A COLLINS MORNING

 

 

6:00AM                  Alarm clock goes off

6:02AM                  We listen for sounds Hannah is awake.

6:03AM                  Karlyn says, “perhaps she will let the dogs out this time”

6:05AM                  One cold nose and a dog with his legs crossed indicates “no”

6:07AM                  Karlyn sweetly says “thank you for premaking the coffee!”

6:09AM                  Karlyn retracts her last statement and accuses me of making piss water

6:10AM                  Dogs come in. They are wet. Dry themselves on people.

6:11AM                  Karlyn gets on shoes to get newspaper. Looks outside. It’s really raining

6:12AM                  I go outside to get newspaper

6:13AM                  Belle leaves present for neighbors

6:14AM                  I tell Hannah that she has something to pick up after school, and it ain’t Kelsey

6:14.01 AM            Hannah forgets what she was just told

6:15AM                  Hannah comes up in sweatshirt

6:16AM                  Hannah sent down because sweatshirt has been used to clean horse stable

6:15AM                  Hannah claims she has nothing to wear

6:17AM                  Hannah claims she has nothing to eat

6:18AM                  Hannah claims nobody told her about homework

6:19AM                  We both realize Hannah will be a lawyer.

6:30AM                  Hannah disappears

6:54AM                  With friends knocking on door, Hannah says “Nobody told me what time it was”

6:54AM                  Hannah is reminded to wear coat

6:54.01AM             Hannah forgets about coat

6:55AM                  Hannah does not take kindly to being told what a watch is for

6:56AM                  Hannah leaves for school without coat

7:00AM                  We debate who will wake those other two up

7:01AM                  Both are woken up

7:02AM                  Try #2

7:03AM                  This is not funny

7:04AM                  I mean it, Sophie

7:05AM                  We’ll buy you things. Just get the hell up.

7:06AM                  Henry gets up with the promise of food

7:10AM                  Sophie rises. Immediately criticizes food, chair and life in general.

7:11AM                  Henry, in whiney voice, calls Sophie a “Princ-Sass”

7:12AM                  Sophie, in whiney voice, says that he’d better know it.

7:14AM                  Dad begs to leave

7:15AM                  Sophie has a wonderful meal consisting of hot tea and cold toast

7:15AM                  Henry has a wonderful mean of belching and rude behavior

7:16AM                  Henry goes to dress. Given the icy cold rain falling, he will do so in shorts and a T-shirt

7:16AM                  Sophie goes to dress. Given the icy cold rain falling, she will wear clothes appropriate for “Baywatch”

7:30AM                  Henry will still be in his underwear, not exactly remembering why he was sent to his room

7:31AM                  Sophie will be screaming that having a brush in her hair is tantamount to high treason. Mom.

8:00AM                  Karlyn mentions that they have to leave by 8:15AM to get to school on time

8:15AM                  Henry can’t find his shoes. Sent to his room for them.

8:20AM                  “What was I sent to my room for mom?”

8:22AM                  Everyone in the car

8:23AM                  Henry sent back for 2nd shoe

8:25AM                  Going to school

8:32AM                  Backup starts for other late kids, 1 mile from school

8:33AM                  Sophie explains to all who will listen, how it is to grow up with “peasants”

8:35AM                  Kids dropped off. “Next time we can’t be late” says Sophie.

8:42AM                  Karlyn looks for those prescription drugs again

 

Not sure what happens after that, but the kids told me it involved electric shock