Nov. 10, 11:33pm
An entire blue guitar week. A full season of Dawson's Creek doesn't have this many ups and downs. Beautiful, really.

Nov. 8, 11:05pm
"Hey! How's it going?"
"Oh, not too bad. How are you?
"I'm good. What have you been up to lately?"
"Not too much. You know. School. Work. What's new with you?"
"Nothing here either. Same ol, same ol."
"Yeah, I know how it goes. Well, it was good seeing you."
"Yeah, you too. Bye."
So I tried to count up how many times I've had this exact conversation, or a variation on the theme, in the last, oh, say 72 hours. And I lost count. Because I have this conversation several times a day. Over and over again. And I wish I didn't, because, frankly, it's crap. And I'm not sure if it's because me and pretty much...you know...EVERYONE else is afraid to tell others what's really going on, or because we are afraid that we might just bore people with the details of our so-called mundane lives (this can't be it, because that would be ridiculous...details are MUCH less boring than "Oh, you know. Same ol', same ol'.") Maybe we are afraid that no one else really cares. "How's it going?" is really just a formality. Nothing more. We might as well just tip our hats and continue on our way. (Except that ladies, and most gentlemen, don't wear hats these days.) The reality, is that there is PLENTY going on in my life. And yours too. Good stuff. Terrible stuff. Scary stuff. Exciting stuff. New stuff. Old stuff. Funny stuff. Confusing stuff. Very confusing stuff. Surprising stuff. Stuff that you worry about for months. Stuff that you hope for. Stuff that you dread. Stuff you are dying to tell people about, but afraid no one wants to listen. Stuff you have questions about. (I'll bet the person who first used the word "stuff" had no idea just how popular it would be.)One of my favorite things in the world is a person who will really tell you "what's up." (I never ask unless I really want to know.) I wish I could be more like them.

Nov. 7, 10;50pm
It is true that God's mercies are new every morning, and that His grace is sufficient for me, and that He will remove my sins, as far as the east is from the west, and that He will remember them no longer. But it is worth keeping in mind that the the things we do, and the mistakes we make can have far-reaching consequences. Forgiven or not, your past might still come back to haunt you (like mine did today, for instance.) So, in order that you might learn from my mistakes, so you don't have to make your own, let me stress the importance of INTEGRITY. I hope you don't think that by simply following "the rules," you have it all together. I didn't smoke, or drink, or run with boys who do (as the saying goes.) But I have lacked integrity in my life, in many of my relationships, and I have hurt alot of people. I have not always been honest. I have been self seeking. I have told myself I was doing the best I could, when I knew I could have handled things differently. (P.S. Ignorance is not always an excuse.) I have put off telling the whole truth until it was too late. And today I had a run in with the ashes of one of those situations. Of course, most of the dust settled over the last two years. But even just catching a little bit more of the story tonight made me very, very sad. So, I'll get off my soap box for the night. But I just wanted to remind you how much trouble it will save you later if you deal with crap in friendships, etc. now. Okay. I'm done now. Bye.

Nov. 5, 1:02am
I'm sick of messing with this HTML format that I really know nothing about. I'm pretty limited because I can't just throw links to photos on here. Or links to anything, for that matter. I'm sure there are easy ways. I just don't know them. So I may jump on the band wagon of free blog sites. I know, I know, we all hate change. But you, my faithful readers, will probably like the new format even better. I don't know if I should use blogger, live journal, xanga, etc. Too many options. We'll see.

Nov. 1, 12:08pm
Safely arrived from yet another trip to Denver. I really have come to develop a love-hate relationship with that city over the last 6 years or so. My mom, my sister, my sister-in-law, a one-month-old tagalong named Hadyn and I went down for a "shopping excursion." I use quotations, because the word shopping, without quotations, implies actual purchase, whereas the word "shopping" means you look at alot of stuff you like and want but are too broke to buy. (It is similar to the difference between liking a person of the opposite sex, and "liking" a person of the opposite sex.) This kind of "shopping" can only be done in small amounts, because too much of it makes you very materialistic and very discontent with your current economic situation, regardless of how good or dismal it might be at the time. But we only did it for the lesser part of two days, so we returned virtually unscathed by the capitalistic mayhem. Jess was "shopping" for shoes, my mom was "shopping" for living room furniture, Sarah Jill was "shopping" for a new puppy (because apparently two isn't enough?) and I was "shopping" for whatever struck my fancy: a kayak, a stocking cap, a grad school, a man, a cabin in the mountains...(just kidding about the man part...) Anyway. We overcame the temptations and returned without buying a single thing besides food and gas. We came home only a little bit poorer and a little bit fatter (Cheesecake Factory, Spaghetti Factory...) and a little more bonded - as girls tend to do when left to themselves.

Oct. 27, 12:17pm
Whoohoo! I may have a lead!

Oct. 26, cont...10:30pm
I would make a terrible celebrity, seeing as I don't accept unsolicited public opinion with much grace, after a certain point.

Oct. 26, 2005...4:41pm
I bleed false independence
I scorn weak imitation
But I think that I have found in this
a worthy emulation...

Oct. 23, 2005...4:43am
FYI: White tea actually has about the greatestamount of caffeine, compared to other teas, as is evidenced by the fact that it's a quarter to five and I'm still awake. A fact I'm not going to be proud of when I try and get out of bed in 3 hours. So, in an effort to salvage a few more moments of darkness I'll keep this short. I got absolutely no homework done today, but frankly, I don't care. I'll just do it tomorrow night. Instead of doing homework, I spent the day doing things of much more value, such as sleeping until 10:30am, taking my sister to the dog show (if you laugh at this, I suggest you see the film "Best of Show"...it's stinkin' hilarious...)laundry, vacuuming my car, eating chinese @ The Great Wall, eating ice cream @ Armadillos, drinking a cinnamon latte/listening to a down-home CD release/helping people cheat at scrabble @ Dunn Bro's, drinking white tea (did I mention it's pretty high in the caffeine dept.?) and catching up with the lovely Em Bryant (one of the top 5 coolest people in the entire world...and I got to hang out with her today...people would kill to be as lucky as me)at Bully Blends Tea House, and playing Dutch Blitz until 3am. All that, and it's October...so everywhere you look, there are orange leaves swirling around on the ground. It's like icing on the cake, man. And with that, I'm out.

Oct. 20, 2005...11:56am
I just finished taking a midterm on suicide risk assessment. Nothing like an hour of that to make you want to call every one you love and tell them so.

Oct. 18, 2005...10:36pm
WHY I LOVE BEING A COLLEGE STUDENT
(An Essay, by Marci Eben)
Today my professor let us out of Judicial Process lecture forty-five minutes early, so I went for a walk in the woods behind the fish hatchery in Spearfish. The end.

Oct. 16, 2005...11:26pm
I felt compelled to put something up here, even though I don't have anything in particular to write about, and really, no time to be writing. So I'll keep it short, but let me say that it has a been a nice, suprisingly productive, weekend. I managed to read 6 chapters in my social policy textbook and write reaction papers to each of them. I'm am house/dog/cat/horse sitting (when am I NOT house sitting?) out at this wonderful place in the hills. This afternoon I sprawled out, face down on their deck and took a nap in the 75 degree October sunshine and woke to two deer and four turkeys passing by about 15 feet away from me. Then I worked on homework for a few hours, took a little hike around their property, fed the horses, went to church for choir practice, helped my mom, who lost her voice, with the children's christmas program rehearsal, and went to Jared and Jess's house for coffee and more homework. Now I'm at my house to pick up a change of clothes for tomorrow and head back out of town. That was my sundary afternoon/evening for you. I'm sure I could conjure up a few other interesting topics to write about, but I have to let the poor dog out...he's been couped up all for too long. Maybe later this week...until then...adios.

Oct. 10, 2005...1:43am
The concert was incredible. Shane and Shane (shaneandshane.com) opened for Crowder (davidcrowderband.com). What more could you want? They raised the roof, and Christ was glorified. Seriously. What more COULD you want? My time on the road was great too. Friday, when I drove down was a beautiful, sunny, 80-degree day, and today when I drove back it poured the whole way. I like driving in the rain. It sort of makes me feel...insulated or something. Like I've got my music and my coffee and I'm in my own little world. It was nice. A lot of time to think. Which can be both good AND bad - probably both. And it was good to see my friends too. Not long enough, of course. But good. And now it's almost 2 a.m., and I know quite well that I should be in bed. I think I'm trying to put off tomorrow. I frown at the thought of starting another busy week. Young Life banquet tomorrow. D-Team meeting Tuesday. Papers due. Books to read. Dog's to house-sit. Busy week for sure. Ahhh. But what might it hold? Who knows. And in that, my friends, lies the adventure. So...carpe diem! (Er....seize the carp? Huh?)

Oct. 6, 2005...8:34pm
So far today, I've logged 4+ hours in my car, from home to work to shool to work to school to home. And I'm still in Rapid City. Kinda makes the 6 hours it'll take to get to Denver tomorrow not seem so bad. Man, I am very ready for this mini vacation. The Crowder concert is Saturday night, I'll be back Sunday night. Until then...peace, love, and Q-Doba.

Oct. 5, 2005...11:07pm
ITEM #1) Coloring Contests. I used to be really good at them. I won at least 3. So I find it to be a great disappointment that you can't participate after you're about 12 years old. That's crap. Why don't they have coloring contests for adults? Or at least young adults? There were always prizes involved, you know? And heaven knows I could use a little prize money these days. Oh well. Such is life (I also won a writing contest when I was 12. The prize was a $100 gift certificate to spend on school supplies at Walmart. Man. I used to have some mad skills. Don't know what happened there.)
ITEM #2) "Enriched" Skim Milk. I guess they take perfectly good skim milk, and they add a bunch of artificial and 'natural' what-have-you, and voila! Skim milk that's all dressed up to look fat (i.e. tastes like 2%). That's like putting Uma Thurman in a sumo suit. I don't understand this concept. It's as bizarre as the whole idea of veggie burgers. If I want to eat meat, I'll order a burger. If I don't want to eat meat, I'll order a salad. (Likewise, if I want something that tastes like whole milk...I'll just drink whole milk.) But how many vegetarians are thinking, "man, I would kill for something that tastes vaguely of meat...but more like turkey stuffing and cigarette ashes in a patty on a bun? " I would wager a guess that most vegetarians like vegetables, and just don't like meat that much. People who really like meat enough to eat hamburgers simply aren't vegetarians. Okay. Done with my rant on that topic.
Well, I think that ought' to cover it for tonight. If you have thoughts on the above topics, or the recent [coffee shop/grocery store combo] trend, or the sumpreme court justice nominee, or, well, pretty much any thing else, just let me know. I love to hear from you all.

Oct. 2, 2005...12:46am
"So there she was, hiking along in glorious solitude and revelry on a narrow trail covered in golden, fallen birch leaves (aka: Centennial Trail 89B) on a perfect Sunday afternoon (when all responsible college seniors are hunkered down in the library writing papers.) And all of a sudden, when she thought life just couldn't get any better, a little woodland sprite came flitting up with a cup of coffee." Okay, so there was no coffee. But it was an otherwise perfect afternoon. The amusing part of the story is probably the part where I diverted from the trail and bouldered sans Chaco's up on top of this enourmous rock and, in the process, realized that I probably couldn't get down. Correction: down was not the problem, down being the desired end result. It was merely the means to that end that I was rather concerned about. But when you find yourself clinging, barefoot, to the side of a huge piece of granite at an 89 degree angle, you tell yourself optimistic things like "I'm sure there's a ladder on the other side." So when I finally got up, and found 1) I was eye level with Mt. Rushmore and 2)no ladder (where there should have been a ladder, there was only a 25 foot drop, straight down.) I resigned myself to the fact that I would be stuck on top of this rock forever. And really, I was just fine with this. It was a comfortably huge rock. My only supplies were a Luna bar, my camera, my Bible and journal, 1/2 a nalgene full of water, 3 pieces of Orbit gum and yes, my cell phone (with 5 bars of service...understandable, since I was basically at the top of the world) which I resolved to not actually use to call for help, since I was hiking and we all know it's a sin to use a cell phone when you're hiking. So I journaled for about 45 minutes and sang several songs of rejoicing. Loudly. And then I remembered that I was supposed to meet Jared and Jess and Mary and Luke for coffee and homework in two hours. And I just couldn't bear to think of their sad, sad faces when I didn't show up. (If I were a realist, I would have pictured them saying, "good! now we can actually get some work done!" haha) So I decided I had no choice but to get off that rock. So I spread my wings, closed my eyes, and jumped. Ir something like that. And obviously lived to tell about, without a single bump or bruise. So. That's my story. And now my laundry is dry, which was my main purpose in telling that story. Have a good night. And check out the picture from my hike on my pic page.

Oct. 1, 2005...11:42pm
God is so faithful it's ridiculous. Let me simply say that I have learned two things in the last three weeks. First, honest conversation is the hardest thing in the world, but also the most liberating. And second, if you are seeking God's will, He won't screw you over. That's all I have to say right now. So. I'm going to go have some chai, and read a little bit, and go to bed. Peace out.

Oct. 1, 2005...1:27am
David Crowder Band is simply amazing. And I get to hear them play live in a week! Whoohoo!

Sept. 27, 2005...11:57am
Ahhh. Bliss. A sunny late-September day, a cup of coffee, my favorite pair of ripped out jeans and a backpack full of soc. textbooks (not that I'm reading them or anything, but they make the backpack a comfortable, purposeful weight). It really doesn't take much to make me happy.

Sept. 25, 2005...12:43am
Oh glorious, glorious fall. My absolute favorite thing in the world. Hiked up to the Crows Nest Fire Tower (i.e. the top of the world) by Pactola Lake today. It was cold and misty and perfect. The leaves are changing early this year. Usually the colors peak right about the last day of Sept. By a week from now, most of them will probably be gone. Makes me want to skip all my classes on Tuesday and just run all over the woods in Spearfish Canyon. Irresponsible or not, sometimes running around in the woods on a heavenly September day is just more important! If anybody asks what I was doing on Tuesday, tell them I was home in bed with...swollen knuckles. Er...whatever...something debilitating. Swollen knuckles works. Anyway. In other news, besides the fact that it's fall, which is always important news, tonight was the last show at the ranch for the season. That was kind of bitter sweet. I had a good time working out there this summer. And I'm a sappy, sentimental girl, so if you put the the word "last" in front of anything, it makes me very sad. Also, Mr. Jim V. finally updated his journal and added some of his own music to his webpage. If you do know him, you probably already know where to find his web page. If you don't know him and I've piqued your curiosity, and you have a lot of time and nothing to do, you can read through all my archives until you find an entry where I mention the his web address. On another random note, I'm getting better at driving my car. PTL. (Praise the Lord.) WT (with trumpets.) AD (and digeridoo.) Okay kids. Well, I'm either going to go to bed, or go watch a a movie. I haven't decided yet. And I should go get my retainers and wear them. My teeth are getting a little crooked again, and my parents will say "we didn't spend 4 trillion dollars on braces when you were 14 so you can be a grown woman with crooked teeth. " Haha. Actually, they would probably never say that. But wouldn't that be kinda funny? Ha. Nice. Well, I can't think of any more useless information to share with you. Wait. I take that back. I always have useless information to share with people. But I'll spare you any more for right now. Night.

Sept. 19, 2005...11:56pm
Ahoy, me mates and wenches! Official International Talk Like a Pirate Day! (www.talklikeapirate.com) I hope ye all be celebratin' accordingly. I love Pirates. Argh! I really do, you can betch'er bloody mary I do! I know ye might be thinking it's just trendy, with the recent popularity of peg-legs 'n eye-patches 'n all. But really, I loved pirates even before they was cool. Way back in the day, when piracy was a crime punishable by torturous death. I was a supporter way back then...Technically speakin', my association would be makin' me quilty o' treason, I s'pose. Okay. I'm done. It's midnight. Fun's over. Night guys.

Sept. 18, 2005...6:54pm
(THIS WEEK BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER M. M FOR "MORAL SUPPORT." WHICH CAN COME IN MANY FORMS. SUCH AS: MOM. DAD. AJ. JON. STEPH. MARY. YOU ARE ALL APPRECIATED MORE THAN YOU KNOW.)
We don't know why God does the things he does, at the times he does, in the order he does. We are human, so we try to rationalize things, and give reasons for things we don't understand. We sometimes make up explanations for what really confuses us. And I have tried to come up with a reason why last week all played out like it did. It was more craziness packed into one week than I'd had in a long time. My car died the Wednesday before last. Well, DIE is maybe too strong of a word. It actually just became...terminally ill. The sound it was making every time I tried to accelerate was pitifull enough that I felt the need to apologize to it every time I had to go somewhere. And I do alot of going somewhere. So after consulting my personal advisors (financial and otherwise...i.e. my parents) I decided that buying a new car would not wait until Christmas, like I had planned. So on Thursday I skipped school and my fabulous mother got out of work and we spent most of the day car shopping together. From then on, things only got more nuts. I could tell you all of the events (stories, more or less) but it would take forever. Most of you will probably get to hear some of them, from time to time, anyway. But mostly, what I wanted to say is that I haven't got a clue why all those random circumstances seemed to fall on the same row of the calendar, throwing all my "splinning plates" up in the air at once. One possible reason is that maybe I was feeling a little too in control of my life, and God just wanted to remind me that I'm not in control at all. He can do whatever he wants, and for whatever reasons he wants, and he doesn't have to explain any of it. He's God. For Pete's sake! (Pete's a good guy, you know.) His doing it makes it right. He's the "good" standard itself. Also, I was reminded that I am not as independent as I would like to imagine. I actually NEED other people. Can you believe it? My neither! So anyway. My life is all mixed up now, in a good way. That's what makes life interesting. And while I don't know why God arranged things the way he did last week, I don't really need to know. And can just make sure I grow through the tough stuff and the exciting stuff and the stuff where I feel like I'm free falling. So. I'm going to go do some laundry now. And that's mostly all I had to say. So, yep. Thanks again to all you crazy people who are still there for me when I'm willing to admit I need you there.

Sept. 5, 2005...10:11pm
God bless my family extra for putting up with me like they do. I was in a foul mood today, from the moment I woke up, for no good reason. Instead of taking my own car, (I let them all know how I felt about the insane gas prices...which is something I absolutely HATE hearing people gripe about) I rode out with them to Mt. Rushmore for breakfast, brooding most of the way about not getting to go hiking like I hoped, for this reason, or that reason. My dad even bought me breakfast, and I was still grumpy. I sucked up my attitude long enough to have a pleasant conversation with my mom about picking a new grad school (since my Plan A school is currently sitting under 5 feet of water in downtown New Orleans) until she suggested I NOT take the entire summer off next year, at which point I got very angry and quit coversing and just sat and pouted and sipped my coffee. Which my father had payed for. Later in my grumpy day I packed up all my text books and drove out to sit at Spring Creek and study. I hadn't been out to Spring Creek since last summer, and much to my dismay, the creek is mostly gone now. It's all dried up, with a few stagnant mosquito resorts here and there. I've never seen Spring Creek dry in my entire life. So I decided to be angry about that too. So I found a shady spot to sit down and be grumpy some more and study my Crisis Intervention textbook. Two hours later, who should show up but my family! Fully equipped with 5 footlongs from Subway. They were only trying to be nice, bringing their picnic out to me, but this just irritated me more. How DARE they find the ONE picnic ground in the whole Black Hills National Forrest that I'm trying to study at and ruin my peace and quiet! Who CARES if they bought me EVERY MEAL today? Anyway, the rest of the evening has pretty much continued along the same lines. And still, they love me. They maybe don't always LIKE me, but they do love me, and they are very very gracious. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up on the other side of the bed. Actually, that would be bad, because I would hit my knees on my cedar chest. But maybe I'll at least be in a better mood. Until then...

Sept. 3, 2005...10:29am
Life is full. Full in a very good way. Andrea is home for the weekend. Finally! It'd been like 8 years since I'd seen her. I'd practically forgotten what she looked like! (Okay, so maybe it'd only been 2 months...but still, much too long as far as I'm concerned.) So what do two crazy girls do on a Friday night when they are reunited after an extended absence? Sit on my bedroom floor and clean out my accessory drawer of course. The thing had turned into this sort of monster over the last year. One big growing tangle of hemp and beads and scarves and lipstick shades I wouldn't be caught dead wearing (that category would actually include every shade of lipstick) So it was time to tackle the monster. It had been taunting me from the corner of my room for too long now...calling my name, daring me to bring some semblance of organization to itself. So Andrea and I worked on that for about an hour. Then my family had an 81st birthday party for my Grandpa Eben. (My grandparents are here for a Gideon convention) Then AJ and I went to Perkins. Because that's what people who don't hit all the bars on a Friday night do. We go to Perkins. Then she brought me home and I finished the accesory drawer and moved on to bigger and better things (fyi: stickers all over the back of your door when you are in junior high may be cool, but left-over sticker residue stuff all over your door when you are 22 is not so cool...) I finally crashed about 3:00. This morning I went garage-saling with my little sister. The rest of the day includes lunch with one of my favorite people, who just happened to have a ring put on her finger last night ;) Amanda and Jeremy's wedding, and a barbeque at Luke's. Tomorrow AJ and my family and I are going to Nebraska to float down the river (it's like the Lazy River Ride at a water park, only 6 hours longer. and with a cooler full of Diet Coke.) On Monday we're all going up to Mt. Rushmore for breakfast. Because it's tradition. And that's what people who don't hit all the bars on a Friday night do. They go to breakfast at Mt. Rushmore with all the old people from their church on Labor Day. Hahah. Just kidding. Anyway. That's the plan for the weekend. Like I said, life is full. In a good way.

August 30, 2005...1:03am
ADVENTURES IN THE ANALOGIC PART OF MARCI'S BRAIN, CH. 1
So I'm by myself, driving down the interstate, right? And I see this car pulled over on the side of the road. As I approach, I see that the driver is an elderly woman. She's just sitting there in the drivers seat, all alone. (Not only is she the only one in the drivers seat, she's also the only one in the car, and the only one on the side of the road...) So I pull over. She says she was trucking along at about 65 mph, headed for her sons house, which is 300 miles east of where we are, and all of a sudden the check engine light came on, just in time for a whining sound and clouds of steam to pour out from under the hood. Now the dang engine won't even turn over when she tries to start it. So I pop the hood and hem and haw a bit, just so I look like I'm taking control of the situation. I check the oil, which is fine, and the water in the antifreeze resevoir, which is also okay. Obviously the tires are fine, so my particular area of experience and knowledge is completely useless. So I do the next logical thing and offer to call AAA for her so we can get someone who actually knows something about cars out here in the middle of nowhere. This would have been a great plan if I hadn't been in the middle of nowhere. The only place in the continental U.S. where Verizon CAN'T hear me now. So I do the NEXT logical thing, which is offer the old woman a ride to the nearest town...at least 60 miles either direction. The old wowan, who up until now seemed pretty reasonable, adamantly refused to get in the car with me. No amount of persuasion would convince her to come along. She was not going anywhere with me, she said. This perplexed me a bit, since I don't believe myself to look very menacing, but finally I gave up and promised her that I would drive to the nearest town and send hi-po and a tow-truck (or at least the equivelant) back for her. By the time a got back in my car and took off headed east, leaving this 75 year old woman sitting by herself in her 1989 Lincoln Town Car, the sun is beginning to go down... (Tune in next time for Ch. 2)

August 28, 2005...3:39am
I am a pac-rat. A pac-rat of the worst sort. I keep everything. Not only do I stash everything I think I need, or use, or become attached to, but I actually seek things out for the sole purpose of stashing them. I find something I like and I think "Hmmm. I might need that at some point in my life." or "Who knows? Maybe someday I'll want to read outdated obstetric nursing textbooks" or "I don't know what it is, but it looks cool, and I know I'll think of something to use it for." or "What if I meet someone and think - that would have made a perfect gift..." And it just so happens that I run across things I like -old books, wierd nik-naks, strange vintage clothing, broken discarded furniture, wooden fruit - all the time. It may be a little charming in the telling of it, but in reality, junk accumulates, and 22 years of stashing can really get out of hand. Well, lately I've been feeling a little convicted about materialism. Plus, recent contemplation on the subjects of my mobility, my availability to just up and go wherever God may want to move me, and what some may consider excessive attachment to my geographic location up until now, I decided that it may be time to start paring down. So I ran by Walmart sometime around noon and bought two more large plastic storage bins, which brings me to a total of 4. That's 120 gallons of storage space. I figured that was reasonable. Besides whatever items I keep in my bedroom, I decided I wanted to be able to cram absolutely all of my worldy possessions into 120 gallons of space. So I took my plastic bins and headed for my storage shed. Yes, I have a storage shed. Are you beginning to get the picture? So I headed over to the storage shed and began the process I would like to refer to as "crash junk dieting." Within 2 hours I had emptied 7 large cardboard boxes, filled 1.5 bins, and lost (thrown away) at least 200 pounds of junk (literally hundreds of magazines, notes from multiple college lectures, and alot of random stuff that apparently was important to me at one time, but I can't remember why anymore). Among things I couldn't bring myself to throw away was the 3'x 2'x 2' foam board cathedral I built for art history 101, my Strawberry Shortcake transistor radio c.1987, the coat hanger angel wings I made for a halloween costume pary in highschool (not just any angel wings, mind you...I looked like Drew Barrymore in Everafter,) my large collection of "Full House" (you know, classic TGIF late-80's/early-90's, the Olsen twins, Uncle Jesse, "how RUDE!") parafenalia (including, but not limited to, pajamas, a watch, the board game, tennis shoes, dolls, books and cast autographs), and everything a person needs to decorate their living room in a swell retro-chic Texas theme. I'm not kidding. Everything from mounted bull horns and a copy of "The Texas Slang Dictionary" to old John Wayne movie posters and cactus candlestick holders. Very cool stuff. So anyway, I ran out of my "purging" ambition early afternoon. I knew when I started throwing copies of syllabi for classes I had never taken into the "keep" pile that I was starting to actually LOSE ground. So I gave up and still have at least 8 more boxes to go. When I finally finish this project (which has to happen tomorrow because I didn't pay to rent my storage shed after this month)I may start a support group for pac-rats. Don't get the wrong idea though...we woudln't be supportive to eachother by throwing away other people's junk against their will. Let me tell you. A person that gets between a pac-rat and their junk is a person with nothing left to lose. No, you can't change a pac-rat. They have to WANT to change. I'm getting there. I'm getting there.
P.S. New pic on the photo page. Morning.

August 26, 2005
I think I may have acquired such a significant sleep debt over the last couple of weeks (or months, years maybe) that I may have to mortage my...geo...to pay it back. Either that or quit both jobs, don't go back to school, and ignore my friends. None of the above are an option, so I suppose my only choice is to squeeze sleep in the little windows of time I have between 2 and 7 am. Fine. To bed, to bed. I'm going. Night

August 18, 2005...1:16am
My jeans smell funny. You ever throw a load of laundry in the washer and forget about them until the next day? But then you're too "environmentally conscious" to waste the water and run them through again, so you dry them and cook that stale, dirty dishwater smell right into them, and it stays until you wash them again, so really, you not only wasted the water, but you wasted the dryer time too, because now you have to start all over...

August 12, 2005...2:08am
Today was one of those days that went so smoothly and enjoyably that in the back of my head, I was almost waiting for some kind of disaster to occur, to make it more realistic. Lucky for me, current reality really IS that enjoyable. For starters, I worked alone, like I do every Friday. "Alone" means I'm the only nurse working in podiatry. You would think that the 1/1-nurse/doctor ratio would be adequate, but really it's not. There's too much paperwork, too many phone calls, too many sutures, too much patient counseling for everything to run quite like a well oiled machine. But even though it's doubly stressful, and the whole schedule runs about 15 minutes behind, and Dr. Ries ends up doing things that he normally doesn't have to do, like set up for his own procedures, I actually enjoy it. It gives me a chance to prove that I am good at my job, and that I can handle most everything. This is probably kind of a pride thing. But sometimes I doubt my capability when I work with the other assistants, because I feel like I'm asking them questions all the time. Anyway, despite a few unavoidable glitches, everything went well. At lunch I ran down to the park and sat on a bench and ate an Odwalla bar and watched the birds and wrote in my journal. After work I ran home, changed clothes and met Adrienne's family for dinner at the Colonial House. From there we drove out to the BH Playhouse to see H.M.S. Pinafore. I haven't been to the theater in so long...it was so good to go to a show. While I was there I ran into my friend Abby whom I haven't seen since highschool graduation, but lately had been wondering how she was doing. When the show was over and we got back to town, I ran over to Sharon and Chelsea's place to hang out with the crew for a while, and then at midnight I left there and went to Jared and Jessica's house to watch The Three Amigos with them and Luke and Mary. So. There you have it. My lovely day. I should also mention that the last three days have pretty much been one continuous thunder storm, with beautiful sunny intermissions here and there. But mostly alot of thunder and lightening and rain. You could hardly ask for a better day.

