Secret Love - The Sequel

The sun was making it's way through the soft curtains of Calista's bedroom. She opened her eyes and smiled. On the floor next to the bed was her purple dress and her matching shoes. She couldn't quite remember where was Robert's black tux. Maybe it was somewhere between the entrance and the living room. She could recall Robert making his bow tie fly away, with that sexy smile of his.  Then he was telling her how much he loved her, how much he wanted her... that he had thought all night about making love to her. When he finally touched her, it was pure ecstasy... Now, she could feel his arms around her and his warm breath on her nape. She sighed, delighted by his presence in her bed... in her life. She turned around and curled up against him. She hid a laugh. He was so cute when he was sleeping. He had that innocent look on his face that almost made her forget how wild and sexy he could be. "Downey..." she whispered, kissing his chin. "Downey..." "Hmm..." he mumbled and tightened his embrance. He opened his eyes. He rubbed her back gently and closed his eyes again with a growl of comfort. "Good morning." she said, smiling. "Hello? Are you awake?" "S... sleeping." Softly, she started to drop kisses on his neck and on his chest. She could see that smile forming slowly on his lips. She knew that he just loved it when she was waking him up that way. He mumbled again and turned his face into the pillow. "Downey?" she asked again, softly. The only response was a sort of snore coming out of his mouth. She bit his shoulder, laughing. "You faker!" she exclaimed. "I know you're not sleeping and I am telling you Robert Downey Jr... This is bad acting! You will not get a Golden Globe on this one!" He bursted out laughing and pulled her on him. "I almost got you!" he said, his nose burried into her neck. "Nah..." she replied. He kissed her neck softly and his lips lowered a little. He groaned and pressed her against him while he was letting his hands explore her back. She raised her head and looked at him with adoration. She ruffled up his messy hair and smiled. "What a night!" she said. "Are you talking about the awards or...?" She put a finger on his lips and he bit it sensuously. "Oh... hmm... the awards..." she joked with a shiver. "I was just talking about the awards." "Hmm... right." he mumbled, nibbling her neck and shoulders. "The other *thing* was just... routine." She shook her head, staring at him with a sexy look. There wasn't any routine between them. They had been together for a few weeks now. Basically, they were just starting as a couple but still, everytime they were making love it was like the first time. "Hey! Have I told you how much I am proud of you Downey?" she asked, trying to replace his hair. "No..." he said "You just told me to take off my boxers." She laughed and he took the opportunity to kiss her with passion. They rolled on the other side of the bed and he moved on the top of her with a groan. He slowly began to run his lips on her neck but a small cry interrupted him. "Liam..." Calista whispered. "Can I just tell him to wait a little?" Robert asked in her ear. "Because right now, I'm dying to make love to his mother..." "No..." she answered with a touch of disappointment. Liam was now crying even louder. "All right." he said, rolling his eyes. "That's enough! I am really mad right now!" Calista smiled. She knew that Robert was playing when he had that look on his face. He really loved her son, like he was really a part of her. She watched him jump out of bed and put his boxers on. She took a pyjama out of her drawer and put it on. When she turned her face, she saw Robert with Liam in his arms. She started to laugh. They made a cute picture together: Robert his messy hair and her son with his big blue eyes wide opened. "I just couldn't beat him up." Robert joked with a pout. "He did that cute face...again..." "Hi little love!" she said softly as he was sliding the baby to his arms. She kissed him on the forehead and started to talk to him, telling him everything about the previous night at the Golden Globes. Robert smiled and laid down on the bed. He took Liam's little foot in his hand. He was watching them closely. There was something refreshing in that relation that Calista was having with her adoptive son. Every day, she was talking to him like he was almost an adult. Liam was listening carefully, his eyes following her every move like he was understanding what she was saying. Some other times, Calista would rock him softly and they just couldn't take their eyes from each other. That thing between Calista and her son, made Robert sad sometimes. He wasn't jealous, but it made him miss his son Indio. "Oh! What's that smell?" Robert asked, getting out of his thoughts. "Hmm...." Calista sniffed Liam's diaper and put her son back in Robert's arms. "Oh...no!" he mumbled. "No!" Calista raised up quickly. "You change his diaper while I prepare us some breakfast. Deal?" She was making her way out of the room, Robert following her with a desesperate look. "Wait! There is no deal!" he replied back, holding Liam with an arm "This is YOUR son... not mine! Why would I have to change him?" Calista turned around and winked at him. "Because you love me Downey!" Robert noded, speechless. There was nothing he could say to save himself. "Alright." he mumbled going to Liam's room. Calista laughed and entered the kitchen where she started to prepare their breakfast. Suddenly, she heard Robert shout from the nursery. "Oooooohhhhh! Shiiiiiiiiiiiit!" Almost with panic, she ran to Liam's room to see what was happening. She saw Robert holding the diaper and pointing her son with a finger. "That.... That stinks!" he said with a grimace. "I've forgot about that! Gee.. that's awfull!" She threw her arms around him with a laugh. Later that morning, Robert received a call from his ex, on his cellular. He remained on the couch a moment, staring into space before Calista came next to him. "What is it?" she asked with concern He turned his head to her with empty eyes. "Deborah... She's filing for divorce." he said almost in a whisper. "She saw us together yesterday... she..." "She understood about us?" He noded and rubbed her arm gently. "Robert!" Calista replied, her cheeks turning to red. "I was telling you yesterday. Holding hands was a bad idea. Now, everybody will know that... Oh Gosh..." She took her head between her hands. She wasn't really upset about the fact that Robert's ex had noticed how close they looked. What was bothering her most was his reaction towards the divorce. In her opinion, it was time they officially separate. Deborah was with an other man and Robert was... with her, Calista. As much as they loved each other, she knew that he still cared about his ex and sometimes, she felt a little jealous. "She wants to get full custody of Indio." he added, sadly. "She's... asking for supervised visits."  "Oh..." Calista let out, forgetting about her own insecurities. "I can't blame her for not trusting me." he said his voice trembling a little. "It's just... gosh... supervised visits." "I'm so sorry..." she said softly rubbing his back. Robert raised up an absent look on his face. "I think I need a moment alone." he said leaving the living room. After thirty minutes, Calista was worried. Robert was in the bathroom for a while now and she could feel that he was pretty upset about the whole thing. She opened the door carefully and saw a pill box in Robert's hand. He hid it like he had been caught and stared at her with embarrassment. "It's just... my medication." he explained. "I know... " Calista said, moving forward. Just by a look at him, her heart was breaking. His eyes were puffed up. She knew he had been crying all the while and that he felt uncomfortable about those red marks on his cheeks. He just hated to show the vulnerable sides of his personnality. He wanted her to see that he could still be strong despite his problems. "Hey. Supervised visits...it can't be that bad." he said, trying to smile. "If you come with us we'd be four so we could get some family discount at the zoo." Calista wrapped his arms around his neck to comfort him. She kissed his forehead softly. "I love you Downey." she said, softly. He hugged her tightly, his face burried in her neck. He sighed, thinking that meeting Calista was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him. ************************************************************** A few weeks later, Robert was back on the set of Ally McBeal. He arrived a little late. Calista was ready for their scenes together. She smiled, delighted to see how the members of the cast