Give a Reason

By: Quatre Raberba Winner (Quatre-Chan/Onna-Quatre)

I was lying in bed with WuFei. The war had been over for more than three years and I had finally managed to get my life the way I wanted it.

Two months ago I had given birth to our daughter, Merin. I will never forget the conversation I had with my husband about what to name her.

*Flashback*

We had just found out that I was going to have a baby girl. On the way home, we had begun discussing baby names.

"Let's name her Merin." He suggested.

"Are you sure naming her after your deceased wife is a good idea?"

"Why not? It's better than what I'd normally call her."

"Woman?"

"Very funny.. ."

*End of flashback*

I think that name will live on in this family.

The light was blinding to me. I opened my eyes and looked at WuFei, "Turn off the light and go to sleep."

"Lina, have you read Heero's book?"

"Not yet, but I'm pretty sure I know what the book's about."

"It's amazing. He's talking about what it was like when he went through his training on L1. The way he describes his emotions is so well thought out. Here, read this part." He handed me the book.

My eyes started to quiver as I read the part he had showed me;

The toilet in my room had over flown and I had decided to find one of the members of the maintenance crew to fix it.

As I wandered down the dark hall, I saw one of the experiment room doors half open. My curiosity got the better of me and I looked in. What I saw frightened me more than any war could.

I saw girl who was the same age as Midori, lying on an examination table. Six people surrounded her, Dr. J was the only one I had recognized. But these men had been the cause of the painful and mournful screams I've been hearing. In all that I had been through with my training, the girl named Lina had it a lot worse.

One of the men was in the right position so that I could see her face. Her blues eyes were filled with pain, fear and sorrow. Her eyes pleaded with me to help her, but I couldn't move. My heart told me to go in and help , but I just couldn't move. Instead of doing what I should have done, I ran back to my room and even till this very day, I regret not helping her.

I handed the book back to WuFei with shaking hands. After the book left my hands I laid back down rolled onto my side so I wasn't facing the Chinese pilot.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but I would like to get some sleep." I shut my eyes.

No more than ten minutes later, WuFei woke me up. I opened my eyes halfway, "What?"

"I think Heero made a type o."

I sat up and took the book from my spouse's grasp, "Where.. .?"

He moved closer to me and pointed to a sentence, "Here. He said there were seven scientists. I know Howard was one of them, but he didn't do anything major and then there were the five geezers that we took orders from. There isn't anyone else, is there?"

I started to breathe heavily, "No.. ."

WuFei put his arms around me, "You okay?"

"Please WuFei, don't mention that again.. ." I put my hand to my forehead, "My head hurts.. ."

"I'll get you some aspirin." He got out of bed and went into the bathroom.

He came out a few minutes later and handed me two pills and a glass of water, "I'll take care of Merin, you just rest."

I nodded slightly and fell asleep.

* * *

At about seven in the morning, WuFei had woke up me again. I looked at him through my sleepy haze, "What?"

"We have to catch our shuttle to L4. We're visiting the others today, remember?"

"Can't we reschedule?"

He sat on the edge of the bed, "Still have your headache?"

I nodded.

"Look, you stay here and get some rest. I'll take Merin with me to L4, okay?"

"Are you sure you want to take her with you?"

He smiled, "The main reason they want to get together is that so they can see her."

"All right, I'll see you later tonight."

He kissed my forehead and then left the room, closing the door behind him.

