WHY WE LIKE THE FAMILY

v We like the family because you can say “infarction” and nobody knows if your talking about Dale looking at another batch of kittens, Karlyn upon hearing that Hannah has signed up for a party and is supposed to bring something (but cannot remember when, what or who) or Erin because she had Greg drive her the 2 miles to the mall in under 60 seconds.

v We have a unique approach to the home. For example, we believe that a blue tarp strung across the roof is an approved mending technique. We believe “home wiring” is not only something of a hobby as well as a good conversation piece and putting something on the wall is an option.

v We have a firm trust and belief in one another – enough that we will send our men out to do battle with that muskrat armed with only their wits and a 9mm handgun. Of course, we bet on the muskrat and immediately go inside, out of the line of fire, but we have firm beliefs.

v We can talk to one another. Like when James called Jessie a “Spoiled Brat”. No cross words were given, the others simply went out and fashioned a good-ole hanging rope instead.

v We respect each other’s failings. Such as when a certain brother shaved his head, got arrested and was tagged with a radio collar by the department of wildlife, the family rallied and would only proclaim, “Is he going to be on the Wild Kingdom or COPS?”

v We pare no expense for each other. For example, the family often treats each other the finest wine available for under $2.50 per bottle. We serve only the finest in beef: vintage cows parts frozen just for such an event.

v We always listen. Like when I was told never to mention a certain niece and a certain NCAA basketball team in the same paragraph I never mentioned it again, even THOUGH it’s odd that their record began suffering about 2 years ago, isn’t it?

v We always agree to disagree. For example, my mother in-law might believe that I am arrogant, quite unfunny and cheap. I, of course, disagree and threaten to return her daughter to her. We agree to disagree.

v We help each other. For example, when Dale has obviously stopped breathing in his chair (it looks a LOT like he just fell asleep), the women immediately go over and kick his chair, hard, thus waking him and saving his life.

You see, we have a very special family. E-mail me and you can have my share.