and crew were happy to see him back at work. When he finally got next to her a moment after, she tried to look natural. "Hey Robert!" she said, wondering what would look friendly... a kiss on the cheek or shaking hands... "Hey!" he replied back, just nodding. As the crew was preparing the set, they shared a quick glance, their eyes speaking for themselves. It was the first time they had scenes together since they were officially a couple. Officially, meaning that they were together but it was still a secret. Nobody knew that they had a relation off screen. Well... that was what they were thinking. "So Larry is back..." Calista said, with a shy smile. "Yeah." Robert said, leaning closer. "Are you happy about it?" "That's...huh... Great..." she managed to say, as a technician was rushing past them. "Robert. I need you here in ten minutes." the director interrupted. "I better go to the dressing room." Calista noded and watched him leave the set. She smiled to herself, hoping that people couldn't tell by the look on her face that she was crazy about him. "ACTION!" the director shouted. "You stuck me in the freezer?" Calista turned, looking surprised. She stammered like Ally always did. "How long?" she asked. "What?" "Well... I mean, is this... is this a visit, or... you know... how long are you back for?" Robert stepped forward. "How about eight episodes?"  he said, joking. "CUT!" Calista grimaced at him. The crew started to laugh. Robert often did that. He was in his role a minute and the second after, he could say something totally unexpected. She pinched him on the arm. "Hey! Dow..." she began, then blushing. "Robert! I was really into it... you know..." "Sorry... Oh! I'm Larry Paul... I just forgot!" He winked at her and got back to where he was standing a moment before. Robert joked again a few minutes later. Calista was feeling that the shooting was doing great. "I was hoping to move in..." "Uh... no... Larry... Larry..." "I promise I won't shave my legs in the tub." "CUT!" "Now, what was that?" Calista laughed. "It's not in the script!" David stepped on the set, smiling. "Hey! That's good I like it. Okay... we'll use it Robert... if you don't mind." "No problem." Calista leaned over and whispered to him. "Do you always get what you want?" He smiled and took a quick look around. Nobody was looking at them. He kissed Calista on the lips. "Hey..." she murmured, in full blush. "What are you doing?" "I love you." he whispered in her ear. She looked around. The crew was ready to shot again. All eyes were focused on them. She smiled shyly. Later, when they had to kiss in front of the camera. It felt weird. They had to do it over and over. They just couldn't look natural. It was suddenly embarassing. That night, Robert called Calista from his car. He was on his way to her home. "Downey... Maybe you should wait a little... they are still outside." Robert sighed on the other side of the line. The paparazzis were trying hard to get some shots of Calista and her adoptive son. There was also some rumors about them as a couple. "Okay..." he sighed. But ten minutes after, he was knocking on the back door. Calista opened with a surprised look on her face. He was standing there, smiling at her. "I just couldn't wait any longer." he said, wrapping his arms around her. "How did you..." she began. He interrupted her with a long kiss. "I jumped over the fence." he explained then heading to the living room's window. "Where are they?" Through the curtain, Calista pointed a black car with an annoyed look on her face. Robert pulled her to him and started to nibble her neck sensuously. She moaned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Downey... What are you doing?" she asked, shivering. His fingers were now unbotonning her blouse. He kissed her ear, her cheek and then captured her lips. "I want to make love to you, Calista." he whispered soflty. "Right here." "But... hmm..." she tried to protest as Robert was making her blouse fall on the floor. "There are going to see... us..." He brought his lips to her shoulder and made the strap of her bra slide with his teeth. "I want you..." he said, staring into her eyes. He kissed her but this time with passion. She felt his tongue searching hers and she moaned, feeling her whole body curving against him. He made her skirt slide down to the floor. She took a look outside at the street. The curtain wasn't really that translucent...  Maybe they just couldn't see anything. It was dark in her living room after all... Maybe... "I love you..." Robert whispered, taking off her bra. "Downey..." He brought her fingers to her breast, just to tease her a little. She kissed him again, pulling on his shirt. She just couldn't resist any longer. He knew how to make her forget about everything. "You... like it huh...?" she asked, fighting to remove his pants. "Hmmm what?" "You like to play with fire... don't you?" He smiled... that sexy, tempting smile that made her melt. He made her lay on the floor and moved on top of her. He just couldn't deny it. I liked to play with fire. ************************************************************** "Do you think they know?" "Hmm...What?" "Do you think that people know that we're together?" Calista asked, leaning her head back on the car seat with a sigh. It was six am. They were going to the set of Ally McBeal in the same car, for the first time in weeks. Liam was sleeping in his baby seat. Robert took Calista's hand in his and dropped a soft kiss on her fingers. "I don't know..." he said, taking a quick look at her and then focusing back at the road. "Does it really matters?" "No... I guess not." she replied, sadly. "I just..." "Are you ashamed of me?" Robert interrupted her. "Robert No! Why... why are you saying that?" He led the car to the studio's parking and stopped the car, his eyes staring into space. He turned the off the key and sighed. "I know what people would say if they knew about us. They would say that you must be crazy to be with me... Hey! A single tv star who just adopted a baby, falling for his drug addict co-star... what would they think?" "Downey..." she said, softly making his head turn to look into his eyes. "It doesn't matter what people think. I love you. Period." "Okay." He noded with a light smile. "Besides, where does those insecurities come from?" she asked, leaning closer. "Don't you remember that you are...hmm.. the man of my dreams?" He hid a laugh and turned to face her. She touched his cheek tenderly which made him close his eyes. "I'm sorry... I just feel a little depressed these days." Calista noded with concern. She felt sad when Robert was this way. She would try anything to cheer him up but sometimes, there was nothing she could do about it. She just had to be patient and understanding... and in some way, she had to forget about her own sadness. Robert turned his head to the back seat. Liam had his eyes opened and was looking at them, with a pout. "Hey good morning Puppy face!" Robert said, grabbing one his little feet between his fingers. "Hey little love!" Robert got out of the car, opened the back door and took Liam in his arms. Calista joined them, smiling. The way that Robert was taking care of her son, made her fall even more in love with him. Robert raised her son to his head and sniffed his diaper. "Oh not again... Fuck!" "Hey!" she exclaimed, slapping his arm gently. "Watch your language!" "Sorry... I'll never do it again." he joked, rolling his eyes. "You better not!" she warned him with a laugh. "He's still a baby... but in a few years from now, you can be sure that he'll repeat everything you will say." Calista stopped smiling as she was looking at Robert's face. Any mention of the future would set a shadow into his eyes. In those moments, Calista had to tell herself that they had to live the present, to savour those sweet moments they were sharing, without thinking about Robert's legal issues. "Hey! We better kiss right now before someone shows up." he said, leaning closer. "Hmm... right!" Calista whispered. "There is no kiss in the script." A hand on his son's head, she put her lips on Robert's. "I think you've got some toothpaste there." she said, pointing the corner of his lips. He rubbed his mouth with a hand. It was still there. "Need any help?" she proposed. He noded and she kissed him again, sensuously, letting her fingers run thought his hair. They broke apart slowly, feeling like the kiss had ended too short. "Okay..." Calista said, noticing the way Robert was looking at her. "Just an other one and that's it." Liam babbled between them. "You see... even your son approves!" Robert added, touching Liam's little nose. "He