MOBILE PHONES:
The mobile/cell phone is a worldwide tool. In some point in the future, everyone will own one, or at least a technology similar to it. It will become integral to our lifestyles in the same way that email is now an integral part of business companies everywhere. These mobile phones are not all they seem, though. You've all seen or heard the warnings about phones giving you brain tumours and all that. But what if that wasn't true? What if the brain tumour 'fact' is really the work of someone trying to scare you away from mobile phones because they know the REAL truth about them, and cannot tell what it is? The truth is, mobile phones are really tracking devices, and they also have devices in them that give limited brain control. The governments of the world have massive computer uplinks that can locate any person in the world via their phone, and take control of their brain if need be. Scary, isn't it?
IMMUNISATION SHOTS:
Ok, let's say that little Johnny has his measels shot at school. Seems like a good idea, being protected from measels and that. But what if measels don't actually exist? What if an immunisation shot is really the government's way of implanting their probes into the human system, where they can't possibly be located? These probes are nasty, too... they are remotely controlled and eventually end up in your brain, stimulating the right nerve passages and 'programming' the brain so that the unfortunate victim becomes a government zombie. These zombies are everywhere, they become politicians, lawyers and prime ministers. They are mindless, emotion impaired, and relentless in their hunger for human flesh. Really, have you ever KNOWN or SEEN anyone with measels? Sure, you've heard about it. The government WANTS you to think it exists. Everyone who's anyone will say that measels exist, because John Doe had it. But have YOU ever seen or met John Doe? Would you know measels if you saw them? Why don't you hear about cases anymore? Because of the 'immunisations'? I doubt it. There are many similar 'diseases' that I could bet my life on that you haven't ever seen a case of. Lockjaw, for example. Everyone knows what it is, but how? Does anyone you know actually have it? Or does anyone you know, know anyone who has it? And what about tetanus? Same story! Cue 'secret discovered' music.
TAX:
We all know what tax is, and we all hate it to death. But what does it REALLY fund? We pay tax for our own good? HA! That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. Tax really funds the government's secret research facilities that produce the government zombie probes, and mobile phone bugs and the like. Sure, the government claims to spend it on school facilities, public areas and whatnot, but truthfully, that money is just 'excess' profit from their REAL occupations: zombie making, evil, flesh-eating, money-stealing... things! Notice how John Howard gets a bit chubbier every year? Tax feeds him. Tax feeds the zombies. With enough money, you can keep anyone quiet, so the 'missing persons' of the entire world didn't just drop off the face of the earth, they were eaten by ZOMBIES! And their families were payed compensation to keep their mouths shut. Those bastards.
LOW FAT MILK:
Sounds like an honourable idea, trying to keep the goodness of milk in a package that, apparently, "still has all the taste", but has little fat. Good idea, right? Wrong. The government (the head honcho behind all conspiracies) has invested in a team of scientists that have succeeded in producing anthraxomine, a deriviative of anthrax, designed to slowly do damage rather than kill you outright. The white, powdery substance is then further diluted in water to make it kill more slowly, and mixed in with sufficient flavouring and oils to sort of resemble the taste of freshly regurgitated milk. It is then sold as "Low Fat Milk", which is true in a way, because skeletons have no fat. This dastardly substance slowly eats away at your body from its most vulnerable point: inside. Remember, if you drink even a drop of low fat milk, YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
RUBBISH DUMPS:
Ok, it's nice to know that our disgusting waste products and all that shit all end up in one big place instead of scattered everywhere else. But have you ever wondered why people would want to be a garbage man? Who in their right mind would devote entire days to driving around, collecting other people's waste? I'll tell you who: secret workers for the government. The reason it's all taken to one place is that so victims of dark, mysterious rituals can be chosen without knowing it. These rituals require a possession or previous possession of someone in order to affect them. Every full moon, when the whole town slumbers from the effects of the government's mind-controlling antennae, government officials guard the city dump's gates as mysterious robed figures prance around a burning fire, sacrificing their own children and throwing rubbish into the blaze, destroying the soul of whoever threw it out. Keep this in mind next time you throw something out... it could be used to destroy you, or at least consume your soul and doom you to a fiery, torturous existence for all eternity. Or something.
MAKE-UP:
Most guys will agree that chicks (at least some of them) don't really need make-up to look good. However, females refuse to believe that their beloved product could ever be redundant, and for some reason will believe anything that's said about it in an ad, even if it claims to make your skin younger, which as all us logical thinkers know, is impossible. What is it that makes them feel this way? What devious ingredients in make-up force females to believe that they need it? It's sort of like an addiction, but it's much more comparable to brain-washing, and the worst thing about it is that chicks don't see their need for such useless products as a problem. They WANT to need it, which is a fairly strange phenomenon that seems to be central to mass-market products such as make-up. A combination of the media, special scents and odors within the product, and certain stimulative ingredients send messages to the female brain that forces them to spend money on these pretty much useless products. What for? The zombie machine, of course. All 'tax' from these products is forwarded directly to the government's zombie-making complex in order to fund their plans. The swines!