Ashley was almost delivered by my mom. The nurse made her way back in my room after my mom had to go get her and tell her that I was about to deliver. You see, on the big board at the nurses station, was the word Abortion by my name. This really pissed me off, and I'd love to find a way to get a new medical term for people who have to go through something like this. We believe that I was ignored by the nurses because they figured I wasn't having a live birth anyway. I delivered in my labor room, the nurse literally coming in the room in time to catch Ashley coming out. I think I pushed one more time after she came in.

Ashley was cleaned and wrapped, then handed to me to say goodbye. I was so out of it from the meds, and loss of blood, that I don't remember it all. After Tim and my mom also held Ashley they took her away and sent me to the delivery room to deliver the placenta. I remember a lot of pain and the nurses being shitty to me about pushing. I think I blacked out at some point. Next thing I remember I was in the recovery room. My mom, Tim, and sister's (Cindy & Dana) were also there. They hadn't seen Ashley so I asked the nurse to bring her back so that we could spend more time with her. I knew I had that right, as I said we prepared for this day for almost two months. This too seemed to p*ss them off. She commented that she was already in the morgue. BUT I didn't give in, her saying that to me just made me more insistent. I also asked for a minister. Ashley got there before the minister did. I asked for the minister because my preacher could not be there. I wanted Ashley to be blessed. When the minister got there, she prayed with us, but REFUSED to bless Ashley. Can you believe that? I was in shock! We had our time with Ashley, then gave her back to the nurse. We then gave instructions (again) on how the autopsy was to be done. Our main demands were that there be no visible marks on her when she is dressed, and absolutely NOTHING be done on her head. That was the only part of her body that was off limits. Thankfully that was one of the few things they complied with. After that I was taken to the ward...not the maternity ward, the ward that was for women having abdominal surgery.
That night I had a horrible migraine. Their solution...eat a candy bar and drink a caffeine drink. They didn't even give me Tylenol. I think it was due to my blood work. As I said they said they had done blood work while I was in the Labor Room...it seems that it got lost. Early the next morning the doctor came in and said that they had found the source of my migraines... I was about 3 pints low on blood. So, they gave me three pints of blood and sent me home the next morning. I was back in the ER that night for migraines. I can honestly say that I was in such pain that I don't remember even being at the ER. I remember talking about going and actually walking in, but nothing else.

As I said we had already planned the funeral. Ashley was buried on Friday the 13^th... that wasn't really planned, it just turns out to be the day that was available. Below is the poem that our Preacher (he also married Tim & I) wrote for Ashley. He also read it at her funeral. We had grave side services.

Ashley
Though I did not know the baby
I can tell you lots about her;
She's safely now in Jesus' arms
As we go on without her.

Her pretty face so young and sweet
Brings smiles to all who meet her;
She's right at home on Heavens' shore
With loved ones there to greet her.

And though we wanted her to stay
And lived with us together;
It seemed like Jesus had a plan...
We know it must be better.

Of course we want to ask him why...
He may not tell us now;
We'll only ask Him for His grace
To help us through somehow.

So Jesus, take our little one
And tell her all about us;
And always keep her at your side
As she goes on without us.

For one day soon we'll meet her there
And then we'll be together;
Where death can never separate
And we shall live forever.
ŠBro. Dan Tarno 1/13/95
In love and memory of Ashley Nicole Byars

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