likes to watch us..." "Now shush Downey." she said, lifting his chin with a hand. They kissed again. Like it always happened to them, they seemed to forget where they were standing. The just got caught in the moment. They didn't noticed the door of the studio opening. Someone cleared his throat. Calista backed away and saw David staring at them from the doorstep. "Calista. Robert. Hi!" he said, noding. Calista took her son from Robert's arm, trying to ignore how her heart was pounding in her chest. It was the first time, someone was surprising them together. Both replied a weak "Hi" and entered the studio. They couldn't tell what David was thinking. He had a vague smile on his lips that could lead to various interpretations. There was nothing to explain. They just couldn't say that they were practicing some scenes in the studio's parking. There was nothing to say. "Calista. I would like to talk to you a minute if you don't mind." David said, breaking the silence. "Huh... Okay." she agreed, taking a glimpse at Robert who looked uncomfortable. She followed him to his office and sat down nervously, stroking Liam's hair. David sighed. "I guess my curiosity is now... satisfied." David said, trying to reassure her with a weak smile. "But the reason I wanted to talk to you isn't related. I'm... let's say really concerned about you?" "You're concerned about me?" she asked with surprise. "Are you and Robert really..." "Yeah." she said in a breath. David shook his head. The look he gave her made her heart stop. "Calista... How am I going to put this..." he hesitated. "Don't get me wrong... we all love Robert. He brought so much to the show. He's talented, he's funny, he's..." "What is it?" she asked, feeling her mouth dry. "I think he's using drugs again." David finally said. Calista stood up abruptly which surprised Liam and made him cry. "No! No!" she exclaimed, with anger. "You... You don't know a thing about him. He's doing great. He never felt better. He's working on himself... going in therapy, taking medication. He's doing just fine!" "Calista... He was acting strange at the Tv guide awards the other night." "He's just a little... stressed..." she added weakly, pulling Liam closer. "He's..." "I'm just concerned." David explained, playing nervously with his pen. "Oh this is it!" she said, pointing the scripts on his desk. "You're worried about the show... You're just thinking about the damn show!" "Calista... please..." "You told Robert that he could count on us... that he had a place here with us." She shook her head, feeling tears coming through her eyes. David remained silent. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure about Robert using drugs again but he had a bad feeling about this. The way he was acting the other night when he was presenting Vonda Shepard at the Tv guide awards. He seemed really agitated. He wasn't really himself. He could also feel that Robert was feeling more depressed since a couple of days even though he was remaining very professional. "I don't get your attitude David. Is this a way to write him off the show? I don't get it!" "Just be carefull." he added with concern. "These are just lies.... I believe in him." she said, before closing the door and going to her lodge. Calista had been waiting for Robert for a few hours. He was supposed to call before coming to her house. Althought she wanted to keep a positive attitude, she couldn't help but recall what David was telling her earlier that day. She took a coffee, noticing that her hands were trembling. She took a look at the clock, it was almost midnight. When Robert couldn't visit, he was always calling to tell her that she shouldn't wait for him. Still, she was waiting. "God! I hope he's okay..." she thought. An hour later, she was in front of his apartment, wondering if it was a good idea to enter. He had forgotten a set of keys at her house the other night. She had never seen where he was living. She took a deep breath and entered. She had no choice. It was the only way that she could find out. She turned on the light and took a look around. She wasn't really surprised by the mess of the loft. Like most men, Robert wasn't fond of housework. With sadness, she noticed that all the walls were nude and white. There wasn't any painting or posters. She saw boxes everywhere. They were about ten, like Robert was preparing to move out or like he had never really moved in. A look into one of the boxes, made her see the Golden Globe awards he had received a few weeks ago. It was surrounded by papers like it was just a trinket. She sad on the undone bed and felt like crying. It was unpersonal, cold like a storage room. It didn't felt like a home... She took a look into the bedside drawer. She was relieved to find some pictures of his son Indio instead of anything compromising. There was some old scripts and many pictures of the two of them as Ally and Larry. She smiled, thinking that he had kept all of them since the beginning. She remembered all the time it took her to admit to herself that she was falling in love with him, that they were more than two actors too much involved in their character's romance. She took an other look, searching, praying that she wouldn't find any drugs. She sat at his piano, the only thing from his apartment that seemed to have a soul. She ran her fingers on the keys, wishing that Robert was next to her, singing with her. When he arrived, at three am, she had fallen asleep in his bed, hugging his pillow like it was a part of him, like it could comfort her. She sat up, when she heard the door. "Downey?" she asked, trying to see through the darkness. He stopped moving. She could just hear him breathing heavily. She raised up and reached for the light. "Don't..." he mumbled. "Don't turn on the light." She turned it on. He was standing there, holding the door's handle like he was ready to run out. By a look at his eyes, she understood. She hid her mouth with a hand and felt like crying. "No..." she let out. Robert dropped his head and stared at his own hands. They were shaking. He ran a hand in his messy hair and looked back at her. She couldn't deny anything. The way he was agitated, the way his eye were moving nervously from her to the floor... It meant everything. "Why?" she simply asked, her voice trembling. "You just can't understand." he mumbled. Then he bursted out laughing, like he had just told the biggest joke. She approached slowly, unsure. His t-shirt was wet like he had been sweating or had spilled beer on it. She just couldn't tell. She knew he had been drinking too just by the strong odor of alcohol in the room. "Robert..." She took his hand in hers, heartbroken to see him laugh that way. He was practically hysterical. His laugh was unatural... It was the saddess laugh she had ever heard. He tried to kiss her hand but feeling dizzy, he missed it. "Oh!" he laughed again. "I'm losing my reflexes... funny..." "Downey..." she said softly. Then he stopped laughing, and stared at her gravely. She saw his lips trembling. He shook his head vigourously, a hand on his mouth. "I... huh..." he tried to say. She pulled her to him and he burried his face into her neck. Stroking his back gently, she felt his tears falling in her hair. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." he sobbed, clinging to her. She kissed his hair and led him to the bathroom. She turned the shower on. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Robert kept repeating. She ran a finger on the red marks he now had on his cheeks and kissed his eyes. "I love you." she said softly. She took his shirt off as he was still crying. She helped him with his pants and his boxers. He just couldn't do it by himself. She quickly undress herself and led him to the shower. The water was cold but she didn't care. Robert didn't react to the water temperature. He just stood there, tears falling from his eyes. She started to soap his back gently, the cold water running on their head. "I wish I could stop... but I can't... I can't..." he sobbed. She put a finger on his lips. "I love you Downey." she said again. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her against him. Calista closed her eyes and leaned her head to his shoulder where she let her own tears flow. *************************************************************** Robert growled and brought the covers to his head. Half awake, he could ear some nose coming from the kitchen corner. He heard some light footsteps and felt soft lips kissing his neck. "Calista..." he whispered, half smiling. He opened his eyes, the light almost piercing them so he had to close them back.  