 |
| This pages content is about my life of abuse..it may be disturbing to some! |
 |
| It has take me along time to deal with this part of my life and there are some incidents that trigger some horrible memories of this time but it does get easier everyday to cope with what happend to me with the support I recieve from my wonderful husband Ken, my children, my family and my friend! |
 |
| I met Royce on New Years Eve 1973, which had been a very tough year for me, and I was very glad to see it come to an end. My cousin Pam had asked me to go with her to this party, which I really didn't want to got to but I thought "what the hell" I'll go, get drunk and try to forget this crumby year. She told me she was kinda set up to meet some guy and she wanted some moral support..so I went..we had a spent a couple of hours at a friends place drinking and smoking a little pot and then we clumsily walked to this party. We walked into the house and there was mostly older people sitting around drinking and talking, we were offered a drink and sat on the floor..then this guy came over and started talking to both of us..this was who Pam was suppose to meet up with but he seemed to paying a little to much attention to me..Well anyways it ended up that him and I started dating..It was an OK relationship but things seem to be going way to fast. We had only been dating about 6 weeks when he asked me to marry him..I was looking for an out so I said yes! And 4 months later we were married. When I first started going out with Royce he had a fairly new car parked in his parents driveway . He had had a bad car accident and I was told he was still kinda scared to get behind the wheel so I just let it go at that..But then a couple of days before our wedding he started driving again..I was happy cause I was getting tired of always being chauffered around by people! Our wedding went off without a hitch, there were some small incidents but we still managed to get thru it. We had rented a small 2 bedroom cottage right on the lake and I was happy! The abuse never started til after our first son was born but there were alot of lies and deception that was beginning to seep through to me very slowly..I found out that Royce wasn't afraid to drive at all he had lost his license for impaired driving and also he had left the scene of the accident. We had an ok marriage, we partied with friends and his family but something seem strange, I felt like I was slowly losing my family.(which I later found out was part of his plan.) After having ruptured appendix when I was 3 moths pregnant, and was told my baby would not make it, or would be deformed or handicapped if he was born, my healthy baby boy was born..I was exstatic! Andy was almost 6 months old when the first incident took place..I was home with my baby when Royce came home really drunk..he started yelling and screaming about how my family hated him and that he always had to live up to their expectations..I had no idea where all of this was coming from..He decided to call my parents and started in on them about how they treated him like crap and then it happend! He pulled out a gun..and he told my parents he was going to kill me and my baby.He also told them not to call the police or show up at our door. My brother happend to be there and he tried talking to him..all I could do was hold tight to my infant son and pray. It seemed like days but after about an hour his Mom and Dad showed up and settled him down..I was terrified to stay in my house with this man, but somehow they settled me down and I stayed. And I was not to talk about this again. Things seemed to be going pretty good for us, oh, but the move never happend. He had got burnt at work so the move was off. I was glad cause I really didn't want to go that far away from family and friends. Andy was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant again so things were good! We had to move and found an upstairs apartment in a big old house in a small town not far from everyone. This pregnancy had a few twists but all in all things were going well..Then our 2nd son Kevin was born..here I was 24 years old with a 18 month old a new baby and Royce still was not working. Shortly after Kev was born we moved again..this time to a small town down river. Royce's aunt an uncle live there so I was happy to know at least a couple of people..We rented a small house but things were heating up again..Royce was drinking alot and what little money we had was used up by him. His mom and dad would bring me groceries and baby needs but it was tough..Then it happend again..he came home drunk and started beating on me but this time it was no gun was involved. We did split up for a bit but the threats of losing my kids brought me back again. We moved about 3 or 4 other times and finally we landed back home..There was still some abuse thru all of this time but I toughed it out for my kids. Royce finally landed a job at the farm down the road from his parents so we moved in right next door to them..Things were going pretty good here but then some funny phone calls started happening..We were at this place for about a year. Andy was in Kindergarten and Kev was loving being on a dairy farm..Then the bottom fell out. Royce's boss showed up telling me that there was money missing and some cheques. I went nuts..Royce's explanation was that he had some gambling debts and had borrowed some money from a loan shark and they were threatening me and the kids if he didn't pay up so he stole from his work. I still don't know if this is true but his parents bailed him out again and of course we had to move again. We ended up moving just outside a little town where my brother and his family lived. Royce was working for a farmer and things had settled down quite a bit. Andy started his new school and even I had made some new friends. We even joined a bowling league with my brother and his wife. One night after bowling we arrived home to a very terrified babysitter meeting us at the door. My house had been ran-sacked. Apparently the police had shown up with a search warrant looking for stolen property. All I could think of was my boys, but they never even woke up the whole time the cops were there. Royce really had no explanation, as usual, even though the cops had our house under