Church Funnies Author
Unknown A
Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to
church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright
little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." ********************************* A
little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at
the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he
picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that
has been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found,"
the boy
called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment
in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!" ********************************* The
preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved
briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved
to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking
it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third
pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt
us?" ********************************* Six-year
old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in
church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had
had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's
going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and
said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." ********************************* My
grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you
and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No,
how are
we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. ********************************* A
ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable
about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking,
"Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James
Virgin?" ********************************* A
Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss
the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers
off the neighbor's wife." ********************************* I
had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For
several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the
prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully
enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not
into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.
Amen." ********************************** A
little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he
would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd,
he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step,
ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine,
the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached
the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed
from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached
the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,
"I was being the Ring Bear." ******************************* One
Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up "during the morning
worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order
in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little
fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching
the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!" ******************************* And
one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as
we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." ******************************* One
student's prayer: "Now I lay me down to rest, And hope to pass tomorrow's
test. If I should die before I wake, That's one less test I have to
take." ******************************* A
little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy,
don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." |
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