August 9, 2005...1:20am
I've been reading alot about the early Church lately. The first Christ followers. The charter members. The ones that knew the guys that knew the guys that knew Jesus and ate and fished and and laughed and walked with him when he walked on this planet. Just reading about the kind of community and fellowship that they had, it's no wonder that "more believers were added to their numbers daily." Check out the first couple chapters of Acts and what it has to say about the way they treated each other, and lived together and took care of one another. Who wouldn't want in on that? I also can't help but wonder why "the church" (meaning the whole church, i.e. all Jesus-followers that are around today) doesn't seem to look just like that snap shot we have to model in Acts 3. Some of what we do looks like that, but not all of it. What's the problem? How can I change it? Food for thought to get you through the Sturgis-Rally Commute tomorrow. May your Tuesday be extraordinary.

August 7, 2005...2:10am
If my life were a television drama...(it's not-and for that we can all be very thankful) this episode would be a good one for the sentimental, meloncholy season finale, and the soundtrack would be "Seasons of Love" from RENT, and instead of a bunch of dialogue, there would mostly be alot of long, dramatic, drawn-out camera shots of the characters walking, or star gazing, or sitting in good sitting places, deep in thoughts of how things are, or could'v'been, or should'v'been and staring sadly or contentedly, or acceptingly, off into the horizon...symbolic of their coming-of-age, and in anticipation of what's to become of their quasi-complex lives in the next season, (i.e., which actors have decided not to renew their contracts, i.e., which characters will have to be killed off, which will move away, which will the producers attempt to replace with a sorry excuse for a look-alike in an attempt to fool the viewers, and which will hang around for 6 more seasons until the show has really worn out it's welcome, and which new young hopeful will make their debut) and the real faithful fans (you know, the ones who write fan-fiction, and sing along with the with theme song, and talk more about the show than their own lives) would be getting all choked up. That would be this week's episode. In all it's melodramatic, nauseating glory. Like I said, we can all be thankful you only have to read about it, and not watch it on tv.

August 5, 2005...4:29am
That's correct. 4:29am. Still awake. Luckily, GOOGLE is a fascinating resource.
FYI:
~I don't currently meet the requirements to apply for a job as an FBI secret agent.
~There are a zillion websites where you can make your own t-shirts. I didn't find one that I trusted to make me a sweet shirt.
~There are a handful of "Christian Hippie Communes" scattered around the country
~David Crowder Band is going to be in Denver on October 8.
~I can fly round-trip to London in November for under $600.
~The Greeks aren't big on hiring Americans.
~You think you know all the lyrics until you read the lyrics...
~There is still a fire ban, so...no camp fire at the youth group camp out :(
~Sleep deprivation causes lessened memory access
~There was something else interesting, but I can't remember...

August 2, 2005...3:55am
You know it's a good day when your biggest complaint is that the Key Lime Tofu is not all you had hoped it would be. (So far, last night's grocery venture is 0 for 2, since both the tofu and the breakfast cereal have been extremely disappointing...at least I've still got the salad...you can't go wrong with spinach and fat free cranberry vinagrette, right? Right?) The tofu situation is completely redeemable by the fact that the stars are shining tonight like I've never seen before. Man, I love summer.

August 1, 2005...12:43am
This new high-protein, all-natural breakfast cereal I just bought tastes more like cardboard than...cardboard itself. Unfortunately, it's the only cereal I bought, and I'm starving right now. Guess I'll have to resort to eating the box it came in...

July 31, 2005...2:41am
I am back home from my third and final week of camp for this summer. (Younglife@Frontier, Sr.Hi@CrystalSprings, and Jr.Hi@CrystalSprings) I have returned, but I hesitate to say "safe and sound". My world was rocked, and subsequently, my heart greatly changed by new and indescribable glimpses of His love and grace. While true that "on Christ the solid rock I stand..." we are not called to a life that is "safe and sound." We are called to step both feet out of the boat. Neither "safe", nor "sound", except that we have our eyes fixed on Jesus. Yet another perplexing paradox of The Redeemed. I'll write more about camp later. For now I'll just say it was incredible, and hard, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. If I'm really ambitious I might get some pics up on here for you. Maybe, if you bug me enough for them, AND I'm ambitious...

July 17, 2005...2:50am
My friend/ex-boyfriend, Donnie, got married today. (Let me pause here a moment just to say that I hate the word "ex-boyfriend" - saying it makes me feel a bit trashy - sorry. I just needed to get that off my chest.) Also, my friend Traci got married today. They married each other. Which is a good thing. Because they are in love with each other, and have been engaged for 6 months. And had they married other people on the day they had planned to marry one another, well, that would just be a mess, and there would be alot of confused wedding guests. :) In all seriousness though, it really was a good thing. Is a good thing. They are a testimony to everyone, and myself in-particular, of God's faithfulness. And so it was good to stand in the rain and sunshine (simultaneously) at the base of Storm Mountain today and witness them pledge their life and love to the Lord and one another. I won't lie and say it wasn't a bit strange. Seeing someone else standing where I at one time thought I would be standing has a way of...creating a whole new genre of emotions I had never run across before. Not bad ones necessarily. Just a little wierd. I had actually prepared myself for worse, so it wasn't really a big deal, but I wouldn't say it's something I ever want to do again. (Watch an ex-boyfriend get married that is. Not a problem though. I don't have any other ex-boyfriends.) All in all, it was a beautiful wedding and a marriage that I know God will bless. Following the wedding I made it down to Hills Alive just in time to see Jars of Clay (I missed Mute Math, Sarah Kelley, Jeremy Camp, Big Daddy Weave, and Building 429) which was awesome. Mercy Me is playing tomorrow night, and I'm pretty excited about that. Let me tell you what else I'm pretty excited about. My little bro is finally coming home tomorrow from his ridiculous 2.5 week road trip. I really have missed him. (Go ahead...just say it...I'm a geek. I like my little bro enough to really miss him when he's gone.) So I'm looking forward to that as well. Third (and last) thing I'll tell you I'm looking forward to: I'm going to be house sitting for some people 30 minutes out of town all this week. They want me at the house pretty much any time I'm not working. While this is an inconvenience (especially being a person who is usually only home long enough to sleep and shower everyday) it will force me to slow down and be bored for the first time in...a very long time. To be still and know that God is God. To get in His Word. To focus on Him without my phone ringing (I don't even get any cell service out there...sweet.) Okay. Well. That's enough looking forward for one night. As far as looking at right now, I'm looking pretty tired. I'm going to hit the sack. Bye.

July 1, 2005...1:03am
Take three on the journal entry. I don't even know what to talk about tonight. Today was one of those days that, in retrospect, should have provided me with a decent amount of subject matter to draw from, but I got nothin'. I could write about my new found (and cheap!) therapy: washing dishes. On Tuesday night I hand-washed dishes for 250 people. And I found it to be a great stress reliever. Especially if I'm doing it all by myself. The first reason for this is the fact that it's quiet. There isn't anyone I have to talk to for 2 hours. Sometimes I crave solitude like that. Secondly, I don't have to be thinking "there really are other things I should be doing right now..." I'm getting paid to do dishes, so there's really no where else I need to be at that time. Thirdly, when all your problems in life seem to0big to tackle, at least you know you can get the dishes done. You start with dirty dishes (problem) and you wash them (solution) and they are all clean until you use them again (problem solved.) If only all of our problems in life were that easy to take care of. I'm going to bed now. I'm really tired. Night.

June 29, 2005...11:14pm
Any day is a good one that involves all of the following:
~Waking up early enough to realize you get to sleep in, and being able to go back to sleep
~Breakfast at the Colonial House with Sarah and Kelsey
~Finding out that you have enough store credit at the thrift store to get a sweet shirt and a pair of sunglasses and only have to spend $3.
~Driving out to Custer State Park to meet my family for a ride around the Wild Life Loop
~Playing MASH with my little sister
~Cleaning my room
~Rain
~Tornado spotting
~Tree climbing
~Hanging with my middle school girls
~ice blocking until it's too dark to see who you're running into at the bottom of the hill.
All in all, it was an excellent day off.

June 26, 2005...1:46am
Fireflies DO exist! I know this, because I just saw them for the first time in my whole life. Andrea and I were hiking the Stratabowl, which I've hiked in the dark at least a dozen times. But tonight was the first time I'd even seen fireflies. I have actually doubted their existence since I was little, because people always talked about them, but I never saw them. I thought they were maybe something fictional made up for sentimental country songs and childrens books. But nope, they're the real deal. Flitting around like fairies, all magical like. Beautiful. Our creator is so...creative. Go figure.

June 16, 2005...3:45am
Well, would you look at that. It's nearly four in the morning. And here I sit. Eating some kind of rice with a few raisins mixed in, and tasting somewhat reminiscent of something...citrus-y. Wierd. It was in the fridge, it was fresh, and it was free. So I'm not going to argue with that. I'm also drinking Jones Soda out of a can, which just doesn't seem quite right to me. Jones Soda was meant for a bottle like...corn was meant for the cob. Anyhow. My day off today seemed a bit more like a marathon than a day off, but it was a good one. I had some pretty good talks with a few of my highschool girls over lunch, and waiting in my car in the parking lot at the campground where Sharon works, and at youth group, and by the blue light of the blank DVD/TV screen in Sarah's living room after watching "The Importance of Being Earnest". The overwhelming theme in their lives seems to be one of uncertainty. What does God want to do in their lives? Who does God want them to be with? Why is it so hard to be who they know they should be? Is it worth it? Is it all going to work out okay? Sometimes I think I am in a good position to listen and give advice, because I can relate to their questions and problems. Other times I feel like all I can do is commiserate, because I am anxious about so many of the same things. I find my self saying, "I don't know." so often. Basically what it boils down to is prayer. I am wary of giving them advice. I must resist the urge to tell the other people in their lives how much they need to change. I can't sit their boyfriends and exboyfriends down for a good talking to. But I can pray. And how dare we say, "All we can do is pray." We speak of it as if it were a last-ditch effort. We can't even fathom the potential of this resource that is so accessible, right in front of us. It's huge. So girls, (Cameo, Miranda, Emily, Jessica, Sara, Sarah Jill, Hannah, Rachel...all of you...)know that even when I don't have a clue what to tell you, when I don't have any good advice, when I have to tell you that mine is not an example worth following in many situations, when I don't know what God has in store, you are in my prayers. All the time. I pray that you will hang tight with Jesus. That you will be pure and patient while wating for your prince. That you will have a hunger for God's word. That you will honor and appreciate your parents more than I have honored and appreciated mine. That you will not be swayed by the winds of life, or confused by all the crap the world (and sometimes even the church) will try to market to you as truth. And mostly that you will know God's love, because that, above all, will change your heart.

May 29, 2005...4:28am
This is the first time in at least a year that I went to bed, laid there for a while, and realized I couldn't sleep. It just doesn't happen to me. I can ALWAYS sleep, once I'm in bed. My late night escapades are voluntary. Some people have suggested that the reason I don't normally go to bed before 2am is because the coffee keeps me awake. But they are wrong! I keep the coffee up! See, the trick is to drink the coffee, and then out run the caffeine, staying up doing stuff or talking to people, or saving the world until suddenly you realize that you're so tired you are about to drop dead. Then I start my first stage of sleep in the five or so minutes it take me to brush my teeth, take out my contacts, and set my alarm clocks (all three of them), and by the time I'm in the bed, I'm already on the express-train to dream land. Luckily, I didn't inherit the TRUE insomniac gene from my mom. She has to take sleeping pills every night. Tells me she hasn't slept through the night since she had her first baby, twenty-four years ago. She wakes up all the time and worries about us. My poor mom. Bless her heart. Anyhow. I guess it's just as well that I'm up now anyway. I have a few things I've been thinking about lately (the last two hours) anyway, the main one being this:
Jesus did not die for me and redeem my heart so that I could spend the rest of my life trying to cram myself in the "Baptist Wife Box." You either. (Or whatever box you or the people around you fancy.) He died so that we might have life, and life to the fullest. I believe this refers to the eternal life we are promised in Him, but also to the life we live in Him while we are in this world. I don't know where we got the idea that the term "Christian" referred to a personality type. It doesn't. It shouldn't. It refers to a new creation. The amazing, adventurous, truly alive version of the personality he gave us when he formed us in our mother's womb. (Of course there are many many traits that should be familiar to all of us who have been saved by his grace: the fruits of the spirit, the beatitudes, etc. But we can work towards growing in those things without compromising the strengths and characteristics that he made unique to each one of us.) I suppose I could put myself in some pre-fab box. It might be like the time in highschool where we played sardines in the church and I hid in such a great, itty-bitty spot (some cupboard in the conference room) that no one could find me, and they all gave up, and I was in the fetal position for so long my legs went numb. But if we all did that, I for one would be eternally uncomfortably, and there would still be the other 90% of personality types that would never get reached with the love of Christ. (We do need SOME Baptist-Wife Types. They are equally important. It's the idea that that's the only right way to be a Christian Woman that I think is a falacy) Jesus did not expect that from his followers. Just read the book. He was constantly working through the least "boxed-up" characters he could find. Creatively. Perhaps my favorite thing about him. His creativity. His innovation, per se. We should capitalize on that, kids. We need to be creative. Figure out how your love for video games, or your passion for casseroles, etc, can be used to glorify him. We will probably be surprised all the wierd ways he will use us if we will let him. Haha. There's your call to arms for tonight. "Burn your boxes!" Whoohoo! Ha. Ya'll are like, "Go back to BED, Marci." Goodnight. Okay.

May 28, 2005...1:04am
My brother's wedding is four weeks from today. (Fine, yesterday, if you going to be THAT way about it.) That's only four short weeks to get in shape. I know that's just really not very long. But the truth is, I've been trying to "eat healthier" and "get in shape" since about the beginning of last semester. So I finally decided that if I mentioned it on here, I would maybe feel somewhat inclined to stick with it. My one flicker of hope is in the fact that at one time, a mere year and a half ago, I was quite in shape. So I know I'm capable of getting there. Not quite in four weeks, but it's a pretty good start. So, to start with, I'm going to the gym tomorrow. So I'm going to go to bed now, so that I actually make it out of bed in time for kickboxing and weightlifting. Speaking of which, I've devoloped multiple bad habits since school has been out, one of the worst of which is oversleeping nearly every day. I need to put an end to it. Wish me luck. Night.

May 24, 2005...1:10am
Sorry kids, I promised to finish that last entry, and never did. I still intend to. But I'm going to do it at a time when I'm a little more alert. At the moment I'm pretty exhausted. Not only did I work out at the gym today, I also had this brilliant idea that I would ride my bike to the YoungLife office this evening, instead of taking my car. After all, it's only about a mile away, and I can get exercise, save money, and save the the planet. It's a win-win-win situation. So I rode my bike there. And then I rode my bike to Culver's. And then I rode my bike to the guys' house. And we didn't leave there until 12:45. And I was going to ride my bike all the way home, but Steph said she would just run me right over with her car if I was dumb enough to ride my bike all the way home in the middle of the night. I tried to explain that I would be fine, because I knew self defense, because I'd seen the Bourne Identity three times. She didn't think that was very funny. So, here I am at home. And my bike is in Corey's garage, until I get it tomorrow. I'm already having separation anxiety. I did, after all, just buy the bike tonight. And I payed $35 for it. It's only natural that I would worry something might happen to it. Well, I'm going to go to bed and worry about my bike, but at least feel good that I definately got my exercise for today. Night.

May 18, 2005...2:28am
It has come to my attention that there are two common misconceptions which are held by a large number of people about my age...say, oh, between 16 and 25 years of age. I feel that as someone who sees these misconceptions as detrimental to the integrity and emotional wellbeing of my generation, I have a social responsibility to address these misconceptions, and to attempt to set some thinking straight. Thus, the following statements are based on the assumption that they are, in fact, misconceptions (i.e. skewed reasoning) and that my opinion is (you guessed it)...right. That said, I should make it clear that I do not always think I am right. My margin of error is known to be several lanes wide, and my opinions on many things are not static. They change frequently as I experience life, gather information, and learn more about God's heart. I reserve the right to be wrong, to change my own mind, or to have someone change it for me if need be. In addition, it should be noted that when it comes to the particular issues at hand, the opinions and convictions of "Christian young people" run the gammut. Ultra-liberal to ultra-conservative and everything in between. I can't hardly think of another area that has more shades of grey. And so, now that I've made my disclaimer thorough enough that no one can accuse me of trying to force my opinion on anyone, and you have been fairly warned, and you understand that your reading of the following statements is purily voluntary and the opinions therein are not necessarily the beliefs held by my family, friends, church, bank, dentist, or anyone else associated with me, I will, without further ado...say that my time is up for tonight. I just spent my 15 minutes writing this silly liability release. Politics these days. Geez. Anyway, I guess I'll finish these statements tomorrow. Night.

May 13, 2005...2:36am
I decided to start posting all of AJ's and my spring break photos on my pic'o'the week page, one at a time. If I put up a new one every week, I should be good for 6 years.

May 12, 2005...8:45am
A 60 degree snow day - this is every child's dream. (I'm enjoying it too.)

May 9, 2005...2:22am
For someone who has never engaged in any criminal activity, I sure have been accused (by law enforcement) of a lot of criminal activity.

May 8, 2005...1:13am
2 Circus Tickets: $20.50
Plastic Clown Nose: 3/$1
3 Light-up bobbing dolphin antenaes: $3
2 Glow Necklace: $4
2 bags of Cotton Candy: $4
Popcorn: $4
Nachos: $4
2 Snowcones: $2
Spinny Psychadelic Fiberoptic Wand Thing: $5
"Worlds Greatest" Candy Bar: $1
Mary, clown nose and all, trying to explain to a coworker, (who was there with her two small children) that her and I were there alone. No children.: Priceless.

May 5, 2005...1:16am
(Cinco de Mayo. Ole'! And 5/5/5. Knock on wood.)So, just between you and me (and you, and you, and you...) I have this persistent fear that I am like an oppositely charged magnet. I worry that if I try to move closer to anyone, they will simultaneously move away. My past experiences have mostly only contradicted this fear, so I don't know what my deal is. But I do suppose that acknowledging it is the first step to cow-girling up and getting over it, don't you think? Okay, good. It's official. I'm making progress.

May 3, 2005...1:19am
Well, I'm definately nearing the home stretch. Four finals down, three papers to go. It has been unseasonably cold outside, and while it is irritating everyone else, I would like to think that maybe God is just doing me a favor. He knows that if it was nice outside, I'd be getting even less studying done. I'm going to check on the school website about changing my degree. (Did you really think I'd make it all the way to graduation with out changing it at least one more time? Where's the adventure in that?)

April 30, 2005...3:00am
People that make me think hard, speak my mind, and fall more in love with Jesus are my favorite people in the world. People that are patient enough to perplex me that way at 3 in the morning are my favorite favorite.

April 28, 2005...11:25am
Today is not off to such a great start. I just took what I'm pretty sure is my worst test ever. I did terribly. Possibly worse than my infamous algebra final three years ago. The saddest part of the story is that this wasn't a math test. It was a history test. A subject I enjoy. Go figure. I wish I had an excuse. Wish I could say I've had a lot of stress in my life lately, or that the test was harder than it should have been, or that aliens stole my memory. But no. None of the above. Just chalk it up to me not setting my priorities. Making bad choices like hanging out with Lawson's last night instead of studying for this test. Bad, bad choices. So, anyway, it's over now. There isn't anything I can do about it now except do well on the take home essay that's due next week, and hope I scrape up enough points to pass the class. Geez. What happened? I used to be a good student, you know. People copied my homework when I was in junior high. Hrmmm. Well, anyway. I should cheer up. I've got a cup of chocolate rasberry coffee. All is basically well with the world.

April 26, 2005...2:47am
Sometimes I just can't shut up. This is a bad thing. Believe me. I'll get to talking to someone, and all of sudden I feel like I am ten feet away, sort of out-of-body, behind one-way glass, watching myself blab and blab and blab, and all the while the I'm screaming, "Shut up now! Stop! Just quit talking." But no...I'll tell anyone anything. It's just not cool.

April 21,2005...again...11:43pm
The meteorologist, (one who studies meteors? hmmm?) predicted precipitation for today. What he did not specify is that it would actually be raining men in addition to water. Hahaha.

April 21,2005...11:16am
Still raining.Glorious, beautiful rain. Rain,rain,rain. And so,I will be quite content to sit here for the next three hours in my favorite sweater in a comfortable chair in the coffee shop in the BHSU library and drink chai and finish my 4,871 page paper (I swear...I just write and write and write and it's never over. It's the longest 10 pages I've ever had to write.)about Augustine. It's not that I don't like Augustine. He was a pretty cool guy. It's just that I would rather just read what he had to say than write what I think about what he had to say. His book makes better "coffee conversation" than term paper material. Oh well. Off I go. If I finish today I will reward my self with...ah...the privilege to work on my NEXT paper! Whoohoo!

April 20, 2005...2:05am
It rained today. God is very good.

April 15, 2005...7:33am
"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." ~Ghandi. Food for thought.

April 11, 2005...12:02am
So. As per usual, I don't have adequate time (I set a personal goal to be in bed in...oh, negetive three minutes) to cover the material I feel is pertinent to maintaining a blog that keeps anyone up to date with my life. So, this evening, I'm simply going to touch on three items that perhaps I will get to expound on at a later date. Item #1) As you can see, I'm back from Chicago. Here are a few highlights: performing bunion surgery on a cadaver, eating a $60+ meal in bluejeans, watching the sunset from the top of the Sears tower, and watching people in the airports, which is honestly one of my favorite activities in the world. While the trip itself was not long enough (they never are, are they?) I probably would have gone nuts being surrounded by so many suits for even five more minutes. It's not so bad to be home. Item #2) My life as of just recently seems to look a bit like an episode of Dawson's Creek, and quite frankly, I don't think I could be happier about it. Lucky for you and I, God is sovereign, likes good plot/character devolopment, and has a supreme sense of humor. #3) On Friday night my big bro was on the air for the first time as the new evening anchor at KNBN television news. Just this evening, my little bro was on the air for the first time as the new weekend DJ for (say this out loud in your best radio voice...go on...try it) "the new...88.3FM...the Point." I've got that voice down pretty good, because Jamin just walks around talking like that all the time now. It's pretty funny. Since I don't know how to put sound clips on my website, the only way you too can truly appreciate "the voice" is if you practice out loud as well. Of course it's most amusing if you use "the voice" to say things like "Hey, who drank my last can of Coke?" or "Wow, Marc, you look particularly retarded today." (Lucky for him, I find this funny, rather than cause for hitting him upside the head.) So. Anyway. That's more than I intended to say tonight anyway. I really need to hit the sack now. We had to leave our hotel at 4:30 this morning, which is 3:30 Rapid City time. So, I'm out.

April 7, 2005...12:31am
Lammies* are on Saturday night. I hung the last paper lantern in the church gym at midnight tonight, and then came home to pack. In 6 hours I will be on a plane on my way to Chicago, where I will spend 3 days learning about...you guessed it: feet. Hopefully I will get to hear some decent jazz music too. But the primary objective for the trip is to attend the Midwestern Podiatry Conference. So...I'm going to make a list for packing (since I can't do a single cotton-pickin' thing without making a list first), do my laundry, pack, write a paper, finish up the last few Lammies details, shower, and, if I get a chance, I might take a little nap. Don't worry. I know this situation appears that I am running awefully far behind, because of my procrastinative (is that a word?) tendencies. But I will have you all know, I actually planned it this way. I could have told you a month ago that I would not be getting any sleep this night. So, theoretically speaking, I'm right on schedule. But if I'm going to stay on schedule, I had better get going. I'll be back Sunday. Have a great weekend.

April 6, 2005...1:03am
I think I could make a billion dollars if I packaged up cow dung in attractive bags and marketed it as "Your Neighbor's Fertilizer. 100% Organic." Because, as we all know...the grass is always greener...

March 31, 2005...12:21pm
So I was thinking about my future again. Not worrying, mind you. Just thinking, which is something I imagine most people my age do quite frequently. So, as I was thinking about my future, and pondering all the different possibilities there are out there, (instead of listening to my professor lecture about juvenile delinquency) I came up with the most BRILLIANT idea for future employement! Perhaps even better than my whale-hunting idea, or my upscale, vegetarian bistro idea, or even my boring grad-school plan. I've decided that perhaps the perfect job for me would be as a travel-companion for elderly people. Just think of all the wealthy widows out there who want to travel and see the world, but don't want to do it alone. So they pay my expenses, I come with them, carry their luggage, make sure they don't get ripped off on currency exchange, make sure no one smuggles cocaine into their bags, hassle with hotel reservations, and get them their coffee...and I get to see the world. It costs me nothing, they aren't lonely, we all get the best of both worlds. Plus, I figure I'm at least semi-qualified, because I've been working with elderly people for 3 years now, and I'm CPR certified. I'm a shoe-in! Now, if only I could find some rich old lady who wants to go backpacking in Nepal...

March 29, 2005...11:01am
Somehow, school has quit being a priority and has instead become an inconvenience, something tedious that interferes with the rest of my life. This is probably just a sign that I have senioritis, or perhaps only a symptom of the blue shining sky and fresh grass that has suddenly made it's annual debut in the last 48 hours.

March 27, 2005...1:52am

...IN THE LIVING ROOM

It's amazing the ways
I can arrange furniture
in a studio appartment
when certain pieces just don't move

(It's amazing the things
we learn to live with
when we are afraid of
living without certain other things)

You come calling frequently
hang your hat
as usual on
bobbing weaving trunk

You situate your long legs
akwardly crossed uncrossed
behind beside four thick legs
sturdy like tree trunks

I serve coffee in cups
we place strategically
as to avoid their
getting pissed in

I chatter about the weather
my family your work
my future your advice regarding it
anything almost

our conversation hangs
suspended in air
thick with a stench
reminiscent of circus tents

you rise to leave
thanking me, taking your hat
shoes crunching peanut shells
on the way out the door

March 24, 2005...1:07pm
Though I wholeheartedly agree with Natalie's feelings concerning stretch jeans (www.thatgirlcalledsomeday.blogspot.com), I must say that the greater evil is jeans that lack back pockets. The whole reason that back pockets were first put on jeans was not so that men would have a place to keep their wallet or can of chew, or so that middle school girls could put their hands on their own butt and stick out their chests, with out actually looking like they had their hands on their butt, (while these have fortunately, turned out to be latent functions) but primarily, this was done for aesthetic purposes. No one wants to look at an undisguised butt. So what idiot decided that removing the pockets was fashionably progressive? I do hate stretch jeans, and my suggestion is that in order to wear them, one must first obtain a liscence, the same way you have to get a liscence to fish, or operate a commercial vehicle. In order to qualify for this liscence, one must have actually been clinically diagnosed with an eating disorder. This liscence would allow the "stretch jeans inhabitant" restricted wearing time, and only when they will not be seen by anyone fatter than them...which is everyone. This liscence would be revoked anytime the holder breaks 100 lbs. That is my plan for stretch jeans. Pocketless jeans, on the other hand, should be done away with altogether. Liscencing not an option. It should be made illegal not only to wear them, but even to own a pair. Punishable by death. Death by donuts.

March 20, 2005...1:40am
I just need to talk about something I am NOT down with:
The Vagina Monologues. I approached them this evening with an optimistic and open mind, eager to learn how I could do my part to help in the fight against the violent oppression of women in other countries and domestic abuse much closer to home. But I did not learn anything like that, and now I am just plain pissed off with the way Eve Ensler thought she was empowering us girls, when instead she was actually reducing our identity to the personification of our genitals. I find this degrading, not liberating. I may be more feminist-minded (gasp!) than most little Baptist girls you meet, but I am also more than the sum of the parts of my sex organs.

March 15, 2005...11:07am
(Stuart Townend, 2003)
HOW DEEP THE FATHER'S LOVE FOR US
HOW VAST BEYOND ALL MEASURE
THAT HE SHOULD GIVE HIS ONLY SON
TO MAKE A WRETCH HIS TREASURE
HOW GREAT THE PAIN OF SEARING LOSS
THE FATHER TURNS HIS FACE AWAY
AS WOUNDS WHICH MAR THE CHOSEN ONE
BRING ANY SONS TO GLORY
BEHOLD THE MAN UPON A CROSS
MY SIN UPON HIS SHOULDERS
ASHAMED I HERE MY MOCKING VOICE
CALL OUT AMONG THE SCOFFERS
IT WAS MY SIN THAT HELD HIM THERE
UNTIL IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED
HIS DYING BREATH HAS BROUGHT ME LIFE
I KNOW THAT IT IS FINISHED
I WILL NOT BOAST IN ANYTHING
NO GIFTS, NO POWER, NO WISDOM
BUT I WILL BOAST IN JESUS CHRIST
HIS DEATH AND RESURRECTION
WHY SHOULD I GAIN FROM HIS REWARD
I CANNOT GIVE AN ANSWER
BUT THIS I KNOW WITH ALL MY HEART
HIS WOUNDS HAVE PAID MY RANSOM

March 11, 2005...1:30am
Just arrived home from Colorado. Going to bed. Will write more tomorrow.