surveilance overnight. He finally gave up to the cops and was placed in the physc ward to dry out. The doctor told me I hadn't seen him sober in the 7 years we were married. The doctor also advised us to search the house for booze. Well we did and found about 25 empty bottles of whiskey and cherry whiskey and I don't know how many empty cases of beer..I had no idea there was this much in my house..He had really good hiding places. He ended up getting off of those charges somehow! Of course we had to move again. So we rented a little house in the town where my brother lived. Kevin started Kingergarten and I started to work part-time at a local nursing home and Royce had decided to lease a gas station .I was only working a short time when I got very sick and was soon diagnosed with cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. It was a tough time but we managed to get thru it. There were probably times in here where there was a few fights but I don't think there was anything really physical. Things finally started to go well enough for us that we decided to buy a house. So we found a really nice semi-detached in a great neighborhood. There were lots of kids around for the boys and everything seemed to be going our way. Then one night Royce came home very drunk. He started in on me and of couse fists flew. I quietly told the boys to pack a few things. By this time Royce headed down to the basement with a gun. He threatend to shoot me of course. I tried to settle the boys down and when Royce started screaming he was going to kill himself I told the boys to get out the door and run. We ended up running to my friends house who just lived around the corner. I was so glad to see she was home. I called Royce's mom and they came and got us. I spent about a week away from him this time. I even went out to my Mom & Dad's battered and bruised to ask them for some help but was more or less told to go back to my husband where I belonged. So I did. We had to move again. We found a nice house in another small town not to far away. The kids loved it here. I was still able to work and Royce started his own Home Renovations business. Things seem to be going pretty good. Then one night Royce came home really drunk and of course the fists llew again, only this time he decided to drag me by the hair into Andy's bedroom, thru me on his bed and said to him "Wake up Andy, and watch me beat the shit out of your mother." Andy woke up begging for his dad to stop, and he did. He finally went up to bed and I waited awhile before I proceeded up starirs praying he would be passed-out. I climbed into bed very carefully hoping he wouldn't wake up, and just as I was dozing off I felt him on top of me. I tried to fight him off but he had me pinned and then I felt the most horrific pain ever. I couldn't believe that my own husband was raping me anally. I couldn't stand the pain and must have blacked out for a bit and when I came to my senses he was sound asleep. I crept downstairs and cried my self to sleep on the couch still in disbelief of what had just happend and wondering why I am staying in this joke of a marriage. Things were not the same after this episode. I couldn't bare to even look at my husband. It was about 6 months after that Andy had an accident at school. We rushed him into emergency where they he had broken his arm. As we driving home down our street I noticed there were 2 police cruisers at my house. I looked at Royce and asked him what he had done now! He had a blank look on his face and I knew he was thinking of turning the car around to run. But no way! We got out of the car and our old neighbor who is an OPP came up to me and said, "I am sorry Nancy but we have a warrant to search your house, car and property." I told him to go ahead and me & Andy proceeded to my neighbors who was watching Kevin. It took forever for them to get done when I noticed the 2 cops had Royce in handcuffs. The boys were crying and of course everyone who lived close by was watching. I walked up to Terry (the cop I knew) and asked him what was going on. He told that they had found over $25,000.00 worth of stolen property in my garage and in the trunk of my car and that they were taking him away for processing. I looked at Royce and he couldn't even look me in the eye. I told the cops not to bring him home and with that I wheeled my fist up and punched Royce right in the face. I couldn't believe that he could do this to his kids. The cops took him away but they did return him. I told him he was out! No ifs and or buts. I had had enough of this crap. I also told him he was not to be in the house in the morning when the boys woke up. He was gone when I got up but he had left a lengthy letter for me. Of course it was a big apology but I didn't care anymore. After the boys left for school my neighbor called me over for a coffee. She proceeded to tell me that Royce had broken into there house a while back and had stolen a gun from them. She also told me the cops had been watching him for a long time. With that I calmly walked home and packed up everything he owned and place it into garbage bags and put it on the front step. He came and picked it up, but not without begging and pleading for me to take him back..There was no way! And from that day on the abuse ended! Royce did however harrass and threaten me constantly even after I was married to Ken. But Ken made a promise to me that there was no way that bastard would ever lay another hand on me again! Royce passed away October 2003 and all of my baggage went with him! |
 |
 |
|
| After reading this you may ask yourself "why" did I stay for so long. It is a question I have asked myself over and over again without a reasonable answer. I guess because I was beaten down so badly and told so many times that I was worthless and my self esteem was so low that I just figured this was the best place for me. It was also hard to get out with the constant death threats and threats of losing my boys! As I look back now as a better, stronger and much happier person I really didn't know myself at all then. But by the grace of God and love of my boys I did get out. Thank you Andy & Kevin for being my rocks thru all of this. I apologize to both of you for allowing you to go thru this. I love you both so much! |
 |
 |