Just as soon as he had left, I started to get this strange pain my chest. I sat up in bed, gripping my chest and screaming out in pain. This was the same way I had felt when I was in those experiments. What could be causing all this pain?

~~~

WuFei had arrived on L4 an hour later. Living on L5 did have its ups and downs.

The Chinese pilot walked towards the Winner Estate, with his daughter who was giggling and cooing the whole way.

He stopped and rang the doorbell to the large mansion and was quickly greeted by Quatre.

"Come on in."

WuFei nodded and entered. He and his blond friend made their way from the front door to the living room in less than five minutes.

Once in the room they sat down and looked at their comrades. The others quickly turned their gaze to the pilot of Altron.

"What?"

"Where's Lina?" Kawa asked.

"At home. She had a headache last night and it's still bothering her."

"So I guess that means that you're going to be Mr. Mom today." Duo smirked.

"No, I'm going to be her father, like I am every day." He looked around the room, "Where are Heero and Midori?"

Duo sighed, "Heero had a headache last night as well and Midori called me about four this morning saying that she wasn't feeling well either."

"I hope this is just some kind of coincident." Trowa said.

Quatre smiled and looked at Merin, then at WuFei, "She's so cute. She must take after Lina."

"Ha, ha, very funny."

"Can I hold her?"

"Sure." He gently handed his daughter to the Arabian pilot.

"Hey there, little one.. ." he whispered and got a small giggle as a response, "Trowa?"

"Yeah?"

Quatre looked at his lover and smiled, "I want one too."

~~~

The pain in my chest had gotten worse. As a last resort I had decided to call Heero. He might be the only who understands what's going on.

I picked up the phone and dialed. I pray to God he's not at the estate.

"Hello?"

"Heero, it's me."

"Lina, are you at home?"

"Hai."

"Did you get some kind of headache?"

"Hai, but I'm also having this weird pain in my chest.. ."

"I don't know what's going on. Midori had a headache as well. I don't know about you Lina, but I would like to talk. Just the three of us."

"I would like that too, but where?"

"That coffee shop we always go to when you're on L2. I know it will take you about an hour and a half to two hours to get here, so we'll meet you out front."

"All right. I'll see you then." I hung up the phone and got dressed. Once that task was done headed for the spaceport.

* * *

I made to L2 within an hour and a half. I walked down the street and my eye caught sight of a strand of green hair on the back someone's head, seeing that the rest of the hair was blue I was safe to assume that it was Midori and Heero walking to the café. I ran towards them, "Midori, Heero!"

They stopped and faced me. I caught up to them and nearly fell into Heero as I gripped my chest.

"Lina.. ." he held me in his arms and supported me until we made it to the café.

Every time I looked at Midori the look on her face seemed to be saying to me "lucky". Putting that aside I looked into the Prussian blue eyes of the Japanese pilot, "I think this is somehow related to what happened to us on L1."

Heero nodded, "I believe that. What do you think Midori?"

"I agree, but what are we going to do about it?"

I sighed and placed my elbows on the table and resting my chin on top of my folded hands, "I would like to investigate the lab."

"Hn. I know what you mean, but there is no way in hell that WuFei or Duo would let us go." He looked at the blue haired one.

"No way! I'm not going alone!"

"I don't think any of us would want to search that place by ourselves. But if we can wait one more day, we'll leave tomorrow night, while Duo and WuFei are asleep. Again, it will take me about two hours to get there. So wait for me in front of the lab."

They nodded. That was that, I was going back to the place I dreaded most.. .

* * *

It was now the day I was to back to that place of torture. Luckily WuFei didn't suspect a thing. I was in Merin's nursery, rocking her to sleep. I would normally sing a song to her in the English language, but tonight I was going to sing her one of my favorite songs in Japanese. This song was one of the only things that kept me going back then.

I took a deep breath and rubbed small circles on her back,

"Takai sora wo tri ni natte tobitai Haruka tooi kibou wo mezashite Mioroshitara chiisana jibun datte Tada gamoshara ikiteru darou ka.

Kana fuu ni ima wo mitsumeru Koto dekiru nara Kizutsuku koto mo naku, asu mo Kowakunai.. .

Kaze ni natte yume no kanata e Tonde yukitai Yuuki to iu tsubasa wo tsukete Tori ni natte miorsu kokoru Mochi tsuzoketai RIARU na hibi ni makenai yo.. ."

I got out of the rocking chair and put her in her crib, then I headed for my room. As I started to leave, I heard footsteps quickly making their way down the hall.

I knew it was WuFei, he always comes to the nursery to hear me sing. I smiled then I walked into the room.

