1. While the common perception is that people from Montana are both well armed and drive pickups, 90% of Montanans disagree with this statement and have sworn to get their shotgun and come down in their truck if you keep babbling on like that.
2. Montana has adopted an aggressive two-year plan to dig up and repave as much of their 10,000 miles of highway as possible. This year all 10,000 miles of highway have been dug up. Next year they plan to repave it.
3. Montana is home of the fascinating, but elusive, “Metal Eating Shot Bug” which eats perfectly round holes in all rural road signage. You may sometimes hear the boom of their mating call in the middle of the night.
4. The State actively encourages the hunting of Prairie Dogs to the point it is often considered a patriotic duty. However, the Prairie Dog is not condemned but recognized as a beneficial citizen of the state. In the words of George Decker of Helena, “Better Prairie Dogs that Lawyers. Takes more bullets to get a lawyer.”
5. For some unexplained reason, Lawyers do not flock to Montana.
6. Contrary to lore, it is NOT cold enough to freeze the you-know-what’s off a brass monkey during winter. They leave in fall.
7. All Montana historic points can be identified by large groups of out-of-state RV’s surrounding a small wooden sign. A movement to move all small wooden signs to Idaho is pending in the state legislature.
8. The roads in Montana are NOT speedways piled with the littering remains of autos smashed due to drivers losing control at high speeds. At those speeds, you will rarely find the remains.
9. Montana has had several discarded state mottos in its existence before agreeing on the “Treasure State”. The person in charge of coming up with the motto, Eli Quill, wrote and rejected several: “WINDY STATE”, “HOT AND WINDY STATE”, “HOT, DRY, WINDY AND FREAKING COLD IN THE WINTER STATE” and finally “STATE OF PERPETUALLY BEING FROZEN AND BURNED TO DEATH”. He then moved south for a brief period before moving back and writing, “WE MAY ALL BE MISERABLE, BUT AT LEAST IT’S NOT WYOMING”.
10. Most Montanans dislike lists that end with the number ten.
(printed magazine/newspaper)