March 1, 2005...11:37am
I just sat down at this little computer pod in the basement of the student union. Seems I forgot my checkbook (which I was going to balance,) my wellness textbook (which I needed in order to write the paper that's due in class tonight,) and my library card (which I needed so I could renew a few books,) which means that I have plenty to do, but no means of doing any of it. Fortunately for me, as soon as I sat down, a girl sat down at the computer across from me, and moments later, and guy sat down at the computer next to hers. So for the last 20 minutes, much to my intruige, I have been eavesdropping, listening to him working up to asking her out...I just know, it's inevitable. First he casually asked her a question about logging on to the computers. Then asked her what program she's using, what class her assignment's for. Why is she taking that class? What's her degree? How much longer untill she's finished? What's her name, Where is she from? Oh, so do you know so-and-so? He is neither being pushy nor annoying, and she is reciprocating the conversation, so I'm pretty sure he's got a good chance, (plus, he's pretty good looking, so he's got that in his favor too.) I just wish he would get on with it, because I need to get to my next class pretty soon here, and I really wouldn't want to miss the finale.

February 26, 2005...11:48pm
A lovely day for flying...

February 23, 2005...11:58pm
I am, you may already know, an idealist. I live with my imagination constantly flexed, pretending that my strength of character would rise above the ordinary in any context. Thinking that I would always chose the right thing, even if it was the harder thing. This is, of course, quite different than reality. On Sunday I realized just how disillusioned I really am. I watched a "prodigal" friend apologize to my brother for wounds inflicted ages ago. And then I watched my brother forgive him. The dialogue lasted all of 28 seconds, or so. It really was the most profound thing I had seen in a long time. I was amazed at the degree to which God had changed my friends heart. How severely I underestimate God. And I felt about this (----> = )big. Because I know very well that I would not have done the same. I would have left the dust settled where it had landed. I would have prayed for the rest of my life that the person I had hurt would keep the dust there too. But Ryan rose above the ordinary, in obedience and repentence. In humility. So for four days now, I have been thinking about this. Thinking about people I have hurt. Wondering if I could muster the character it would take to kick up some old dust and face up to the fact that I hurt them. Badly. It's a scary thing to think about. But it won't leave me alone.

February 22, 2005...11:14am

February 19, 2005...4:17am

February 17, 2005 (again)...11:28am

February 17, 2005...12:20am
Today is Wednesday. (No, you haven't lost you're mind. Because it is now the 17th, it IS officially Thursday. But my world sort of runs on my own schedule. Instead of days starting and ending at 12 a.m., mine start and end at approximately 3 a.m. otherwise I am trying to fit two separate days into one period of being awake. This is not a healthy way to live, because then you almost feel like you live each day twice - but not in a good way, just more of a disorienting "de ja vu" sort of way. That said, for my purposes, it is still Wednesday.) That makes yesterday Tuesday. And as I have stated before, and still maintain, Tuesdays are never ordinary. Never. Extraordinary things happen to me every Tuesday. By extraordinary I do not necessarily mean amazing, I just mean...extraordinary...beyond the ordinary. Yesterday's extraordinary events were all in the form of conversation. Three of them. The first conversation was, I believe, a direct answer to prayer. Not necessarily a "blessing" type answer to prayer, but I did get what I asked for. Recently I was rather adamantly demanding that God divulge some details of...prior circustances... that I just can't seem to let go. So he did. Upon being privy to this information, I suddenly wished I had not. I kind of picture God, in His very wise fatherly role saying, "You said you wanted to know. I TOLD you it wasn't going to make life any simpler. But did you listen? This should teach you to pester me about things..." Of course the way I imagine it, he says it in a loving, trust-invoking sort of way. But I do imagine it is his non-demeaning way of saying "I told you so." And, per always, he was right. So. Anyway. My second extraordinary conversation was also one I had been hoping would manifest itself. Fortunately, the second conversation left me with a much bigger feeling of peace than the first. Now that I have been excessively vague about, well, pretty much everything, let me just tell you straight up that my third extraordinary conversation was with my friend, Septum-Ring-John (not to be confused with Idaho-Jon, with whom I also enjoy extraordinary conversation from time to time), extraordinary in the fact that I haven't talked to him in quite a while, and it's always a dandy conversing with him. Well, those are just three little parts of my out-of-the-ordinary Tuesday. Now it is getting to be almost Thursday, so I had better get to bed before I turn into a pumkin.Bye.

February 13, 2005...1:32pm
The PicO'theWeek caption entries are pouring in like mad. The competition is INTENSE, so don't miss out on your chance to win free food!

February 11, 2005...2:24am
Of note: February is National Caffiene Addiction Awareness Month. Just so you all know, I'm aware. Oh, on a completely unrelated thought... "We've lived in a mad, mad, midrif baring world for too long." (Quote from an article in Women's Fitness Magazine about low-rise jeans finally going out of style.) Possibly the most profound thing I read all day. That's all I really have to say for now, so I'm out. Peace.

February 10, 2005...12:47am
When I think of the word "grapefruit" I think of the word "joy." It's not my favorite food, but I still think it is a joyful food. If food could have human characteristics, that is. Anyway, here I am. I had decided to stay away from the computer until I got caught up with the things of life (laundry, paying bills, homework, etc.) So I got caught up and before I had a chance to celebrate, there was more laundry, and more dishes. Funny how that works, eh? So I said "enough of that! I'll never catch up! I might as well go write in my journal!" And here I am. I've been busy. Not just ordinary busy, but the kind of random, not-quite-as-planned, keeps-you-on-your-toes busy that I love. Last Saturday I hiked Bear Butte. It was beautiful. The first time I had been hiking in months, so naturally, I was pretty happy to be outside, in the wind and the sun, standing on top of a mountain. On Sunday night, my mom and I got to talking (about world peace, regrets, having babies, insomnia, etc. - most of which I don't know too much about)and talked until 3 a.m., when my friend John called becuase he couldn't sleep either, and figured I'd be up. On Monday I met a lady who had been addicted to heroin for 7 years. On Tuesday I discovered that the inconspicuous box that has been sitting in the corner of my grandparents basement since before I was born is actually a 100 yr old phonograph with better sound quality than my car's stereo. That was pretty sweet. Tonight I went to open-mic at Dunn Brothers and heard a guy that was about my age play Woodie Guthrie songs. So, there you have it, the highlights of the last week. Oh, crud. I just now remembered that I promised to bring cookies to m.c. tomorrow, as penance for missing class on Tuesday. And once I leave the house at 6 tomorrow morning, I won't be home again until after class. So I guess taht means I'm going to go bake some cookies right now. 1:13. So I guess that's it for tonight. Thanks for reading. Feel free to send me a note using teh form at teh bottom of this page.

February 1, 2005...11:42am
"There's no such thing as an ordinary Tuesday."

January 26, 2005...10:54am
I testify: I can write a decent term paper about the role of food in Pueblo Indian culture. I can write poetry that some people, on some occasions, can relate to. I have a job that requires lots of people skills, and I seem to handle that just fine. But all that considered, I can't for the life of me seem to articulate what I most want to.(If I had three wishes: 1)instant guitar talent, 2)whirled peas, 3)write like Nat.) That is: God and his goodness are real. I am humbled at his grace. Floored by his mercy. Speechless at the outpouring of his blessings. Changed by the immensity of his love. And the thing is, that even while I say that and mean it all, I know that if anyone thinks like me they read that and don't believe it. Don't believe it is real. I wouldn't. Usually I read stuff like that and subconsciously or consciously dismiss it as talk. I also know that if any one is like me, they read that and think "if God is so great, and so real, how come I don't feel that way about him? Why isn't he pouring out real, tangible blessings on me too?" I've thought that a zillion times. And I honestly don't know what to tell you. I promise you, I am nothing special that he should bless me extra, or something like that. Neither am I someone that floats carelessly through life, with flowers in my hair, humming the melody to "Count Your Blessings." (Just yesterday I was demanding an answer from the King of the Universe as to why he cursed me with car problems.) I am broken and desperate. Scarred and imperfect. I hang on to things I should let go of, (both material and relational.) I can't manage my money or my time very efficiently. I am addicted to coffee, a chronic oversleeper, terrible at returning even the most important of phone calls, and I hardly ever tell the people I love that I love them. I cracked my Bible tonight for the first time in weeks, and most of the time it is easier for me to balance my checkbook than spend more than five minutes in prayer. I am certainly have no VIP pass to God or the veggie tray in his green room. I may actually be more like you than you thought. But you should know that #1)I always strive to be genuine, and #2)I am tired of things that aren't real. (I guess that was kind of redundant, huh?) So I am not lying to you when I say that I have seen the real goodness of God firsthand. If that sounds about as believable to you as Brittany Spears saying she wants to be a good role model to adolescent girls (sorry...that was the first unbelievable thing that popped into my head)than believe me, we're often in the same boat. So for what it's worth, from one skeptic to another...I've caught a glimpse of something beautiful, and is very, very real.

January 23, 2005...3:03am
"God is simple." Lorri, my co-worker and friend says this to me at least once a week. And she is right. She says, "He loves us. We don't deserve it. We need him. He's amazing. That's about it." And basically, I agree with that. "What God values most is His glory." Luke, my friend, says this to me at least once a week. And he is right. He says, "Calvin believed..." and "this theology...and that theology...and..." and he says all kinds of things that I didn't know, and things that make me scratch my head, and things that challenge me. And basically, I agree with him. I know both of these people relatively well I think, and it is very safe to say that they both love, and honor and worship the same God. A God who is simple enough to be loved by children, complex enough to be eons beyond our comprehension. Great enough to breath creation into existance, yet closer than our own skin. It's a paradox. One I can't begin to understand, let alone explain. But I can hardly muddle through long division. So if it was something I could easily grasp, I would have to seriously question it's validity. If it's not something bigger than me, outside of me, standing completely apart of my thoughts and ideas and opinions, than it's not big enough for me to invest in. What I sometimes see as a stumbling block is also the biggest selling point for this thing I call faith.

January 18, 2005...11:16am
I want to go to Greece. Not tomorrow, or even this year, necessarily, but I just really want to go. For several months. Or a year. And seeing as I'm young and unattatched, now, or in the next year and a half, rather, seems like a perfect time to up and live in Europe. There are only two problems that I can find with this whim. #1) $ If I could find a job there, that would solve the problem, but finding a sociology/social work/counceling/something-or-other job in a foreign country fresh out of college seems like that could be a stretch. I could probably find a graduate program there, but that requires money also. I could just save up a couple thousand dollars, sell my car, move there, and get a job waiting tables or something, which is probably not impossible, but a little scary. Not that scary is bad, but... Problem #2) I can't seem to reconcile my desire to leave all things familiar and do something perfectly selfish with my knowledge that that is quite likely not what God wants me to do for 6 months or a year, but instead wants me in Rapid doing YoungLife or an internship that at least pertains to my field of study, or at grad school, furthering my education. Hrmmm. So, that is thing that is sort of itching in the back of my brain. Thankfully, it is something I can worry about for at least another 6 months, and requires no immeadiate action. Speaking of immeadiate action, I'm need to get some coffee and read some juvenile delinquency for this afternoon. So I'm out. Peace. (if, by the way, you have any brilliant ideas for me, or you have cousins in Greece with an extra room in their house, or even if you just have a small fishing boat you're trying to get rid of, let me know. Thanks.)Oh. And new photo on my pic page. Bye.

January 14, 2005...6:14pm
I have not fallen off the planet, just trying to catch up with life before the semester really gets into full swing. MC has a gig tonight, and hopefully when we are done singing I can just come home and put on pajamas and do whatever I want for the rest of the night, which includes writing something powerful and mindblowing on here. :) See ya later.

January 4, 2005...3:01am
I just finished registering for the rest of my classes. If I take 21 credits I can graduate in May. This May. Crazy thing is, none of the classes I needed really conflicted with eachother. If I want, I can do that, and graduate from college in 4 months. So I went ahead and put all of them on my schedule. That puts me in class in Spearfish from 9:30-3:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and at Ellsworth for night classes 7:00-10:00 Mon. - Thurs. I would have no life. But I would be a college graduate by this summer, granted I passed all of those classes. That thought kinda terrifies me. But a little exciting at the same time. If my Greek from last semester counts as history I would only have to take 18 credites, and if Native American Hist counts as non-U.S. Hist, I'd only need 15, which is completely feasible. So, I guess we'll see. I need to get back with my advisor. But classes start in a week, so I suppose I'll need to make some decisions here soon. I have to work in 5 hours, so I'm going to go take a little 4 hour nap before I need to be up again. Oh, one last thing, I updated the pic o' the week. Enjoy.

January 2, 2005...2:20am
Happy New Year. Of course. Original, isn't it? But sincere, nonetheless. I do wish you all a happy new year. So far, I'm off to a good start. My first 26 hourse and 21 minutes of 2005 have been mediocre, at worst, and delightful at best. My mom's whole family came up from Denver and tonight we celebrated my grandma's 80th Birthday. It can honestly say it was one of the best times with extended family that I've ever had. We went to the Fireside for dinner (18 of us) and then we just came back to our house and ate cake and drank coffee and played Catch Phrase (my personal favorite) for the rest of the night. It was a heckuvalottafun. After everyone went home, or at least to their respective places of sleep for the night, my mom and I spent the next 2 1/2 hours solving the worlds problems. Or at least giving it our best shot. I made resolutions again this year. I always do. Some of them I keep. Most of them I break. I would be intruiged to know if any of you make resolutions, and if so, what they are. In fact, I would be more then willing to post of few of mine up here, along with yours if you wanted to e-mail me. Just a thought. Right, and one of mine was to quit oversleeping. So I suppose that the better way to accomplish taht would be to go to bed, rather than overestimate my morning will-power, which is virtually non-existent. That said, I'm off to hit the sack. I'm going to leave you with some thoughts from Ani Difranco. It's been a while so I figured I'd slap up a few lyrics that have been torturing me today.

And they say that alcoholics
are always alcoholics
even when they're dry as my lips
for years
even when they're stranded on a small desert island
with nowhere in a thousand miles
to buy beer
and I wonder
"Is he different?
Has he changed?
Has he changed what he's about?
Or is he just a liar
with nothing to lie about?"
(I just did that from memory, and I haven't actually read those lyrics in a couple of years. My apologies if I screwed some of the words up."

December 25, 2004...12:26pm
Scene 1: Darkness.
Enter: Holy, Almighty, Savior of the World, God disguised as baby, born in barn.
Plot: Baby grows up. Redeems the darkness.
Sequel: God/Baby/Carpenter/Messiah saves the world.
When I sing silent night, I get warm fuzzies. Then I think about the revolution that began that night, and I sing louder. And then the old lady sitting in front of me kind of scowls. So I try to keep it down until we get to that last verse of "I heard the bells on Christmas Day" which has beautiful words, and I can sing them as loud as I want.

In addition to the real Christmas story, I also felt compelled to quote Dr. Suess, because I simply adore him. So, here you have it.

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!

I definately had my share of who-pudding today. And did my share of singing. And dancing too. Yes, I know, a dancing Baptist. And on Christmas day. Scandalous! It was a beautiful day, despite the absence of snow. Lots of family and friends, and food. (And I got a camelpack, which is pretty sweet.) I hope you are each having a very merry Christmas too, revelling in the glory of the redemption of darkness. Peace on Earth.

December 20, 2004...3:45am
Click, and be amazed. I've added some new and shiny surprises to both my photo and poetry pages. What, you ask, could have spurred this atypical burst of activity on my website? Yes kids, that's right. I'm back on the coffee. I was clean for 94 days. And now I've fallen off the wagon. No, fallen is the wrong word. Jumped is more like it.

December 17, 2004...12:46pm
Ah. The joy of being done. Not to be confused with the joy of a job necessarily well done, but done, nonetheless. I don't think I did too poorly. A's for my Soc classes, C for Western Civ. I'd be happy with a C in Greek. Done. So nice. I talked to my academic adviser today. A real, live, academic advisor. Sounds like I only need 18 or 21 credits to graduate, depending on if they count my Native American History class as U.S. history or not. So if I get the classes I need, when I need them, I can easily graduate a year from now. AHHH! Terrifying! What the heck am I supposed to do then? Grad school, I suppose. Which means I should probably give that some thought. Which is scary, in and of itself. Hmmm. Well, I'm going to go to work now, and then enjoy 2, maybe 3 Christmas parties tonight. And I'll worry about grad school later. After I have a cup of coffee...or two, or three...

December 13, 2004...1:46am
I'm done with choir for the semester, and now I have one less thing to worry about, which is nice. Our second concert was tonight, and thank the good Lord it went better than last night's. Last night we were just having some major intonation problems with the recorder quartet (that's right. recorder quartet. who knew? I honestly did not know that a recorder was a legitimate instrument. I thought it was just a cheap way to teach kids to read music. I was wrong.) I was also scared silly last night, which didn't help. Rather, it took the entire choir up about a 1/4 step. So I shouldn't go blaming anything on the recorder quartet. Nonetheless, tonight was much better. I nailed the Praetorius Cantata. I'm pretty happy about that because I worked my tail off. For the first time in my life I didn't feel the need to argue with everyone who said "hey, good job." So that is over, and I'm satisfied that I did my best, and heck, it only took me four years to get the balls, er, guts, to do it. Right. Anyway, now it's two o'clock a.m. on Monday of finals week. I suppose I should get to bed. I have plenty to do tomorrow, and I hope to get my day started at a reasonable time (before 10:00). So I'm gonna go. Good luck to those of you that have finals, and...I'll see you kids in the funny papers.

December 9, 2004...1:50am
The light at the end of this tunnel called "twenty-one credit hours" (which is a tunnel I will NEVER choose to pass through again)is a large cup of caffeine. I haven't yet decided what flavor it will be, or how much foam, even though I've been fantasizing about it for over 3 months now. Unfortunately, however, that reward was seeming a little too far away, so I needed something more immeadiate to get my motivational juices flowing. So I decided to supplement it with another system: avacados. For every paper I write, I get to eat 1/2 an avacado. So far this evening, I've only gotten to eat 1/2 an avacado. The other half is in the fridge, calling my name, anxiously waiting for me to finish the eight-page Urban Sociology Essay #3. And we all know that would be getting done a lot faster if I wasnt' sitting here writing this. But I've been reading soc. text books for 4 hours now, and I had to let my brain out of that cage for a few minutes. Just enough time to tell you about my day. No single aspect of it was particularly noteable, but the combination of experiences kept me from being bored. It started out with a migraine. That's not really pertinent information, except that I had that less-than-pleasant migraine hang-over for the rest of the day. Actually, nevermind, it's still not pertinent information. Anyway. I skipped Native American History class because #1) my head was about to implode, and #2) because I was working on homework for other classes. I did go to concert choir at noon, and following that I went to a "nurses meeting" for lunch at Minerva's. We call it a "nurses meeting" because, technically it was a bunch of podiatric assistants and former podiatric assistants (i.e. nurses) getting together (i.e. meeting). We spent most of our time trying to figure out what kind of gift certificates to get for all the admin people at the clinic. Diana also brought me my Christmas bonus check, which was a very pleasant surprise. After this I decided to stop by the humane society, because I was thinking about getting my mom a dog for Christmas. They didn't have any dogs there that would make good Christmas gifts for my mother, but I did run into Amber, one of my YoungLife girls that volunteers there. Pleasant surprise #2. I finally drug myself away from petting homeless kitties and went to get a haircut. I only needed a trim, so I just stopped by the beauty college, because they have cheap haircuts. Lucky for me, it was a Food Drive Cut-Athon Day. My hair cut cost me a total of $2. Pleasant surprise #3. While I was there I ran into Rachel, one of my middleschool girls, and Ashley, another YoungLife girl (Pleasant Surprises #4 and 5)After the haircut, on my way back to my car I happened to see the weather man from KOTA buying shoes. For some reason this struck me as...intruiging, or something. I decided to count it as pleasant surprise #6. That might have been stretching it a little. Next I went to the courthouse, as I had been summoned there to provide proof of insurance since, silly me, I didn't have it when I got pulled over the other night for having a break-light out. From there I went to the city-cashiers office to pay my parking ticket, since, silly-me, I didn't have any change and thought I could get away with 15 minutes in the library and no money in my meter. Next stop was the grocery store, where I indulged in a starbucks hot chocolate (I don't generally give my business to Starbucks, for reasons I will discuss some other day) and bought stuff to make dinner. I should write an entire entry sometime about my multiple Wednesday dinner-making escapades. They're always an adventure. Tonight I made roasted lemon herb chicken (okay, fine, I bought the chicken from the deli...cooked and ready to eat) risotto with roma tomatos and teragon (that was my original recipe) and a spinach and cranberry salad. Then dinner, youthgroup, homework. That was my day. I hope yours was equally interesting. I'm getting really hungry for the rest of that avacado, so I'm going to go finish my paper. I'm out.

December 4, 2004...10:42pm
An abbreviated statement of faith:
I believe in God. I believe in love at first sight. I believe in the power of orange juice and eccinachea. Even if I can't spell it.

November 30, 2004...8:18pm
My Thomas Becket paper that I pulled an all-nighter to write a few weeks ago is getting "audited." That's a polite and tactfull way for my generally likeable professor to say that he thinks I plagarized the paper. It is not that I think he is no longer "generally likeable," it is just that in my 17 years of formal education, I have never had my integrity questioned. And quite frankly, it pisses me off. Why on earth would I have stayed up ALL NIGHT to copy someone elses thoughts on the dynamics of the relationship between Thomas Becket, Arch Bishop of Canterbury, and King Henry II? Argh. But he does not know that I stayed up all night. So it is not his fault. He is only trying to do his job, and maintain the academic integrity of his students. So I shall comply, and produce all of my sources. Which were few. Most of the ideas in the paper were, I can say with out anything nagging at my conscious, mine. Perhaps I should take it as a compliment. Perhaps I am such a talented writer that my thesis paper sounds as good as any published Becket thesis out there. Haha. Or, perhaps, he thinks I'm a dirty, rotten, no-good, low-down thesis thief. I'll just have to show him, I guess. Anyway, on a more cheerful note, I got my windshield replaced today. It's been over a year and a half since the fateful day I hit that poor deer, so it was about time I got the windshield replaced. And I am very excited about it. I'm going to get my car now. So you all have a wonderful evening, and I'll talk to you all later. (I'll let you know how the whole "auditing" experience goes.) Oh, wait. Before I leave, I suppose I should cite my sources for this journal entry? Um....wait. I don't have any. That's because this whole thing is filled with ORIGINAL IDEAS!!!Argh!

November 27, 2004...1:33am
A ring. A kiss.
She said yes.
(It was about time...)
Jared + Jess.
Congrats you crazy love birds. :)

November 23, 2004...11:14pm
For all practical purposes, I had a terrible day. But IT SNOWED!!!!!!!!! Whoohoo! And that was my redemption. So now all is right with the world. Hope all is right with you...all. Good night.

November 22, 2004...10:44pm
I have come of the strong opinion that churches should teach the history of western civilization in children's Sunday school classes.

November 21, 2004...9:21pm
No more than 4 days ago I was bragging that I was the crowned "Queen of B.S." when it comes to writing papers for school. It is now with shame and humility that I must confess I have only managed to produce three eight-page papers in a 48 hour time period. Like I said in my last entry, I started at 8pm on Friday, night and have written continuously until right now, only stopping to eat bread, water, and no-doze. Oh, and write that last journal entry. And what do I have to show for it? Well, not much in terms of essay quantity. But I do have 100% more knowledge now about popular epidemiology than I did two days ago. I think that possibly the problem is the fact that I actually find these topics interesting (ssh. don't tell) and find myself actually reading the text as opposed to just writing about it, like I usually do. So. This was my second mental break for the weekend, and now I must resume my studies. Enjoy your next two days of school or work or other responsibilities, and maybe I will see some of you this weekend! Night.

November 20, 2004...12:58am
I have ADD. I am thoroughly convinced of this. I left Traci and Amelia's at 8:00. That's right, I headed home at 8:00 on a Friday night with the solemn intent to get started on the abominable tower of papers I have to write this weekend. But now it is 1 a.m., (that's 5 hours later, for those of you that don't do math on the weekends) and I have written a total of 3 paragraphs. I sit down and crank out about 6 words, or half a sentence or so, and then I'm off to plug in my new coffee maker (I just wanted to make sure it works, even though I'm not going to be drinking any coffee for another month), or throw another load of laundry in the washer, or put on some Crest Whitestrips. Then I stop by the computer to write six more words, and before I know it I'm hungry again, so I have to raid the fridge. What I really need to do is raid the medicine cabinet and see if there is any ritalin left over from when my little brother used to take it ages ago. Then six more words, and look, here I am, tap-tap-tapping away in my journal. But this has been a satisfactory diversion. So I'm going to go tap-tap-tap the next half a sentence about race and ethnic relations. But just real quick, before I leave, I just need to say that God is very faithful. He blessed me hugely in the area of finances today. Apparently I was supposed to get a pretty decent sized raise back in June and someone in the almighty administration (gotta love working for a corporation) misplaced the paperwork, so I never got it. But that someone then found the paperwork last week, realised their mistake, and corrected it on the payroll. I was informed of this situation, and was quite delighted that I would be getting paid more when I wasn't really expecting it, since my annual evalution/pay-raise possibility was long gone. But I got my paycheck today, and not only did I get the raise, I also got back-pay for the last 6 months that I should have been getting the extra buck-an-hour. And, praise the Lord, now I've got enough cash to finally replace my windshield. And even buy a coffee maker that, though I don't know if it makes good coffee yet, looks quite nice just sitting on the counter. So, that's my little story for the day. I'm going to raid the fridge one more time, and then write. Right. Write. I'm out. Au revoir!

November 17, 2004...11:51pm
I have a whole brilliant bunch of stuff to stay. Too bad I didn't go to bed until 6:30 this morning. I'm too tired now to get in pajamas, let alone write. Sorry. Night.

Novermber 10, 2004...11:14pm
Ahh. It is good to be home and sleeping in my own bed again. That seems to be a rarity these days. I don't really mind always being other places though. I like a change of pace once in a while, er...most of the time. I like that my "change of pace" is my standard pace. I think once I am out of school I would maybe like to have a job that requires alot of travel, just for maybe the first year or so. Then perhaps I'll get this wanderlust out of my system and be ready to stay in one spot. Or maybe I'll always be wanting to leave town every other weekend. This is why I think I really should be a truck driver. Just get myself one of those nice BMW rigs that has a real cushy bed and shower and everything in the back of the cab, and a faithful Dog named Dingo, and a CB radio call name and I'll be set. So. I think that is about if for me tonight. Every once in a while I put a little effort into figuring out how to change those dog-on (now there's a tricky one for you picky spelling people)pics on my photo page to thumbnails so they load faster and I can put more on, but I haven't figured t out yet. Maybe I'll come back after a few hours of homework and try some more. Have a great night.

November 9, 2004...8:17pm
I spent today (amid dragging kids out of bed, and sitting on hold with other people's insurance companies, and attempting to get a "pianissimo, but more clear and pointed" tone, and watching the second half of "Beckett" in western civ.) thinking about how I'm feeling rather isolated right now, at this point in my life. And thinking about how I'm sure this is probably my fault. But a year and a half ago, I had this group of friends that was a sort of a support group. Actually, I was never completely in a group. I was more comfortable on the edge of the group. Because then I could be a "group floater." That way I had a few different groups. But with a group, if you ever needed anything, you just called someone in the group. If you wanted to hang out, you called someone in the group. If you wanted to play a practical joke on someone, you called half the people in the group. I don't have a group anymore. I don't know if I just alienated myself from the group, or if the group fell apart and ceases to exist, or if little factions of the group are still around, but mostly as parts of others groups. Probably a little of each. And I also don't know if it's such a bad thing not to have a group. I kind of miss it. Today I was really missing it. But of course, groups come and groups go. I've had a lot of different groups. And one never really replaces the other, but they serve the same purpose. And...Blah Blah Blah. I'm at school, and I got out of class early, so really I should be running home to switch my laundry and then headed out to the kids' house to put 'em to bed, instead of rambling incoherently on here. So, duty calls. You all take care, go finish your papers (I'll bet 90% of you reading this have papers to write for classes) and I'll talk to you later.

November 7, 2004...5:57pm
I'm playing mom this week for one of my young life girls and her little brother while their parents are in Jamaica. I'm having fun, and I think I might be a pretty groovy mom some day. That is, if I stay 21 forever, and I don't actually have to be responsible for instilling values and dealing with the repercussions of them eating pizza and lucky charms everyday. Yeah, I definately think I could handle it. I'm prepared for the challenge of parenthood! Just kidding. 85% of my caloric intake comes from peanut butter. You think I'm ready to have children? Yeah right.

November 3, 2004...11:48pm
I read this quote a very long time ago, but I always think of it, whenever I'm stressed out about writing research papers, or reading textbooks, or just contemplating my future in general. "Find something you love to do. Then get someone to pay you to do it. That is the secret to happiness." While I don't necessarily agree that that is the key to happiness, I still think it's not a bad thought to keep tucked in the back of my brain. So with that in mind, I'm wondering if I can get someone to pay me to people watch. In a broad sense, that's what sociology is. That is my I chose sociology as my field of study. But in a narrower sense, I want to know who will higher me to meet people, (ordinary people. commonplace people.) and have them tell me their stories (about their families, their loves, their tragedies) and write it down. There is not much I love more than learning new things from strangers. Watching people, the crazy creatures we are, while they shop, or deal with relationships, or handle tough times. I love when strangers tell me about what they love. One of the new patients at the clinic is a pastor and he spent 15 minutes after his appointment was over explaining to me his creation and great flood theories. Though I think they're all bunk, I didn't tell him. Instead I just revelled in his passion. It was the highlight of my day. Well, I'm off to bed. That was my story. Or at least most of it. Goodnight.

