Sunday April 02, 2000 3:59PM EST - By:

You're CyberIntruder th have landed here since 07/30/96.

Welcome. Your journey has just begun. So far this page is comprised of a girl named Tana, your host. Whether you arrived here accidently or on purpose I'm glad to see you made it.

TANA'S INFO:

I enjoy making this homepage purely for aesthetic reasons, although I'm gonna do it for a living. Just kidding there. I believe the almost complete corruption and commercialization of the Internet will be upon us, before we know it, unless people like me and others continue to publish just for fun.

Below is a little info about your host, as well as some of her rantings, which luckily for you, you don't have to hear or even read.

TANA'S RANTINGS:

One thing that has always bugged me - and I'm sure it does most of you - is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me . The call was from AT&T and it went something like this : (swallowing)

Me : Hello
AT&T : Hello, this is AT&T...
Me : Is this AT&T?
AT&T : Yes, This is AT&T...
Me : This is AT&T?
AT&T : Yes, this is AT&T...
Me : Is this AT&T?
AT&T : YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Miss Nguyen please?
Me : May I ask who is calling?
AT&T : This is AT&T

Me : OK, hold on. At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me : Hello
AT&T : Is this Miss Nguyen?
Me : May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T : Yes, this is AT&T...
Me : Is this AT&T?
Me : Is this AT&T?
AT&T : Yes, this is AT&T
Me : This is AT&T?
AT&T : Yes, is this Miss Nguyen?
Me : Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T : Yes ma'am
Me : The phone company?
AT&T : Yes ma'am
Me : I thought you said this was AT&T
AT&T : Yes ma'am, we are a phone company.
Me : I already have a phone
AT&T : We aren't selling phones today Miss Nguyen

Me : Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling

When you're not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying, "I'm not interested," but this man was persistent.

AT&T : Miss Nguyen, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute , 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year

Now, I'm sure he meant he was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but he at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me : Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T : (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes ma'am, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me : 7 days a week?
AT&T : That's right
Me : 365 days a year?
AT&T : Yes ma'am
Me : I am definately interested in that! WOW! That's amazing!
AT&T : We think so!
Me : That's quite a sum of money
AT&T : Yes ma'am, it's amazing how it adds up

Me : OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T : Excuse me?
Me : You know, the 10 cents a minute
AT&T : What are you talking about?

Me : You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T : Oh, no ma'am, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute

Me : Wait a minute here!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T : Well, yes this is AT&T ma'am but...

Me : But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T : No ma'am, we are offering 10 cents a minute for..
Me : THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T : Ma'am, I don't think that is necessary
Me : Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T : What?
Me : I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T : Yes Miss Nguyen, please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food :

Supervisor : Miss Nguyen?
Me : Yeth?
Supervisor : I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me : Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor : Yes sir, it sure is

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort

Me : No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan

Supervisor : Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you

Me : Thank you

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T : Hello Miss Nguyen, I understand you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me : Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a big brother...

AT&T : (click)