in her mind, no answers anywhere in sight, the  thunder clapping in her ears.  She sat down on the lawn, not caring that the grass was soaked with rain, stretching out on her back and shutting her eyes, letting the drops fall on her, wetting her already drenched clothes even further.    The rain splashed on her face, trickling down her cheeks and behind her ears, as her mind sorted through all of her feelings.   She thought about what AJ said, about it being his loss, but she didn't see it that way, it was her loss a loss she'd been dealing with for five years and that she didn't want to feel again.  Dani was so focused on listening to the rain she didn't hear the back door open.

    "DANI!  Get off the lawn, it's pouring out here.  You'll catch pneumonia!"   Audrey Walker yelled in her shrill maternal voice, jolting Dani from her trance.

    "Thanks for the heart attack mom!  I'll be in a minute." She sighed,

    "If you get hit by lightning, don't come whining to me!" She said, shutting the door behind herself as she went indoors.   Dani rolled her eyes as her mother went back in, getting up off the lawn, brushing as much of the wet grass from her clothing as she could.  She paced the back yard a little longer before sitting down on the step just outside the back door, her face planted in the palms of her hand, wishing for clarity

    "Mother I said I'd be in, in a minute." She groaned, when she heard the door open again,  rolling her eyes and turning towards her overprotective mother.  Her eyes widened in disbelief as Brian stood before her on the patio, water dripping from his jacket.

    "Your mother told me you were out here." He said moving closer and sitting down next to her, unfazed by the rain.  Dani didn't know what to say, but she swore her heart was abut to jump out of her chest.  "What's bothering you?"

    "Huh?"

    "You're drenched Dani." He said pulling on the fabric of the shirt that clung to her skin.  "What have you been out here thinking about for so long?" She looked at his incredulously.

    "You always sit in the rain when you're stressed about something."

    "I can't believe you remember that."  He simply shrugged.  Dani sat silent again, and Brian didn't move, even though he was getting wetter and wetter by the minute.  She watched him intently as he stared out into the backyard, unfazed by her gaze.  She could smell the faint scent of his cologne, a scent that had always driven her wild, no matter who she smelled it on.    Water dripped from the dark blond waves of hair on his head, following the chiseled contours of his face, and dripping off his square jaw.   She watched drop after drop travel on his skin, wanting to reach over and follow it with her fingers but holding back.

    "Why are you here Brian?" He seemed to ask himself that very question.

    "To see you."  Was his response.  Dani didn't know if that made her happy or not.  Why after all this time does he want to see me now?  And why do I have to get so excited that he cares?

    "Can I ask you a question." She finally said, not looking at him, but staring out into the darkness like he was.

    "Go ahead."

    "Why did I let you ignore me for five years?"

    "I don't know." He shrugged.

    "I don't know either." She replied.   Lightning flashed in the sky again, lighting the yard like it was noon on a clear and sunny day, and almost immediately the thunder clapped.  The boom was so loud, the house shook with vibrations.

    "I don't know what you're thinking about Dan.  But can we go inside?" he asked.  A hint of fright over the storm in his voice. "It's cold out here, and I wanna talk."

    "Well we have to do it sooner or later, don't we." She sighed, not realizing she had said it out loud, but he nodded.  "Okay, let's go in."

They both stood up, but before they could step inside Brian stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder, warming that spot with his touch.

    "I thought you wanted to go in?" She asked.

    "I just wanted to tell you I missed you."  Dani smiled a crooked grin, blushing deeply, but he didn't notice.    He pulled open the back door and let her walk in first, closing the door behind himself.

    "C'mon upstairs so we can talk in private." She said, turning to walk up the flight of stairs and down the hall to her bedroom.    Brian looked around as he entered, nothing looked the same as it had the last time he had been here, boxes sat along the floor, and clothes were strewn about, but the room seemed foreign to him.  As she shut the door behind him Brian smiled at the one familiar sight that always had adorned her walls.  A Reggie Miller poster.

