Sounds Logical
The pastor was talking to a group of young children
about being good and going to heaven. At the end of
his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the
preacher.
"Dead!" yelled Little Johnny.
(email from Bronnie, thanks!)
Dog Gone!
"What's wrong son?" asked Mark's father.
"I lost my puppy," cried Mark.
"Well, don't cry, we'll get your dog back. We will
put an ad in the paper," replied Mark's father.
"That won't help," cried Mark, "my dog can't read."
Bowlegged Cowboys
A little boy who lived a sheltered life in the country
came to town one Saturday with his mother and saw, for
the first time, several bowlegged cowboys standing out
in front of the general store. "Look at all those
bowlegged cowboys!" the little boy exclaimed.
When he got home, his father punished the him for the
brash remarks concerning the cowboys by making him
read Shakespere one hour every day for the next several
months.
When they returned to the little town months later, the
same bowlegged cowboys were standing out in front of
the general store. The little boy, without thinking,
screamed, "Look at all those....." He corrected himself
in the middle of the sentence and said, "Hark, what
manner of men are these, who wear their knees in
parentheses?"
Empty ?
Six-year-old Jenny complained to her mother of a stomachache
Her mother replied, "That's because your stomach is empty.
You'd feel better if there was something inside of it.
That evening their pastor stopped for a visit and said
his head had hurt him all day. Little Jenny quickly advised
"That's because it's empty. You'd feel better if there was something in it."
Is It Possible?
After a day of complete harassment, the mother shook her
finger at her small, unruly youngster.
"All right, Junior," she shouted, "do anything you please!
Now, let me see you disobey that!"
Music?
A teenager girl was listening to her favorite punk rock
group. As the song finished she said to her father, "Have
you ever heard anything so great?"
The father replied, "Only one time, when a truck carrying
empty milk cans hit another truck filled with live ducks!"
Santa?
My six year old daughter came in while I was cleaning,
asking me to sit and talk for a few minutes. So stopping
my chores, I sat.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked.
"Mommy, I want to know if there really is a Santa or not."
Not wanting to upset her, and Christmas near I replied, "As
long as you believe in him, he will come. When you quit
believing in him, he will quit coming then."
There was a pause, and she immediately got up, turned to go
into the other room.
"Where are you going, dear?" I asked a bit surprised by her
immediate action.
"Well, thought I would go make my list out now, and guess
I will believe in him until I get married, cause then he
won't know where I live. Right, Mom?"
I smiled, and replied, "I guess so" and smiling went back to
my chores. And I bet she never asks again.
