Note: These reviews are based on the episodes packaged with the Kid Rhino limited edition DVD set that came packaged with the Snake-Eyes figure. Basil the BAT cat really likes the Snake-Eyes figure, not to mention the Timber that came with it.
Summary: We open with a shot of a group of four Skystrikers coming in for a landing at a military base. Stalker and Duke are watching them come in and talking about how good the planes are and how badly they're needed now that Cobra is on the loose and all.
Snake Eyes, who is standing with Stalker and Duke, suddenly drops to the ground to avoid being decapitated by a low-flying Skystriker. Stalker and Duke follow suit as the Skystriker narrowly misses hitting the three of them.
Duke gets back to his feet saying, "I'm gonna kick the mustard out of that crazy hot dog!" The Skystriker in question comes in for a landing and Duke runs over to yell at the pilot. As the canopy opens, Duke says: "Hey, bacteria-brain, come down and let's discuss your future as a metal patient!"
This is our introduction to Scarlett, who is the one who was flying the Skystriker. She chides Duke for having no spirit of adventure (which makes me wonder just what kinda freaky chick Scarlett is if this is her idea of 'adventure'). She climbs out of the jet and we get our first inclination that there's Something Between These Two when Scarlett tells Duke she missed him. (That and Duke isn't mad at her for nearly clocking him with a jet. Remember girls, if you're a hot redhead; FAA regulations only apply to other people!) Duke replies that she certainly did: "By that much," he says, holding up two fingers in the international symbol for "too freaking close".
Cobra chooses this moment to attack the Joes base. Major Bludd leads the Cobra forces that focus their attack on the Skystrikers. The Joes respond with a ragged (as in not as polished as it will become later on) "Yo Joe" and proceed to try and chase the Cobra forces off.
Sound Effects Note: Yeah, you're hearing right; the Joes and Cobras are firing what sound like real guns instead of the lasers we've come to know and love. For the first two miniseries (GI Joe: A Real American Hero and The Revenge of Cobra), real gunfire sound effects as well as the laser effect most fans are more familiar with, were used.
Duke yells for the Joes to try and get the Skystrikers into the air in an effort to keep them from being destroyed on the ground. He and Scarlett manage to get one plane up into the air and chase the Cobra jets off.
Once the Cobra forces are gone, Duke and Scarlett land and Duke places the Joes on full alert.
Meanwhile, Destro and a group of bearers approach an overly ornate Cobra temple carved into the side of a mountain, probably somewhere in the Himalayas (based on the appearance of the native bearers with Destro). Destro calls out to the temple and the native men run off in superstitious fright, which causes Destro to laugh at them. Particularly since none of the men stuck around long enough to get paid.
To be honest though, it strikes me as odd that the men would run off in fear of the Cobra temple. I mean if Cobra built the temple there, surely these guys knew that it was happening. And it's not like the average Viper is anything particularly creepy. Sure, sure, the Himalayas are a big place and there are probably still nooks and crannies all over the mountains that have never been discovered or explored. But, to paraphrase Terry Pratchett, "undiscovered" usually means, "No white folks have been there". And in rural areas, everybody knows everybody else's business, partly out of sheer nosiness and partly because what the heck else is there to keep you entertained?
Then again, maybe Cobra had the Scooby-Vipers go out while the temple was being built and freak out the natives. So long as those meddling kids and their dog didn't show up, Cobra would be golden.
And now, back to the show:
Destro enters Cobra Commander's throne room. The Commander is disappointed with Destro (he's also speaking in the royal we) because the arms dealer was expected days earlier. Destro informs the Commander that the reason he was late was because the rare elements he brought with him were hard to acquire and climbing to "this ridiculously melodramatic location" cost him time as well.
Cobra Commander defends the ridiculously melodramatic location by saying that he designed the temple to provide security and secrecy for their operation. Which sounds a lot more ludicrous than it really is, if you think about it.
At first glance, no, there's nothing particularly secretive about a big ol' snake-motif temple carved into the side of a living mountain. This place is huge and it's got to be fairly easy to get to since Cobra has to be able to fly in and out of the temple. That and native bearers know how to get there so the secrecy of the place is pretty well blown.
Except that knowing where something is and knowing what it is are two different things. In essence, Cobra has hidden itself in plain sight, using the superstition of the locals to help cloak them in mystery. Whoo, spooky!
Destro tells Cobra Commander that he's brought the rare elements needed to fuel "the device." And that apparently the homing device necessary for the first test of "the device" is being placed in the target zone. Cobra Commander is pleased by this and says that Cobra is now on its way to dominating the universe! (Apparently at this stage of the game, CC was dreaming BIG! Well, it was the Eighties, after all.)
Meanwhile, General Flagg has sent for Duke. He introduces Duke to a Major Juanita Hooper from the Office of Budget and Accounting at the Pentagon. The Major gives the General grief about proper request forms. Apparently the General has been given the unenviable task of keeping the Major happy. "Fat chance," says Duke.
Flagg has asked for Duke to be there because he (Flagg that is) has been given the job of protecting a top-secret relay satellite that's due for launch the next day. Duke picks up on the General's train of thought, saying that the General wants the Joes to attempt a break-in to check the security of the satellite. The General agrees, saying that Duke is ahead of him, as usual. The Major sniffs that this doesn't seem a very wise idea, dollar-wise. Flagg, ignoring the Major, asks when the Joes could get started.
"Right...now," says Duke.