Slowly, memories of the previous night invaded his mind. An other wild night... He turned his back to Calista, feeling like crying. "What are you doing here?" he asked, clearing his throat. "I was waiting for you last night... Don't you remember?" "Huh... yeah..." She laid down behind him and let a hand reach his stomach. She stroked it gently and kissed his shoulder. "I meant... Why are you still here?" he asked, fighting against tears. He just couldn't believe that she was still there next to him after he had showed up drugged up in the middle of the night. He was feeling so disgusted of himself, that he couldn't understand how Calista could stand so close to him. He felt like he had failed somewhere in that strong relationship they were trying to build, that she would never see him with the same eyes. "Why?" he asked again. Calista tightened her embrance. "Well.. Because I love you and because I won't let you down." He bit his lower lip, relieved that she couldn't see that tears had started to fill his eyes. She was there, standing by him. He could recall how desesperate he was feeling when she was gently soaping him in the shower. If she wasn't there no wonder what would have happened to him. She had tucked him into bed, gently wrapping covers around him because he was shivering. There she waited until the last tears had ended to fall from his eyes. She kissed him again and he knew that she was smiling, he could feel her teeth on his shoulder. "And... because it's been a long time since I've cleaned a house..." she added, smiling on his back. "I can't say that I missed it..." He turned his head and noticed that everything was at it's place. The floor was shining and all his boxes had disappeared. He could smell a strong odor of cleaner coming to his nose. He faced her and tried a smile. She was still smiling, proud of herself. "I bought a few plants." she said, stroking his hair and kissing his lips gently. "A cappucino maker, a painting and..." "Gosh... what for?" "To help you feel a little more at home." "Oh!" He sat on the bed and rubbed his eyes. She hugged him from behind. "You didn't have to do that... " he protested leaning his head on hers. "By the way, how long have I been sleeping?" "Hmm... Let's see. About fifteen hours." "Oh! We're late for work!" he shouted, trying to get up but Calista held him to the bed. "Ally and Larry are sick today." Robert sighed. She knew how he hated to miss work. Calista pointed the alarm clock. It was 5 pm. He raised his eyes to the ceiling. She kissed him again and walked to the refrigerator. "The breakfast is still waiting for you. I prepared a delicious fruit plate." Robert raised up, he was still feeling a little dizzy. He took a look at the paiting facing his bed. It was an abstract but he could see that there were some vague flowers. It look really peacefull. The complete opposite of what he was feeling. Calista had placed a few plants under the kitchen window. He could smell the scent of the cappucino. All these things that she was doing for him, because she loved him were moving him. He approached her softly and touched her hair. She turned around surprised to see him standing there. He kissed her forehead. "You're an angel." he said softly. "I don't deserve you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled with a touch of sadness. She didn't know what to say. Despite his problems, he was the most amazing man she had never known. She loved everything about him, his sense of humor, his charm, the way he was looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. There was only one thing standing between them and she wasn't sure of how she could deal with it, but because she loved him, she was willing to make sacrifices. "Tell me what happened." she said, encouraging him with a smile. He grimaced, took a look at the chair, He was probably thinking about sitting down but she held him to her, forcing him to look into her eyes. "These past few days, I've been thinking about the future and..." he began, swallowing. "I've got a bad feeling." "What do you mean?" she asked with concern. "Remember we you said to me that me had no future... that we had no time ahead of us?" She noded, with apprehension. "I've got the feeling that I'm going to end up in jail anyway..." he explained, staring into space. "I mean... Why would it be different this time? I messed up too many times. The court won't give me any chances." "Do you still have that dream box I gave you?" she asked, shyly. He made his way out of her arms, catching his breath. "Calista... That gift was cute but face it.... It just... doesn't work in the real world.... I don't believe in this." "And you don't believe in yourself." she asked with tears in her voice. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. In some way, she was right. He wasn't confident that he could fight his addiction. It was even more powerfull than his own will. "I just feel... weak..." he admitted. "I could just give up... everything." He grabbed a coffee cup and poured cappucino in it distractly. Calista watched him from the distance, her heart broken. She wondered if the word everything included her. She couldn't tell, but she had the idea that he was talking about life...about giving up life... That was even worse. He sat down with a sad look on his face, feeling miserable. She felt a burst of anger in her throat and something came out of her mouth, expressing her deepest fear: "Why don't you shoot yourself... If you want to die?" He frozed and looked at her then he squeezed his jaw, feeling hurt. She sat in front of him, regretting her words. "I'm so sorry..." "Do you think that's what I should do?" he asked, coldly. He began to drink his cappucino, waiting for an answer. "No... you see..." she replied, her voice trembling. "I want you to fight for me... and if you don't fight for me, please fight for your son!" He stared a moment at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying. She was looking at him and he could see in her eyes compassion but also that unconditional love that he couldn't just understand. She was absolutely amazing and she was... with him. How could she love him? The only thing he was good at was acting. He wasn't even capable to deal with himself... How come her eyes were looking into his with such love? He just couldn't understand. He noded, tears filling his eyes. This time he couldn't hold them back. She took his hand in hers, feeling on the edge of crying herself. "I don't want to lose you Downey..." she whispered, tears falling softly on her cheeks. She raised up and sat down on his knees. He hugged her tightly and started to sob on her shoulder. "I will fight... I will..." he promised with a broken voice. She stroked his hair gently, feeling his warm breath on her neck. They stood there a moment, rocking themselves back and forth, the movement comforting them. When Robert calmed down, they broke apart gently. She smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Now... how about that fruit plate?" she proposed. "There's nothing like great vitamins for a bad headache." "Allright." Robert said, noding. "I'm hungry." *************************************************************** A few weeks later... "Come on Downey!" she shouted with a laugh. "I feel like I'm waiting for the bride!" "Give me a minute." She fixed her make-up and carefully put lipstick on her lips. The mirror was reflecting the image of an happy woman. Things were just doing great these days. She smiled to herself. Robert was in her bedroom, preparing himself for the big night. The bathroom's door opened and he stood there, leaning on the frame. "Ooohh!" she laughed, pointing his feet. "White shoes?" "Oh! Are they white?" he joked, looking down at his shoes."I thought they were black! Geez..." "You're crazy..." she said, approaching him and smoothing his suit with a hand. "But you look great." "Hmm... you too." he replied kissing her softly. He raised his eyes and looked at the top of her head. He forced his eyebrows. "You're taller than me." he added and looking down at her shoes. "Oh... high heels... okay... You know what? I'm not going with you." "We're not supposed to arrive together... remember?" she winked at him. "You're still too tall." he replied with a pout. She kicked off her shoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. "How about that?" she said, leaning her forehead on his. "So much better..." he whispered, kissing her. He grabbed her buttock with both hands, ignoring that small squeal of protestation she was making. She laughed and led his hands back to her waist. He lowered them again, pressing her against him, staring at her, with those