    "So the Pacers didn't do so bad this year." He muttered, making small talk.

    "They should've won." Dani mumbled, tossing the clothes that were on her bed to the floor, a pulling  a warm UCF sweatshirt over her wet t-shirt, the rain having given her a chill.

    "Yeah, well they still played great."

    "They always do." She said nonchalantly, ducking behind the closet door to pull off the wet shorts she was wearing and putting on the nearest pair of jogging pants.

    "So what do you wanna talk about after all this time?" She said with an angry tone, one she didn't even realize she was using, but that she became aware of when she saw the look that came over him.

    "Why are you like that Dani?" He asked with an annoyed look on his face, sitting down on a chair on the far side of the room.

    "Like what?" She said, brushing her wet hair out in front of her vanity mirror.

    "So different now?" He said hesitantly. Dani turned her head quickly.

    "I'm not different!" She said defensively.  I know I am, she thought.

    "Yeah you are."

    "How am I different?" Dani questioned. sitting down on the corner of her bed in front of him.

    "I don't know... you just are." Brian said shaking his head as he watched her.

    "Well there has to be a reason.  What's making me different?"

    "You don't act the same anymore Dani.  Everything about you is just I dunno...different."

    "Maybe it's you that's different Brian." She stood up from the bed again, grabbing a clip off the dresser and pinning her wet hair up.

    "I didn't leave  for five years and barely come home.   What kept you away?" He suddenly blurted out.

    "THAT is what's this is about?" She said returning to face Brian. "You're basing your opinion that I'm different on the fact  I decided to move to Florida?"

    "You didn't answer my question."  His face was so serious, so much like the way it had been when she said she was leaving.

    "I was busy." Dani replied, looking down at her feet.

    "I'm sure you were." He said with bitter undertones.

    "I called Brian and you know it.  I called, I sent letters and emails.  None of which you even attempted to reply to. Why didn't you?"

    "I was busy too I guess."

    "Don't be an ass about this Brian.  It isn't my fault we aren't friends anymore."

    "You're the one that left Dani.  Don't blame any of this on me!"  He yelled loudly.

    "LEFT WHAT BRIAN?" She screamed, probably loud enough for everyone in the house to hear.   "So I went to school in another state, why the hell did that bother you so much?  Tell me please I'd love to know."  Brian remained silent, tapping his foot incessantly on the carpet, pretending to be unaware of the fact that Dani was staring at him, waiting for an answer.  "Well?.  You wanted to talk, so talk. What did I do that was so bloody horrible that you had to stop speaking to me for five years?"  Brian remained silent again, frustrating Dani to an insurmountable level.

    "Fine, Keep quiet Brian.  Not talking to me is what you've done best for five years!" Dani got off the bed, and walked towards the door.

    "Why did you leave?" He finally blurted out before she could open the door.

    "What?" She said turning back around.  Brian stood up and walked towards her, reiterating his question.

    "Why did you leave?"

    "Don't avoid my question with one of your own."

    "I didn't come here to get drilled about something that happened a long time ago." He said sitting down on her bed.

    "Then why did you come here Brian?" She said sitting next to him.

    "You came to see me the other day Dani.  Why did it take you five years to seek me out?  I haven't moved very far, and I wasn't very hard to find.  Why all of a sudden when you move back to town do you decide that I'm good enough to be your friend again "

    "That isn't fair Brian, I tried to keep in touch with you, you ignored me." Brian couldn't say much, what she said was true. "What happened to us?  Why did my leaving get you so mad, don't you think I have a right to know?" She implored,

    "When you tell me why you left, I'll explain why I let you." He said quietly,  turning his head away from hers.

    "Why you let me?" She repeated, Brian nodded, his gaze still turned away from hers.  Dani looked at him with curious eyes.  What is he talking about?  He didn't let me do anything.  Maybe I should just tell him, besides it's all in the past.