Later that night, I awoke and looked at my husband, "I'm sorry.. ." I whispered. I got out of bed and opened the closet. I took out my purple and white shirt, the aqua band, purple pants, white boots, black cape, belt and armor. I put them on and walked over to my dresser. I took out my black bandana and my white gloves. I put them on and looked at my reflection. I never thought I'd wear this again.. .

I took one last look Wu-Chan and left the room. I went into the nursery. I leaned over the edge of the crib and looked at my sleeping daughter, "Be good for daddy, okay? I'll be back soon.. . I hope." I gently placed a kiss her forehead and then left the house. I was on my way to L1 and my worst nightmare.. .

* * *

It was almost dawn when I arrived on L1. I walked toward my two comrades, who were waiting for me patiently.

"Did you sneak out all right?" Midori asked as she tucked her braid under her shirt.

I nodded, "WuFei sleeps like a rock. I doubt even Duo could wake him up."

"Well this is the moment of truth. Are you two ready?" Heero questioned.

We nodded and entered the lab.

The building was pitch black. I held out my right hand and lit a light orb in my palm. I led the way down the hall.

We were walking down the residential area. Heero and Midori walked into their old room and I stood in the doorway, watching them explore.

Heero walked into the bathroom. He looked around and kicked the toilet. He almost laughed when water started to flood from the bowl, "Toilet's still broken.. ."

Midori and I both laughed. The blue haired girl looked around. She gently lifted the mattress and retrieved a little black book. Not wanting attract attention she put the book in her pocket.

After they were through exploring, we continued our way down the hall. The next place we stopped at was the worst of my fears.. .

~~~

WuFei walked back into his room, he had fed and changed Merin he decided to get dressed. Which was when he noticed something was missing from the closet.

"Her armor's gone. Then that means.. ." he looked at the bed, "God damn it!" he quickly grabbed his clothes and got dressed.

After that he made a few quick phone calls.

* * *

After an hour of waiting the rest of the pilots, Kawa and Sally arrived on L5.

"Where would they go?" Quatre asked.

"Well, it would be one of two places; L1 or L3. And I think they are on," Duo flipped a coin, "L1."

WuFei glared at him, "Do you think they're there because the coin told you?"

"No. A few nights ago, Heero started to ramble in his sleep, saying something about L1."

Trowa nodded, "Then that's where we'll go."

"Sally, take good care of my daughter."

~~~

As we made our way through the experimental area, I looked into each room. When I caught sight of a certain room I stopped in my tracks and started to tremble.. .

*Flashback*

I was lying down on the experimental table as the six scientists surrounded me. My arms and leg were restrained, I couldn't run away.

I screamed louder and louder each time their hands, or the needles touched my skin. And every time I screamed one of the mad men would smack me across the face.

I looked at the hallway, catching sight of the boy Dr. J had planned on making the perfect soldier. His face was full of different emotions, but fear seemed to rule the others out. I pleaded with him with the look in my eyes, but he ran away.

The doctor that was in charge of all this torture saw me looking at something in the hall and started a different kind of treatment.

He attached electrodes to my head and said to me, "You will become the perfect soldier, you will surpass that of Alden."

He laughed maniacally. This was the person from hell, Dr. Odine.. .

*End of flashback*

The light orb in my hand vanished as fell to my knees and held my head between my hands, "No.. . no more.. ."

"Lina?" Midori ran over to me and put a hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay?"

"Don't.. . I must become what they expect.. ."

"Heero, what is she saying?"

The Japanese pilot knelt down in front of me, "Lina?"

"I must do everything correctly, if I want to live. Dying sounds good right about know.. ." I looked ahead of me and saw the image of Dr. Odine. I ignited a small fireball and threw it at Heero.

Heero was flung into the far wall. Midori looked at him, "Heero!" she ran up behind and held me by the shoulders, "Lina, what's wrong with you?!"

"I can kill all of you and become free.. . I will kill all who get in my way. I will do all it takes to achieve my freedom." I broke away from her grasp and faced her, "Water.. . Dragon!"

The water spell hit her dead on and she slammed into the other wall.