October 31, 2004...11:56pm
If circumstances are out of my control, I sometimes don't have a real hard time trusting God. I am pretty good about saying, "Well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'll let Him take it from here." But it's those things that require a decision on my part that I fear I will screw up irreversibly. I worry that I will make a mistake so huge it will be unredeemable by the creator of the universe. How silly I am. Thanks to my big bro, who, (though he can be a real pain in the butt sometimes, and hassles me way too much about dumb things like running late, or ordering spinach enchiladas) sometimes gives really good advice; tonights being: "If you are truly seeking God's will, and you make a decision based on that, He will bless it, no matter what comes of it." So that said, I would like to leave you with two thoughts:

#1)
By Now

I wish you knew I still wonder
if it was some colossal mistake
knowing we are half perspective
and half the decisions we make

and I wonder "if it was the right thing
(I promised you it was the right thing)
((I thought it was the right thing))
then how long does it take?"
before we see the good come from choices
made for good choices sake

#2)
Voice of Truth
Casting Crowns
Lyrics and Music by Mark Hall and Steven Curtis Chapman

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

October 29, 2004...10:21pm
This weekend I am in Colorado. I love Colorado. I also enjoy being in a different state every weekend. I think I might go to...New Mexico next weekend. I don't think I've ever been to New Mexico...it sounds nice. Sunny. But maybe a little too far away for a cheap weekend road trip. Maybe I'll just drive to Wyoming or something next Saturday. Anyway, I'm going to take off. I have plenty of homework to spoil my vacation with. And a takehome Greek test due on Monday. So you all enjoy you're weekend, and I'm going to enjoy my cousins wedding, and I'll talk to you all later.

October 25, 2004...9:19pm
It was a loverly weekend I just had in the gloomy heartland of North Dakota. We took 4 highschool girls from youthgroup(Cameo, Christin, Jess and Jana) up to the senior high retreat at Crystal Springs and had a grand old time. I long to write more, (something passionate and insightful perhaps?) but I have an enormous amount of homework to do, and not too much time to do it in. (I just ended that sentence with a preposition, and no, I do not feel any remorse.)So I'm going to do the responsible thing and read a chapter in my western civ. text book rather than pour out my heart here. Goodnight.

October 20 again, 2004...10:49pm
I made up for the busyness of yesterday by taking too-much advantage of not having to work today. I did get up at 6:00, and helped Steph with her paper route (why in the name of Caesar she decided she needed a paper route, I don't know...) but from there on, efficiency only delined. I skipped my first class (we were only watching a movie) and fixed my hair. Not just brushed and ponytailed it, but actually fixed it cute. It was a nice little indulgence. I did manage to make it to concert choir at noon. And after that I attempted to donate platelets at blood services, but, alas, my iron is still too low. Around 2:00 I went to the grocery store, where I planned dinner for my family. Just a bit of wisdom...never do that. It's a bad idea. I am a marketing director's dream. I just wander up and down every aisle until something strikes my fancy (clever packaging,sale signs...anything shiny) or I think up a crazy concoction. This is also a problem when cooking for my family, because they don't like stuff like "Marci's Tai Lettuce and Peanut Sauce Wraps" and I always forget that most people want some kind of meat in their dinner. Jamin is bugging me that he needs to get online to study for a test, so I had better run before he beats me up. I won't finish my story about my day, but don't worry, it's not earth-shaking. Long story short: tuna melts, tropical fruit salad (mangoes, papayas, cayenne pepper...)carved pumkins with my family, took a nice hot bath (which I haven't done since we remodeled the bathroom last April) and now I'm going to bed early so I can make it to yoga at 5:30 tomorrow morning. Or so the story goes. Well you kids all take care, and write me note if you get a chance. I know you are all crazy busy like me, but it's always good to hear from you. Even those of you that kinda creep me out. Just kidding. Peace. I'm out.

October 20, 2004...12:26am
Tuesdays are eternally long days for me. Usually this thought makes me exhausted. But today it dawned on me that those days are the best ones, if you make use of them. My Tuesday held more experience than a week in most peoples lives. Or at least I felt like it. They weren't necessarily extraordinary experiences, but they were interesting to me. I started the day by getting my body fat tested at the gym. Haha. I only recommend starting your day with having someone measuring your thighs if you are the kind of person who gets motivated (rather than depressed) after hearing bad news. I've gained 11lbs. and lost muscle mass in the last 8 months that I haven't been working out. Of course you have to take into account the fact that last time I got my body fat tested and actually weighed myself was a month after Donnie and I broke up, and I had just lost 10lbs. So it all evens out in the long run. And I chose to be motivated instead of depressed. I'll get back to you and let you know if that motivation ever manifests itself. ;)

October 18, 2004...1:27am
So another weekend is over, and I'm frustrated because of how much I didn't get done. I did, however, fit in a few great things: camp judson, caving, Faith Temple, Borders, and a thorough review of greek personal pronouns. So it hasn't been a complete waste. It's just frustrating because it seems like I can never keep up with the eternal to do list. Of course I am not ignorant to the fact that most people feel this way, and it's just part of life, and I need to get used to it. So I'll keep trucking along. In an attempt to deal with my growing amount of "stuff" and my limited amount of living space, which I swear is shrinking, (God apparantly still thinks it's best for me to live at home)I turned my room upside down this afternoon trying to reorganize and consolidate. I made some progress, but it's one of those things that gets worse before it gets better. Unfortunately I ran out of steam when it got to the worse part. And now it's 1:30 on a Monday morning and I can hardly get to my bed for all the cardboard boxes surrounding it. I wish I was a simpler person. I complicate life. I keep everything. Twenty-one year olds aren't supposed to have to rent additional storage space. Well, I'm going to go work on that some more I guess. At least clear a path. Bye.

October 15, 2004...12:01am
Hi. I'm back. The M.C. road trip was a success. We left Tuesday morning, sang at Douglas H.S., drove to Sioux Falls, went grocery shopping, drove to Hills, MN, made dinner for some alumni, sang, drove back to S.F., slept, drove to Canastota, drove home. Short and sweet. Nick, one of our tenors, got horribly sick and couldn't come along, which definately was too bad, especially when we sing alot of stuff with one person on a part. But we hung in there anyway and did alright. So, I think today was about 3 1/2 years long. At least that's what it felt like. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted alot lately. It's this whole not-drinking-coffee thing. It's just killing me. So. Here I go. Peace out.

October 12, 2004...12:08am
The trip to Pine Ridge went well today. Only six of us went down, but we were able to get quite a bit of work accomplished. We helped out at the 555 Building, where we worked when we were down in August.(I just accidently used 6 consecutive W words. Did you catch that?) It's an awesome ministry in White Clay that has a thrift store, a soup kitchen, a chapel, and, eventually, a vocational training center. Today we just helped paint the front of the building and lay carpet tiles in one of the back rooms. Have you ever laid carpet tiles? I had not, before today. Not a terrible job. It's an art, really. When all your tiles are different sizes and different colors. A team building experience I'd say. So, anyway, M.C. is going on a mini-tour tomorrow, and I won't be back until Wendesdya night. Not that that will be an unusually large absence from my journal, but I am looking forward to it being a good trip. Anyhow, I'm off. Write me. Thanks.

October 11, 2004...2:05am
Stereotypes drive me crazy. And yet the truth they often hold fascinates me. I am always particularly fascinated by the different ways boys/men and girls/women work. If I were actually attending an educational institution known for it's excellent department in my line of study, I would perhaps be able to put a bit of my focus on gender studies. But alas, I am not attending one of those fascilities. So I must conduct my own research. At the moment, this includes eavesdropping on my little brother (little meaning age...he's passed my up in height ages ago.) He and his guys friends have been arguing for 1/2 hour now, about sports and how tournaments work, etc. Arguing and arguing and arguing. Not at any point have one of them raised their voices, and not at anypoint have they sounded particularly angry with each other. Girls don't generally work that way. If we disagree for more than 5 minutes, we're bound to end up enemies. Or at least yelling at one another. Frequently. At least far more than guys. But they can sit there and argue for hours about anything, and get over it all about as fast as it comes out of their mouths. I wish I worked more like that. So. Anyway. I'm going down to Pine Ridge tomorrow with some kids from church, and we're suppposed ot leave at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Well, I'm wiped, so I'm out.Night.

October 10, 2004...1:23am
Hiked the Stratabowl tonight. You couldn't have planned a better night for a hike in the fall if you could hand pick the weather yourself. It was simply gorgeous. And the sky was very clear. It was lovely. I really wish I was camping right now. About the best I could do is sleep on my porch, but for some reason, it's just not the same. Andrea is home for the weekend. For this I am grateful. I have an absurd amount of homework to do this weekend, and, as-of-yet, have done nothing productive since getting out of class @1:00 on Friday. So I had better get on that tomorrow. Thank goodness it's a long weekend. But I am leaving town for two days on Tuesday, so I have to get it all done before that. Which is why I'm going to go to bed now so that I'm not compelled to sleep all tomorrow afternoon when I should be doing homework, and enjoying Jessica's baby shower, and perhaps hiking in the hills. I'm not completely sure why this happens, but for some reason I always feel justified puting hiking above just about anything else on my priority list. So, like I said, I'm heading out.

October 8, 2004...12:56am
My stupid, stupid brain, that recalls all worthless and painful things at the most inconvenient of times. And yet I can't remember jack-squat when it comes to taking tests in school. Go figure. In spite of my stupid, stupid brain I had a fairly good day. If you don't count the fact that I woke up with my body covered in hives. This was a new, and very unpleasant experience. I don't know if it was something I ate, or just the price I have to pay for wading in Rapid Creek yesterday. But I highly doubt the latter. There were very few bugs in the creek, and I am covered head to toe with little read welts. So I just don't know what the deal is. Well, I'm off. Very sleepy. Night.

October 2, 2004...2:48pm
"Sweet? Where do you get off? Where doyou get sweet? I am dark and mysterious and pissed off! And I could be very dangerous to all of you. I am not sweet and you should know that about me. I am the enemy!" ~William, Almost Famous

September 27, 2004...2:33am
Do you see what time it is? Since I am, by nature, a bit of a night owl, that would not normally bother me. But I still have 2 lessons in Greek to finish, one chapter in Native American History to read, and a thesis statement and preliminary sources list for my research paper to do before tomorrow. Since I have given up drinking coffee (at least until I no longer miss it so much) I needed another device to keep me up into the wee hours of the night. So I have taken to eating. Eating and eating and eating. Now I will be sleep deprived, AND fat. Sweet. Yes, yes, I know, the responsible student would have used the weekend to do all this homework crap, but I decide to go to Vermillion to see Andrea instead. I did manage to do a little bit of homework while I was there, which is a miracle, in and of itself. I also got to see both Nic and Jim, and a little sampling (about 20 people) of my extended family when I had dinner at my grandparents. So, despite the slacking on the homework, it was a productive weekend. Well, enough wasting time. I need to get back to diagramming greek sentences and inflecting second declension nouns (don't worry...I don't know what the heck that means either...I just know I'm supposed to know.) So, I'm signing off. Have a lovely evening/day/afternoon, etc.

September 22, 2004...11:44am
It is the first day of Autumn! I have fall fever. It is the same as spring fever, only...in the...fall. Go figure. It happens to me every year at this time. When the temperature borders chilly, but the sun still shines warm, and the leaves change color. It's terrible really, because I get to where I think I'll just lose my mind if I don't get outside. The weather man (whose words I regard as second only to God's) says this week is the best for leaf-looking, but I don't have any 3 hour chunks of time to escape to Dalton Lake and soak up the glory of it all. I am bemoaning that fact. Actually, I'm trying to figure out which classes I could skip to make that feasible, but I'm not coming up with anything. Well, anyway, I did manage to get the fridge cleaned out tonight, but I still have about 4 loads of laundry to do, so I think I'd better get on that. Night.

September 19, 2004...11:58pm
Finally! Todays the day! Whoohoo!
www.talklikeapirate.com

September 18, 2004...1:44am
Of course I had good, honorable, productive aspirations for the day. But I found it surprisingly satisfying to throw them all out the window, and do, for the most part, whatever I felt like. If only for one day. First of all, I slept until 11:00am. Correction, I stayed in bed until 11:00. I actually was awake by 7:30 or 8:00 when 8 eleven-year-old girls decided to run around my house screaming. But I am fairly stubborn when it comes to sleeping in, so I just buried my head under the pillow and hummed a tune while I drifted in and out of consciousness for the next three hours. I finally drug myself out of bed and at 12:30 met up with several other Young Life leaders at our new building to choose paint colors. I would generally say that getting nine people together to agree on one color scheme is one of the worst ideas in the world. But we managed surprisingly well. Primarily, this was because Young Life is a Christian organization, and none of us felt free to settle the "Pueblo Orange" vs. "Albequerque Sunsrise" debate with a knock-down-drag-out. And so we eventually chose 7 different colors for some 4 rooms and a hallway, and I don't think there were any hurt feelings. Around 4pm I returned home, where, to my delight, my little brother offered me 3 free tickets to see Johnny Lang tonight at the Deadwood Jam. I was quite thrilled because I so wanted to hear Johnny Lang, but tickets were a hefty $35 I just couldn't justify spending. Especially since I will hopefully be spending $35 next weekend to see Ani in Sioux City, IA. So I thanked Jamin profusely and Corey, Chris, and Sharon and I drove up to Deadwood, gorged ourselves at the all-you-can-eat crab legs buffet, gave away our three free tickets, sat on the grass outside the Deadwood Jam and listened to Johnny Lang play "Wander This World," which is really the song I most wanted to hear him play anyhow, and then drove back and watched Big Fish, which I think is a brilliant film. Then I came home at 1am and sat on the bench on my front lawn and marveled at how warm an evening it was for the middle of September, and at how huge the poplar trees had grown since I helped plant them ten years ago, and at how when I was little I had always dreamed that someday the boy I loved would come throw pebbles at my bedroom window and I would climb out (he would have to bring a ladder, as my bedroom window is located on the second story, above a cement stair well) and we would elope, and how if I move out now, I'll never get to do that. Sneaking out of your own apartment window seems a bit silly, when you could just use the front door. But oh well, such is life. And such was my day. I did not get any of my homework done, nor did I clean out my wardrobe for the Salvation Army. So I guess that will have to happen tomorrow, somewhere between church and hiking and tubing down Spearfish Creek, and the chamber orchestra concert. So I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

September 13, 2004...12:52 I believe I have made good use of the last few days. Thursday night after I.V. we went on a hike to the Stratabowl. Friday night I was at the YoungLife Leader's retreat at a house out by Nemo, so I did a little stargazing. On Saturday I worked at the youthgroup car wash for 3 hours and went mini golfing with my little sister for her birthday and then we had a party. (She's 11. Oh, to be 11 again...) Today I hiked Harney Peak. It was wonderful. You couldn't have asked for better hiking weather. I adore September weather. But now I have to get psyched up for another crazy week of work and school and saving the world. So I'm going to bed. Night.

September 1, 2004...12:34am
Well, here's to the end of another summer. In past years, I have written sappy, reminiscent essays, recalling all the fond and not so fond (but always melodramatic) happenings of the season. I will not do so this year. (To to complete disappoint of many of you, I'm sure.) This summer was different. It was not, by a long shot, the best summer of my life. To be painfully honest, it kinda stunk. Of course there good things about it. Pine Ridge was good. Young Life camp was awesome. I got to spend oodles of time with my best friend. But...yeah. There was not much growth in my relationship with Christ. I did not meet a single one of my half-hearted goals. My mind practically went stagnant, dwelling on things that were of no consequence. I feel that I wasted so very much time, concerning myself with the past, that I completely took for granted all the good things I had going on around me. Instead of maintaining the valuable relationships I had, I just worried about ones that were not worth hanging on too. "Not worth hanging on too." That's incredibly hard for me to say. I'm a relationship pack-rat. I don't ever want to let one go completely. "Closure" is not a concept I've really grasped. I still think about people I haven't talked to in 10 years, and say, "I should call them, and see how they are doing." It's just like my addiction to second-hand clothes. I have enough t-shirts to cloth a small country. But half of them, I haven't worn in at least a year. But I can't bring myself to get rid of them, just in case I decide that someday, I want to wear one. So. That said, no sappy ode to the past four months. Instead, I'd like to make a toast (with my lucky charms--I bought 14 boxes of them last week--they were on sale) to the next four months. To 18 credit hours and working 35 hours a week. To being "young and unattatched" (which means I can at least entertain the idea of going to Europe for all of next summer) To not having an 8:00am class, for the first semester in my life! (whoohoo!!!) Goodnight.

August 8, 2004...3:09pm
I'm leaving today and will spend the week on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. I'm going with a group of 10 people, varying between the ages of 13 and 83, and we'll be doing everything from shingling a house to basketball tournaments, to VBS. Pray for us if you think about it. I wish I had more time to write about it right now, but I have 1/2 hour to get packed, so I gotta run. Have a great week.

August 4, 2004...2:41pm
Alas! I have returned. But only shortly, as I have the afternoon off, and am forcing myself to spend it wading through the dim and treacherous nightmare I call "college scheduling and financial aid." All the good little 4th year college students have of course already done this, being as school is starting in about 3 1/2 weeks, but not me, no, I like to wait until the very last possible time to work all this crap out. It's living life on the edge, you know. And so, I'm going now to attempt to register by phone for four correspondence courses from USD. That will put my grand total of universities for this fall semester alone at four: SDSMT, BHSu, USD, and, hopefully, the new Black Hills Bible Institute, where I will be taking Elementary Greek. I'm very excited about that. So, we'll see. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how this all turns out.

July 26, 2004...1:26am
In the last two days I have had the privileges of seeing a shooting star, meeting four really nice new people, listening to my grandpa play harmonica, and hiked 5 miles in the Black Hills. I have done alot of other things too, but those were probably my favorite.

July 19, 2004...12:47am
Three perplexing things. In order of increasing perplexity:
1) How much things change
2) How much things stay the same
3) How you can think something has changed, or gone away, and then it comes back and it's all the same again.
That was thought number one, on summer and relationships and such. Thought number two is more of a statement than a thought: I got to see Jared's new house today, which, if all goes as planned, will be my new place too, for about a year. It's a fixer-upper, but very cute, and I'm thrilled about getting moved in and working on stuff. Well, that's all I really have for tonight. I'm pretty exhausted. I spent a good part of the day at Hills Alive (Sarah Groves, Steven Curtis Chapman) in the 104 degree sun, and that just drains the energy right out of you. Have a good night.

July 16, 2004...3:53am
It's almost 4a.m. and I'm still up stitching felt letters to sweat shirts. I should have taken the guys advice and bought the "Stitch-wich."

July 12, 2004...11:56pm
Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) I find my self falling prey to the deception that reading the Word of God is drudgery. Of course, once I can muster enough self discipline to quit running in circles and just sit my butt down and dig in, I realize that that deception is a bunch of crap, and I can't absorb it fast enough. So I would just like to offer a word of encouragement to any of you that feel like you need to jump start a Bible-reading habit. Psalms. Read the Psalms. Even when cleaning out my closet seems more appealing than reading my Bible, (yes, for some reason, that happens on occasion. Probably because it's less convicting to organize my shoe collection than to dwell on truth. Not that I don't regard the well being of my shoes with a good amount of conviction...) I love to read the Psalms. I can eat them up like candy. You can read one or one hundred of them, and there is bound to be at least one in the bunch that corresponds with your current state of being, no matter what that might be. Yes. So, when you don't know what else to read, when you've run out of excuses, read the Psalms. They may not be as theologically profound as, say, Romans, but they are still truth, and they force you to dwell on God's glory. So you can't really go wrong. So, that said, I would just like to end this nights entry by advising that you don't mix strawberries in a melon salad, because while the melon will keep a day or two in the fridge, the strawberries just become very limp and slimy. They just remind me of ....something dead. I can't quite put my finger on it. Gross. Just don't do it. Okay, I'm out. Night, and thanks for reading. (Friendly reminder....the contact box thing still works, if you want to drop me a note.)

July 11, 2004....2:11am
Keith and Amy's wedding was lovely. Or at least the reception was. I worked until 6, so I made it just in time for the reception. But I'm told the ceremony was lovely as well. That makes 3 weddings in 3 weeks. And I've got another to attend on Friday. I love weddings. They bring out the girliest parts of me. I love dresses and flowers and kissy-in-love people. Mostly I love weddings because they are real life. I just watched "Under the Tuscan Sun." A dandy little love story (except for the casual sex and token lesbian character...what is this world coming to?)but it was only that. Just a story. Somebody made it up, that's why it's perfect. But Keith and Amy are in love, and real life. A dandy little love :)

July 7, still, 2004...11:30pm
So I was accidently responsible for a lady having an anxiety attack today. If you want to feel like scum, unintentionally cause someone to have an anxiety attack. It will definately make you feel bad. Anyway, I'm exhausted. That seems to be the standard these days. And I"m supposed to be meeting some of my girls at Java Junkie at 7:15 in the morning, so I'm going to hit the sack now and get up early (5:45)

July 7, 2004...1:40am
Okay, so I came home from Colorado and suddenly had this hankering to cook dinner for my family. And that only happens about once every...well,...I guess it's never happened before. So as soon as I got off work I eagerly perused the grocery store, and decided to go with an enchilada recipe I found on the back of a jar of enchilada sauce. Until you start looking, you can't even fathom the heights and depths of the enchilada sauce selection at Safeway. I have yet to figure out why even the most experienced enchilda eater would need 41 different choices. It's incredible. Anyway, I also made a taco salad and mexican rice. And I would just like to say...yum. It was good. For someone who has never cooked enchiladas before, I think I did pretty good. Well, I'm outta here. Pretty sleepy. Bye.

July 6, 2004...1:19am
Sometimes, if I close my eyes really, really tight and think really hard I can imagine that I am a mature, well-rounded adult who handles situations the way I believe is appropriate and mature and well-rounded. Then some blasted stimulus always knocks me back into reality and I realize how I dumb I actually am. Isn't that frustrating, when you know what kind of person you want to be, but it's just so hard to coordinate your real-self and your ideal-self? It drives me crazy. Anyway. Back on the topic of my awesome week at camp: I don't believe in experience based faith. And while I'm wary of saying "whoo-hoo! I spent a fantastic week at camp and now I'm a changed person!" (because too many times I've gotten all fired up and then fizzled out shortly thereafter) I do think that God sometimes likes to work on your heart when you are out of your normal context. So my prayer is that God would continue a work in my heart that proves genuine and true and long-lasting, and not something that's just short-lived and based on emotions. Yep yep. Well, I work tomorrow at the clinic. It's sometimes hard for me to adjust back to that job if I've been gone for more than a couple days. So I had better at least get a decent night's sleep. Night.

July 5, 2004...12:19am
RANDOM THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: God must have a good sense of humor. His timing is rather ironic.
Well by-golly. I just had one of the best weeks of my life. Ever. It was awesome. This was especially appreciated because when I left for camp I was feeling very discouraged and not all enthusiastic about going. But it really was incredible. Crooked Creek was packed to the gills (I wonder where that expression comes from?) so we had 21 girls in a cabin that normally sleeps 12. But we made it an entire week and no one killed any one. On the contrary; they all got along quite nicely. God blessed me so much with several new friendships (students and leaders) that followed me home, and also with the attitudes of the workcrew and summer staff and head leaders: people I will probably never see again. As always, the food, activities, and program were wonderful. The scenery was breath-taking. But the best part of the whole week was that two of the girls in our cabin chose to start a relationship with Christ this week. PTL (Praise the Lord,) WT (with tambourines,)AM (and mandolins.) We got on the bus about 9:30 last night, and got in to town at about 7:15 this morning. So I haven't slept in about 36 hours. I haven't slept in my own bed in about 10 days. So I'm going to hit the sack. I'll write more tomorrow.

June 27, 2004...12:50am
It would not seem so late right now, except I have to be on a bus with 40 highschoolers headed to Colorado by 4:30am, which is less than four hours from now, and I'm not quite done packing. It's been a crazy weekend so far. On Friday, I worked until 4:30, instead of noon, when originally I was supposed to get off. So I barely had time to run a few errands, run home and pack before AJ and I left for Angostora, to meet the youth group there. We got there about 7:30, in time for the camp fire and s'mores. It was a beautiful night for camping, and we had a huge turnout. We opted to sleep under the stars instead of in a tent. Tents sort of make me clausterphobic, unless it's snowing or something. It was nice to be out. I love camping. We got up about 6 and had breakfast, and I had to leave by 8:30 to make it to work in Keystone by 9:45. I was supposed to only work until noon, but my fill-in was running late, so I didn't leave there until 12:20. From there I ran home, grabbed some clothes, and changed in Steph's car on the way to Katie and Joe's wedding at Rimrock. It was a perfect wedding. Simple and sweet. Like Katie. We left before the reception, came back into town, and went to the vet clinic so Steph could feed the baby birds. Then she dropped me off at my house, I went to walmart and bought food for camp, came home, and packed a few things. Then I picked up my new friend Jon and we met up with a group of people at church before driving out to the campground at Pactola to meet another bunch of people. We campfired there for a while, came back to town, I took Jon home, and now I'm here. And it's time that I should be packing and not writing. Crap. I hate packing. I hate it. Well, I'm going to do it anyway, because I have no choice, and putting it off doesn't do any good. THis is the last entry that will be here for a week. I'll be at camp until the 4th of July. Kind of a bummer that I won't be able to write, because I'm sure camp will give me plenty of stuff to write about. It always does. I will probably keep a journal while I'm there and then update in here when I get back. Anyway, peace out! Take care. Bye.

June 23, 2004...11:30pm
I'm thoroughly exhausted. I've done less sleeping than normal lately. Goodnight.

June 22, 2004...12:54am
In 1903, Ivan Pavlov published the results of a research project that would prove to be ground breaking in the field of psychology. The theory he proposed was that of "conditioning." Psychologists after Pavlov, such as Skinner, would use this concept as the foundation for other important theories on the subject of learning. All of these very important psychological "discoveries" basically stemmed from one observable phenomena...that a dog could learn that a certain "cause" always produced the same "effect" (the smell of food always "resulted" in getting to eat the food. He therefore expected to see food after smelling it.) Later studies along these lines showed that a cat learned that by pressing on one lever, she got to eat the treat on the other side of the door, and by pressing on the other lever, she got an electrical shock. It only took two shocks before the cat figured out which lever to push, and which to avoid. One-hundered and one years later, after countless technological and psycholological advancements, (all made by humans, and not by cats or dogs, mind you,) I, a human, have not yet established in my brain that whole cause-and-effect thing. I am not sure how many more times it will take before I learn that gossiping nearly always results in someone getting hurt. Gossip---->pain. Gossip---->pain. Gossip----->pain. Twenty one years, you'd think I'd have learned by now. Stupid cat figured it out. Lever------>shock. Gossip-----> pain. Gossip = bad idea. Hmmm. Maybe this time. I've debated a zillion time getting a tattoo, and decided that if I get one, it will be words that are of utmost importance but ones that I tend to frequently forget. So now I think it might not be such a bad idea to get James 3:5 tattooed right smack dab on my arm where I can always see it (quick! Bible drill! look up James 3:5). Either that or just "Gossip---->pain." That would probably be equally effective, but a little less asthetically pleasing than greek scripture. Haha. Hmmmm. Anyway. As you might have guessed, I am back from Minnesota. I was there for my cousin's wedding, which was very nice. We also made it a bit of a family vacation, and stopped at the Mall of America (for some reason my family thought this more important than stopping at the SPAM museum...I begged to differ, but just like last year, the Mall once again won more votes) I did however discover a new little shop in the massive greedy-american-consumerism/materialism-complex that only sells peanut butter, so I did my part for the economy and spent $7 on a jar of apricot peanut butter. I am thinking I might like to franchise one of these stores somewhere here in the Black Hills. I'm not sure the average tourist gets as excited about peanut butter as I do, though. Yet another thing to wonder about. Well, I should probably go unpack and throw in a load of laundry. It's back to work tomorrow. Slaving away stuffing teddy-bears and the like, making kids happy, etc, etc. It's a tough job, but somebody's...you know. So, yeah. Goodnight. And if you happen to be one of those people that tells me they pray for me on occasion, you might mention the whole tongue/forrest fire thing to God. (Told ya' you should look up James 3:5) He already knows that I'm a slower learner than a cat, but I guess he doesn't mind hearing about it now and then. Thanks. 'Night. (p.s....thanks to Stephen...you are an encouragement)

June 18, 2004...3:06am
I'm not sure why the melodramas always take place the night before I'm leaving town. I think perhaps because God knows that I need some time to calm donw and mull things over and take a step back to look at them in a different light. Because if I get all riled up and take action immeadiately, I'm very likely to regret it later. So it is probably a true blessing that I'm going to MN tomorrow with my family, so that I don't behave rash-ly. Because we all know what happens when I make rash decisions.

June 16, 2004...1:48am
"His grace is sufficient for me."
On an entirely different note, I spent a few hours this evening cleaning up the home of someone I barely know. That's a very interesting experience. You can learn alot about a person by the treasures they stash.

