A Few Personal Notes ... On Death, Suffering, and Suicide

First posted: 27 October 2004

Personal observations, opinions, and experience from the Rev. Todd R. Goddard, pastor of the Zion West Walworth United Methodist Church.

One of the responsibilities of a parish pastor is to bring comfort and insight to people who are grieving a death or loss. I'm often asked what my opinion is or what the Bible has to say on the issue. I'm not being morbid. These are the hard subjects of life my people and I work through on a regular basis in our parish. A few thoughts ...

1) My take on death. It is my experience that God is the creator of life and our sustainer through life. I therefore, have every expectation that God will be our savior in death. I don't know how or why God created this world or placed any of us in it. Neither do I know exactly what salvation will be like. But because God has been faithful and loving up to this point, wouldn't it be consistent to expect that his faith and love will continue with us through earthly death?

Everyone dies. It is the great equalizer. Just as we share a common baptism with other Christians and with Jesus, so too will each of us share in a common earthly death. Some of us will live many years, others, lives will be cut short. Our bodies are simply an imperfect collection of genetics, biology, physics, and chemistry. What makes us human, however, is that each body is given a soul, and it is the soul that will return to God, who first made it, when the body dies.

Scripture tells us that it is God who will be judging us when our soul returns to Him. This frees us from all need to be judgmental here on earth (something judgmental people just haven't yet discovered). Visions of heaven can be found in John's book of Revelations. Some are startling, others beautiful, certainly all of them fall short of what heaven must truly be like. Many believe that we will all be reunited with our loved ones in heaven. For those of us who have regrets or broken relationships here on earth, the thought of living in eternity with another might be painful. Intitutively, I don't believe that will be the case. I have somehow come to believe that in heaven, all relationships will be restored, brokenness will be repaired, and regrets will be transformed into love.

Just about all of us would like control over when we die. We would like to live long, long enough to see our children raised and bear grand-children. We don't want to live too long, such that we see our peers die before us. Most of us would like to go peacefully in our sleep. These desires are natural, but they are not ours for the taking.

Our death is not up to us. Not even the suicidal death (see below), for I've seen far too many attempted suicides go a rye. We don't control our death. Only God has control of death, for it is part of the larger creative process. God creates life, nurtures life, and grants eternal life. Only God is in control.

Personally, I try to live by the admonitions of the Apostle Paul, who teaches us to live each day prepared to die. Fulfill your earthly stewardship responsibilities: have your will drawn up and ready to go, make certain you have adequate life insurance, plan for the security of those financially dependent upon you. Fulfill your spiritual stewardship responsibilities: repair the broken relationships as best as you possibility can, take care of all your outstanding regrets, make certain your faith and values will live on and not be forgotten. Live each day faithfully, knowing that if this is the day that to be called home, then, Lord, we are ready to greet you! 

Lastly on the topic of death, I leave you with the words of Paul to the Romans (14:7-9):  ⁷"We do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. ⁸If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. ⁹For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living."

2) My thoughts on suffering. Why do some people suffer? It is especially difficult to see righteous people suffering. There is no easy answer, none that will give complete satisfaction. The answers I offer might help, but I expect, will only help a little bit if you are in the midst of suffering. Where thoughts about suffering begin to take on deeper meaning is often after the fact, in reflection, once the suffering has been removed.

The God I've come to know and experience in my life abhors suffering. It pains God deeply to see people suffer - any person suffer. While God could certainly intervene and remove the cause of suffering, often times - thought not always - the suffering is allowed to continue. God must have a reason. A far larger reason than any of us can comprehend. Is it to set an example? Is it to inspire someone else? Is it to punish? I suspect that for each individual who suffers, there is an individual, unique Divine reaction. I do believe that God does miraculously intervene on rare occasions to bring an end to suffering. But I suspect that we are so attracted by the suffering that we are unable to see God's miracle, such as ... our loved one dying a week earlier than what would have been expected.

I have witnessed, in my own life, and in the lives of others, that the best, strongest, most fruitful faith is born out of human suffering. This is certainly evident in the life of Job in the Old Testament. Intense suffering grows strong faith in God. Often times long periods of suffering allows one to get their affairs into order, to make their parting good-byes, to begin to ask the question, "what is on the other side?" In this respect, suffering might be understood as a gift from God, not in a self-abusive perspective, but in a life giving opportunity.

