The season of Ally McBeal was over and no interviews or any visits to some kind of show were in sight. Just yesterday, I received a phone call from a friend, who invited me to visit him at his private beach in Malibu. So I decided to give Liam and me a relaxing sunbath, away from all trouble and pain. We left early morning, so the sun would not be so burning hot. After a ten-minute drive, Liam and I arrived at the gates of my friend Lucas and he showed us, while smiling with a mysterious smile, our little sandy place at the beach. I laid out a colorful blanket and set Liam in front of me. Then I first looked around. Nobody was really around. At this time, you could only feel how the sun was pouring down its sparkling warm and comfortable heat on you. The waves raised their bodies high up into the air, just to smash them back down, letting a white bubbling cream melt slowly into the sand. High rich green palm trees were waving slowly with the cool wind. And high up in the air, small airplanes were making its way through the clear blue sky. While observing Mother Nature, Liam was happily playing with some toys. I lie down and watch Liam amused. What a sweetheart. Thank Heaven and Earth that I was shared with such an incredible blessing to have him as my son. The next thing I know, I opened my eyes and I heard a voice. A voice, so familiar, so wanted in my heart, and also so hurtful. There, he was lying right beside me, and Liam in the middle. His eyes are catching my hesitant eye movements. A short smile escapes his face. I am surprised. I want to jump up, high into the air, and fall into his arms. His comforting arms, which I so relied on. But now it is different. Nothing is like it was before. Only my love for him was never packed into a box, never to be open again. It is still there, a ripped out hole in my heart finally waiting to be united again with the other half. I looked at his face. He has changed. He has changed so much. His faced aged from the pain, not by having more wrinkles, he is still the best looking guy I know, but by his striving and happy atmosphere, I knew. His eyes are tired from the poured out waterfalls of tears. And what about the man I knew? It is still in him, far away in the darkness, waiting for somebody to climb down the long stairway into the whole to pick him up again. "Hey again" he whispered into the cool air touching softly my ear. "Hey Robert. What are… ….?" He puts his warm fingers on my lips caressing it just a little. So soft and slowly that you would think time was moving in slow-motion. The next thing I know, he stands up, takes Liam into his arms and signs me to follow him. I am confused. I have so many unanswered questions and we always speak in a sign language, not so clear to me. He led the way to a small beach house. "Wolla" and he let me step in. My eyes are frozen. Again his creative mind developed a small surprise. The steam of fresh cooked seafood was rolling and flowing my way. But he did something more special. He didn't forget my son. Baby- food was ready to serve on the table. This made me smile and he saw it, which made him loosen up a little. He signed me to sit down, while he placed Liam into the baby-chair next to him. There was no sign of any conversation and I felt, I had to break the silence. "So how are you doing?" I tried to ask in the most concerning voice possible. Silence………. More silence………. Even Liam was quiet as a mouse. He looked up from his plate and tried to form a word in his mouth, but was unsuccessful. When he looked up again he saw Liam staring at him and he started to laugh. "What a boy!" he says proudly and caresses Liam's head carefully. His eyes were fixed on me again. "Spending a beautiful day with you and your son, washes all the pain away." After that he continued to tell me about his therapy and how his life changed. "It is different this time. I can build on something. I have a future in sight. Now I don't feel so hopeless, but know, there are people who care. I am not alone anymore." It sounded like a loud scream of a revolutionist who is full of hope, ready for the change. I felt relieved. Although this text seemed too familiar, I somehow captured a different energy from him. Lets hope the best. During the whole time, I let Robert speak. Let his pain be erased out his heart and be filled with love. Hours must have been gone, when Liam started to complain and wanted to be fed. It was already evening and it was time to leave, we both knew it. You can't run from point a to c but take it slowly from a to b and then to c. (author's note: I hope you understand what I am trying to say here!?!?!) We left for the cars. It was dark. The moon was looking down on us, shimmering and glittering from far away. Why do I hate good-byes? For a second, we just looked at each other. Temptation high, tears near, but we were strong. We both were. He leaned over and left a small kiss on my forehead filled with care and love. "I will see you soon!!" he whispered softly "Yes, you will. Be strong and believe, you are not alone!!" He sat into the car, started the engine, waved me a good-bye and was gone. Gone again. It hurt to see him go, but this time, my heart was filled with hope instead of pain and sadness. Maybe there really is a future. I looked up into the sky and a shooting star flew by. I had one wish already come true. Maybe I will be lucky again. You never know what the next day will bring. It was a normal dark-blue night in California, but for me, I wound was slowly recovering. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Out In The Sun