Heero got to his feet and approached me, "Lina it's me, Alden.. ."

"Al.. . den.. ." I looked into his eyes, "Help me.. ." I fell to my knees and collapsed onto the floor.

"Oh Lina.. . you did have it worse." Heero picked her up and left the lab with Midori right behind him.

After they exited the lab they were greeted by their very unhappy comrades.

WuFei ran over to the Japanese pilot, "What happened to her?!"

"It's long story. We'll explain once we get to a hotel. She really needs to rest."

WuFei took his wife from Heero and followed him and the rest of the group to a small hotel.

* * *

It was a few hours before I awoke. When I opened my eyes I was in a room I didn't recognize, but the person that was next to me I did.

I tried to get out of bed, but he grabbed my arm.

"Why did you leave?"

"I'm sorry, WuFei. But I had to face my past sooner or later."

"Heero told me what happened and from the sound of it, you didn't handle it too well."

"I thought I saw the person who was in charge of the experiment. I got scared and freaked out. They're not mad at me are they?"

He shook his head, "No. They're very worried about you as am I. You could have told me. Marriage is based on communication and trust, if you can't do either what kind of relationship do we have?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to talk about that." I looked around the room, "Where's Merin?"

"With Sally. We're going back to that lab tomorrow and there's nothing you can say that will change my mind."

My eyes widened as another memory clouded my mind.. .

*Flashback*

I was out in the back of the lab with Dr. Odine and Dr. J, I was casting some new spells I had learned, but on the last spell I miss cast it.

Dr. Odine slapped continuously. I begged him to stop and the only thing he said to me was, "You will become what I want you to be. Nothing you can say or do will change my mind!"

*End of flashback*

I buried my face in my hands and let my tears fall freely down my cheeks.

WuFei pulled me into his arms, "It's okay.. ." he pulled away and started to walk to the door.

"Please Wu-Chan, stay with me. I'm so scared."

He sat back down and pulled me into another embrace, "I'm right here. The person who did this to is going to pay. I swear it.. ."

* * *

The next day we had gone back to the lab of evil. We stood in front of the building and each step we took I trembled more and more.

I knew WuFei wouldn't let anything happen to me and I knew that the others cared about me just as much. Once we were at the front door, I froze. "I can't go in.. ."

"Yes, you can." WuFei reassured me.

"And you will," Heero said as he and WuFei took a hold of both my hands and pulled me into the building.

We walked down the hall and the farther we got the tighter my grip became. WuFei and Heero were in the back with me, Kawa, Trowa and Quatre were in the front and Duo and Midori were in front of us.

The green-eyed girl seemed somewhat disturbed and decided to hold onto Duo's braid.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"Well there's a leash-law in this building and your braid is close enough.. ."

Duo yanked his hair from the blue haired pilot, "I am not a dog!"

"Duo, keep it down." Heero said, glaring at the two feudies.

We stopped in front of the room that I had been dreading. Everyone had entered and the two pilots walked into the room close to me.

Trowa had turned on the light to the room. We looked around and everything there frightened me to death.

"So we meet again, Lina.. ."

"That voice.. . that voice.. ." I started to tremble once again as my torturer came out of the dark room.

"So you do remember me. I'm surprised you came back."

I couldn't say anything. All I could do was stand there and watch each horrifying memory came back to me.

"You know Lina, I've always wondered what became of you. Then I heard you got married and now are running L5. Then two months ago I heard you and your hubby had a baby and then I started to think. I started experimenting on you when you were about five years old, so what would happen if I did the same procedure with an infant.. ." he turned on the light to the next room to reveal his new victim.

My eyes widened, "Merin!"

"Oh, don't worry. She's in good hands. And don't worry about that women who was with her. She's right there." He pointed to the floor.

"How could you?" Heero snarled.

"I've always wondered if I could ever create something more powerful than the original. So I created her.. ."

In the darkest corner in the room were a pair of glowing, blue-green eyes. She stepped out of the shadows and looked at everyone.

"She looks like Lina.. ." Kawa gasped.