Outside, Scarlett, Snake eyes and Stalker break into the compound where the satellite is being held. They rather easily manage the job, but General Flagg says this only proves that security on the satellite is adequate. A small commando force was able to break in, but in order to steal the satellite; you'd need many men and heavy equipment to move it out.
Major Hooper goads the General into showing the Joes the satellite. They could use the education, she says. The General agrees and takes the Joes into the silo where the satellite is being kept. AS they go in, the Major tells them to leave their weapons outside.
The satellite is the ultimate Relay Star, capable of beaming all sorts of transmissions and energy hither and yon. Stalker observes that once the satellite is in orbit, there will be no way of hiding it.
Back at the Cobra Temple, Cobra Commander and Destro are plotting to steal the Relay Star by teleporting it out from under the noses of the Joes. The problem is, the MASS device doesn't work correctly. Cobra Commander throws a blue hissy, yelling at Destro for wasting "millions of hard-stolen dollars!" Destro counters by sending an assault team in to bring out the Relay Star.
The Cobra unit materializes inside the silo holding the satellite, much to the consternation of the Joes. Hooper is revealed to be the Baroness. The Joes retreat from the silo and the door closes behind them.
Scarlett suggests using the gantry elevators to lift the silo walls off their foundations. The Joes use this method to break in and attack the Cobras. Again, we're treated to realistic gun sound effects.
Back at the Cobra temple, Destro and Cobra Commander bicker as Destro locks onto the coordinates to teleport out the Cobra forces and the Relay Star.
The Baroness and Major Bludd are about to surrender, but the teleport effect starts and they make a break for their forces. Duke grabs the Baroness, but is caught up in the teleport effect himself and taken along for the ride.
At the temple, Duke is eventually taken down by a group of Vipers and dragged off to the slave pens where he'll be prepared for 'sport'.
As long as Cobra has the three rare elements that power the MASS device, they are invincible! The satellite is put into place and plans are made for the first demonstration of the MASS device's abilities.
A man puts a homing beacon onto the Eiffel Tower.
In the mean time, Breaker hasn't had any luck trying to track down Duke, but he does know that a Dr. Lazlo Vandemeer is the world's leading expert on molecular transference and that he's at his farm in New England. (And all that without being able to log into www.drlazlovandemeer.com!)
After Breaker shares this bit of news, Cobra Commander breaks into the world's airwaves and demonstrates the power of the MASS Device by stealing the Eiffel Tower. Cobra Commander demands that the world surrender and gives them 24 hours to comply.
Duke is in the slave pens. Like the other slaves, he's wearing a headband with funky glowing lights on it. The rest of the slaves are staggering about the pens. He asks for water and a slave girl wearing a pink dress that is a little too pretty to look really tattered, turns toward him but doesn't bring him any water. Probably because the Baroness has arrived. The Baroness informs Duke that they are mindless creatures of Cobra. Duke's also told that he's to be appearing in the Arena of Sport.
The rest of the Joes, in the meantime, are heading to Dr. Vandemeer's farm to enlist his aid.
Dr. Vandemeer waves to the Joes as they land...but as the camera pans over; we see that this is not the real Dr. Vandemeer. He's tied up in the woods and a couple dozen Cobra troopers are lying in wait for the Joes.
The Joes land and it's revealed that Dr. Vandemeer is really Major Bludd. The Joes and Cobras fight and we again hear realistic gun sound effects. Snake eyes tosses Major Bludd into the pigpen and eventually Cobra retreats. Dr. Vandemeer reveals that Cobra stole the secrets of MASS from him.
The Doc tells the Joes that he can build them a MASS Device but they're going to need the three catalytic elements.
The slave girl wants to help Duke, but isn't sure how.
Duke is in the Arena of Sport (which background shot show to be packed full of Cobra troopers) and is facing off against a huge slave. Destro and Cobra Commander are using joysticks to control Duke and the other slave and are making them fight each other, gladiator-style.
The slave guy's height changes frequently through these fight scenes. Duke, we're told later on in the miniseries, is six foot two (at least, he is if Scarlett wasn't being facetious). The other slave appears to be anywhere from eight to twelve feet tall and about that wide. Whatever they're feeding this guy, the NBA wants some.
The crowd cheers.
The episode ends with the fight still in progress. Join us tomorrow for the second episode: "Slave of the Cobra Master."
Commentary: This is it folks, this is the miniseries that started it all (at least as far as the Joe cartoons are concerned).
Now, as I said at the top, I'm watching these episodes on DVD which may have something to do with the fact these episodes are just blowing me away in terms of sound quality and detail. Considering the animation for these episodes is, at this time, nearly 20 years old it's some damn fine stuff. The staying power of the GI Joe cartoon series is amazing to me. Especially since some other shows I know that I dearly loved, as a kid, are almost unwatchable for me now that I'm an adult. Super Friends, for example. When I was a kid, Super Friends was one of my favorite shows. I loved it. It was cool!
Then I caught an episode of it a few years back and could honestly not believe that I was watching the same show. It was like some super villain out there had used some evil device to suck out all of the cool. Gorilla Grod, I'm looking at you.
With GI Joe, though, I'm not having that problem. Watching this series now does not induce embarrassed cringes of the "I used to like this?" nature that some other shows would.
It's hard to really say anything about this episode since it basically just serves as an introduction to the characters and the situation. It moves pretty quickly, which is nice and we do get good glimpses into the characters. The dialogue is good, the art is good and the storyline keeps your attention and, most importantly, makes you want to tune in tomorrow to see what happens.
So, without further hesitation, let's head on over to Episode Two: