Is He Really Going to Change This Time?

Here's How You'll Know.

If your partner has entered an intervention program for batterers, you're probably relieved that he's getting help. It's important to know that there are no miracle cures for his violenc--he is the only one that can make the decision to change.

****Positive Signs Include****

**Has he stopped being violent or threatening to you or others?
**He acknowledges that his abusive behavior is wrong.
**He understands that he does not have the right to control and dominate you.
**You don't feel afraid when you are with him.
**He does not coerce you into having sex when you don't want to.
**You can express anger toward him without feeling intimidated.
**He does not make you feel responsible for his anger or frustration.
**He respects your opinion even if he doesn't agree with it.
**He respects your right to say "no."
**You can negotiate without being humiliated and belittled by him.
**You don't have to ask his permission to go out, go to school, get a job, or take other independent actions.
**He listens to you and respects what you have to say.
**He communicates honestly and does not try to manipulate you.
**He recognizes that he is not "cured" and that changing his behavior, attitudes, and beliefs is a lifelong process.
**He no longer does ________(fill in the blank with any behavior that used to precede his violence, manipulation, or emotional abuse).

**How Do You Know You're Safe?**

If you feel that you will be safer away from your partner while he is in an intervention program, you have every right to leave. Even if you leave, you must understand that his participation in the program is no guarantee that he will not be a threat to you. The risk that he may be violent toward you can even increase when you leave. For your own safety and the safety of your children, watch for these signs of a problem in the way he behaves toward you while he is in the program.

**Tries to find you if you've left.** He may try to get information from your family and friends about your whereabouts, either by threatening them or trying to get their sympathy.
**Tries to get you to come back to him.** He may do anything to get you to come back--if promising to change and being charming or contrite don't work, his efforts could then escalate to threats or violence.
**Tries to take away the children.** He may try to kidnap the children as a way of forcing you to stay with him.
**Stalks you.** If you always seem to run into him when you are on your way to work,running errands, or out with friends, or if you recieve lots of mysterious phone calls, he could be stalking you.

***Coming Soon...***
**Steps You Can Take to Keep Yourself Safe.**

**Manipulation**

**The Six Big Lies**

**How Do You Know If the Program Will Work.**

**What Do They Do In There, Anyway?**

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