"Actually, her name is Ame. I decided to give her your code name, just incase you failed on earth. You see Lina this is your clone."

"You cloned her?! How sick are you?!" Duo screamed.

"I want to know who will win. Ame or Lina."

I let go of Heero and WuFei and stepped forward, "You can't beat the original Odine!"

"We'll see. Get them Ame!"

She drew her sword and stepped forward, "I will kill you.. ."

I grabbed the handle of my sword, "Light of the dragon, I summon thee!" the light blade appeared on the end of the handle. Then it was just a huge duel between me and myself.

I managed to get one clean hit on her right shoulder, but the same time I got hit in the exact same spot.

"Oh did I mention that if you hit her or if she hits you, you'll hurt each other. Neither of you will win, but it's fun just to see you two duke it out."

"Well if she can't hurt her, than I will!" Midori aimed her gun at the clone and fired.

The bullet went into the same arm that I had hit with my sword. I gripped my shoulder as more pain shot though it.

"That won't work either. If you hurt one you hurt the other."

I can't let this happen. He's just toying with us so we'll end up getting tired out so he can do whatever he wants with my daughter. I only have one choice.

I stood up and lunged forward and ran my clone through with the sword. At the contact I made with her, I felt myself being run through as well. We both slumped to the floor lifeless.. .

Heero ran over to me and held me in his arms, "Lina.. . I'm sorry."

"Hm.. . I guess we'll get to see what happens no. I'm surprised when Ame was killed it didn't affect you and Midori."

"Why do you say that?" Midori scowled.

"The headaches you suffered were because of the clone. Her battle data was based on you and Alden.. ."

Heero picked up my body and moved it to a different part of the room.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got experimenting to do." He walked towards the next room.

WuFei stepped in front of him and chopped off his hand, "You're not going touch my daughter."

"He's right, you're not.. ." I stood up.

"How can you be alive?!"

The others looked at me with same confusion. I looked at the disgruntled man, "I am alive because my life has meaning, unlike that of some clone. I could have killed myself when I went under those experiments, but I didn't. I believed that my life had no purpose. I know have a reason to live. I gave myself a reason for my life." I brought my hands in front of my face.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

WuFei smirked, "Kill you.. ." he stepped back and raised his sword in the air, "Now Lina!"

"Ice Sword!" I fired beams of ice at WuFei's sword.

The Chinese pilot brought his sword down and froze the scientist in a block of ice.

"My turn." Midori aimed her gun and shattered the ice.

Trowa and WuFei went into the next room and retrieved Merin. Heero had spotted Odine's laptop. He and Midori started hack into some files.

Kawa checked Sally to make sure she was all right and Duo and Quatre waited patiently.

"Lina, I think you should look at this." Heero said.

I walked over to them and read the document on the computer. I clicked on the picture next to the document. It was a picture of me, my parents and my grandfather.

Everyone stayed silent for a moment and then left the lab.

We had set explosives in and around the building. Heero and Midori pressed the detonation switches and I fired a Dragon Slave.

Midori smiled, "It's all over."

"Yeah. And now we can live normal lives." Heero looked at me, "Right Lina?"