    "The reason I left is..." She started to say, at the same time Brian began as well.  "If you really want to know I'll tell..."  Both their sentences being interrupted by the door flying open, and an obviously flustered Lauren barging in.

    "Lauren what do you want?"  Dani yelled  "We're in the middle of something."   Lauren took a passing glance at Brian who sat on the opposite side of the room., quickly turning back to her sister

    "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt I just wanted to borrow a cd."

    "Which one?"

    "This one."  she said, snatching up the latest Bon Jovi disk sitting on the dresser next to the door.

    "Well you have it, now go!" Dani yelled.

    "Fine! See ya."  she said with a smugness that insinuated we had interrupted her conversation, instead of the other way around.   Lauren paused a moment before she left the room, looking at Dani long and hard then towards Brian.  "I'm glad you two didn't totally ruin your friendship." She said before finally leaving the room.    They were both silent again,  Dani pondered her sisters odd tone, and at the same time lost her nerve to tell Brian about her feelings.

    "I have to go." Brian suddenly said, darting towards the door, and winding his way down the stairs before Dani could protest.  I guess he lost his nerve too.   She assumed.

    "I'll talk to you later." He said before walking out the front door, not giving her a chance to speak.  The rain still poured as she watched him get in his car and  leave, what the hell is going on?  she wondered, Why did he say he let me go?  Dani shut the door when he was out of sight, and slowly walked upstairs to take a shower and alleviate the deep chill  she had in  the core of her body.
 

After a long hot shower. Dani emerged from the bathroom, refreshed and warm.  The large terry cloth robe she put on contained her warmth from the steam filled room and she was eager to crawl into bed, a little at peace about her returning friendship with Brian.   She slowed her pace as the talking she heard coming from her sisters room became loud and heated,  Dani nosily listened a the door.

    "I don't care.  You're fucking with my life too ya know." Dani listened intently at the door, she knew she was being intrusive but she didn't care.

    "We talked about this before.  Why do you have to go and change things now?" Lauren yelled.  Dani had never heard her little sister this angry before.  "I told you I don't care about that.  Don't you think this'll make it worse?" Dani knocked lightly on the door when she heard Lauren slam the phone down after a loud disgruntled sigh.

    "What?" She yelled.  Dani walked in, she could see how upset her sister was.

    "What was that all about?" Dani asked.

    "What was what about?"

    "The screaming and yelling?"

    "You heard that?"  She said apologetically.

    "A little bit.  What's wrong Lauren?"

    "Nothing my life just sucks.  Men suck."

    "Tell me about it.  What happened?"

    "Nothing really.  Just some guy, screwing with my mind."

    "That's what they do best." Dani laughed.  "Are you gonna be okay."

    "Oh, I'm fine.  Don't worry about it."

    "If you say so." She said leaving Lauren's room, not really up for playing the shrink anyway.   Dani went back to her room, Lauren's always had a fucked up love life, Dani thought.  She couldn't keep a boyfriend if her life depended on it.  Dani sat down on her bed and picked up the phone, dialing Brian's number, she wanted things to be normal between them again.

    "What Now?" The voice boomed as the line picked up.

    "Brian?"  She said curiously.

    "Dani?"

    "Yeah.  Did I catch you at a bad time?"

    "No, I'm sorry."

    "Having a fight with Sofie?"

    "Um, yeah.  Wait.  How do you know about Sofie?" She could hear the curious tone in his voice.

    "I know everything." She said coyly, with a little laugh.  "No, when I called the other day the person who answered thought I was Sofie, so who's Sofie?"

    "Just a friend." He said.  Dani couldn't help but feel jealous, that's how he refereed to everyone he was seeing, as 'just a friend'.

    "I just thought you and I should go play a game or two tomorrow.  I have the urge to beat you again!" She said.  Brian noticed how much she seemed like the 'old Dani' right now, a far cry from the one that was yelling at him just over an hour ago.

