Nick sat impatiently in the stuffy meeting room, drumming his fingers on the table, and wishing the rest of the guys would get back soon so they could get this finished as soon as possible.  Everyone else had gone out to lunch, but he just didn't feel like it, he didn't feel like doing much of anything anymore, including sitting in a meeting room all day.  None the guys knew what he was going through, he hadn't told them about Jenna and aside from AJ, none of them knew he was looking for Kayla.   It was like she had vanished off the face of the earth, and no one had seen her leave, or if they did they just wouldn't tell him.

    He didn't want to talk about albums and concerts and the upcoming tour they were having, he wanted to be at home where he could wallow in the knowledge that he'd lost Jenna and Kayla in the comfort of his own surroundings.  He wanted to sit in his basement, staring at his keyboard just like he used to do.    He knew he was falling back into the self loathing depression Kayla had pulled him from before, but at least he couldn't hurt anyone besides himself when he crawled into that hole.

    Nick stared across the long table he had yet to move from, the sky outside was overcast and dreary, no sun, no blue sky; just angry gray clouds that mirrored his mood.  He frowned as AJ's cell phone rang again for the tenth time, the annoying melody he had it programmed to echoed in the quietness of the room, and he wished AJ hadn't forgotten it here.  He could have gotten up and shut the thing off, but he didn't want to move, so he just stared at it, willing it to stop.  The vibrate feature was turned on and Nick watched it slowly crawl across the surface of the long table, nearing the edge.  He was waiting for it to fall, he wanted it to fall.

Maybe it'll break, he thought with a sly grin as it teetered on the edge, finally plummeting to the floor below.

    "Hello?  Is someone there?  Hello?" He heard from the little silver phone as the annoying tune stopped,  Nick pushed his chair back from the table  with an annoyed grunt and went to the phone, he couldn't just let whoever it was sit there on the other end.

    "Hello?" Nick said when he picked it up.

    "Hi is this AJ?"  The voice said on the other end.  Nick didn't recognize the voice.

    "Uh no he went out for lunch, he just left his phone here." When the man didn't respond, Nick's impatience rose. "Do you want me to give him a message or something."

    "Yeah sure." He finally said. "Tell him this is Kayla's brother..." Nick drew a sharp, but silent, intake of breath at the mention of her name.   "Kayla's had an accident and she's in the hospital.  If he could call me or something that'd be great."

    Nick's heart caught in his throat, and his mouth went dry.  He had to force the words out of him mouth. "What happened if you don't mind me asking?" He tried to hide the worry in his voice, trying to pretend he was only mildly curious, when he wanted to jump through the phone to be sure she was okay.

    "My wife and I found her passed out on the floor.  She told the paramedics when they got there that she'd taken some pills."

    "Is she gonna be okay?" he asked quietly.

    "I think so.  Just give him the message okay."

    "Actually..." Nick said before his mind could even tell him to stop.  "I'm sure AJ'd want to go see her as soon as possible, if you could give me the address it'd save a few phone calls."

    "Yeah why not...."  He said. Nick sighed in relief as he ripped a corner off their tour itinerary, jotting down the address and the name of the hospital she was in.   He thanked Kayla's brother 'for AJ' and quickly hung up the phone, tossing it back down on the table.  He took off towards the large doors of the room, shoving the piece of paper in his pocket and hunting for the keys to his car.

    "Nick, where are you going?" Kevin yelled as Nick tore past them in the hallway towards the elevators, all of their heads spinning around to see where he was going.

    "I have somewhere important to be." He replied, not even turning back to look at them.  "You guys can finish this without me."

He saw the bewilderment on their faces as the elevator doors closed, he didn't have the time or the need to explain anything to them.

        Nick stared solemnly out the window of the plane at the darkening sky, nursing his third drink and wishing they'd get to Dallas soon.  He hoped somewhere in the back of his mind that maybe she'd be happy to see him, that she'd open her eyes and smile at him with the same grin she had given him the night he got back from Europe.  That he could hug her for just a moment and bury his face in the soft dark hair that fell on her neck, and have her hug him back the same way.   He craved her affection.  Maybe because he'd hurt her so deeply, he wasn't sure, but he craved it never-the-less, her touch, her smell, everything.

He closed his eyes when it got so dark out that all he could see in the window was his own reflection, something he didn't want to see.   He was hoping and praying that she'd be okay, that what he presumed she had done wasn't true, that it  wasn't his fault.  She's too strong a person to do something like that, he thought.  Or maybe I just don't know her.

Nick finished off the rest of the warm whiskey and seven he was drinking in one gulp,  moments before the pilot announced that they'd soon be making their descent into Dallas.

        As Nick pulled down the long road to what looked like a ranch he was sure he owed the cab driver well over a hundred dollars.   They had been from the airport to the hospital (where he found out she had been already been discharged) to the address Kayla's nameless brother had given him, forty five minutes outside the city.    The air hung quietly when he stepped out of the stale cab, no air movement, not a sound in the dark, star-filled sky.    He asked the cabbie to stay for awhile, assuring him he'd be paid well, before walking up the steps and onto the porch of the sparsely lit house.

    He knocked lightly on the door, watching through the window for any signs of Kayla.   The light above him came on, shining brightly in his eyes, he had become accustomed to the darkness.

    "Can I help you?" The man asked in an angry tone.

    "Hi, I'm looking for Kayla.  Is she here?" He said hesitantly.

    "AJ?"

    "No, he couldn't make it." Nick lied, trying not to show the relief he felt knowing this man didn't have a clue about his past with Kayla  "So I came instead.  We're old friends."