June 15, 2004...2:51am
No one has been to this page in a week. I think that may be an all-time low. Oh well, I suppose I will go ahead and keep writing, and perhaps I again will regain a small following. Following is kind of a dumb word. "Reader-base." How about that? Better? Well, I'm going to bed. Probably not the best way to go about establishing that reader base, but I'm pretty tired, so I figure I should sleep while I can. Night.

June 14, 2004...1:51am
So here's a bit of a bizarre story. I was with Steph tonight, and Michelle called to tell her that there was a boat in their front lawn. (This was at about midnight.) We didn't really believe her, but I guess we should have given her more credit. There really was a boat in her front lawn. Or at least the neighbors front lawn. What had happened I guess is some moron was driving a truck pulling a boat, and decided to run from the cops. Better yet, they decided to try some high-speed chasage down 11th St., of all places, which happens to be a rather narrow, poorly lit street with several speed dips and lots of cars parked on the side. They only made it about three blocks before they apparently lost control and began ricocheting off multiple cars parked on the street before coming to a stop right in front of Steph's house. They totaled the neighbors car, which happened to be parked where I would have been, had we not decided to pile into my car for the evening. So, that's the story. Kind of odd. I'm really not sure why someone pulling a boat with their truck would think they could actually outrun the cops on a residential side street, but I guess you can't blame them for trying. Haha.
By the way, I added a few things to my page with movie, book, and music reviews. Check 'em out. (They actually aren't great, but give me a break, it's my first try.)

June 11, 2004...2:59am
Yes, I know. It has been almost three weeks since I last wrote. Hmm. Three weeks. What did you miss? What did I miss? A horrid period of self loathing. Which is of course not any fun, but I suppose it is something that everyone needs to go through at one point (or two, or twenty, or a thousand) or another. A time when you cowgirl up and face reality and the truth that you've become what you hate, something that benefits no one and hurts many. The realization that what I would have wanted to call "humbleness" in assuming my actions affected no one is actually selfishness. To be human is to be influential. (Unless you live in a cave, which I do not.)You can ignore this fact, but that doesn't change anything. And passiveness rarely fixes anything. These are the things I've thought about in the last three-weeks. I made a few poor, rash decisions (I should have learned by now that my rash decisions are usually poor.) I entertained thoughts of every possible means of escape I could, but it all came down to common sense getting the best of me, and obligaton (and lack of funding)keeping me from doing anything with consequences that would severely compromise my responsibilities. When you feel like you've screwed up every single aspect of your life, packing your toothbrush and a clean pair of underwear and leaving town with no destination sounds romantic and novel, and then you get about as far as Ellsworth and realize you would have to write a bad check to put more gas in your car, which would sabotage any dimmension of integrity that still exists in your life. And you just want to scream, because in the movies, if people want to leave, they just leave, and I always wonder if they get fired from their jobs because they don't show up on Monday, or where they got the money for the train ticket, or who teaches 4th and 5th grade sunday school that week if they were supposed to. But you don't ever find out, so instead you just think..."hmmm....I think I'll be dramatic and try that next time I don't want to deal with life." But the reality is that you'd really be screwed if you tried that. So instead of running away from home I decided to take a break from youth group, which if you know me very well, is sort of comparable to running away from home. Sort of. In a wierd way. And for the two weeks since I decided to do that, I've thought maybe it was a pretty stupid thing to do. The next thing I did was to put alot of consideration into going to Vermillion to school in the fall. Of course merely giving something consideration is pretty inconsequential, but was at least something I'd never done before. But that ended last weekend when AJ and I moved a bunch of her furniture and things to her new apartment there and I found myself thinking "great apartment.....horrid town." So. Anyway. I'm not sure I'm done with the period of self loathing, but at least it's kind of been a kick in the pants, which I really needed, and I've found that a thorough hatred of yourself can be quite motiviational. All in all, mentally, it's been a pretty bad three weeks. But I'm hoping good will eventually come of it. If you want to talk events, let's see....Jamin graduated, AJ and I did drive to Vermillion last weekend to move in furniture and put up shelves, I'm now working 2 and 1/4 jobs, all of which I enjoy and really have zero complaints about. (I'm sorry...I have this horrible habit of ending sentences with prepostitions.) And...yeah, that's about it. Of course, as usual, I have more to say, but, as usual it is 3:30 in the morning and I have to be a work in 5 hours. I hope to get back in the habit of updating this, so keep checking in, and tell yer' friends to do the same. You could start a revolution.

May 21, 2004...6:54pm
I haven't updated in a couple of days because the computer got another virus, and is currently in critical condition. Jamin tells me that this is my fault. I don't download anything, but he seems to know these things, so I'll accept blame. Anyway. I worked well over 40 hours at the clinic this week, and it will be so nice to be able to afford things like gas again. I'm going to go for a run right now, since it's beautiful outside, and I'm a little bit stressed from my job (inter-group conflict). So off I go. You should to. What are you doing inside, reading this? Get up and go outside and breath some fresh air.

May 19, 2004...2:13am
I just got back from being lost in the woods. I've never really been lost in the woods before, and personally, I thought it was a lot of fun. Nick and Andrea and I climbed up the hill, but somehow we lost the trail and couldn't figure out quite how to get back down. Obviously, we did eventually, because I'm writing, but it took much longer than planned, and I thought it was great. I was due for a mini-adventure. ~~~~~ Jamin's pops concert was tonight. His last Steven's choir concert. I sound like a grown-up when I say this, I know, but I really can't believe he's that old. I feel like I just graduated from Highschool yesterday. Anyway, he played his guitar and sang "When the Rain Comes." I cried. (PMS) He also MC'd with a few of his friends, and was pretty hilarious. It was a pretty good concert all around. It's going to be kinda wierd for me now for a while. I've been at almost every Steven's choir concert for the last 9 years, and now my family doesn't have someone in the choir, at least for one year. I know, I know, that's a dumb thing to be disappointed about but I get sentimental about lame things, and I definately don't adjust to change particularly well. Okay, okay, enought about that. I'm going to bed. Night all.

May 18, 2004...1:43am
I guess summer snuck up on me. It has not felt a bit like summer since I finished school two weeks ago. Hmmm. Maybe it will feel more so after Jamin's graduation, and the kids are done with classes and my mom is taking them to the pool all the time, and I get a chance to drive out in the hills. That hasn't happened yet, and I'm about ready to lose my mind. I haven't heard a word about the Friendship Factory in Keystone this year. I tried getting ahold of Dallas and Mary, the owners, and didn't hear back from them, which makes me wonder if maybe they aren't opening this year. Which makes me very sad. During the summer I lived for those drives to Keystone every couple of days. Well, either way, I need a second job. My 24 hours a week at the clinic just isn't going to cut it. It's not that I don't want another job, I love the idea of learning something new, meeting new people, trying something different. I love that. It's the whole scheduling thing. I have four non-consecutive weeks away this summer, and youth camps. And I am very blessed in that I am able to get time off from the clinic, but who's going to hire me for a new job if I tell them I'm going to be gone every two weeks? I know that I should quit worrying about and putting it off, and instead just get my butt in gear and pray and trust that God will provide and work it out. Well, though I'm wide awake, I know I need to go to bead. Clearly, because I can't spell the word bed, eh? I don't think I've slept more than 4 hours a night in about a week. Hrmmmm. So, I'm off. Thanks for visiting.

May 12, 2004...12:28am
I'm afraid I am devoid of inspiration at the moment. I am going to balance my checkbook now, and maybe that will solve the problem. We'll see.

May 5, 2004...3:05am
Spring spring spring. I have a lunch date tomorrow with the mad hatter.

May 3, 2004...2:18pm
Ahhh. New Orleans. There are not words to describe my love for that city. I had a good trip. I think I'm going to live there some day. And write. Oh, it's just lovely. I have to study for finals. More later.

April 27, 2004...10:11am
In less than 48 hours I will be soaking up the sun at the New Orleans Jazz Fest. Well, either that, or taking notes in a conference room in a big hotel, learning about bunion correction, at the International Foot and Ankle Congess. Either way, I won't be here studying for finals. So go ahead, envy me. I'll write when I get home :)

April 26, 2004...1:01am
Hi. It's me.
I'm drinking green tea
I'm wearing pink pajamas and a cucumber peel-off face mask
It's one in the morning
I'm writing a poem that is boring
But at least I'm delaying a dreaded task
I must analyze data
about social strata
I must use numbers to form a conclusion
But the harder I think
The more my brains sink
To those math-induced pits of confusion

April 24, 2004...2:53am
Hey kids. So, how is life out in cyberland? I know you all have lives, and I would love to hear about them. Yep. (That little "comment" box at the bottom of this page works nicely :) I, for one, had a lovely day. I fell asleep on the couch at 7 last night, and didn't wake up until 7:15 this morning. I hate it when that happens. Luckily, that only happens to me about once a year, and only when I'm sick. So I guess I won't complain. And it must have done me some good, because my voice is back, and almost normal. This is especially good, since the choir concert is tomorrow. Or today, depending on how you look at it. Anyway, I had class at 8, I did some homework and then went to class again at noon, then went to Stevens H.S. to give my research methods survey to a classroom full of highschoolers. Turns out an alarming number off highschool students don't believe in absolute truth. Scary. After that bought a new (used) belt and a $4 pair of shorts at fashion junkie and then went to choir practice from 4-6. After that, Steph and I went shopping for a gift for Amy's bridal shower, (that's all I'm going to say about taht, because if I don't quit now, I'm bound to disclose some incriminating evidence that would surely get Steph or I in trouble. So, yep, that's all.) Then we went to the bridal shower, which was very nice (and naughty, or at least as naughty as a bunch of "good Christian girls" ever get at bridal showers...you might be surprised) and then George and Nick and I got some coffee. So I seem to be just jabbering aimlessly. I think I'll quite typing until I think of something interesting to say. You all have a nice night. Drop me note and let me know how things are going in your neck of the woods.

April 22, 2004...1:28am
Argh. I got my research papers back. Graded. The unhappy results are as follows:
SOCIAL PSYCH, 7 pages, "Mother-Daughter Body Image", effort:lots, grade: C. This does not make me happy. I wrote an A paper, gosh-darnit, by golly. Dr. "X" said, "well, you all averaged about 73, which is how everyone does on my papers, so if you got above that, give yourself a pat on the back." Now, I'm not an A student by a long-shot, but I also don't pat myself on the back for C's. Just so you all don't make the same mistake that I did, if you are using in-text citation, the period goes at the end of the parentheses. For example: "Six billion people died last year after eating...black licorice (Eben 2004)." Do not put the period before the citation. My professor took off another point for every time I did that. That amounted to more than one letter grade. Argh. Stupid mistakes.
SOCIAL STRAT, 9 pages, "Adolescent Cliques", effort: lots, grade: B-. Once again. I worked hard, thought I deserved an A. But apparently Dr. X, (that's the same Dr. X that gave me the C on the social psych paper) didn't think it was good enough, even though I followed the provided format handout exactly.
CRIMINOLOGY, 9 pages, "Jack the Ripper", effort: all-nighter immediately prior to due date, grade: A. So the one paper that I almost completely b.s. is the only one that earns me an A. Geesh. Sometimes life just doesn't work like it's supposed to. So, anyway. Why did I share this all with you? No reason I guess, just that it was one major stressor in my life that I thought I wouldn't have to worry about once I handed them in, and now I'm still worried, because my grades in my classes are based on so few assignments. Anywho. It's late, I'm sick, and I have to get up early tomorrow morning. I'm going to bed.

April 20, 2004...1:21am
"As you get older, you realize that some things in life are more important than other things. Elbows, for instance."
Yeah. Anyway. I have never be so happy for a week in my life to be over before. I am not exagerating when I say that all I did last Mon-Fri was research, write, sleep and eat (occasionaly). I brushed my teeth and showered to go to class for a few hours at a time, and then came back and researched and wrote some more. It was nuts. But now I'm done. One paper on adolescent cliques (Social Strat), one on the effect mothers have on their daughters body image (social psych), and one on Jack the Ripper (criminology). If I get a chance, I might post them on the page here, for all of you to read. I should get my grades on most of those this week, which I'm kind of anxious about. After I handed in my last paper on Friday afternoon, I went to Sioux Falls with the middle schoolers for a retreat. That was a lot of fun. I really love middle schoolers, and we took a pretty good sized group. I think there were over 25 of them, and they were all good kids. So we had a pretty fun time. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't mind working with that age group for the rest of my life, or at least long term, but I'm not so sure as to what capacity that might be in, whether in a counseling type situation, or at a camp doing director type stuff. Lately I've been thinking more and more about writing, which is actually one thing I've always wanted to do. Of course, the possibilites for writing are endless. You can write about anything you want and no one will stop you. The trick is getting someone to pay you to write. Add to that the whole missions/YWAM thing. I talked to the people at YWAM today, and they are going to send me some info on their discipleship program. That's about a semester long, so not somehting you can just jump into on short notice. Hmmm. Way too many decisions for my liking. I just need to remember to be in prayer for guidance for the next couple months/semesters/years. I have no idea what God's plan is. Keeping that in mind gives me that sort of giddy/expectant feeling in my stomach, becasue I am excited to see where he takes me. A little nervous, but excited, mostly. Well, I suppose I should head off to bed. Back to work tomorrow. Bye. (P.S. I made some minimal improvements to the home page. Only worth checking out if you're really bored.)

April 11, 2004...12:58am
Happy Happy Easter! It is snowing outside! Whoohoo! The research papers are not so much coming along. I think I should be at the panic stage by now. One of them is due in two days (it's over half done) and another one is due in 3 days (I haven't started.) It is true that I work best under pressure, and procrastination hasn't killed me yet. But it is also true that there are only 24 hours in a day, and I have to spend part of that time sleeping and eating and showering and being around humans (not that dogs aren't good conversationalists) Well, I think I will try and finish the my rough draft of my first paper tonight and let my mom proof read it for me tomorrow. Even though I don't like homework, per se, I am finding that I really love social research, and writing about it. Crazy, I know. So, I'm out. Have a happy Easter, and praise Jesus, because he is risen!

April 5, 2004...3:25am
I went climbing today (yesterday-Sunday) for the first time. With the harness that I've had since last summer. I was very excited. The climb was not a very hard one, but took me forever, and I felt kinda dumb, because I was with a bunch of people who are pretty good climbers. Nonetheless, I had a good time, especially knowing that I was shafting a huge amount of responsibility, things I really should have been doing this afternoon instead of hanging out in the hills (hence the fact that I just got home from cleaning my mom's office building -a fill in job I've got for the week) and it's only 3:30 in the morning. But it was great, and a perfect day for it. Just gorgeous. Well, I'm off to catch a few zzzz's before starting yet another crazy week. Sorry these have been so short and sweet lately. I have alot on my mind I would like to write about...alot God is doing in my life right now that I want to share with you all...but alas, no time now. Check back soon. Night.

April 2, 2004...1:42am
My best friend Andrea turns 20 today. She is a wonderful person, and I love her very much, so you should all call her and tell her happy birthday. I would put her number here, so that even those of you that don't know her could call her to tell her happy birthday, but I have a feeling she might not appreciate that on her birthday. Well, I'm pretty much beat, and I need to get a little bit of sleep before tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can write something worth while this weekend.

March 24, 2004...1:00pm
I like to call it "worry procrastination." Most people call it "denial." Anyway...on another train of thought. I looked at my calander, (which I had been trying not to do compulsively lately) and instantly got a headache. My parents leave for Florida on Sunday. Dr. Ries leaves for his mission trip on Wednesday. That's two weeks I get without working (this is a very good thing.) I have to go back to work on the 17th of April. Then I only have a week and a half of work before I go to New Orleans for a podiatry conference (whoohoo!) Then the day after I come back, finals start. Then schools out. Then it's summer. Crazy. I have a feeling it's going to go by very fast. I wouldn't be worried, except I have 4 huge research projects due before then. And that means that I can't justify spending any time working on my web page. That's a shame. So, if you notice I'm writing less frequently, that's why. Sorry. Social research calls. Well, I'm off to enjoy a little bit of sunshine (in the car, on my way across town) and then go to class again. Have a great day!

March 23, 2004...12:46am
I had a bad day yesterday, and spent most of it wallowing in self pity. After I had finally had enough wallowing and enough fudge stripe cookies, I decided to get to the bottom of the matter and determine what it really was that was causing me to wallow. Turns out, (there were a couple different reasons...but one in particular that I can actually do something about) I just haven't been drinking enough coffee lately. (Coffee being synonymous in my mind with good conversation.) In my attempt to be a diligent student this semester I have given up a good part of my late nights at Perkins, discussing the meaning of life. My grades are better than ever, but you know what? I miss my friends. Good grades are completely over rated. I'm switching back to the coffee.

March 22, 2004...12:09am
I. Manipulative people drive me crazy. Condescending people whose legalistic reasonings don't hold water also drive me crazy. Argh!
II. I just wrote one whole page of my 9 page Social Research Methods paper on my thesis that the side ponytail promotes friendly interaction among strangers. I hope my teacher has a sense of humor.

March 20, 2004...1:06am
Today was an interesting day. I was blessed hugely by the gift of friendship and good conversation and coffee. I hope that I, in turn, was maybe a little bit of a blessing. On another subject, I was talking to a friend last night, who is really stuggling with some hard things, including her view on God. One of the reasons she gave for this was that she has been hurt deeply by the church. Without getting really long winded about this subject, let me just say this: The church is not God. We are supposed to be, in a sense. In the sense that the church is called to be Jesus to people. To love people like Jesus does, to be an example of his character. But the church is not God. If you have been hurt by the church, it is probably because the people were notbeing Jesus to you. I'm pretty sure God doesn't look kindly on the members of his body being hypocritical or judgemental, or whatever it was that may have caused the wound. I say this boldly, because I am guilty. I have hurt people in the body of my church. I have been a hypocrite. I have spread gossip. And in the last 20 years I have seen many people leave because they were hurt there. It's everywhere though. No church is immune, because we are fallen creatures. I do love my church. I would probably have picked my church even if I had not grown up in it. But I just wanted to offer my opinion and perhaps some clarity to this issue...to point out that God does not endorse his people being malicious to one another. That is not of his character. That's not what he's about, or how he wants to be represented. So, yes, maybe you have been hurt badly by others, in the name of the church. But if so, hard as it may be, try not to confuse the source of the insult with who God is. Try not to let it cloud your view of his love for you. Hang in there.

March 18, 2004...11:47
Uh oh. It has happened. Spring has come. I know this because it is pulsing through my veins. Spring is like a drug for me. It's intoxicating. It get's there inside me and I can't think straight until after school is out. No matter where I am, I feel like I'm in a burning building and I need to get out, out, out. It can make a person crazy.

March 15, 2004...1:33am

SILLY LITTLE LOVE POEM
silly little Marci
silly little me
worry worry worry
about things I cannot see
I think God probably chuckles
and probably shakes his head
because he wrote this story
and he knows how it will end
he says "oh silly marci,
you need to just chill out
I'm super big and in control
what are you so stressed about?
you've been doing this for years
about this issue and that
but I've been faithful everytime
you'll see if you look back
so silly little marci
give me this one too
if I can handle the entire universe
I can probably take care of you

March 13, 2004...1:03pm
I woke up this morning and Jack Nicholson was watching TV in Steph's living room. I wonder if she knows he has a key???

March 9, 2004...2:10am
I know, I'm sorry. It's been a week since I last wrote. Andrea is home from Vermillion for a week, Donnie is home from Diego until they ship him off again in 6 months. The highschool/middleschool girls night out for church was last weekend. I'm not going anywhere for spring break. That's about it. Okay, you got me. That's not really it. Those are just the facts. Of course there is more. In my head, at least. But this silly little journal isn't exactly like having a heart to heart over coffee. So, this is all your getting tonight. I don't even have anything perplexing to say. My deepest apologies.

March 1, 2004...11:23pm
WHOOHOO! SNOW DAY! No school, no work, no nothing. I slept till 10:00. Stayed in my pajamas until noon. Read a book, did my laundry, ate pancakes, sat on my butt. It was wonderful. They did announce that Ellsworth is closed again tomorrow, but I don't know if that means no classes again tomorrow night or not. If not, that is a very good thing, as one thing I did not do today was study for the Soc. Strat midterm I'm supposed to have tomorrow night. Hmmm. I suppose I should go do that now, since I can't count on more wind. The roads actually weren't all that bad even today. Oh well, you can only get so lucky.

February 28, 2004...2:29pm
A poem for you. I think it's been a while.
"The Borderliner's Bully"
M, T, W, Th, F @ precisely
11:52 a.m.
She gets the burning, scared-silly feeling
in her diaphragm
Who knew hell smelled like lysol and
turkey gravy?
Five days a week, the same
confrontation
All up in her face and pushing
her buttons
One silent wittness: the pea-scooping
hair-net lady
You would think people could outgrow this crap
by the time they're twenty-one
But then again, you wouldn't expect
someone's worst enemy to be
ham and swiss on a whole-wheat bun

February 26, 2004...11:07pm
I'm speechless! No, literally. I've got laryngitis, or something-or-other, and I sound like I've been smoking a pack a day my entire life. The rest of me feels fine though. Speaking of smoking. We had this one patient today, and during her surgery, she was telling me about her grandmother, who moved to New York from Puerto Rico when she 80something, and died when she was 114, and the day she died she was still asking for beer and chewing tabocco, even though she had a feeding tube. Isn't that great? No, no. I'm not advocation chewing tobacco or beer, I just think that's hilarious. I hope I live to be 114. Well, only if I'm like that. Maybe if I'm still alive when I'm 100, I'll start drinking beer and chewing tobacco. I mean, really, what have you got to lose? Well, I've got a crim test tomorrow, and lots of studying before that. Night.

God, on the subject of giving: (Malachai 3:10) "Bring your tithes...test me in this. And see if I will not open up the windows of heaven and pour out such blessings that you don't have room for them all." He wasn't kiddin'.

February 20, 2004...1:32am
Whoohoo! I saved a life today! They finally let me donate blood! One pint in a record 6 minutes (average is 7-12...so 6 probably isn't really a record low...but fast nonetheless)Actually though, I probably didn't save the life yet today, because they just put your blood in the coolers there at blood services and send a few vials down to Texas to test you for AIDS, and when they get the results back, they can then use your blood to save someones life. Anyhow, sooner or later, I will have saved someones life. Or at least a fraction of it. Or perhaps, they will get the results back from Texas and find out I have some wierd blood disease, and only have a week to live. In which case, this would probably be my last journal entry, and I would want you all to know that I love you guys! *tear*...yeeeeeah....soooo. Anyway. Peace out.

February 20, 2004...1:10am
This morning started out not looking very promising. I had planned on getting my butt out of bed and to the gym by 5:30, just like I intended on doing 3 days this week. But, just like the other two days, I merely hit snooze and rolled over. This is sooooo frustrating to me, when I can't make myself do something on my own terms. I hate the fact that it almost always takes someone else to keep me accountable in order for me to stay motivated. Especially about working out. These last couple of weeks have been frustrating in that aspect, because I had been in such a good habit of getting there, and now with my retarded schedule, all I have time for is the treadmill. I hate the treadmill. Of course I tried the ellipticals, but I think they are built for people a little bit bigger than me. I felt like I was bow-legged or something. Very awkward. So. Anyway. Missed the workout this morning. Then, I was supposed to have breakfast with Cameo, but I had the time messed up, and was 1/2 hour late. Crap again. So, already by 8:00 this morning, I was in a decidedly vile mood, with myself, which is the vilest of all moods. But, don't despair. I got myself a chai latte and went to work, and from then on, the rest of my day went amazingly better. I really love my job. I love my job, and my co-workers and my patients. Ooh, and I really love the drug reps. They brought us subs on Tuesday, and Chile's today. Fabulous. I went from work to master chorale. I am really loving master chorale this semester. We've got 13 crazy people, and the group dynamics are just hilarious to me. I so enjoy being around them. So, after that was IV, adn then we all went to Ricks. This was the best part of my whole day. Even better than work and MC. Why? Because I had my first personal encounter with....THE X-BOX. It's true insanity. I played Halo for 2 hours. I lost every game, and killed a grand total (in all of 2 hours) of some 11, count them, 11 times. I'm terrible at it. But addicted now, to this complete and utter waste of time...this slow-cooker for your cognitive resources. Sad. So sad. My only saving grace is the fact that other than the occasional thursday night at Ricks, I have no access to an x-box. So, anway. That was my thursday. And it might have ended on all those positive notes, if I hadn't signed on to MSN on engaged myself in yet another aggravating conversation with a particular person...argh. And I flossed my teeth. I hate flossing my teeth. It, unlike washing my car, does not really improve my outlook on life. But I'm not going to fret about it. I'm just going to go to bed. So, until we meet again...peace, love, and...Friday! Whoohoo!!!! ~~~~Marci

February 19, 2004...12:26am
I listen to alot of NPR. My family hates that I listen to it, becuase it is liberal, and God forbid I expose myself to viewpoints that might be different from my own. So I, being the deviant daughter that I am, was listening to NPR today. And I learned that scientists have discovered a new species of bird that lives in the rain forest. Unfortunately, I can't remember what it is called. Nonetheless, this little bird is the size of a walnut and weighs as much as two pennies. If you were to remove it's feathers, the poor thing little thing would die almost instantly, because it's body temperature drops at an amazingly fast rate. But here's the best part. It has to eat constantly to stay alive. It burns so many calories so fast that it just eats eats eats all the time. It can only sleep for a couple of hours at a time, and then it has to eat some more. I wish I was this bird. Eat eat eat, sleep, fly, eat eat eat fly eat eat sleep fly fly eat eat eat eat eat. And all that in a rain forest. What more could you want? Anyway. Yeah, so those are the liberal, left winged kinds of things you learn on NPR. Watch out. Well, today was a good day. It was 65 degrees out and you really can't beat that. I spent my lunch hour cleaning out my car and washing it and puting my new wheel covers on. I think that there would be less depression in this country if more people washed their cars. It's really a huge stress reliever. No matter how crappy your day may be going, if you car is clean, you at least feel a little better about it. So, I think I can switch my laundry to the dryer now. And then I am going to bed, because I have this lofty goal of getting out of bed at 5am tomorrow. Oh, and on a side note, for those of you that get to this page by way of my home page, check out the new "Breaking News" box. Alright. I'm gone.

February 17, 2004...2:04am
"I am Jack's raging sense of rejection."~Fight Club

February 16, 2004...2:45am
I haven't slept in my own bed in 2 weeks. You would think I would be there now, since I can be. But no, I'm sitting here, thoroughly exhausted, but with no real desire to actually go to bed. Hmmm. Quite the dilemma. Maybe I should try reading some Soc. Strat. That oughta do the trick.

February 15, 2004...1:16pm
I have a new appreciation for Goldilocks and her dilemma. Yes, Goldilocks, as in "and the Three Bears". Anyway. You may notice that the picture of me on the homepage there is much larger. I promise you, this is not because I wanted to see an even bigger Marci, or thought other people might want to see a bigger marci. It's merely the product of my over zealous attempt to do some webpage management, whereupon I first deleted the picture all together, and then when I tried to put it back that's what happened. And now I don't really have the time to go back and fix it, so we'll just have to deal with it for now. So, that's all I really have to say right now. I think I"m going to go run for a while, and then do some homework. I do a lot of that these days. Homework, not running. Okay, I'm off. I hope those of you here in Rapid are enjoying the sunshine. And those of you not here, well, just find joy in knowing that it's sunny somewhere.

February 12, 2004
You know you're having a bad day when you find your car keys in the refridgerator.

February 11, 2004...1:05pm
There was this girl I knew in highschool that used the word "beautiful" excessively. It drove everyone nuts. She thought everything was beautiful. And always pointed it out. I think maybe the reason people rolled their eyes at it was because she was always in this state of fascination with something or other, and they were always bored. And they were jealous.

February 5, 2004...12:12am
It is kind of cold down here in my basement, and my toes are freezing, so I'm sitting on my feet, and my left hand. All that to say that I'm typing all of this with one hand. Which is pretty slow going. Anyway. I'm leaving for MN at 6:00 tomorrow morning, and I haven't started packing yet. So I'm going to do that now, rather than sit here and shoot the breeze on my journal. Though you know I'd rather be doing just about anything than packing. Oh well, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I'll be gone until Sunday night, so probably no more entries until then. Or who knows, if I have access to a computer at Anna's apartment, I may try and keep you up to date with a little Master Chorale travel log...haha...oh, you know that would be hot reading. Whatever. OK. I really should go get started. See ya.

February 4, 2004...12:33am
Tuesdays are such long days. I work 8-4, have Master Chorale 4-6, and class at Ellsworth from 7-10. Luckily, our soc. prof let us out at 8:30 instead of 10, so I'm definately not complaining. I had time to meet up with the Young Life crew at Culvers before heading to get coffee and study some more. I swear, I've never studied so diligently in my life. If it doesn't pay off in the form of exceptional grades, I'm going to be sorely disappointed. I was thinking tonight, after I left Social Stratification class, and was quite delighted that I had just learned about Durkheim's theories, and mechanical and organic solidarity, that education is a wonderful thing, and it is so exciting to me that I get to know these things, and that I could have an intelligent discussion with someone about anomie and sameness and alienation. And then, my joy was sort of dampened, because I got to thinking, how many people am I around every day, at work, or church or the grocery store, or whatever, that have at least a bachelors degree? People that have taken classes at this level or higher, people that also learned about Marx and Durkheim and C. Wright Mills. Plenty of them I'm sure. But you don't see any of them running around discussing stratification theory, or moral disciplines. They learned it, and most likely forgot it. So am I only fooling myself? I spend hours just soaking this stuff up, and loving it, and then I realize that it probably doesn't even matter. Plenty of other people learned this stuff once, back in college, and they don't care. Hmmm. Kinda depressing if you look at it that way. Well, once again, I'm tired. The coffee's just not cutting it anymore. Hmm....I may have to try sleep, or something lame like that...