burning eyes that made her feel desirable. He nibbled his neck and tightened his grip. She gently pussed him away. "We're going to be late..." she said fixing back her dress. "And Liam's babysitter is here...so..." Robert closed the bathroom door with that stunning smile of his. He approached her slowly looking at her from head to toe with a glance that made her shiver. She just couldn't resist when he was making those eyes to her and he knew it too well. "Downey..." she protested weakly as he was brushing away her hair for her cheek and touching her earings gently. "Hmm..." She closed her eyes and felt his lips running on her neck. He brought his hands back to where they were standing a minute ago and pulled her to him, groaning in her neck. "No..." she moaned, her hands rather caressing his chest than trying to push him away. "Calista..." He captured her lips a second, feeling her melting in his arms. That small kiss was just a way to tempt her and the way he was whispering her name wasn't helping. "Calista...You're so..." She put a finger on his lips, asking him silently to sush. She knew that she was on the edge of losing control. He just had to say that he wanted her and that would be it. She would forget about everything. "I will miss you tonight..." he whispered, kissing her finger gently. "We'll be at the same table... We'll be..." He slid a finger under her low-cut, making her forget about finishing her thought. Their eyes met, binding together in a glance that caught them breathless. She brought her lips on his. In her mind, it was just for one soft kiss but the way he responded to it, that burst of passion that she felt going though all of his body when he pressed her against the wall and groaned, made her want more. "Okay..." she murmured, her eyes sparkling in a way that made him understand that her last resistance had just fallen. With an amused smile, he made his Versace's jacket fly on the floor. She pulled him to her, thinking at the last second that they must be carefull with their clothes. They had a place to attend... they probably would be a little late but... "Don't touch... my hair." Robert protested, catching her hands as she was about to run her finger through his hair. She noded, hiding a laugh. When Robert was combing his hair back, he had to make sure that every single hair was at it's place.  So he held her hands behind her back and kissed her again between two burst of laugh. They just had a *thing* with bathrooms... When Calista arrived on the red carpet of the Shrine Expo Center where the SAG awards was about to take place, Robert was already there signing autographs. She got out of the limousine, flashing a smile at the crowd. In fact, she was feeling alone. "We should be together" she thought " No matter what people would think." From the distance, she could hear people calling Robert's name. She smiled to herself, delighted about it. She wasn't only proud of him because of what he had brought to the show, she was proud of him because he was fighting to get his life back on track. That struggle he had with drugs was even more challenging than any acting lines. And lately, he was doing just great. She could feel that he was really trying to overcome his demons. He would spend all nights at her place. There they would sleep, snuggled up in each others arms, feeling secure. She watched him shaking hands, sharing smiles. She had the idea to walk to him and slid his hand in his but that would prove that they were together. Her private life was all that was left. If they would make their love a public thing, it would be different. She could almost see the tabloids. Calista Flockhart in love with troubled actor Robert Downey Jr.... New adoptive mother falls for drug addict. She could already hear people telling her that she was making the biggest mistake of her life by falling for him. She felt a whiff of wind brushing away her hair from her face. She paused for photographs, smiling distractly and wondering if her hair was okay. She had now what she called the "Downey Hairdo"... which was the result of their little moment in the bathroom. Of course, Robert just had to put back some styling gel but she, on her side couldn't acheive to straight back her hair like it was. "Look at what you did to me." she had told him, with an amused smile. "Now, I have a wild look." She took a glimpse at Robert. He turned his head slightly, making her know that he was aware of her presence by a half smile only addressed to her. She felt somehow close to him despite the distance separating them. She stood there, tortured by the idea that it was silly to be away from the man she was so madly in love with. She forced herself to smile when Lucy Liu threw her arms around him. With a pinch of the heart, she thought that maybe it was better this way. "...The truth is... we know this is about dedication. This is about... you give your life to this... and we know what we sacrifice in order to give ourselves to this art form. And I know that Peter MacNicol, right now, has his sides for our scenes this week at the table. You got my vote brother." Robert left the scene escorted by Lucy and Taye. Calista took a look at Peter noticed his smile. In fact, all the cast members were happy that he had won an other award but she was probably the only one trembling inside. Robert's touching acceptance speech had made her heart melt. She took a deep breath hoping that nobody was seeing that she was trying to hold back tears. She waited, still feeling his lips on hers. When Robert got back a few minutes later, she was looking at her glass of champagne, trying to look casual because Portia was staring at them with a new curiosity. Robert grabbed Calista's hand under the table and squeezed it gently. "Congratulations Robert." she said, smiling softly. In her mind, she added: "I love you." He noded, reading in her eyes and let her hand go with a sigh. Calista and Robert were sitting at the same table in the reception room. They were chatting with the other Ally cast members. Robert was about to drink is third drink of champagne. Calista flashed him a worried look. She knew that alcohol would make his inhibitions fall. She could already picture him going to the men's room. There someone would ask him if he wanted drugs. In Hollywood, it was just that easy. She wasn't sure if he would be able to resist under the influence of alcohol. Noticing the way she was looking at him, Robert leaned over and whispered in her ear: "I'm okay... Don't worry..." "Hey Rob! Wanna dance?" Lucy Liu proposed, pulling him by the arm. He took a look at Calista, asking silently for her permission. She ignored him and stared at her hands.  With a touch of bitterness, Calista watched them dancing. From the way that Lucy was smiling and pulling her closer to him, Calista knew that she was trying to seduce Robert. She was thinking that it would be foolish to interrupt them and say: "Could you please keep your distance. He's with me." Lucy didn't know about them, so in theory, there was nothing to be mad at. Still, Calista was feeling a little jealous. Robert took a glimpse at her and gently pulled Lucy's arms out of his neck, pointing Calista with a finger. He said something to her. Lucy followed his eyes direction and grimaced with deception. Calista forced herself to look somewhere else and soon felt Robert's hand on her shoulder. "Care to join me for a dance?" he asked, leaning closer. He took her hand in his and led her to the dance floor. "What have you told her?" she asked. "I told her that I just couldn't resist to that Ally face you were doing and that by respect for our character's romance, I had to dance with you." "Oh!" They stood there a moment before moving closer and starting to dance. In public, they just didn't know how to act. Everybody thought that they were close friends. They had physical contacts on-screen so they were used to the other's proximity but people didn't know that there was more. "I feel a little uncomfortable." she admitted as Robert was taking her hand and resting it against him. She could feel his heart beating, wondering if it was due to her presence. She blushed, noticing his sweet smile. "Lucy... was all over you..." she said, trying to ignore the way Robert was looking at her. "Am I wrong or she tried to kiss you on the red carpet?" "Well... " he said, with a light laugh. "I told her that I don't like to have lipstick all over my face and she backed off. Hopefully..." He rolled his eyes and pulled her closer. "But I think that she has a little crush on you." Calista insisted, noticing that Lucy was staring at them from the table. "What would