    "You won't beat me.  But I'll play.  What time do you want me to pick you up?"

    "You don't have to pick me up." She said defiantly.

    "I want to.  What time?"

    "Around noon?" She said.

    "Actually I just remembered I have practice with the kids tomorrow.  Can we make it after supper? Like around seven?

    "Sure.  See ya then."  They both hung up, and Dani felt one hundred percent better about things with Brian, and she fully intended to beat him tomorrow night, it's been a long time since I've done that, she smiled.
 

    "Why you let me?  Why you let me?  Why you let me?"

    Her question resonated in his head all day.  Why did I say that?  he thought.  The guilt was eating him up inside, it had been so much easier when she wasn't around, but now she was back and he wanted to be friends with her again, he missed being friends with her.  He missed her.  He had gone over there yesterday to tell her everything, to explain why he'd done what he had, and to find out why she really left.  He had a sinking feeling he knew why she went to Florida, and he felt guilty about it, so guilty it was easier to ignore her than face up to it.  But the time had come.

    "Coach?" Brian shook out of his thoughts, all the young kids in his basketball program staring at his with curious eyes.

    'Yeah."

    "It's five o'clock are we done now?"

    "Oh yeah.  Okay everyone, practice is done for today.  Good job everyone, I'll see you on Tuesday." He yelled, beginning his routine clean up of the gym before he left.  After everything was put away, he picked up is stuff, pulling the cell phone from his bag making a call that needed to be made.

    "Hey.  It's me." He said, making his way out of the gym.  "I'm gonna tell her." He said flatly, the feeling of dread building in his chest.  "Tonight."

    Brian hung up the phone, knowing that telling her was the right thing to do, and hoping his five years of worry and turmoil over this wouldn't end up the way he always foresaw it happening.  In total and utter hatred.
 

        Dani yelled an excited 'yes' as she laid up the final point in her basketball game against Brian.  He only shook his head and sat down on the cool pavement, bouncing the ball in front of him.

    "Whooo, I told you I'd beat you!" She laughed, pulling him off the ground.

    "I let you win." He shrugged.  Dani's jaw dropped in astonishment.

    "You DID not.  Same old tricks.  Can't stand that a girl beat you at 'your' game." She said playfully punching him in the arm.  "Same way you acted when we were nine."

    "You didn't beat me then either." He laughed, putting his arm around her shoulder and walking back with her to the car.  I missed this, Dani thought as she and Brian continued to laugh, I miss being his friend and just doing stuff with him.  It's like nothing changed.  Even though she knew it had.  Brian became silent on the way home, but Dani didn't want to press about it, things were still different between them, and she didn't know if she had the right to ask what was wrong.

    They pulled into her driveway, and Brian got out too, coming inside for something to drink as he had always done before.

    "I'll be right back, I'm gonna go change." She yelled to him before he could even take his shoes off.  "You know where everything is, Mom doesn't change much around here."  Brian nodded and trekked to the kitchen as Dani went into her room, pulling off the sweaty T-shirt and track pants she was wearing and throwing on an old faded pair of jeans and a tank top.    She could hear Lauren yelling again as she left her room.  Not again! Dani thought, peering into her sisters room, and realizing that the yelling was coming from downstairs.

    "What's the point.  What's done is done!  Nothing is gonna change that, and the only thing you're gonna do is screw things up for everyone."  Lauren yelled.  God, she's making Brian listen to her.   Dani bounded down the stairs to save Brian from the screaming.  "Don't do this to me.  Please." Her sister begged.  Then Dani heard it, the elusive other end of the conversation, Brian.

    "Lauren would you be quiet, she's gonna hear us!" He said sternly.  Dani was frozen in place, listening to their conversation.

    "Well you're gonna tell her anyway," She said mockingly.  "Brian PLEASE!"

    "I have to tell her Lauren."

   "Tell me what?" Dani said nervously, finally stepping  into the kitchen, the shocked faces of Lauren and Brian staring back at her.