February 3, 2004...12:41
I've always hated the word February, because I think that extra "r" is worthless. Anyway. I found triumph in very little in the last four days. All the little resolutions and goals that I make everyday...I've accomplished none of them. Not a one that I can think of. I mean, they weren't horrible days, but just very frustating in that I fell quite short of my own expectations, which were not unreasonably high. Well, I guess I will leave you on that depressing note, because I'm exhausted. Night.

January 26, 2004...2:24am
Today was awesome. I got to spend every moment of it with a very random assortment of people that I love being around, through the course of a very random assortment of events. I really would love to sit down with everyone of you over a cup of coffee and tell you all about it, from beginning to end. It's pretty crazy. Hilarious, I think. But it would seriously take me hours to write, and I'm sure it would lose some of it's humor in that, so I will just give you a preview and say that it involved a kilt, a cabin, a cave, coffee at four different places, mass-execution of chickens,the county jail, blue guitars, and chocolate cake. If you're curious, just ask me about it next time I see you. I'm going to bed. Peace out.

January 23, 2004...11:29am
This frustrating reality just dawned on me: That even if, way back when the situation initially occured, she was, in fact, wrong, and I was right, I have yet been exceedingly wrong in holding this stupid grudge and coddling this bitterness, therefore, making quite a hypocrite (a.k.a. "ass") of myself.

January 22, 2004...11:37pm
Praise the Lord, Friday is within sight. Today was a good day. It started with a bunion and five hammertoes (see 1/21 entry...and to tell you the truth, I was actually pretty bored after the 2nd hammertoe. I don't think surgical tech is the job for me)and ended with a Blondie from Applebees (a.k.a. Heaven on a Plate) This weekend is the Young Life Planning retreat for this semester, and I'm really looking forward to it, except that I have so much homework to do before Monday, I know that will bug me the whole time. Well, I'm beat. I've come to the conclusion taht either I've come down with something, the only symptom of which is excessive sleepiness, or the last 5 years of insomnia are finally catching up with me. So I'm off. Sweet dreams.

January 21, 2004...11:22pm
Sometimes it seems like all the bad things going on in other people's lives can really pile up, and even if things in your own life are going fine, you're just overwhelmed with everyone else's stuff. And today, I am particularly disappointed with myself...my lack of discipline/persistence. But tomorrow is a new day. Scarlett Oharra said that. And I would also just like to share with all of you the fact that today I was, (for the first time I can ever remember)completely prepared for one of my classes. We had quite a sizeable reading assignment, and I studied for two hours, and not only did I read, but I also comprehended. And not only did I comprehend, I also enjoyed!! Yes. Social Psychology. Really good stuff. I found myself wishing I had someone to discuss the various theories with, but the guy working at the coffee shop seemed rather disinterested. *sigh*. Oh well, he doesn't know what he's missing. Anyhow, despite the fact that I got an ungodly amount of sleep last night, I'm exhausted again, and I have to get up particularly early tomorrow. I am going to observe Dr. Ries do a multi-procedure surgery tomorrow. I have assisted in many-a-hammertoe and hardware removal at the clinic, but this one tomorrow is bunions and fun stuff like that, and I have never watched one at the surgery center before, so I'm pretty excited. So, that said, I'm going to hit the sack. Goodnight.

January 16, 2004...2:38am
It is perplexing to me how my mind is really my own worst enemy on most occasions. How you can think you've really kicked one of your old "demons", as they call them, in the butt, and then it comes back to torture you and you realize that you had not really kicked it in the butt, you had only ignored for a while. And then the really scary thing is when you realize that you are actually sort of partial to it, and you don't mind so much when it hangs around. There I go again, being all abstract, which cannot possibly be interesting to anyone not reading my mind. It's just one of those things that I really know I should not be hanging on to. It has the potential to screw up most of what God is doing in my life. And I know that, and yet I really don't want to deal with it. Crap. On a second note, but not entirely unrelated, I am not going to the Ani concert. Nat had an extra ticket and AJ and I had planned a whole nice little weekend trip around it, and then I decided not go. I'm am very sad about this. Of course I had two very valid reasons, which were 1) that is the same weekend as the Young Life spring planning retreat, which I feel is a pretty big priority, and 2) I'm broke. But the main reason was simply that my big brother (who thinks I make bad, independent decisions for the sake of making my own independent decisions, and thinks that I would never take a word of advice from him if it went against my wishes) said "I don't think you should go. I think that's a bad idea." So, I guess it's not really that simple. Nothing ever is. But he said that, and I got to thinking about why he actually thought that,(the reasons of which are slightly complex, and if I feel so inclined, I may choose to write about at a later date) and decided that he was right. So I'm not going. Of course I expected some nice pat on the back from my parents when I told them this, being quite confident that for once in my life I had made a good independent decision, and also taking into account the fact that they abhor all things Ani. But all I got from them was a shrug. Oh well. You can't win them all. So. My mind is really going full speed, (and just for the record, I haven't had any coffee since Sunday) but logic, stupid logic, dictates that since choir starts in 5 hours I should probaby sleep. I'm going to at least go try. Sweet dreams.

January 14, 2004...9:07pm
This crazy new class schedule of mine is going to take some real getting used to. For instance, yesterday, I worked from 8-4, had class at tech from 4-6, and then class out at the base from 7-10. But then today I had class from 8-9, worked from 9:30 to noon, had class from 12-1, wasn't really sure what to do with myself between 1 and 3:30, then class at the base from 4-7, and church after that. I have all these 2-3 hour chunks of time throughout my week that, if used wisely, could prove quite productive I'm sure. Hmmmm. Anyhow. I haven't had dinner yet, and I'm getting kind of hungry. My stomach is growling. I'm sorry. My entries as of late have been a bit cold and sterile. Fun to read, I'm sure. Well, anyway. Maybe food will be inspirational.

January 7, 2004...12:34pm
Break is over, and back again we go to the daily grind. That's okay with me, though. I'm kind of excited about this next semester. I'm only taking 12 credits plus choir and master chorale, but three of those classes are night classes at Ellsworth, so everything is pretty spread out. But this is the first semester when I'm not taking a single general ed class. Everything I'm taking from here on out is sociology, so that makes me pretty happy. As for something poignate (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) and thoughtful, I've got nothing right now. We're getting our carpets cleaned, and the sound of that machine drowns out all my creative voices. Ha. More Later. I'm going to meet my dad for lunch.

January 2, 2004...9:46am
I love Christmas break! Whoohoo!

December 27, 2003...2:43am
Oh, how I all too well know what Jim is talking about (www.usd.edu/~jvahrenk)...knowing what God wants, i.e. the right thing to do, and deliberately wanting the opposite. It's like this constant battle in your head. Sometimes I don't know which is worse: being ignorant of right/wrong and content with moral mediocrity, or "knowing better" and having frequent shouting matches with your conscience. Yes, yes. The age old battle of the flesh vs. the spirit. At least it's kindof nice to know that we are not the first with this problem, not by a long shot. Anyhow. I'm going to bed here pretty soon, but would like to say that we had a lovely Christmas. My grandparents came over, and we gorged ourselves like swine. I made enough potatoes (sweet and mashed) to feed an army and we still have plenty left, so come on over if you get a hankerin' for left-over potatoes. You're welcome anytime. My parents gave me a book with most of the Black Hills hiking trails, and that's all I really wanted, so I was quite happy. I got other things too, but that was the real winner. Well, after an evening that made me feel sort of like a kid stuck in the middle of a custody battle (and it had nothing to do with my parents) I'm a little troubled. So I think I'm going to go to bed, and lay awake and worry about that. Ha. Right. It doesn't matter how troubled I am, I rarely lose sleep over anything. I may lose weight, I may lose my mind, but once I actually force myself into bed, I never lose sleep. I suppose that can be a blessing, being that I'm the daughter of an insomniac - the kind that lays awake for hours at a time. Well. I'm off. You all have yourselves a great day.

December 19, 2003...11:16am
Praise the Lord with trumpets! I never have to take another math class, as long as I live!!!!!

December 17, 2003...2:57pm
Hi. I thought I would take just a moment from studying for finals, amidst everything else that goes on fall semester finals week, and throw an entry up on here. Yes throw it up. Ha. No, actually, I, unlike most people these days, have managed to stay healthy. However, my mother just called me moments ago to tell me that my little brother tested postitive for influenza A (him and the 6 billion other people on earth, except for me) and the doctor gave us prescriptions for tamiflu for my whole family. Isnt' that lovely. Oh well, I imagine I've been exposed a hundred times over already this season, with working right next to urgent care, and apparently my flu shot is working this year. So. That's about all the time I have right now kids. Three more finals, graduation Sat. morning, and I'm home free! I won't get a chance to even start my Christmas shopping before then, but that's okay. I'm a sucker for last minute, cranky Christmas crowds! So, anyway, until then. Peace, love, and 60mph winds.

December 9, 2003...11:37pm
Please excuse me for a moment while I beat my stupid, sentimental self (that's the one that keeps remembering all of December last year) into submission and get on with my life.

December 4, 2003...11:19pm
It's 20 after 11 and I just got home from a very long choir rehearsal at the Cathedral (5 hours, to be exact) The big question is at this point: which of the three homework tasks should I do now, and which should I save until my one open hour tomorrow? Reading chapter 20 in my history textbook, write the one page essay on Silicon Valley, or cram two weeks of algebra into my brain for tomorrows quiz? Or perhaps I should just hit the sack now, and wake up early to do all three. Problem is, taht's always my plan, but it never really works quite like that. I usually just end up hitting snooze over and over again, all the while making excuses in a half conscious state, as though I'm actually making sense. Hmmm. Speaking of which (sort of) I had the most bizarre dream last night. It involved desperately trying to find a parking spot at school. I ended up driving up some hill and then when I couldn't turn my car around, I decided jsut to back it down. However, it ended up actually rolling down the hill. The really bizarre thing was, I managed to single handedly roll it back up the hill. Go figure. Well. Hmmm. I think I'll opt for writing the paper now, getting up early enought to skim the chapter, and then study the algebra during my open hour. Yeah, I suppose that's my plan. Goodnight.

December 2, 2003...3:02am
Mmmm. Jack Johnson. I have found the love of my life! Or at least his music. :)

November 30, 2003...10:33pm
I am not Catholic. I do not believe much of what Catholic's believe. I can't actually claim to know most of what Catholic's believe either. But I think that in a world where very little is still treated as sacred, the Catholic church, unlike most protestant denominations, has maintained a reverence for God. Yes, we believe that God is our buddy, our best friend, someone we can be honest with, someone that we can bring our most wretched self to and be washed clean. But at the same time, He is a holy God. He is mighty, and just and righteous and nations fear him. Holy, holy, holy. A word that literally means "other; set apart". That is what is so incredible about Jesus. He had dirty feet. He built furniture for a living. He cried at funerals and celebrated at weddings. He touched beggars and prostitutes. Yet demons begged him for mercy. Because he is "other". Something very very out of the ordinary. This is what I was thinking about tonight, standing on risers at the front of the knave at the cathedral, four movements into a Vivaldi cantata, my feet simply killing me. I was thinking that it was wonderful that I didn't have to partake in any ritual, or be in any fancy building, or go through a priest to have communion with my Savior. But yet there is something lonely and beautiful that always makes me want to hold my breath when I am in a Cathedral (unfortunately, this is not particularly smart to do during a two hour choir concert) and everything from the candles to the chairs are special. It kind of gives me a different perspective on the God that I tend to so casually worship. So if he is "set apart", does that make him far away? No, that is why we worship him. That's the paradox. Only He could become human without compromising his holiness. Merry TwentyfivedaystillChristmas.

November 29, 2003...3:08pm
Thank You

November 21, 2003...12:59pm
"You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave..."

November 20, 2003...12:48am
For those of you who have previously lamented being deprived of ever seeing me really mad, or those of you that have issued blatent statements of disbelief concerning my ability to possess anger, I would like to offer a special invitation, right now. This special, late night showing is titled "Marci, really really mad." and can be viewed immeadiately. Unfortunately, seating is limited and this offer may not stand for much longer. If you've ever wanted to see Marci pissed off, now is the time. Don't miss your chance. However I will warn you, it's not a pretty sight.

November 19, 2003...10:47am
Well, I busted my butt Monday night studying for the Algebra test, and I am confident that I failed. I studied like crazy last night for my History of the American West class and, at risk of premature chicken counting, would put money on an A. Of course I realize you win some and you lose some, but unfortunately, losing twice at the same class, (especially when it's freshman level, you are paying for it, and you need it graduate) is just not very cool. So I need to have an attitude adjustment concerning the necessity of math knowledge, and get my hiney in gear.

November 17, 2003...9:43am
So, I bought the membership to the spa a couple weeks ago. I am not typically the kind of person that spends money on this sort of thing. But since my "fittness routine" only consisted of walking 2 blocks from my parking spot to school and back 3 days a week, and realizing that one of these days my metabolism is going to realize I'm not 16 anymore, I decided it was time to get my butt in gear. And I knew I wouldn't do that unless money was involved. So, motivated by those factors, and a snide remark from my big brother, I am proud to announce that I am getting my money's worth. That is, if you consider dragging yourself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 4:45am, so that you can have a perky little blonde in leggings screaming "KICK!! BACK!! KICK!! PUNCH!! LUNGE!! UP!! DOWN!! JUMP!! DO IT AGAIN!! KICK!! SIDE!! EIGHT MORE TIMES!!" an experience that is worth money. But I hurt everywhere, so it must be doing something. Well, I'm off to class to watch a documentary on the Hoover Dam. Peace out.

November 15, 2003
MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS THE COOLEST!

November 10, 2003...8:53am
Funny when you find yourself looking forward to Monday so that you can recover from the weekend. It was a good weekend though. We had the Disciple Now weekend at our church. I was a leader for a couple of middle school girls, and we had just a dandy time. But now I have a cold, and a History test at 1:00 that I am not prepared for. (what's new?) so I think that I will skip my other history class and study for the test. So, that's about it for now. Like I was saying, I think this will be a nice layed-back week in my life. I looked at my planner this morning and realized I have nothing on it outside of regularly scheduled activities. So I should be able to catch up with homework and stuff. Notice I used the word "should"...doesn't mean it will actually work out that way. Oh well, I'll try and be optimistic and manage my time well. Which would probably involve studying right now. Alright. I'm outie...(ow-tee..huh) Peace.
P.S. Life is just a bowl of Dave and Cherry's :) Congrats kids.

November 7, 2003...4:32pm
It is with great joy that I announce the installation of the long-awaited, brand spanking new CV joints in my car. This is very exciting for me. Almost as exciting as getting a new muffler a year ago. I am going to celebrate by eating some peanut butter. I encourage you all to do the same.

November 3, 2003...11:51pm
Time Managment Tip #781: Never give up...unless you have to get up at 4:30, and it is midnight, and you still have 34 things on your to-do list, and you have re-written the journal entry 4 1/2 times, and still aren't happy with it. That is the exception to the rule, in which case it is best just to quit trying and get on with more important things.

November 2, 2003...11:07pm
It is times like these when I feel like doing something spontaneous and romantic (in the purely literary sense) like throw a suitcase in my car and take off to nowhere for 4 days, or sit on my roof and smoke a pack of cigarettes, or lock myself in my room for 36 hours and write a great song with great chords and great lyrics. And then I remember that my car is in pretty bad shape right now, and there is a snow advisory for tomorrow, and I have several appointments and obligations in the next four days, so it wouldn't be wise to leave unannounced. And I don't smoke. And I only pretend to play guitar. So, what am I supposed to do? Damned common sense.

November 1, 2003...1:57am
~*A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MARCI*~
6:00AM---Alarm goes off. Hit snooze (I think the word "snooze" looks like it is spelled incorrectly every time I see it)
6:09AM---Hit snooze.
6:18AM---Hit snooze...you get the picture
6:45AM---Roll out of bed
7:16AM---Go out to scrape windsheild and realize my little brother has already done it for me. Thank goodness for little brothers
7:39AM---Score great parking spot only one block from campus
7:54AM---Small snag in back of favorite pair of jeans turns into large gaping hole in back of favorite pair of jeans. Hmmm. Problem
8:05AM---Learn about Islamic Marriage traditions...very interesting
9:11AM---strategically position book bag over large gaping hole on back of jeans while I study for History test
10:21AM---write essay on the problems of forming community among prostitues and pimps in 19th century west
10:35AM---borrow ducttape from office and fix jeans
11:08AM---eat horrible vegetable soup in Miner Shack and browse through new Victoria's Secret catologue...discuss the tragedy that the cute sweaters (yes, they sell actual clothing in the catalogue) only designed to look good on women with huge boobs...this evolves into a discussion concerning the benefits of smaller boobs
12:46PM---Voice lesson with grown woman dressed up like a kitty
1:33PM---Design floor plan for my brother's house while my history teacher lectures on...history, I guess.
3:00PM---Attended Algebra class for first time in 2 weeks. I got a C on the test. I'm happy with my mediocrity
4:30PM---Yoga at the spa. Nice.
6:00PM---Hand out candy to a few rock stars. Lament the fact that I'm not dressing up this halloween
7:43PM---Run from 12 year old clown in Community Theater haunted house. She knew my name.
10:00PM---Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie begins
11:48PM(approximately) Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie ends
12:15PM---finally stop shaking
So. That's about it. Not to be classified as a "typical" day in the life of Marci. I have very few of those (typical days, that is).

October 30, 2003...6:08pm
It's beginning to look alot like Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOHOO!!!!!!!!! This makes me very happy. It is beautifully wonderfully SNOWING outside, windy and icy and all things fabulous. Of course you can bet I will be complaining about the same things soon, but right now I'm going to revel in it while I can. Today has been a great day. First of all, because it's snowing. Second, because I paid off my car loan today. $946. And now that piece of crap is MINE! Yes, a piece of crap, with a cracked windshield and a dented hood and worthless CV joints, but mine nonetheless. No more monthly payments, which means I can use that money to fix all the things it has wrong with it, and lessen the crap factor. So, I'm pretty stoked about that. And it's snowing, did I mention that? Well, it's now 6:13 (no, I don't type slow...I just write and delete about twice as much as ends up on here) and I am in the Library computer lab, supposedly meeting my U.S. History group to work on the assignment due tomorrow. But, like I said it's 6:13, actually 6:15 now, and out of the 6 of us in the group, I am the only one that showed up. Anna will be here any minute I know, because I just saw here 1/2 hour ago, but I have no expectations of seeing the 4 guys. This perturbs me a little bit, since Anna wrote the last big paper by herself, and I wrote the last little paper by myself, and the one time the 3 guys got together to write one we got a B. Oh well, I suppose there are bigger things to worry about. It won't kill me to just write the stupid paper and quite being irritated. So. Anyhow. It's snowing. Look outside. If it's not snowing where you are, buy a snow glob and pretend you're here. Anna's here now. We're gonna write a paper. About something other than snow.

October 27, 2003...1:59pm
Oh, glorious, glorious fall. I do love it so. It is perfect outside right now. Cloudy, leaves blowing everywhere. Just perfect. So, how is it going? The two of you that faithfully check this page everyday should write and let me know. I, for one, am doing....hmmmm. A word for how I'm doing. Not bad, not great. I think I'm...haha. The word resplendent comes to mind. It's a wonderful word, though not really accurate at all. It means: magnificent, glittering. And without getting all freakishly poetic and blah blah blah, I can't relate any of my being to something resplendent. Maybe perplexed. Yeah, whatever. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I guess I'm alot of things all at once, and aren't we all? So, enough of that introspective crap. I had a nice weekend. Jared stayed home all last week. He said it was to help my mom out (who is feeling quite a bit better, but not yet up to par) but I think mostly he just has senioritis so bad he can't even stand to be in Laramie more than absolutely necessary these days. On Saturday I worked and ran some errands and then carved pumkins with my family and watched a few movies. I did very little that requires responsibility. It was a beautiful thing. Well, I'm in computer class, and my teacher is walking back here to help me, so I suppose I should close this, eh? Haha. Okay. Bye.
I think I'm going to cry. I just accidently deleted my last 6 weeks of entries. That's only a total of about 5 or 6 entries, but. Argh! Curse this stupid computer class for making me copy and paste two things at the same time!!!!

October 14, 2003
I made my freaking bed. How do you think I'm doing?

Sept 10, 2003...9:15am
So I stopped by the computer lab in the Classroom Building, to print of some notes for U.S. History, and it made me quite reminiscent of last semester, which was altogether sort of crazy. The reason this lab made me reminiscent was because last semeser Steph and I were living together, in the house by the school, and we didn't have a computer. So I would come to this 24 hour lab at 3 or 4 in the morning to e-mail Donnie, who was in Oman. Huh. Sorry. Random entry. Anyhow, I'm off to do Algebra homework. (Note: Rain, sweater, remembered coffee mug, actually got to school early enough to fill coffee mug...this day is off to a good start)

Sept 8, 2003...2:47am
I: It is amazing what you will hear if you just listen. Everyone has a story, and most, given the chance, will be happy to tell their own.
II: It makes perfect sense that in my "History of the American West" class, we will study extensively the political history of the Native Americans. I am a bit worried about this, because I don't have a solid set of ideas concerning this controversial subject. So, while I should therefore be excited about learning about it, I also know that it is practically impossible to be taught history in it's purest form...to get just the facts. No matter who tells you the stories, they will always be tainted by opinion. You are always getting someone elses side of the story. And this can confuse me, and make me not know what I believe.
Okay. that's all for today. More some other time. Night.

Sept 5, 2003...1:54am
So here's a question: Do you believe in ghosts? Or maybe this is a better, broader question: Do you believe in supernatural beings? No, that is a worse question, because God is at the top of the supernatural being list, and I'm not really trying to take a theism poll. I'm not 100% sure what my take on the issue is. I really don't think "ghosts" exsist in the sense of spirits of dead people hanging around on earth to haunt people or places...but I get a bit wishy washy when you get into things like spiritual beings manifesting themselves in our realm, in our reality...like Biblical Spiritual warfare...is that something that causes certain places to "feel haunted" and people to see "people" that aren't really there, and doors to slam, and faucets to turn themselves on and off? Or is it all phsychological...people psyching themselves out so convincingly that they swear they have seen and heard these crazy things? Hmmmm...do all things like this contradict God and his word, or are they maybe actually evil spirits. And if so, why would an evil spirit be running water in a creepy old house at 2 in the morning? Hmmm...I suppose even young, bored evil spirits seek amusment on occasion...and creeping people out is cheaper than going to a movie, right? Ha. Or maybe they really are evil spirits and the devil is seizing a "gray area" opportunity to mess with our heads, distract us from the important things, scare us? I don't know. I really don't. I would love to hear from you guys though, and get some other opinions. Anyhow. This week has been too stinkin' long. It really has. It just seemed to be one discouraging thing after another. But I do get to go to Crooked Creek tomorrow for a Young Life Leader Retreat, and being as that one of my top 5 favorite places in the world, I'm pretty excited about that. However, I should be packing right now. So. I'm gonna get right on that. You kids have a nice weekend. Bye.

Sept 4, 2003...12:15am
First day of classes and I'm exhausted. One down, how many to go? I don't think that any of my classes are the sort where I will bring a fork everyday, so as to have a means to kill myself if necessary (i.e., Speech 101, last semester)but the homework is going to be a doozey. As homework really is my least favorite thing in the entire world, I'm not looking forward to it. My 16 credits this semester included Marriage and the Family, History of the American West, United States History, Intro to Computers, and College Algebra (2nd times a charm, right? or is that the third...crap)and choir and Master Chorale for non-credit. Well, I'm half dead, so I'm going to go sleep. Night.

Sept 1, 2003...2:37am
Well, that's a wrap. As far as summer goes, right? This weekend, the last two years in a row I wrote a sentimental entry, a recap of all the beautiful memories made that summer. Not this year. This year has been different. Very different. Not necessarily bad. In fact, there were many wonderful parts. It's just that alot of it was...just...new...stuff. I learned ALOT about myself. I learned ALOT about the people I love. And most importantly, I think I learned ALOT about what it means to SURRENDER MY LIFE to God and his perfect plan for me. (and I learned how very, very not good I am at it) Yes, a very educational summer. And cheaper than college! Well, I'm off to bed. Thanks for stopping by.

August 29, 2003...11:10am
Visit the photo section of my site, and be prepared to be amazed (okay, so it's still under construction, and you can't actually view them any larger than that, but I'm working on it.) That's the most progress I've made on my site in a couple of years. And you can expect more in the next couple of weeks, because Andreas going back to school, and Donnies going home to visit. And I'm just staying here.

August 26, 2003...3:00am
Philippians 4:6 - "Be anxious for nothing, but in everthing, through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." Anxious-nothing. Requests-everything. Hmmmm. Everything and nothing are not "sort-of" words. They are extremes. They are all-inclusive. They don't leave any exceptions. It seems that since I have commited that verse to memory, I have found countless more things to worry about. But note, the word "seems". I believe that maybe the situation was that I was all ready worrying about those things, and just not admitting it. So he's pointing out all those areas and saying "and I'll take that too..." and I want to say "actually, it was nice where it was, if you could just leave it there, because I had kind of gotten used to it... hardly noticeable." Funny how he does that. You know how parents treat little kids sometimes when it comes to decision making? If a child makes the decision that the parent wants them to make, they will say to the child "you made a very good decision, all by yourself." but if the child makes the choice the parent doesn't approve of, the parent will correct them, therefore showing that in all reality, the child had no freedom of choice whatsoever. It's a mind game. I do the same thing to God. For instance. I had a particular situation. I was anxious about it. I let my request be made known to God. (I even use my interior design/life problems analogies with God...wierd) I said "here...this doesn't match the living room...it's large and ugly, and has a horrid floral print...please take it and fix it" and I said to myself "self, good job. you just took that huge mess and gave it God. You are learning to trust him. now you can let him deal with it, and quit trying to take care of it yourself" See? Convincing, right? But two weeks later, the chair is still covered in floral print and now, instead of sitting unobtrusively in the corner, it is smack-dab in the middle of the room. Where any normal person would put a coffee table, I have a chair. A chair that I hate. So what do I do? I get out my brocade and my staple gun and say "fine...I'll do it myself." See the problem with this picture? I was happy to "trust" God when I thought he was going to fix it the way I wanted it fixed. But when it didn't happen, and he obviously had other plans, I took it back. So, actually, I never gave it to him in the first place. I just made it look that way. I'm good at that. Argh. Everything. Nothing. That's alot, if you think about it, huh? Well, it's about 3:30. I work tomorrow. Two-second update on the world that exsists outside of my head? (what? there is one?) Done with work at teh friendship factory for the season. Until next season, when they want me to manage full time. School starts in a week. Summer is too stinkin' short. I will maintain that opinion till the day I die. Donnie leaves Saturday for Texas for 2 weeks, Andrea leaves Sunday for Vermillion for another school year. My car is falling apart. I am anxious about it. I suppose that puts in under that category of "everything" that I'm supposed to make known to God, huh? Yes, I suppose. I don't know what something that is designed out of love, to help us cope sometimes seems to be such a challenge that requires a disciplined heart. As if worrying were something of a pleasure. Hmmm. Something to think out. Well, I'm off. Night.

July 24, 2003...6:40pm
Well, I went on a very long vacation, and so did all my readers. But what can I expect, when I take frequent 6 week hiatuses (or hiati?) from writing? Anyhow. Let's see. The last month. I was at YoungLife camp the last week of June. Crooked Creek in Frasier, CO. That was only my third time there, but I still maintain that it is quite possibly my favorite place on the planet. And an incredible week at that. Then I was home for 6 days, and then I got in the minivan with my family and didn't return until 3 days ago. 4,100 miles, 17 days, 12 boring museums and 8 states later. I am sure that sounds something like hell to most of you, but I, for the most part, thoroughly enjoyed it. The last four of those 17 days was at the North American Baptist Triennial Conference, which this year was held in the booming metropolis of Sioux Falls, SD (as opposed to years past, when it's been in Alberta, or Sacremento...) I was a sponsor for the middleschoolers, which involved hanging out with and "chaperoning" four of my favorite people in the world. So that was a good time too. Of course, by the time we finally came home, I was very ready to be home, since I had to leave Donnie and Andrea and, well, everyone else that's not in my family, here. So. That's the rundown on my whereabouts as of late. Now, as far as things that matter: God picks odd times to remodel our hearts. Or at least mine. I guess he thought I needed more than just a little project, such as moving a countertop, or adding a bay window. He new I needed a complete renovation. In the last month he has completely gutted the property (this can be a painful experience) and started all over with plumbing and and electicity and everything. And while this is an expensive project, and can be time consuming and frustrating and he doesn't always put walls where I think they should be, and put in 3/4 shower instead of a whirlpool tub, it's also been amazing. Because he put a solarium where I thought I could only afford a cement patio, and... I'm really getting carried away with that analogy. Sorry. Anyway. He has taught me that sanctification is a very exciting process. He has taught me sooooo much about love that I thought I knew, but really didn't have a clue about. He has shown me how incredible complete dependence on him can be, but how that's not always easy to have (especially when you're me, and you have this unhealthy obsession with emotional and psychological independence) I'm getting frustrated just writing this, because I want to be able to explain what an amazing experience it can be to give yourself to him, for his plans. But I'm so stinking inarticulate, it just about drives me mad. Anyhow. I needed to share that. With you, or whoever reads this. Or possible just my computer, if nobody reads. Oh well. And now I have to go balance my checkbood. Eeeek. Wish me luck.