she have a crush on me?" he asked, doubtfull. "Oh... Come on Downey...Don't tell me that you don't know about the effect you have on women." "The effect that I have on women..." he repeated, with a unsure smile. "Wow! Where did you get that?" She laughed and dropped her head on his shoulder. He kissed her cheek tenderly and tightened his embrance, like he was completely forgetting that they were in public. "Well... well... let me explain what kind of effect you have on women." Calista said in his ear. "For example, right now, we are dancing a little too close. We should keep our distance but I don't know... Maybe it's those deep brown eyes of yours... or your smile... I just can't help myself. I have to get closer to you..." "Now... You're talking about the effect I have on you." he said, softly pulling her closer. "Lucy is still staring." Calista added, looking over Robert's shoulder. "She's probably wondering if we..." Robert who had his arms around her waist lowered a hand which made Calista gasp. "Downey!" "Oh... sorry..." he said, laughing. "Don't you touch my butt in public!" she exclaimed, her cheeks turning to red. "I just thought that it would be a great way to make Lucy understand that we are together." "Oh... very subtle!" Calista responded a little angry. "Calista... sweetie..." he said, amused "You're too cute when you're mad... that makes me want to kiss you..." He lowered his eyes to look at her lips. "Now... I'm feeling even more uncomfortable." she managed to say, turning her head. "You're making fun of me." "No..." "And... you kissed me in front of the camera when your name was announced. How about that? " "You kissed me back!" he said, smiling. She noded and let her head fall on his shoulder. "I really want to kiss now... you know..." he murmured in her neck. "Let's just wait until we get home." she begged. Calista had a hard time trying to open the door to her house while Robert was running his lips on the nape of her neck. They both had a little too much champagne. "Sush..." she said laughing. "No you sush!" he replied back, wrapping his arms around her waist. He tried to kiss her but their teeth knocked together. Calista bursted out in laugher. "Downey... please... get rid of those white shoes..." He took his shoes off with a grimace. She hid a laugh and did the same with her own shoes. She raised a finger as he was leaning over to kiss her. "Wait! I have to check on Liam." She quickly made her way to her son's room. He was sleeping like an angel, his babysitter watching for him from the other bedroom. She touched his little fists grabbing the cover. She kissed his forehead. Sle closed the door behing her. She almost gasped with surprise when Robert made her turn in his arms. They started to dance slowly. "I think we need some music." Calista said in his ear. "Any special request?" he asked, pulling her closer. "Okay, jukebox man... hmm...let's see" she said, searching in his eyes. "Lady in red..." Robert smiled and started sighing soflty: "I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight   I've never seen you shine so bright" Calista kissed him with a sigh. "What that is just the beginning..." he said laughing. "Oh sorry..." she murmured, amaze by the effect he had on her when he was singing. He continued, his hand running on her back: "I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance I have never seen that dress you're wearing Or the highlights in your head that catch your eyes I have been blind" He looked down at his dress and continued to sing with a sweet smile: "Lady in... white... is dancing with me cheek to cheek..." She laughed in his neck, noticing that he had changed the word red for white. "There's nobody here, it's just you and me,  It's where I wanna be..." She interrupted him again with a kiss. This time, she was just breathless, her lips asking for more. He turned his head, her lips now landing on his cheek and continued: "But I hardly know this beauty by my side I'll never forget, the way you look..." She kissed him again. "Hmm... Tonight..." he finished. They stopped dancing and stared into each other's eyes. Robert smiled tenderly. "Can I jump to the end of the song and say... I love you?" She noded, feeling his warm embrance. "I love you..." he whispered. "I love you..." Song credits: Lady in Red by Chris Deburg ************************************************************** "I want you to come with me." "Hmm... where?" Robert asked distractly reading the newpapers. "To London! Aren't you listening when I'm talking?" Calista said, not offended. "Oh right, London..." Robert repeated, smiling. "Am I wrong or you've been asking me for two weeks?" "It would be the perfect part for you!" Calista insisted. "Have you read it?" "No..." he replied with an half smile. "Downey!" "It can't be anything like love, can it?" he said, staring intensively at her. She hid a smile. That was a line from the play. She raised up and approached him. "No, no, it can't be." she replied. "Would it be inconvenient?" he continued, wrapping his arms around her waist, his eyes into hers. "Terribly." she whispered. He caught her face with both hands and kissed her soflty. Then, he pulled her to him. "I want you for that part." she said, stroking his hair back. "We could spend the summer together... we could walk together in London's streets. Nobody would recognize us there, you know. We would be an other couple among the crowd." She sighed with a dreamy look on her face. "It's not that I don't want to be with you..." he said softly. She kissed him again. "Hmm... but I'm on probation." he continued. "I can't leave the country for too long. Maybe there will be a trial and..." "You could take a fly back for the hearings and then come back to London." "And the producers will accept..." "They will!" she said, interrupting him. "And Indio?" "He'll come with us." She smiled brightly and he shook his head, defeated. "Oh... You thought about everything." he said with an amused smile.  "But what if I don't feel like going to London?" "Nah! I don't think that you have the choice. I'm going to London and you'll come with me because you just can't stand being away from me." He laughed and tightened his embrance. "So much assurance... If I could just say no..." "But you can't!" she said, flashing him a sexy smile. "By the way... we'll be together day and night..." "Hmm... that's very... interesting..." he murmured in her neck. Calista had a few meetings with the producers of the Philadelphia Story London play. They were reluctant in hiring Robert as her co-star. They wanted to be sure that he would be able to honor the contract. Finally, they agreed to postpone the play for a while and wait to see what would happen with Robert's legal issues. If he was going in trial or not... Calista sneaked into Robert's lodge between two shots. She caught him changing his clothes for an other scene. He raised his head surprised to see her. She had the day off. "Hey!" he said, smiling. "Hellooo..." she responded, winking. "I'm coming at the right moment as I can see..." She pointed his pants, they were down to his feet, and smiled back, her cheeks blushing a little. "Oh..." he let out, starting to unbutton his shirt. "Are you always taking off your pants and your shirt at the same?" she asked, coming closer. "I thought that you could tell..." She wrapped her arms around his neck and dropped a sensuous kiss on his lips. "I don't remember..." she whispered. "I could help you to recall it but..." he began looking down at his watch. "I've got a scene with Peter in about ten minutes. I better hurry up." "Too bad..." Calista said, slidding his shirt down on his arms. Robert half smiled. "You know... One day, they will fire me because I spend too much time making out in the dressing rooms with my...delicious co-star." "Nah... they won't" she said, kissing him again. He gently pushed her back with a laugh. "You're tempting me but... I have to resist." he said, catching his breath. "I have to be on the set... really..." "Okay..." she agreed with a touch of disappointment. "You want me to help you?" "Sure." "Which one are you supposed to wear?" she asked, looking at the suits. "The gray one with a pale green shirt...over there." She hung the shirt to him. They stared a glance a moment before he finally took it and started to put it on. "Why are you here by the way?" he asked, trying to ignore how Calista was looking at him. "I have some good news about the play. It seems like the producers are finally considering you for the part." He put the gray pants on and raised an eyebrow. "And how did you do that?" "Blackmail." She smiled and helped him to button his shirt. "Blackmail?" he asked, suspicious. "Hmm... I told them that I was off the play if you weren't there with me. It's me and you Downey... or...nothing. They are trapped." "This is manipulation." he said, laughing. "I told you... I want you..." she paused and rubbed her nose on his. "on the play... with me." She replaced his tie and hung him his jacket. "I'm ready." he said. "Wait... the glasses." she exclaimed. She put it on his nose and smiled tenderly at him. "Here you go... Larry." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him with a sigh. The way he was looking at her made her shiver. His eyes were just speaking for himself. "Calista. I have to go." he insisted. "They are waiting for me." "Alright." She took his hand in hers and led him out of the dressing room. He found it weird at first. They were usually very discreet on the set, never showing any signs of affection. When they arrived on the set, his jaw dropped with surprise. "Happy birthday!" With emotion, he saw the members of the cast and crew coming on the set with gifts and a geant cake. Calista didn't let go of his hand and even held it tighter. He turned his face to her and saw so much adoration in her eyes that his heart missed a beat. She touched his cheek tenderly. "Happy birthday Downey." There, in front of everyone, she leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. He responded to her kiss, feeling tears in his eyes. Showing her love for him in public was the most amazing birthday gift that she could offer him. *************************************************************** (A few weeks later) "Dad!" Indio exclaimed rushing to the couch where is father was sitting. "Hey!" Robert said, hugging his son back. "Are we going somewhere?" he asked with excitment. "No... actually. I came to talk to your mother." "Oh! Dad! Can I sleep at your place tonight?" Deborah shook her head and stared at her coffee. "Indio please. Go to bed...it's late." "But I want to see dad!" he protested. "You'll see him some other time. Go to your room. " she said with a categoric tone. Indio lost his smile and looked at his father with deception. "You want me to tuck you in bed?" Robert proposed Deborah sighed deeply and Robert flashed her an annoyed look. "Oh sorry Deborah... Maybe I should ask your permission to tuck in my son. Should I?" "Robert..." "Or maybe I should ask your lawyer..." Indio was staring in alternance to this father and his mother. He could feel tension in the air and it made him feel very sad. He left the livingroom with a sob in his throat and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. "Look what you're doing to him." Deborah mumbled. Robert turned his back to her before he would reply something that he would regret afterwards. His son was already in bed, the covers brought to his chin. His eyes filled up with tears were staring at the ceiling. "You were fighting." he said, his little voice trembling."I hate that! I hate that!" "I'm sorry." Robert sat next to him and ruffled up his hair, a tender look in his eyes. He could find a lot of him in that kid. There was so much that he would like to offer him. Sometimes, he wished that he could turn back time and start it all over. There he would make sure that nothing could hurt his son. But you just can't turn back time. "I don"t understand why mom doesn't want me to sleep at your place. She doesn't want me to stay alone with you. It's like your some kind of monster. But...I'm not scared of you dad." Robert smiled. Children had a way to explain things. "Why dad?" He sighed. "You know that I love you right?" he said softly, searching for the right words, "I'm going through... a rough time. Your too young to understand it yet.. Your a kid... you don't have to understand." "I miss you dad." "I miss you too buddy." he whispered, feeling emotions taking him again. "Maybe we won't be able to spend much time together...but... just remember the good times we had okay?" Indio noded, just like big boys are supposed to. He closed his eyes, holding his father's arm tightly. Robert waited until he had fallen asleep. He kissed his forehead. "He's the only thing that I've done right." he thought. "And I'm screwing him up too..." A few minutes later, he was back in the living room, trying to convince his ex wife. "Deborah! It's just for two months. That's all I'm asking. God! If I end up in jail, I won't see him for four years. Do you know what it feels like?" "No Robert. I don't want you to take Indio to London. This is silly..." "Do you think that I'll go to London to party and find some new hot drugs? I'm going there to work!" he explained with a touch of impatience. "And Calista will be there..." "Oh right... Calista..." she sighed Robert noded. He couldn't tell if Deborah was jealous or not. She had met Calista a few weeks ago and was nice to her. She had been watching Ally McBeal for years and really looked thrilled to meet her in person. "Sometimes when I look at her I can almost see myself." Deborah said, staring into space. "I had the same hope in my eyes... I believed in you... I was hoping that you would change someday..." "I really love her." Robert said, sincerely. Deborah raised her head and stared at him with cold eyes. "Are you talking about Calista or... cocaine?" He took his between his hand and looked down at the floor. He wasn't able to act like the things she was saying weren't hurting him.   "Robert... Are you wondering sometimes what it feels like to be in second place after... it?" she insisted. "One day... Calista will get back to earth just like I had to do." He rubbed his forehead feeling uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say. He had hurted so many people in his life. There was nothing he could do to repair it. "You see..." she continued. "I have this sort of dilemma right now. I know that you want to take Indio to London with you and that scares me. I just can't be sure that nothing will happen in two months... I can't be sure that you won't take drugs again... because it happened too many times... and I just can't let him go if there's any risk for him." Robert was looking down at the floor, when he raised his head, she saw so much sadness in his eyes that she had to look away. He finally spoke. "I may not be the best father but... I love my son." "I know..." she said soflty and then continued to express her fears "But on the other hand... I have the feeling that if I refuse to let him go with you to London... you'll be devastated. I know you Robert. I can see right now... In your eyes... that something is cracking inside of you. I know how you feel and I know how you'll deal with it." He raised up, his jaw squeezing. He felt lost. "So here we are. I have to decide weither or not I should let him go with you. I care about you Robert but... for my son's sake... He'll stay here with me. I have to choose my son over you." Robert left her house without saying anything, he closed the front door softly but inside, he felt destroyed, broken. He got into his car, thinking that Deborah was right about him. There was only one way he had to deal with his pain. There was only one thing that he knew. He drove without really thinking about anything. The only thing he could feel was that urge. There wasn't a day were he didn't needed it... most of the time, he was able to control himself, to rationalize but when he felt that way... so empty, there was no way that he could fight.... There was nothing that could stop him. He stopped at a bar, had a drink after the other. That wasn't helping. The pain was still there. Twenty minutes later, he was knocking at some motel room door. A man opened it. He saw the look on Robert's face and understood. "Alright my friend... I've got some..." The next morning when Calista arrived on the set with Liam in her arms, she felt that something was wrong. The crew was working in silence. She could feel people staring at her. She couldn't tell what was going on but she had a bad feeling. She stood there, in the entrance as her co-workers were passing by her and nodding with sadness. The only thing that she could hear was Liam babbling and making sounds with his mouth. For the first time, it wasn't funny. She saw David coming out of his office and inviting her to join him with a sign of the hand. Making her way to him, she crossed Jane. "I'll put him in his playpen." she said, taking Liam from Calista's arms. Calista felt that she couldn't oppose to it. The way that Jane was trying to avoid eye contact with her made her think that David had something important to tell her... that she was the only one who didn't know. "Can you please