I looked at everyone and walked away with my cape blowing in the wind.

~~~

I found myself in front of two different gravestones, "I always thought you had abandoned me, but I was far from the truth. Dr. Odine was my grandfather and he just went crazy and killed you both to get to me. I guess my life really is meaningless, if you died because of me.. ."

"Lina," WuFei walked up behind me with our daughter in his arms, "you said back in the lab that you gave yourself a reason to live and I believe you."

"No I don't. I kill everyone I care about."

"I'm not dead yet. Lina you do have something to live for, you have me and your friends. Start with us and move from there."

I smiled at him, "You're right. Now let's get something to eat, I'm starving."

He nodded and we left the cemetery.

* * *

We stopped at a local kareoke bar. After we ate we had decided to watch some of the people perform.

Midori flipped through the little black book she had retrieved.

Duo looked at her, "How many phone numbers do you have?"

"It's a journal, Duo."

WuFei looked at the stage, then at me, "Why don't you sing?"

"I'm not singing in public."

"Come on.. ."

"No."

The rest of the group looked at me and begged me to get on stage. Knowing I couldn't win this argument I got on stage and started to perform,

"ME magurushii jikan no mure ga hashiri nukeru machi wa sabanna kawaru ga waru syuuru na nyuusu asu ni nareba, dare mo wasureteru"

(Things are moving so fast, the moments ticking by The city that it runs through is a savanna. Sure news of an ill change... We'll get used to it tomorrow, everyone will forget.)

"Ikiteiru ima, Ikiteiru sonna naka de nani ka motome mogaku you ni nukedasu you ni kono chikara o tameshite mitakute"

(I live now, I live... Like it's inside, something searches... As if it were struggling, as if it were sneaking away, It wants to test this power.)

"kitto doko ka ni "kotae" aru Umarete kita kotae ga hito wa mina, sore o motome yarusenai nogasenai yume ni mukau no"

(Surely, somewhere there lies "the answer," the answer which was born, That is what all people wish for, Facing the dreary dream that they can't let go.)

"KIZUtsuku KOTO wa kowakunai dakedo keshite TSUYOkunai tada, NANI mo shinai mama de KUyandari wa shitakunai Here we go! go! HASHIri TSUDZUkeru DARE ni mo TOmerare wa shinai MIRAI no JIBUN e to Give a reason for life TODO ketai"

(I'm not afraid of getting hurt, but it's not hard to erase. It's just the way it is without doing anything, and I don't want any regrets. Here we go! go! Keep on running! No one will be able to stop us. I want to give a reason for life to my future self.)

"HAKAri SHIrenai OOkina YAMIga OTO o TAtete MUkatte KItte mo ASA ga KIreba DAREka ga Ireba KOKORO ni aru ZETSUBOU wakeseru"

(Don't know how big the darkness is It makes a sound, and I face it. Morning comes, and someone's there... It's in my mind, vanishing in despair...)

"motto TSUYOku IMEEJI shite HOHOEnderu JIBUN o SHINjiteru OMOi, sore ga NANI yori mo DARE yori mo YUMEni CHIKAdzuku"

(I make a very strong image, and smile to myself... Believe in those thoughts... From what, from who, approaching the dream...)

"GOORU ni mo tare tarishinai tadoe, TADOriTSUitatte ATARAshii YUME ga kitto WATASHI no se naka Osu kara Here we go! go! HASHIri TSUDZUkeru DAREnimo TOmerare wa shinai MIRAI no JIBUN e to Give a reason for life TODOketai"

(Head for my goal, even if I'm staggering... I want new dreams to break out from within me... Here we go! go! Keep on running! No one will be able to stop us. I want to give a reason for life to my future self.)

"kitto doko ka ni "kotae" aru Umarete kita kotae ga hito wa mina, sore o motome yarusenai nogasenai yume ni mukau no" I set the mike down and walked back to my friends.

Heero, WuFei and Midori held out their hands, "We won."

"You made another bet?"

WuFei smiled, "Yeah, it was on what song you were going to do."

"I only did that one because I wanted to prove that you could give a reason for your life. Just like the night I left.. . I"

"You were singing about becoming a bird and wanting to be free and now you have it."

I nodded and looked at the sunset. My past can no longer hurt me because I'm not afraid. That chapter in my life is over, but a new one has just begun.. .

The End

Quatre-Chan: "I finished!"

Heero: "And she doesn't own GW, Slayers, Rayearth, CT or FF8."

Quatre: "Basically she doesn't own anything."

Quatre-Chan: "That's not true. I own a Playstation, a TV, a VCR, a kitty.. ."

WuFei: *picks up Quatre-Chan* "And you need sleep.. ." *walks away with the chibi writer*

Quatre-Chan: "I want feedback!!!!!!!"

Duo and Trowa: *laugh*

Quatre: "Please send her some feedback by e-mailing her at ."

G-Boys (minus WuFei): "Ja ne, minna-san!"