June 4, 2003...12:30am
Finally! At long last, the prodigal web-page owner has returned! I am back, but this time is different. "How?", you may ask? Well, this time, I am promising you nothing. No lofty goals of getting a zillion photos scanned by the end of the summer. No little deadlines for getting my journal all sorted and posted in the appropriate places. No, no. This time, I will set the standard hopelessly low, so any progress made in the development of this site will be an unexpected surprise. How does that sound? So, that said, I suppose I should give you a little run-down on the last month and a half of my life. I don't remember anything specific about the time inbetween my last entry (April 14) and the beginning of May. The second week of May, however, I do remember fairly well. I guess God decided that my "I'm Super-Marci, and not only can I do everything, I can do it all by myself" kick had gotten way out of hand. So he knocked me flat on my butt. Monday of finals week I passed out at work (yes, I did eat lunch that day, and no, I have seen alot of nasty things at my job so it had nothing to do with bunion surgery I assisted in that morning) and my face attacked some unidentified object on my way down (evidence points to the corner of the file cabinet) which resulted in a few stitches on my eye, which resulted in several blood tests (which showed nothing except that I was perfectly healthy) which nonetheless resulted in my parents over-reacting. By noon the next day my throat hurt so bad I couldn't swallow my own spit (aren't you glad I shared that?)and by Thursday my eye was swollen shut (pink eye and stitches...lovely) By Friday I had visited 3 doctors, failed two finals, lost 7 pounds, taken some 16,000mg of Augmentin, watched 23 episodes of Friends from my semi-catatonic state of consciousness, and somehow managed to pack-up and move most of my posessions out of my apartment and back to my parents house, in anticipation of the renters coming home from their TDY in the middle east. I hadn't been sick since my junior year of highschool. This sucked. Anyway. I got better and got completely moved back into my parents house the following week, and Andrea came home from school (well, so did alot of people, but I was particularly glad that Andrea did) Then on May...20th? (whatever the date was two-weeks ago today...yeah...I think the 20th) Donnie came home. :) Safe. Here. Finally. *Sigh*, *Smile*, everybody say "Awwwww". That's good. Thanks. Those last four and a half months were the longest week and a half of my life (This is the part where my writing skills do not do my joy justice whatsoever) And my last two weeks have been spent...uh...catching up and, uh....I have no idea what else. I've been kinda distracted. *Sheepish grin* Oh yeah. I started my second job (back up in Keystone again this summer) So. Yep. That's it in a nutshell. And more than enough for tonight. So I'm going to bed and...I'll write again...uh...whenever. :)

April 14, 2003...4:40pm
I am not sure if it is worse to try something and find out you can't do it, or to not try, but know that if you had, you could have succeeded. Well, it really doesn't matter...analyzing my feelings about the situation do not change the situation. The situation is that apart from a complete miracle (which I'm not going to pray for, because I really don't deserve it this time) I am going to fail college algegra. You know why? Because I put no effort whatsoever into that class. I know that if I had put in even one extra hour a week, I could have not only passed, but actually done well. Which is different than trig last year, where I tried and tried and tried and just couldn't understand it. So, either way, I'm going to have to take the stupid freshman level course all over again next year. And that makes me quite perturbed with myself. So. Argh. Anyway. It's spring outside, and spring doesn't care at all whether or not I'm good at math or not. So I'm going to go enjoy it.

April 11, 2003...4:54am
One would imagine that a house cat would not have a memory exceeding 5 months. But one would be wrong. I am housesitting for "Family X" (the names have been changed to protect the innocent pet owners). I have house sat for Family X several times before. Some of you may recall me mentioning their cat, whom I fondly refer to as "Spasticat," "Prozacat," "The Devil," etc.... (not to be confused with Steph's uncle's cat, with which I have completely unresolvable conflict and which I like to call..."The Devil Incarnate", -the cat...not her uncle- and which I wouldn't cat sit again if he paid me a million dollars) You may recall me mentioning how this particular cat (Family X's cat) has tried time and again, to end my life. Well, yet again, I, in my foolishness, assumed that since I have not had any contact with the cat since Christmas break, it might have forgotten all of our past issues. I guess I actually thought that we could start all over. I thought the relationship could be salvaged. Silly, silly me. Within 5 mintues of entering the house this evening, it became quite apparent that the cat did remember me. And not only did she remember me, she also remembered all of her past grievences towards me. This cat obviously is not familiar with the concept of forgiveness. But I, being the reasonable, patient person that I always am at 3 in the morning, attempted to give the devil cat a certain measure of respect. The benefit of a doubt, per se. This tactic proved useless almost immeadiately. There is of course a limit to my patience, especially when I did not bring any closed-toe foot wear, and the blasted feline is hell-bent on removing my podo-phalanges, or, if that is too much work, at least severly mangling them. As my good humor wore more and more thin, my tone of voice may have become more and more hostile, and my choice of words may have become more and more harsh. And the cat only became more and more determined to give me medical reason to call my podiatrist boss at some ungodly hour. Determined enough in fact, that after I donned a pair of socks and shoes,(belonging to Mrs. X) in a desperate attempt at self- defense and self-preservation, the cat's new target, was my face. In the same way that the damn kitty has an amazingly resilient aptitude for holding a grudge, she also has the unbelievable ability to actually spring 5 feet off the ground from a complete standstill. Convenient for her, my face is a handy 5 feet off the ground. Now it is important to understand at this point, that all of this violence may have been something I could rise above, if the cat and I could have just avoided eachother. Unfortunately, this is not feasable, as my cat-sitting duties require direct contact. More specifically, actually getting the horrid creature into it's little cat kennel in the garage. This task is comparable to getting a flaming elephant into a dishwasher, without actually touching it at all. A feat not for the faint of heart. Well, two hours and one 4 pint blood transfusion later, the freaking cat is in the garage, but not in the kennel. For all I know she has completely shredded her captive, Penny, the innocent and docile Beagle, beyond recognition. But I don't care. Penny is left to fend for her self. Because I, (having finally relented to the fact that "Misty", in all of her 4.5 pound, less advanced species agression, has complete domination over me, the 115 pound human, with conscious reasoning ability, and poseable thumbs) give up. She wins. The end.

April 2, 2003...8:04pm
It's Andrea's Birthday!!!!!!!! Yep. Just thought I would mention that. How's it going? I am doing quite well, except for a this little nagging headache. Probably to blame on the fact that I haven't slept in over 36 hours. But I did get my whole mythology project (4 paintings of Greek Gods) all finished. I started at 4 this morning, and was done by 8. So now I can leave town and not worry about it. Instead I can worry about algebra and biology. Whoohoo. I leave tomorrow mornign to fly to Chicago to go to a podiatry conference. Haha. Sounds like a good time, eh? Yes, it will be, I'm sure. Well, I would write plenty more, but I have to go pack. Everyone have a nice weekend!

March 26, 2003...8:04pm
Yeah, so how do you like this once-a-week entry thing? I wish I had a little more time. Don't we all? I should warn you right now that I am in a pretty vile mood. This is because my day did not go as planned, and it's my fault. Nothing puts me in a bad mood quite like that. If my day does not go as planned, due to unforseen and inevitable circumstances, I'm pretty good about going with the flow. But if it is because I'm just stupid, and I decide to take a 45 minute nap between my biology class and my algebra class, and then wake up at 5pm, having slept through 2 hours worth of responsibility, having proved myself even less capable...I get pretty perturbed. So, yeah. Anyway. There was a "Drums and Tuba" concert tonight in Spearfish, that I have been looking forward to since I missed their concert last year. I had been planning on going for quite some time, and even talked my mom into rescheduling my dad's birthday party. But I didn't make plans ahead of time for anyone to come with me, and since no one else has ever even heard of Drums and Tuba, I would have been on my own, and I was so irritated with wasting 2 important hours of my day anyway, I just decided to not go, and get some homework done anyway. Oh, homework. That dark and threatening cloud that consistently hangs over my head and will continue to do so, with out reprieve, until the day I graduate from college. At which point, it will be replaced with something like a grownup job, and paying back student loans, and the like. That was a positive thought, eh? Sorry. Did I mention I'm in a vile mood? Oh well. That's the best I can do right now.

March 19, 2003...10:05pm
Wednesdays are always long for me. But today I was especially distracted. My mind was a million miles away from speech class and Bible Study and the biology test. The biology test that I studied and studied and studied for. If sweat and tears and blood could earn me a grade, I would have gotten an A. Unfortunately, all that actually earns you a grade is information retention, which I failed at miserably. So I am stuck with a D+. I just hope my good quiz scores will pull me out of this hole. Well, my laundry is on the spin cycle, and as soon as I switch it to the drier I have to take off. Random facts about my day to day life include the following:
~It is Greek week at school...this provides hours of entertainment when you live 3 doors down from a frat house
~We had a Master Chorale mini-tour yesterday, singing at highschool and middleschools in the area, basically to recruit for the school and show off our outstanding music "program". We sounded pretty good. I don't know if you can actually attribute that to tech's music "program"
~I miss Donnie like mad. (I really don't know when I'll hear from him again, with current world events like they are)
~God is teaching me a lot of things.
Alright. Time to switch the laundry. Ya'll have a nice night. And write me!

March 17, 2003...3:05am
I know, my entries have been much too far and few between. Dedicating any significant block of time to internet access is no longer convenient in my day-to-day slew of activities. So, I write to you now from the very empty computer lab in the civil/mechanical building here at tech. There has to be about 50 computers in here, and not another soul. I've never seen the place so dead. I must tell you that at this very moment, I am frustrated. Or agitated. Not quite sure how to describe what I am. I guess I am just annoyed by the way certain realities are difficult for me to grasp. Here sits our country, just ready to go to war any day now. Or tomorrow. Or 5 minutes from now. Who knows? Other people. Not me. Donnie's over in a desert in the Persian Gulf...in the middle of the whole mess. And here I sit. In an empty computer lab, on a quite campus, while the rain falls perfectly through 45 degree atmosphere. Perfectly peaceful (other than the fact that I drank too much coffee, and I have to PEE like you wouldn't BELIEVE!!! so I'm trying to type really fast so I can hurry and go. aren't you glad that we've all established such a close writer/anonymous reader relationship that I can share that kind of thing with you? haha). Perfectly unaware that anything is wrong. And this irritates me. Why should I be able to sit and drink coffee, or study algebra, or think about new curtains for my living room, nonchalantly, while he and 249,999 other military folks, plus the president and all his helper-people (I know...I should have paid more attention in 12th grade government class) are dealing with crap far beyond my understanding. It is not fair. Not fair for them it seems. So, I am frustrated with that, though I know I shouldn't be, since there isn't really a cotton-pickin' thing I can do about it, other than religously check msnbc.com. I am also filled with apprehension about the precariousness (word?) of the situation as a whole...what can we do? Pray. Praypraypray. Well, so, that's my lastest thoughts on that. Add to that some other frustrations with myself concerning my lack of wisdom and/or ability to be the kind of friend I need to be for certain people right now. Sometimes (ok, pretty much all of the time) I just don't know how to best help people. I am not full of good advice of any kind, and people grow weary of hearing "God has a plan" and "I will pray for you" and "it will be okay". But those are the only answers I have, and unfortunately, that is not what they want to hear anymore. They want tangible answers. They want "Change your life in 24 hours of money back garuntee" answers. I don't have them. I'm at a loss. I really know nothing, except that if I don't go pee right now, my bladder is just going to EXPLODE! Haha. Okay. I'm going to go take care of that. You guys have a nice day. Sorry that my first entry in 2 weeks had to be a depressing one. I'll try again tomorrow.
~Marci

March 5, 2003...10:29pm
It is odd how the heartache of complete stranger can affect you.

March 3, 2003...9:01am
Spring Break! I write to you from the lovely, tepid climate of...Rapid City. Yeah. I didn't go anywhere. Too much homework, not enough money. Oh well. I really don't mind too much. I'm happy just not having to go to class. I do however have to take the kids over to my grandparents while I go get my haircut. It's my parents 26th anniversary, and I got suckered in to staying here with AJ and Sarah. I don't mind though. I figure after 26 years, they deserve something, and it's the least I could do. Well, I'm off. Hope you all are enjoying break, those of you that are on break. Adios.

February 26, 2003 7:20pm
It has happened. Clearly a sign of the end times. My parents got cable. I was appalled. I kicked. I screamed. I gave my mother the "you might as well put your childrens minds on a rotisserie" speech. But to no avail. She just mumbled something incoherent about a Mary Tyler Moore-athon. That's how they all are now. I come over to the house to be nice and social and I-moved-across-town-and-now-I-realize-how-much-I-took-you-all-for-granted-ish and they don't want to talk. No, they just want to sit infront of the television. Sedated. Unresponsive. It's horrid. I do not speak as one who is immune to the seductive powers of the remote control. No, no. I was once the worst of them. Missing an episode of ER was at one time, (for the first 6 seasons, as a matter of fact) a near death experience. It started with learning the characters names...then following the love triangles...and from there, well, I just can't talk about it. I'm too ashamed. But I'm better now. After 18 months of intense rehabilitation and therapy, I no longer can tell you which intern Carter is sleeping with, or whose career Romano is trying to sabatoge. Of course, you know what they say. Once a prime-time-soap-aholic...always a prime-time-soap-aholic. So I have to go to great pains to stay clean. I can't watch a single rerun. I can't even listen to Nic and Steph discuss recent plot developements. It's tough, but I'm hanging in there. So yes, I can relate. And I know the treacherous extent a "free one month trial" can come to. And I am not a hypocrite. I went down to the Midcontinent office today, and cancelled the cable for my house (which, I would like to point out, was ordered by the actual tenants...not myself.) So. I beseech you. Turn of the television. And fight. Fight to the death. 86% of Americans already suffer from this devestating ailment. But you can stop it. If you find yourself with nothing to do, during all that time you will no longer be mindlessly wasting, give me a call. I can set you up with some of my algebra homework.

Febrary 24, 2003 11:05am
I dropped my criminology class. Per se. Turns out I was never actually put on the class roster, so I didn't technically drop it. I am very dissapointed about this. Crim was my favorite class. I loved it. But I never made it off the wating list. My professor says he will still give me permission to get in, but because I used up my financial aid (and thought that I had paid for that class) it will cost me $400 that I wasn't planning on spending, and, quite frankly, don't have. I bought the book, and have been absent once. I guess it's not completely a waste, because I will hopefully be able to take it next semester. But it also sucks, because it brings me down to a ridiculously low number of credits for this semester. (which I can only justify to my conscience with the fact that I'm working and doing young life and...the lenght of the list depends on how much of a failure I happen to be feeling like that day) It's going to take me forever to graduate at the rate I'm going. Especially since I want, like, 4 degrees. Haha. oh well, I suppose it's for the better. it will give me more time to bring up the rest of my grades. They really need some bringing up. Well, that's about all I have to say right now. Have a great day. If you are having weather like we are here, you should go sledding. Oh, and you should write me. Thanks. Bye.

February 21, 2003, 8:38pm
Argh. No matter where you go, you can't escape politics. Jamin completely deserved a lead in Grease. But life is not fair, and people don't always get what they deserve. Some things never change. And I am left to stew about it. So stew I will. He's not even stewing. I am. Hmph.

February 18, 2003, 1:01am
It is one in the morning, and I am at my parents house, tapping away at the computer again. I came back and snuck in to retrieve the clothes that I left in the dryer this afternoon, and alas, the computer was calling my name. Terrible. I'm doing better though, without one at my house. Any habit can be broken. Not that it's not a pain in the butt to break it, but it's still possible. Anyhow. Over a month ago, I promised to finish my entry about Donnie. So I just decided to finish it now, in light of Valentines Day. Yes, I realize that was four days ago now, but it's a good enough excuse to get me to actually write, right? First of all, I should explain why it may have appeared that I avoided writing about this quite pertinent developement in my life. The reason is: I was avoiding writing about this quite pertinent development in my life. Why? Because it is a really good story. And every good story deserves to be well told. And I do not happen to be a very good story teller. Also, I'm not very good at putting seven months worth of story into a nut shell. But I finally have decided "better told and not quite done justice, than not told at all." Right? So. Here goes. I am going to start with some Ani DiFranco lyrics (much to my whole family's chagrin, I'm sure...but who cares? They don't read this. I'm sure several of the rest of you are rolling your eyes. Haha. Go ahead. Roll, roll, roll. What would a good Marci-story be without Ani lyrics?) "In the 'he said, she said,' sometimes there's some poetry, if you turn your head long enough, and let it happen naturally..." That said, let me begin.
Once upon a time (some unsuspecting Wednesday evening in July 2002) this [ridiculously good looking]Airforce guy from Texas gets lost while driving around Rapid City, and ends up in the South Canyon Baptist Church parking lot. He wanders in to youth group, shares a bit of his story, and says he wants to be a volunteer leader. With in a week or so, he had, mostly by way of my two best friends, (haha...yes, they are to blame for all of this) come to occupy the five main aspects of my life: church, youth group, YoungLife, and our little cluster of close friends. And by occupying the church and youthgroup...realms (sorry, I couldn't think of a better word), a person automatically occupies my family, er, realm also. (It is important to understand that unless you want us to practically stalk you, you should never tell AJ or Steph that you want to hang out sometime. Haha...all those poor unsuspecting blokes...) Over the course of the next six months and several hundred cups of Perkins coffee,(see? I'm trying to keep this relatively short) Donnie and I got to be really good friends. (I would like to stress that I am leaving out gobs of valuable details, for the sake of trying to keep this relatively short) Then (the plot thickens)one unsuspecting Thursday night in the middle of December, Donnie shows up at my house at 1 a.m., to tell me that...to ask me if...see? I told you I'm a terrible story teller. Okay, so, he tells me he really likes me. But geez, that doesn't explain it very well, huh? Those words look so ridiculously ordinary, to wrap up an hour-long, rather chilly walk around my neighborhood...hmmm. To say I was surprised would be the understatement of the century. I have never been so shocked in my entire life. (See 12/13/02 entry) There I was, contentedly single, dorky little me, and here's my best guy friend, this amazing person, saying he wants a relationship with me. This is the most illogical thing I have ever heard come out of his mouth! He deserves...so much more than me. But while I was at this point thinking he'd lost his mind, I also...well. I'm stuck. Don't know how to explain. I guess if you know me very well, which some of you reading this do, you know my thoughts on relationships, and this scenario was exactly what I had prayed for. A relationship based on a friendship. I just had had no idea that God would bless me with Donnie. Crazy how we underestimate God, huh? Anyway, I did what for me was the scariest thing imaginable. Wait, I take that back. First I prayed. Which was kinda scary, because I was like "Okay God, if this is what you have planned...then, let's go for it." Okay, then is when I did the scariest thing imaginable, and said yes. For those of you that don't know me well, you probably think I made this way bigger of a deal than any psychologically healthy person should, but you should know that I had never ever, in all of my twenty years, had a dating-type relationship before. Though I was excited and happy, I am inclined to compare this decision to closing my eyes and jumping into something new and very very scary. It's was terrifying. It was wonderful. So. That's what happened. We "hooked-up" (I will save my expose for some other time...the one where I enlighten you all as to why I so abhore dating jargon) and, haha, no one was surprised but me. Everyone just smiled and shook their heads and said "It's about time." So. Fastforward a month to January 7th. Donnie gets orders to pack his bags. Four days later he was on his way to Oman (essentially the middle of nowhere...a little country just south of Saudi Arabia) where he will be for 6 months. (141 days from today, to be exact) I miss him like mad. And I don't have even a fraction of understanding concerning God's timing. But I'm doing my best to keep in mind that He does have a plan. And thank goodness. He writes better stories than I do. :)

February 12, 2003, 11:10am
My first round of exams for this semester is over, and while the results were pretty depressing, I decided to use them as a fresh start for all of my classes. So I am busy catching up. This is the first semester in at least 3 years that I actually have had to do homework. Of course I have had projects and papers to write and such in most of my classes over the last couple years. But as far as actually sitting down and doing homework, even if there wasn't an assignment due the next day, this is not something I am used to. And a very difficult habit to get into. I am the kind of person that if I am not actually doing something, I feel like I am wasting my time. I generally view reading as a luxury (I don't think I spelled that right.) Something to do only if I have absolutely nothing else demanding my time or attention. So making myself sit down and read for my mythology class, though it is really interesting stuff, is like pulling teeth. But I am getting it done. I found the trick is in making a bloody mess out of the book. If I highlight and underline and chart and digram and draw little pictures of the characters and arrows going everywhere, until the original printed words are barely legible, not only do I remember things a bit better, but I can also look back at the book and have tangible proof that my time was not completely wasted. Of course it takes about 10 times longer than if I were just to read it and get it over with, but at least I will have thoroughly covered the information. Speaking of which, I am going to go do that now. Everyone enjoy this beautiful weather, and write me. :)

February 9 2003, 7:45pm
Sorry to leave you all hanging like that with the last entry. (Actually, "you all" only refers to the 4 people who have been to my page since Wed...I know stats are down because I have been writing so sporadically, but tell your friends to come check my page out...I'm going to be writing more...I promise)Anyhow, I was writing that whole soul-bearing entry on the computer in the entryway in the class-room building, when my 30-something, foreign, college algebra lab t.a. decided to stop and chat. He inquired at length, in very unclear english, about my address, my class schedule, my injured foot, and my current relationship status. No more than two minutes after I explained that I do have a boyfriend, he proceeded to ask if he could buy me coffee...today...or tomorrow...or maybe this weekend? Or maybe I could stop by his house (which conveniently turns out to be only a block down the street from my house) and get help with my algebra. Hmmm. Yeah. Maybe in INDIA girls go to coffee with presumptuous older men they don't even know, but NOT HERE! Anyway, being a girl who is not frequently asked to coffee, I was quite uncomfortable with the situation, so I abandoned my journal entry and a made a mad dash for the door while I could still get away. Of course I had to go to algebra lab on Friday afternoon and take a quiz, but the two people I payed to portray struggling math students who needed a little tutoring that hour pulled through quite well, and I was able to slip in, take the quiz, and slip out with no more than 6 words said to the guy. I then informed my algebra professor taht I would be transfering to the Wednesday morning algebra lab because "I just have some scheduling conflicts with Friday". Yes. I am chicken. I run from uncomfortable situations. But sometimes you just have to decide whether dealing with it is actaully the worth the character it would build or not. I decided to opt out of this one. I'm trying to eliminate stressors in my life. So. Anyway. That's my really long explanation for that. Now, I'm going to go e-mail Donnie. Ya'll have a good night.

February 5 2003, 3:55pm
When I ran home on my lunch break, the sun was shining and I left my coat at my house. When I got out of biology, it was clouding over. When I came to algebra an hour ago, it was starting to snow. When I came out of algebra five minutes ago, it was getting windy. Now I can't hardly see across the quad. It's a blizzard! Haha. It's National Weather Persons Day. Seriously. Isn't that kinda funny? Anyhow. (Now check out my mad writing transition skills) Sometimes life is like the weather. (Sweet, yo?) Alot has changed in my life in the last couple of months. It kind of all hit me today, the craziness of it all. In the middle of my biology class, of all places. All of a sudden I felt so overwhelmed, and I just wanted to burst out in tears (and no, it's not PMS). And then I thought how bizzarre that would be to the rest of my classmates, since 15 minutes before that I had come in in a perfectly good disposition. And then if we were just sitting there, listening to an endless drone on synaptic neurological displacement, and I just start crying. And that thought kinda made me chuckle. So then I didn't feel quite so much like crying. It is odd how emotions like that can change so quickly. Even more odd how feelings change. Or maybe I'm unique in that. I change my mind constantly. I'm always thinking thinking thinking and reevaluating things. You could ask me one minute my opinion of something. Just a simple like/dislike sort of question. And I could start to give you an answer and before I'm finished with my sentence, I'm probably changing my mind. Am I crazy? Or are we all like that? I think that's why it's such a danger to judge people. Because a: we are all learning constantly (well, hopefully...ideally) and therefore our worldviews should be constantly readjusting a little bit or a lot, here and there; and b: I think most of us have rather poor communication skills and end up not saying or doing exactly what we mean and consequently misrepresenting ourselves. Which in turn leads to misunderstanding, which is a primary source of conflict. Haha. So. That's the problem. And do I have a solution? Of course not. Not for the big picture at least. My new personal tactic in dealing with misunderstanding and conflict is just to shut up. It is a skill that I have not yet honed, but am discovering is a very very useful and important one. It requires realizing that the world might not end if you refrain from voicing your opinion on occasion. It requires relinquishing your "right" to certain things. It requires choosing your battles, deciding which things are worth fighting for and which things, in the long run, will just be better if you shut your mouth and suck it up. Quite frankly, I suck at all of those, but I am trying. Okay. So, back to what I was saying about about people changing, and the huge danger of being judgemental. For instance, I find myself becoming more and more cautious about

January 29, 4:05pm
Hi. Here I am. I have not dropped off the face of the earth though my lack of journaling might suggest otherwise. Please refer to excuses number 56 and number 6 on the "Marci's Standard Excuse Table." for my reasons why I have not been writing. For those of you that do not own a copy of "Marci's Standard Excuse Table", I will just tell you. Number 56 is "Typed up a really great entry the other day, and the stupid computer in the miner shack wouldn't save..." and number six is "Life has been crazy." I would also like to add to the table excuse number 431: I don't have internet access at my new place, so my usual time to write (between midnight and three a.m.) is not longer an option. Anyhow. Enough excuses. All that said, and now I don't really have much more time to write. Argh. More tomorrow. Something thoughtful. I promise.

January 21, 8:11pm
I didn't realize it had been so long since I last added to my journal, because I actually wrote two other entries since the 16th, but decided against posting them and instead just saved them to disk. Anyhow. I moved out of my house yesterday. I guess you could call it a "trial" period, since it is only for 6 months, and even that time frame is subject to change, mainly dependent on how the president decides to handle the whole situation with Iraq. But nonetheless, it is something new and exciting, and will undoubtedly be a learning experience. I have been delighted to discover that "playing house" actually is as fun in real life as it was when I was seven years old. I am sure that the quaintness of it all will wear off with time, but right now, I'm going to enjoy it. Well, I could go on and on about the little inconsequential details of my life, but I have a ridiculously long to-do list for the evening. So, unfortunately, I really can't justify sitting in front of the computer. Goodbye.

January 16, 11:44pm
I was suggested that I mention here on my page the fact that I have a boyfriend. Now, before I go any further (that's right...further...not to be confused with farther, which refers to distance...thanks to Jim for the clarification)I need to take this opportunity to issue a disclaimer, stating that I am not liable for injuries obtained by those of you that just fell out of your chairs when you read that. That said, I repeat: I have a boyfriend. I should explain that one reason I have not delved into this issue before now is because the issues of dating and "coupledom" and such are ones about which I am extrememly opinionated. And with that being the case, if I get started, I am very likely to get very carried away explaining all kinds of things. So, to prevent that from happening, I will make a few simple (and essentially inadequate) statements. However, now that I have you on the edge of your seats, simmer, simmer. Ya'll will just have to wait. Becuase I am exhausted, and have another crazy day tomorrow. So, I will finish this entry at a later date. Haha. don't you just love it when I do that?

January 15 again, sometime between 2 and 3 p.m.
I am so happy to be back at tech. That is odd, I suppose, since all reason dictates that I don't actually belong here. But I appreciate the fact that God isn't particularly reasonable. He is a God of surprises, and for that I am grateful. I am taking a decent sized class load (i.e., one that doesn't make me feel quite so much like a slacker. ) I have concert choir, speech, mythology, criminology, biology II, algebra (okay, so that class does make me feel like a slacker) and master chorale. Most of which I am enjoying, and all of which I can use towards a sociology major, if I so choose (that is my plan this week, but as always, it is subject to change.) Let's see. As for the rest of my life? I suppose the most newsworthy thing at the moment is the fact that I am moving out of my house. Sort of. Call it what you want. Donnie's friends Ricky and Wiggy were also both deployed and will be in the desert on the other side of the planet for the next 3-6 months, so Steph and I are "housesitting" for them for that period of time. Though we feel bad they have to be shipped off, the upside is that it is a good deal for us. Cheap rent (feeding their fish, mailing their bills, paying the cable) and a little distance from my parents. (of course I will be home regularly to eat their food, use their washer and dryer, and partake of some much appreciated family time :) The house is a cute (remember: beauty is in the eye of the beholder) little place just a couple blocks from the school (which in turn means it is also within a mile of both of my jobs) well. I gotta go run across campus now. So. Have a nice day.

