Church Funnies

 

 

Author Unknown

 

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way

to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One

bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

*********************************

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking

at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and

he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree

that has been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the

boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With

astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"

*********************************

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he

moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he

moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before

jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the

third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he

hurt us?"

*********************************

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together

in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister

had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why?

Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church

and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

*********************************

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how

you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how

are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

*********************************

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite

knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by

asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King

James Virgin?"

*********************************

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to

discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it

was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the

covers off the neighbor's wife."

*********************************

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer.

For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from

the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she

carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us

not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

**********************************

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle,

he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the

crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step,

step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can

imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he

reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more

distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he

reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and

said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

*******************************

One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up "during the

morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of

order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the

little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before

reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the

congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

*******************************

And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets

as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

*******************************

One student's prayer: "Now I lay me down to rest, And hope to pass

tomorrow's test. If I should die before I wake, That's one less test I have

to take."

*******************************

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better

boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."