I further believe that suffering invites communities, networks, and relationships to form. It's a deeply rooted need for us to reach out and help ease the suffering of someone else. When we do, we become Divine participants in a larger effort, some greater plan, to grow the kingdom of God right here, right now. Often times we are unaware of the power God is working when we are in the midst of it. But later, after the pain has ended, when all that we are left with is our memories, our reflections, and, perhaps, a few new friends, we will be stronger for it, our faith will have matured and grown both deep and wide. 

One final thought regarding suffering. Suffering unites us with Jesus Christ and the suffering he bore on our behalf. I don't say this to offer cheep consolation. I offer this as a tool to help get you through suffering. If you are in the midst of pain or suffering persecution, it can be comforting to liken that burden with the image of Jesus suffering his passion and death. When it is shared, the burden is lessened. When it is shared, new insights are discovered. When suffering is shared, we open yet an another channel for hope - just as Jesus was made perfect in his suffering by being raised from the dead, so too may your suffering lead you to being perfected in Christ and the recipient of His salvation. 

3) Suicide, a pastoral perspective. Suicide is so painful, so destructive of families and relationships, so filled with remorse, residual guilt, and regrets - where to begin?

First, every person thinks about suicide. You have. I have. We all have. It is normal and natural. Do not think that you are crazy if you've thought about it! Thinking about suicide is called suicidal ideation. The vast majority of us suicidal ideation is manageable; that is, we've learned how to deal with it - we redirect our thoughts, get some fresh air, take a hot shower, go hang with friends - whatever. I believe God intends for us to have a natural ability to manage our occasional thoughts about suicide.

Suicidal ideation can become unmanageable. It is a well know and greatly studied symptom of a biological disease known as major depression. Other symptoms may include changes in weight or appetite, inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, depressed mood, social isolation, and others. For the person suffering from depression, unmanageable suicidal ideation means they have recurrent, unending, thoughts about suicide. There is nothing that the person can do to stop the thoughts on their own. The thoughts come from diseased chemical processes in the brain - which can be successfully treated by mental health professionals.

A person suffering from major depression can no more think their symptoms away than a heart patient can think themselves out of a heart attack. It is impossible to "pick yourself up by your own bootstraps," or to "just snap out of it," so suggestions like this do more harm than good.

To the world, the person suffering from depression may look like everything is alright. They may be laughing or joking at the legion hall, at the office, in the class room, or down at church. No one knows another's thoughts - and if those thoughts are pervasive, persistent, unmanageable thoughts about suicide - there may be no clues or precursors to a tragedy. The vast majority of people depressed and experiencing suicidal ideation will share their thoughts and fears with others, especially if someone is concerned enough, and brave enough, to ask. 

The key is to ask. It shows how much you love and care for them. If they say, "yes," that they have been considering suicide, take the responsibility to see that they get appropriate mental health services. If they are in immediate danger, call 911 and make sure emergency services are deployed - both police and E.M.S. If they are safe enough to travel, put them in your car and take them to any emergency room. If they are safe enough to sit and talk, and they already have a therapist, call the therapist immediately and have a three way telephone conversation with them. Before you hang up, make sure you have a plan.

Always, if you suspect someone is considering suicide, seek a verbal contract for their safety. Tell them something to the effect of "promise me that before you hurt yourself or others, that you'll first speak with me face to face." It is hard for any of us to break a promise.

Unlike the Roman Catholic Church, I do not believe suicide is an unforgivable sin. I believe suicide is an avoidable tragedy. It is the result of an untreated disease, an unnatural biological process that could have been corrected. Science has made huge advancements in the past 20 years in successfully treating depression. There is no need for anyone to suffer from major depression in our society today. Life can be better. There is always hope.

If you ever believe that you need to talk with me about any of these subjects, please don't hesitate to ask. My door is always open.

Blessed week, everyone! See you in church, 9:30am Sunday morning!

Disclaimer: these personal views are the private, personal opinion of Todd R. Goddard. They are not the opinions of the parish, conference or the United Methodist Church. These opinions are offered only to foster cooperative, fruitful, and respectful discussion.