    "Your name?" He asked.  The thought crossed his mind to lie and say someone else's name, just in case.  But he decided not to.

    "Nick."

    "Well, c'mon in Nick, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."  He said, standing back so Nick could come in.   Nick almost laughed at his statement, knowing she probably wouldn't be the least bit happy to see him.  "I'm Jeremy, her brother."

    "Nice to meet you." Nick said shaking the extended hand Kayla's brother had offered him.

    "Is she okay?" Nick asked as he came inside, kicking off his shoes where the others sat near the door.  "I stopped by the hospital, and they said they sent her home."

    "She's doing good.  Still a little shaken up and tired, but she'll be okay." He said as he led Nick deeper into the house.  "Just go on right up those stairs and take a right.   It's the third door down, it should be open."

    "Thank you."  Nick said as he walked up the staircase.   The room was easy enough to find, it was the only door open and the faint glow of light emulated from inside.   His heart beat rapidly with nervousness, and he considered turning around.  He didn't want to upset her.

    He peeked around the corner and saw her sitting in the huge bed.  She seemed lost and frail in the big comforter that surrounded her, almost like a child.   Her hair was in two french braids on the sides of her head, adding to her innocence and a pair of glasses sat perched on her nose, sliding down near the tip until she reached up and pushed them back.   Nick watched as she flipped through the pages of a book, the yellow glow from the lamp beside her lit up the room.  He thought for a moment that he would give up the whole world to just be sitting next to her, peeking over to see what she was reading, waiting for her to fall asleep with the book in her hands and her head on his shoulder.

    She looked tired and he knew she wasn't going to be happy to see him, he just tried not to believe it.

God how could I have been so stupid, his mind screamed at him. How could I have done that to her? And how could I ever think she'd forgive me for it?

    "Is she asleep or something?" A voice said from behind him, he hadn't heard her brother come up the stairs.  Nick jumped in fright and turned to see Kayla's eyes turn his way.  Her expression was blank.

    "No, she's awake." Nick said flatly, his eyes locked on hers.

    "Okay then." He said, turning back down the stairs.  The expression on her face hadn't changed, and she set the book down on the bed in front of her, turning her body slightly towards him.

    "Hi." He said meekly, stepping across the threshold of the room.

    "What are you doing here?" She asked quietly.

    "I heard you were in the hospital."

    "AJ told you?"

    "No, your brother called him, but he wasn't there so I answered the phone.  That's how I found out."

He walked across the room as they spoke, finally standing next to the bed.  "Kayla-"

    "Nick I don't have the energy to yell at you and tell you to leave.  Can you please just go and save us both the trouble?"

    "There are some things I need to say to you, and I'm not going anywhere until I do Kayla."

    "Fine, say what you have to say and then go."  She sighed in exasperation, normally she'd put up a grand fight to keep him from speaking, to keep him from getting his way.  Her lack of fight worried him.

    "I can't." He said pulling the chair that sat in the corner of the room next to the bed. " Not until I know you're okay."

    "I'm fine." She said with a roll of her eyes.

    "This isn't like you at all.  Please don't say this was over what I did to you."

    "What was over you?"

    "This." He said, gesturing to her fragile condition in the bed.  He almost smiled hearing Kayla's uproar of laughter, until he realized it was at his expense.  "You're kidding right?"

    "I wouldn't joke about something like this." He said seriously.

    "You think I tried to kill myself? Over you?" She said with more laughter.  "Don't flatter yourself Nick."

    "So then you didn't overdose on pills?"

A look of bewilderment came over her face.  "Where did you hear this?"

    "From your brother."

    "From Jeremy?" She asked rhetorically.  "My brother is a paranoid idiot who assumes you have pneumonia when you sneeze.  Yes I took pills.  Cold pills, and I only took two of them okay, I didn't OD on anything.  God who do you think you are coming here and  confronting me about things that are none of your business anyway.  Why don't you go back to Florida and leave me the hell alone."

    "People don't pass out over two cold pills Kayla." He muttered, trying to validate his point.

    "They do when they have the flu and a fever of 105, Nick." She said with appallment in her voice, the biting way she had said his name made him shudder.  "Why am I even explaining anything to you?"  She cried in frustration.  Nick didn't even try to hide the relief he felt knowing she was okay, even though it was bitterly clear she was still mad at him.

    "Kayla-" He began again.

    "Nick," She said stopping him again.  "I can't do this now."

    "Will you give me a chance to say what I need to say?" He asked.

    "Yes, but not now, not here." She said with a shake of her head.

    "Where then?" He couldn't hide his desperation.

    "Tomorrow I guess, where are you staying?"

    "I don't know." He sighed.  "I just came right here from the airport."

    "Well call when you know where you'll be and I'll come talk to you."

    "Are you sure it's good for you to be going out?"

    "I had the flu, not the plague.  Stop mothering me and leave.   We'll talk tomorrow."

    "Promise?"

    "I'm not making any promises with you ever again." She said bitterly as she turned away from him.    He said an un-returned goodbye as he left the room. She didn't look back towards him, she simple picked her book back up and continued reading, like he'd never even been there.

He left the house quietly, waking up the sleeping cab driver as he got back inside the car and instructing him to take him to a nice hotel.  Nick didn't know whether to be relieved or upset at how his encounter with Kayla had gone.  He was relieved she was okay, and even more relieved that she agreed to talk to him.  But deep down he was worried about how things would go tomorrow, AJ had been more than  right when he said Kayla wasn't the forgiving type.

Nick sighed to himself and closed his eyes as they drove towards the city, he didn't think sleep would come very easily tonight, if ever.

Chapter 17

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