put him in my lodge. I bought this new rattle. The blue one..there..." she explained, holding the bag to Jane. "He really likes it . If you could just check on him to see if he's okay... And..." She stopped, realising that she was scared to enter in David's office. She could feel her heart pumping in her veins. She smiled at her son and waved goodbye as Jane was leading to the dressing room with Liam in her arms. When she finally found the strenght, she entered into her boss office and closed the door behind her. "What is it?" she asked nervously. She was waiting for any kind of answer concerning the show. She thought at first that David was about to tell her that the show was about to end, that the rathings had dropped dramatically... anything but that... "Robert got arrested again." She didn't know how she managed to sit on a chair. She couldn't recall her legs moving. All that she could feel was her own hands covering her face. "No..." she said as tears were starting to fill her eyes. "That can't be..." She felt David's hand pressing her shoulder. She just couldn't move. She thought that from the moment that she would open her eyes that nightmare would come to it's end, that she would wake up in Robert's arms and saw him watching  her with a sweet smile. She didn't heard much of what David was telling about the previous night. He was probably talking about some script he was writing for one of his show. That didn't look real. That story had nothing to do with Robert. He was doing just fine. The night where she had found him drugged up in his apartment was just a far memory. He was working on himself. He was strong and she was there for him. "Calista..." David said with concern. "I'm sorry." "No..." she repeated again, her voice broken. She left his office, slamming the door behind her. She ran to her lodge. Jane was playing with Liam, singing songs to him. She leaned on the frame's door, holding back her tears. Jane left, feeling herself like crying.  "I'm sorry..." she said. When Calista took Liam in her arms and felt his soft hair on her cheek she bursted out in tears. Her son squeezed her fingers like he was trying to comfort her in some way, like he knew how she was feeling. He raised his big blue eyes and stared at her, seeing tears for the first time in his life. "Mommy is sad..." Calista said, kissing his little fingers through her tears. She brought him to her neck and rocked him back and forth. He was so full of life, he was everything that she had and he would never betray her. Calista had to work. It was the only way to help herself from cracking up. The shot some scenes. They had to explain Larry's departure. She agreed on filming them. It wasn't really hard in fact. She didn't had to act heartbroken ... she was. That night, she laid in bed trying to forget about Robert. Ironically, she could only recall the sweetest moments they had. At first, she was seeing him as a bad boy with a kind heart. But he was more than that... She had fought so hard against her feelings for him. She could remember how she felt the first time she had admitted to him that she was in love with him. She could recall his smile.. there was so much hope in it. It was like he had been waiting for that moment all his life. Yes, he had his issues.. Yes, he had some dark sides that she could never understand but she had the idea that if she loved him... that would be enough. She thought that he would learn to love himself... but she was wrong... She called Nancy, Liam's babysitter and asked her to watch him for a few hours. She took a walk alone in the middle of the night. She had to think... You took your coat off and stood in the rain You were always crazy like that I watched from my window always felt I was outside looking in on you When she got back to her house a few hours later, she found a medical car in her drive way. With panic, she ran inside. "What happened?" she screamed, grabbing Nancy by the shoulders. She didn't wait for an answer and rushed to Liam's bedroom. A doctor was checking him. She started to sob when she saw how her baby boy looked pale. She stepped closer and touched his arm. It was hot. Her son was looking at her though half closed eyes. He was breathing heavily. "It's a strong fever." the doctor explained. "It's a chance that his babysitter called us..." "Oh my God..." Calista murmured. "Is he okay?" "He was very weak when I arrived but with the medication I gave him, he's alright." Liam cried lightly and she hurried to take him in her arms, dropping little kisses on his face. She thought that she could have lost him. She had left him alone. She was feeling guilty. "I'm here." she sobbed. Two days later, she was at the drug rehabilitation facility. She had to pass though the security. They wanted to make sure that she wasn't carrying any drugs on her. "Like I would be that stupid." she thought with impatience. She forced herself to keep still. She walked though the corridors, trying to find the courage to move forward. She just had to go back to her car and forget about everything that happened... but she had to talk to him. She crossed a few people, some residents, some employees and she felt relieved that nobody came to her for an autograph. She had other things in mind. You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair, You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say besides some comment on the weather She stopped in front of the door and looked at the room's number. She felt a sob in her throat but held it back. She had to be strong. There was a reason she was here and she just couldn't escape it. She knocked softly and heard Robert's voice. She opened the door, her hand trembling on the handle. "Hey..." she said, weakly. Robert was sitting next to the wall, staring outside of the window. He didn't turn his head to look at her but she saw his hand tense on the curtain. "Hey." he responded back, with no emotion. She stepped inside and looked around. The bedroom was quite small. There was a one place bed with a drawer and a chair. The walls were painted in blue but they were barely decorated. She could see many notices about the facility's rules everywhere in the room. It looked cold, just like an hospital room. "Are you okay?" He raised his shoulders. "I guess so..." He was still staring at the window. She approached him and stood there a moment, feeling tears falling from her eyes. She wanted to wrapped her arms around his neck and lean her head on his. He looked so lonely, so desesperate. "I came here to say goodbye." she whispered, her voice trembling. He dropped his head, rubbed his forehead with a sigh but remained silent like he didn't know what to say.  "Damn it Downey! Say something!" she thought. In case you failed to notice, In case you failed to see, This is my heart bleeding before you, This is me down on my knees "This situation is killing me." she added. "I just can't handle it anymore. I thought that I could... That I could help you... but this is too much. I have my son to take care of... he needs me. I have to be there for him." "I understand." he said, his head leaning on the window. These foolish games are tearing me apart Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart You're breaking my heart She had the silly hope that he would turn to her and say that he wasn't on drugs on the other night, that it was some kind of mistake, that he loved her more than anything else in the world... "You know what?" she said, with tears in her voice. "I would like to say that I regret all the time that we spent together... but I don't. You're the most beautiful man I've ever known. If only you could see that..." She held back a sob with her hand, looking at his back. She was close enough to touch his shoulder but she just couldn't move. "But... you know.. I'll be there... but just as a friend." she explained. "Thank you." he said softly. Then he finally turned himself to face her. The look in his face made her burst out in tears. He took her hand and brought it to his lips. When he looked up at her, tears fell on her hand. "I love you Calista." he said, clinging to her hand. "I really do." He kiss it softly, his lips trembling. The next thing she knew, she was hugging him tightly, feeling his arms around her waist. His face burried into her neck, he cried there. There was nothing that he could say. She had to go. "Downey..." she whispered. She kissed the top of his head and without taking a look back, she left the room. You took your coat off and stood in the rain you were always crazy like that...                                                               The End * * * * * * * * * * * *