January 15, 12:35am
Snow Snow Snow...beautiful. Finally. It started snowing at 8 and quit snowing at 11:30, and now it is perfectly still and quiet. I love it. And the cloud cover is positioned in such a way that the sky to the NW is pure black, and in the SE, towards town, it is glowing that eerie sort of light orange color. Perfect. Today was a crazy day. The short version looks something like this. I worked at the medical center from 8-4. On my lunch hour I ran clear across town to get some of last years text books out of my storage room at U-Haul (I am 20 years old and I have my own storage room at u-haul...does this tell you anything about my pack-rat tendencies?) Of course the books I needed were in the bottom box in the farthest corner (is it farthest or furthest? I can't remember which one refers to distance)so it took me 45 minutes to move everything out, and then move everything back in. Oh well. A little mid-day exercise never hurt anyone. Work was followed by master chorale, followed by last minute directions from Ricky concerning paying his bills (I will expound on this tomorrow when I'm not so tired), followed by running around campus with one other friendly but bewildered student looking for the math lab we were supposed to have at 7:30 but was apparently cancelled, followed by giving up and going to work at the eyeclinic, where I remained until midnight. And now I am home, and very ready to crash. So that's what I am going to do, and I will hopefully write more tomorrow. Night.

January 13, 3:52am
Hot-diggity! I've never been so excited to get a phone call at 3 in the morning! (Well, there was this one time, about a month ago, that could maybe come in a close second...but that's a story for a different time)Anyway, I am a happy girl now. I can sleep peacfully. If I could sleep at all. Haha. Now I'm wide awake. And Jamin's alarm clock is going off. Poor kid. Okay. I'm going to try to squeeze in a couple of hours of shut-eye before my alarm goes off. Good morning.

January 12, 12:43am
When I was little I had this favorite book called "Alexander and His Terrible, Horrible, Awful, No-Good, Very Bad Day." I could give Alexander a call on a day like today. Haha. Heck. I could make even Alexander feel better, with the way I'm wallowing in self-pity right now. Well. 1 Day down, 179 to go.

January 8, 1:12am
A quiz for you!
Question 1: The Middle East is:
A:the spot in Rapid City where St. Patrick street and Highway 79 intersect
B:something they talk about a lot on the news lately
C:too freaking far away(i.e...weekend roadtrips are not particularly feasable)
D:a prime spot for wealthy vacationers
Question 2: God's timing is:
A:confusing
B:perfect
C:from my current, worldly, narrow, girly, selfish perspective, devestatingly unfair, and tainted with a bit of irony
D:all of the above
Answers:
Question 1: both B and C
Question 2: D
That is all I have to say tonight.

January 2, 2:20am
Part I
Finally. A poem. Sort of.
~~~~~
Built
a
very
tall
tower
of
unsteady
late
night
coffee
shop
sugar
packets
closed
my
eyes
and
jumped
.
.
.
still
.
.
.
.
falling
~~~~~~~
Part II
New years. It never ceases to amaze me how much can change in one year, and at the same time, how some things remain constant. I gave up making new years resolutions, because I am obsessive/compulsive about making self-improvment lists. I get started, and before I know it, I can't stop (with the list-making I mean...not the actual manifestations of the improvements themselves)And when I finally do stop, the list is so long that I become overwhelmed and therefore very discouraged, and then I accomplish nothing. So. One goal. Relentless pursuit of the heart of God. That's all. Until I get a lot better at that it's impossible to effectively prioritize any other goals anyhow. It is 2:34 right now. I am going to start posting some of my old poems. How much I get accomplished tonight is entirely dependent on how long this coffee decides to torment me. Oh. One more thing. My apologies for not responding to a single e-mail in the last month. You are all important to me. But not as important as Christmas! Okay, that said, I'm off to type up some poems. Check them out. Comments/criticism are welcomed. *Cheers!*

December 26, 7:05am
I had a very merry Christmas. A very merry one indeed. (Despite the fact that it snowed in TEXAS and not HERE!!!!!!)I hope you all did too. I wish I could write more, but I have to get ready for work, because as soon as I get off at lunch, we are leaving town to head to my grandparents for four days. Jolly. :)

December 21, 12:56am
Christmas is quickly approaching. I'm sure you all were quite aware of that even before I told you. I am not exactly excited for Christmas, in and of itself, because I love this time of year so much that I really just prefer it not end so quickly. If am finally completely done with this sememster. I am glad it is over, and at the same time, I can't believe how fast it went. The last thing I had to do was hand in my final art project today. The project was assigned 6 weeks ago, but leave it to me, the incurable procrastinator. The absolute latest we could turn it in for credit was 5 o'clock today. And when do I finaly make it up to Spearfish? 4:55. I am certainly looking forward to next semester though. I'm really quite ecstatic to be back at Tech. Funny how I didn't realize just how much I liked it until I was gone. Somehow they processed my financial aid application, despite the fact that they can't even process my admission application without this semesters transcripts. So I don't know how that happened, but it was a pleasant surprise to get in the mail yesterday. Looks like if I do work study, I will have enough money to take all the classes I can handle, plus buy books. It will be very nice not to have to worry about that over vacation. Ahhh. Vacation. I love it. Don't we all? I'm going shopping tomorrow. I can't wait. I haven't got a clue what I'm buying for most of the people on my list. But I will have all day, so I'm sure I'll find something. Aw man. It just suddenly hit me that I'm tired. Funny, I was wide awake until about 30 seconds ago. Well then, I guess I might as well go to bed, since I'm just shooting the breeze anyhow.

December 18, 10:20am
Being speechless for more than 24 hours is unfortunately not conducive to the demands of daily living. So I'm talking again. But I still don't know what to say. Haha. :) So perhaps I will just start up where I left off and blabber like nothing out of the ordinary happened in the last 5 days. He he he. Here are some random thoughts from the last couple days. Uhhhh...Childrens Christmas Program at my church is done now...that's one less stress factor in my life. Two finals down, two to go. I got the hard ones out of the way. Just sold back two of my textbooks to the school and got $52...a complete answer to prayer. Oh. And I have been quite delighted to know that I am getting some new people looking at my site. Not exactly sure how you all found me, but I'm delighted none the less. Tell your friends! Hopefully over Christmas break I will have some extra time to update things around here a bit more...possible add some poetry and photos. I of course have some extravagant ideas for design and layout, none of which are likely to actually come into being, but it's fun to pretend, right? Librarians make me laugh. I realized for the first time today that I have been driving past a llama farm 6 times a week since September, and didnt' notice a single llama until this morning. Well. That's about all I've got for right now. Maybe in another 5 days I'll think of more miscellaneous tidbits to share with you. Or maybe by then I will have regained enough of my wits about me to actually write something of substance. Until then, I'll see you kids in the movies!

December 13, 2:21am
This is me ----> *speechless*

December 10, 11:06am
So yesterday I was really really abominably bored during one of my classes. I was about to go crazy mad, so I decided to leave class, and called one of my friends, and we went out in the woods and cut down a Christmas tree for his dorm room (after, of course, buying the $8 permit) and then we went to walmart, and spent $30 on decorations. way better than being in class.Then tonight we went to the grocery store and spent another $4 on fruit loops and dental floss, and decorated the tree. And we put it in the window, so that everybody in the other dorms would see it, and envy him (and also to share the joy, of course) it was beautiful.

December 8, 2:09am
Ahh. Perfect. Walking in the front door and being welcomed by the smell of the Christmas tree. Cheezy-maybe, comforting-most definately.

December 6, 12:12pm
I have slacked off on nearly all aspects of my life lately. It can be a very discouraging thought if I dwell on it for too long. So I suppose the better thing would be to get off my butt and catch up with life. This includes making some significant progress on my final art project this weekend, doing alot of laundry, cleaning out my car, making sure that the whole childrens Christmas program is under control, and a plethora of other things that have been collecting dust on my to-do list for the last couple of weeks. First things first, I have to fill out an application for Tech. I personally think this is kinda dumb, since, well, because I'm lazy, and wish I didn't have to. But, alas, I do, or I'll end up not being able to go to school anywhere next semester. That would be a bad thing. Okay. So that's where I'm headed. I know my entries have been awefully dry as of late. I guess I just haven't felt particularly inspired lately. Either that, or I just prefer to be purposefully vague. Yep. Adios.

December 5, 12:44am
I feel very much like laughing. Long and loud. About nothing in particular. My dilemma is that I am sitting in my basement, and everyone else in my house is asleep, and laughing by yourself is not half as much fun as laughing with other people. I have nothing in particular to laugh about. Just life in general, and the humor of it all. Maybe I will call up the spanish literacy hotline. That's always a good laugh. Mostly becasue I don't undestand a word of spanish, and they don't understand any french. And life just doesn't get much funnier than a total innability to communicate, right?

December 3, 12:17am
After a day like the one I just had, and they ask why I don't have a boyfriend!? Heavens. Sometimes I feel guilty though, for being blessed with the benefit of learning from the misfortune and mistakes of others. Yep. So that's my two cents on that topic for the evening. So, being as it's after midnight, I suppose it's time to get started on my four page paper for tomorrow. Thesis: Joy is a choice. Very interesting topic. Although, at the moment, I'm slightly more compelled to write four pages supporting the theory that joy=cinnamon toast crunch. I think most people would agree, right? Well, I'm gonna get on that. Ya'll have a nice evening, and write me.

December 1, 7:49pm
Well. As you can see, it has been five days since I last wrote. I have been distracted as of late. So distracted in fact, that I nearly forgot I had a journal, or even a web page, for that matter. I hate being distracted. I get my thought pattern stuck hopelessely on a topic, and it occupies most of my consciousness, and it sucks. And there isn't much in this world that just thinking about will change anyway, so it's all rather unproductive. Anyhow. Thanksgiving was nice. My aunt and uncle and cousins came up from Denver. 16 total at dinner. We were celebrating my grandparents 60th anniversary this weekend also. 60 years! Can you believe that? Incredible. They just amaze me. Well, I have a power point presentation to throw together for tomorrow, and I still haven't made up my mind on a still life to reproduce for my drawing class. So I'm gonna go get on that. Ya'll have a nice evening, and use the contact form! Write me! Bye.

November 26, 1:22am
Well that is rather disappointing. I wrote a whole entry in here last night, and it's not here. It must not have saved. Argh. Oh well. I just got home from work, and was looking forward to heading to bed. So I went into my room to get in my pajamas, and to my surprise, found out that I now have a little grey mouse residing in my room with me. Now, I am proud to say that I am not your typicall wimpy girl. No no no. I neither screamed or jumped on my bed. But nonetheless, it was slightly disconcerting. He apparently felt likewise about me, and made a quick exit under my door and into hiding somewhere in the hallway. So now I'm a little worried. It's not that I'm inhospitable. He's more than welcome to stay in my room if he needs a place to live. But I would be more comfortable with the situation if he was a little easier to keep track of. Say, in a cage or something. Well, I am talking to Andrea now, about some important things. So I'm going to wrap this up. Bye.

November 24, 1:41am
Oooh. It is just heavenly outside. Perfectly still and silent, and the snow falling, and the sky lit up. One month from today is Christmas Eve. Wow. I really really love the holidays. But most people do, I suppose. Disney on Ice was fantastic, as I expected. I was quite excited to be there. Probably even more than my little sister. Well. I have a really busy day tomorrow, so I think I'm going to run off to bed. Oh. Before I do that I should mention two things. One is that I quit my job at the eye clinic. I will still be working there on occasion, but not a set number of hours per week. I really loved that job, and I am already regretting this decision, but I suppose it is for the best. Second thing is that I have made the decision to return to Tech next semester. It's kind of a long story. Actually, nevermind. It's not a long story. Basically it comes down to three things. #1)Gas is very expensive. #2)I liked Tech better than I like BH and #3)I still don't know what direction God wants me headed in, so at this point, it still doesn't make much difference academically. I have prayed and prayed and prayed about it, because as you may know, I abhore making decisions, and still couln't figure out where I was supposed to be, and the words of a really great sunday school teacher, Jackie Clegg, came to mind: "Love God and do what you want." So I decided I wanted to be at Tech next semester. And being as God didn't show me that he was opposed to that, and he hasn't closed the door on the option yet, I finally decided I would go ahead and transfer. Yep. So, those are the two things I was going to say. And now I'm saying adios.

November 19, 11:55pm
WHOOHOO!!!! I just got the best birthday present ever!!!! My parents bought me a muffler for my car!!!! I came out of work today and there was a little note from my dad on the dash, and guess what! Not only could I hear MY radio on the way home, I could even hear the radio in the car next to me!!! I was ecstatic, to say the least. (This was especially appreciated, becasue I was quite distraught that it was too cloudy to see any meteors last night) Anyway, I know I haven't written much lately. I of course would like to write more...but I have just now decided that I would rather get up early tomorrow to study for my Music In Our Lives Class than stay up right now. So I'm gonna hit the sack I think. I will probably regret that decision tomorrow when I accidentaly over sleep and end up not studying at all...yep. Pretty sure that's what will happen. Crap. Night.

November 13, 2:28am
2:28am. Beginning research for Social Problems Poster Presentation assigned 2 months ago, due in 9.5 hours. I am hopeless. Self Improvement Goal #414: Try harder to act like a responsible adult.

4:02am. Abandon research after realizing I just spent two hours researching Juvenile Criminal Justice in the UNITED KINGDOM instead of America...geesh. They should mark that more clearly on those web pages. Set alarm for 6, make mental note to skip Music Appreciation class to finish up/start-over research for Social Problems Poster Presentation due in 8 hours

9:52am. Beat up some guy who cuts in front of me in line for use of one of 5 computers in student union. Research juvenile criminal justice in America for Social Problems Poster Presentation, due in 2 hours

11:05am buy poster board in BH bookstore, color poster board, draw court system scale thing, add some creative clipart,...you can always fool a teacher if the poster looks good

12:11pm. give 8 minute presentation to Social Problems class on Juvenile Criminal Justice system...teacher seems pleased...anticipate A or B

11:50pm. realize I'm counting my chickens before they're hatched...hope I haven't jinxed myself.

November 11, 1:53am
Well. As you can see, I took a 9 day hiatus from my journal. I had a few chances to write, here and there, but I really just didn't feel like it. I'm sitting here now trying to remember if anything pertinent really happened at all this week. Pertinent to you I mean. Ha. But then, I suppose nothing I write is of particular importance to your daily lives. So. Hmmmm. Wednesday was the one year anniversary of a really really really bad day. I don't know why we count things like that in years. (10 minute pause while Marci sits and thinks) Alright. You know what? I have too much stuff running through my head right now. I'm going to go write in my own, real paper journal. Sorry. I'll think up something good to write about by next time.

November 2, 12:15am
Yet again, Superjim has saved the day. Using his amazing website building expertise, his extraordinary problem solving abilities, and the fact that he can leap tall buildings in single bounds, he was able to quickly and efficiently change the settings on my contact form! (You really should appreciate this, because had he not done it for me, it was not likely to happen for quite some time)So you can go ahead and use the form (at the bottom of this page) to e-mail me, and I will receive the e-mail! Isn't that great how that works? Thanks Jim
P.S. Happy Birthday Steph!!!!

October 31, 12:40am
The time has come. After a seven-year relationship with America Online, the multi-million dollar company and I (the $19.99/month subscriber) have finally decided to go our seperate ways. My e-mail address will no longer be starfaery1@aol.com, but starfaery1@rushmore.com. Please do not use the contact form here on my web page until further notice, as, after today, anything sent via the form will not be delivered to me, but rather lost out in the abyss of cyberspace, until I figure out how to change it. So please keep writing me, (your comments this last week on the new page have been greatly appreciated)but use my new e-mail address for the time being. I apologize for any inconvenience the termination of this affair may cause you, and I thank you for stopping by.

October 30, 9:34am
All right. Enough of that. Six and a half days of that is way longer than long enough. "Do you prefer the easy way? No? Well okay then, don't cry..."

October 29, 11:52pm
It is my greatest and most passionate desire at this immeadiate point in time that they ("they"...the omnipotent beings that run the universe, that make all important decisions, the ones who will get you if you cut the tags off of your matresses, the ones who own the media, and get blamed for everything) would close I-90 before 7:30 tomorrow morning. If they comply with my requests, I will be forced to stay home in my pajama's and read all day. However, my dad, who is the smartest person I know, and is almost always right about this stuff says that it isn't likely. Summer. I know it seems like it is a long ways off, now that we're running around all bundled up like we've all lived in Arizona our whole lives. But I am thinking about it already, and wondering if I really really really want to do summer staff at Crooked Creek becuase that's where God wants me, or if I really really want to do it because that's where I want to be. And sometimes I forget that it doesn't necessarily have to be an either/or situation. God loves us. And it could very well be that both options are the situation. I don't know where we get the idea that in order to be serving God, we have to be miserable. It's not in the Bible, that I can find. Well, just in case I do have to brave the elements tomorrow and drag my car the 50 miles to school, I should probably finish drawing my shoes (cardboard boxes, paper bags...we're moving up! to shoes! whoohoo!) for my art class. I am, on the other hand, totally up for going out and spinning cookies all night, in the Civic Center Parking Lot, if anyone wants to give me a call, I'll be up for quite a while.

October 27, 6:40pm
I'm home from Vermillion. Steph and Donnie and I trecked across the state to see Andrea. This weekend was...like...watching Wheel of Fortune.And I don't mean that it was boring. That's not what I'm implying. I happen to like watching wheel of fortune. I'm comparing it in totally different sense. Does that make any sense? Probably not. Not at all. It's impossible to explain short of a 12 page essay. Or even 3 hours and 5 pots of coffee. Or 600 miles in a Plymouth Neon. Life would be better for me and other people also if I could learn to keep my mouth shut. Do you ever find yourself saying things that completely condradict what you believe, or even want other people to think you believe? Things that if you heard someone else say them, you would think significantly less of them? Yes? Well, this is a chronic problem for me. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. And even more than that, I hate coming home from trips. My family also left for the weekend. They went to Laramie to hear Jared sing. But they won't be back for another hour, and for once in my life I'm not appreciating that I have the house to myself. I would rather wash eight days worth of dishes than go to school tomorrow. Anway, it was good to see Andrea.
P.S. So, what do you guys think of the new look for the page? I call it...pink steel! Haha...let me know.

October 24 again, 11:50pm
I promised Nick Linn that I would write. And now that I sit down to do so, I find myself coming up short of things to say. I seem to be doing that alot lately; coming up short. (Did you catch that? I totally just used a semi-colon! Whoa!) Everyone I love is going through crap of all sorts right now. And I am helpless. Outside of listening and sometimes giving a little bit of advice. There is nothing else I can do. Nothing but pray. Man, I always hate it when people say that. "Nothing but pray." Like it's a last resort. One last ditch effort to change a situation once we have exhausted our worldly resources. But that's not what it is. Don't underestimate the power of a praying people. I have learned this firsthand this week. So, I leave you with that encouragement. Goodnight. Carpe Diem

October 24, 2:15am
Hola! From Kari's house! We are having a slumber party! We called lots of boys and ate lots of junk food and fixed eachother's hair, and put on lipstick, and played girl talk. We're just having a grand old time! Yep, we're twelve!!!! Now we're going to play truth or dare, and then go to bed. And then all be at our grown up, responsible adult...responsibilities...like work and school by 8:30 tomorrow morning. Don't you wish you could be in on the fun?

October 22, 7:10pm
YEEEHAAAAWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! It's SNOWING!!!!!!! I'm going out to play! As soon as I clean my room, and study for the two tests I have to take tomorrow. So, TAKE THAT all you "I go to school in Hawaii! I surf on the weekends" people. Well, la-dee-whoop-dee-dah! I'm goin' sledding!!!!!!!!!

October 20, 2:33am
God took the liberty of rearranging all of my plans for the weekend. Somehow I ended up at my church's womens reatreat in Spearfish Canyon last night, instead of at dinner at Kari's, or open-mic at Common Grounds, or Girls Night Out at Julias, or the open house thing for Speck's new CD. When I found out on Thursday that I was going to be attending the retreat, I really wasn't very excited, because I had really wanted to do all the other things I had planned for the weekend. But as usual, God knew what would be better for me. The retreat was such a blessing. Yet another reminder that He is way smarter than me.

October 18, 12:02am
I just went for a ride in Mark's new truck. I told him it was pretty. I think he took offense to that statement. Anyhow, Jared's home! I was just sitting here, scratching my head at the fact that this page had 258 hits on Tuesday (only seven of which were unique...so don't get too excited) and who should walk through the door but Jared and Mark? This was a pleasant surprise, because, to my knowledge, up until that point, Jared was several hundred miles away in Laramie. So, of course, I was surprised to see him. I knew he was coming home this weekend, to sing in his best-friends sister's wedding, but I didn't think he was coming until tomorrow. Yep Yep. So anyway. What's new in my life? Trying with all of my might to manage my money wisely, and not spend frivilously. Note: Frivilous spending on a not-so-frivilous pay check can lead to high-stress when bills are due. Ummm. That's about it for this evening. Please please write and let me know what's new in your life! Bye

October 17 again, 5:20am
Five hours later and I am...still...awake. And this time it's NOT MY FAULT!!!! I tried really hard to sleep. But alas. Sleep would not come. And as I lay there and my bed grows decreasingly comfortable, and my sense of hearing becomes increasingly alert, I for some reason decide that my time would be better spent doing something productive....like...reading poetry on the internet? Hmmm. Well, it's just that vacuuming my bedroom would probably not go over so well at 5:30 in the morning. And I already finished all of my homework for the week. (I brought home my assignment for Drawing 101 to finish the background...my little sister looked at it for a moment, and in the purest kind of 9 year old amazement said, "W...o...w. That's real good Marc. What is it?". My dad stared for a moment and said..."It's a fish?" Granted, he was looking at it upside down. It's a grocery sack. A paper grocery sack. Halfway through the course and my portfolio consists of a drawing of a card board box, and one of a paper sack. That looks like a fish. Yes, I think I'm really cut out for this art degree thing.) And I am in no shape to read something that requires an attention span longer than 2 minutes. I just want to SLEEP! I have to work in 3 hours! Maybe I should call in sick. But that would be wrong, because I'm not sick. I'm just an insomniac. And I prefer to save my sick days for the ones where I couldn't move from bed if I tried. I frequently function on less sleep than this. But it's the principle of the thing...I WANTED to sleep tonight! Maybe I will try again? *YAWN*

October 17, 12:15am
So they built a haunted house out of Coke cans at Dan's Supermarket. It's the coolest thing since key lime yogurt. And it's free. Which is fantastic, since I balanced my checkbook (twice in one week!) and I'm even poorer than I thought. On a side note. In case I have given anyone the impression that I am not happy, I need to set the matter straight. I am. All it takes to make me happy is being expected to be somewhere most days (school, work, church, YoungLife, etc.) and the knowledge that I am redeemed. Grocery store haunted houses and key lime yogurt are bonuses. The issue of concern was merely in the wondering if I would be happier somewhere else. But the two following statements come to mind.
Jackie Clegg: "Love God and do what you want."
Pastor Rob Graham (in a nut shell): "If you have two choices, and you pray about it, and neither is dishonorable to God, then pray somemore, and then pick which one you like, and you will probably still be in his will." So. Glad we got that cleared up. Haha.

October 14, 4:41am
Sometimes it kinda sucks being nocturnal, and living in a world of people who want to sleep at night. Ah well. My weekend was crazy. I spent too much money, but I had alot of fun. Hmmm. I'm going to go to bed. I get to spend the my day off tomorrow helping my dad clean out the garage. Whooeee!

October 11, 12:57am
Friday! Finally! I am looking forward to this weekend...Red Lobster, the new Veggie Tales movie, Zach and Leah's wedding, the haunted house at Reptile Gardens, Guys and Dolls at the Dahl, and Nat and Chris are both going to be home! Whoo hoo! I just got home from work, and I'm tired. So I'm going to go to bed. Night night.

October 9, 1:32pm
I drove around for an hour and a half last night, attempting to get lost. To find myself somewhere where I didn't know where exactly I was. But after 1/4 tank of gas, I finally realized that I have lived in Rapid too freaking long to do that. Go north, you hit Rapid, east you hit Ellsworth, west, Nemo, south, Mt. Rushmore or Chadron, eventually Denver if you drive long enough. I also realized that if you pull over to the side of the road to get out and look at the stars, the kind people of South Dakota assume there is something wrong with your car, and try to help. So, anyway, that was just a fraction of my evening, and all you're going to get to hear about, because it's far too long of a story to delve into further. Hmmm. What to write? What to write? Oh. Haha. I inadvertantly discovered a way to make hordes (is that right?) of friends, in a short period of time. Tell one (just one) person (this person need not be a friend...the person who sits next to you in your 10AM class will do) that you do not drink. Before you know it, you will be invited to every party being thrown the following weekend. People you have never seen before will want to let you drive their cars. Nice cars, even. Man, it's sad. But I suppose it is better then having mindless intoxcants all over the road. I could charge I suppose. Just get a pager, and be a professional designated driver (Oh, that's original Marc....they're called...TAXI'S!!!) I'd make alot of money! Anyhow. Class is calling. Have a good day. You couldn't ask for a more perfect October afternoon.

October 8, 1:21am
Ola friends, acquaintances, and strangers! I noticed when checking my stats that 85% of the google searches that lead to people checking my page were for "Matt Wertz Lyrics". I thought this was kinda wierd. It's crazy to think that people I don't know at all might be reading this. So just incase you are a complete stranger, welcome! And write me (using the contact form at the bottom of this page...haha...how many times a week do I say that?)and introduce yourself. It's really only fair, you know. Anyhow. Life is just chugging along as usual. I have been overwhelmed lately by the enourmous, perfect, underserved, and often unrecognized blessings God showers on us. Most recently I am so thankful for the relationships he has put in my life. The friendships, new and old that are dynamic, and educational, and show me brand new things. Golly, I love people! I went backpacking with the IVers this weekend, and AJ asked if it was good bonding time. Did I, personally, bond a lot with people on the trip? Not a whole lot. Was I happy just to watch other people bond? Perfectly. There is soooo much to learn just from watching and listening to other people. Of course, the closer you get to people, and the more involved you get, the more you are willingly subjecting yourselves to pain and further complication of your own life, because when you care about people, their problems are all of a sudden your problems too (like you all didn't already know that, right? duh...sorry). And I think that for the most part, this is entirely Biblical, because it removes our focus from ourselves...and when we realize that we are totally helpless in solving their problems, we (ideally) grow more and more dependant on Christ. In my human services class, this week's chapter is about "Helping Relationships". This term refers to the professional relationship between a social/human services worker and the client. Now, you can imagine that if they wrote a whole chapter about it, it's not as simple as you (or at least I) would think. A "helping relationship" has a purposeful beginning, a purposeful development, and a purposeful termination. A termination. You meet the person, you solve their problem, and you terminate the relationship. You build an entire relationship on the idea that once you have solved the clients problem, or reached a point at which you have exhausted your resources, that is the end. Now, I know this is what the textbook says, and textbooks, by definition, are technically supposed to be the authority on the subject at hand, but I am having a hard time accepting this, and agreeing with it. I mean, is that what "human services" is about? It seems then so much like a job, not like genuine concern for people. I understand the need for professionalism. I understand that in any profession, it is important to keep perspective of personal relationships. But when your entire career is based on compassion, it seems odd to emphasize the temporarity (haha...I think I just invented a word)of the individual cases. I mean, these are people, not houses to be built, or toenails to be removed...haha (not that we don't treat our patients with the highest standard of individual compassion and attention! (: ) For pete's sake, who's really going to open up and trust someone when they know that the person is listening and "caring" because it's their job? I know that's why my parents wasted their money sending me to a psychologist when I was in middleschool...how am I supposed to believe that this lady who was asking me to pour my heart out is sincerely concerned about my feelings when I know she's getting paid seventy-some dollars an hour to act interested? I know I have a whole lot to learn. (The people who wrote my Hum. Services text book have lots of letters after their names...so they must be smarter than me) But I didn't like this chapter. I guess that's why I love Young Life so much. "Termination" of the relationships is not part of the deal. I'm in it for the long haul...because I'm crazy about kids, and I want to show them Christ's love...not because I went to school and got a degree and now it's my career. So. Well. That was a 40 minute rant in and of itself. It's 2am now, and I have to be at work in 6 1/2 hours. So. Have yourself a lovely day/night/afternoon etc, and tune in next time for...whatever pops into my head next time I sit down to write.

October 5 again, 2:26pm
I get to sleep in the woods tonight! Yay!

October 5, 1:10am
Today was wonderful. Perfectly wonderful. It started at 6:30 at Java Junkie, where I had breakfast with Kammi. Then I went to school. But my last class was cancelled, and my Soc. Prob's test only took 1/2 hour. So I left the school by 12:30, filled my gas tank, and headed for Spearfish Canyon. Wow. It is so beautiful up there. If you are planning on going up there, I recommend you go this weekend, or possibly next weekend. Any later than that, and the colors might all be gone. Yes, it was splendid. So I went up to Roughlock Falls, and hiked down to the bottom and took plenty of pictures. I was kind of disappointed though, because I finished off my role of film, and right after taking the last picture, I found a huge yellow and black caterpillar climing up a tree. Oh well. You'll just have to take my word for it...it was beautiful. When I left there, I got back on Highway 14 and drove to Cheyenne Crossing, where I sat for 5 minutes trying to decide if I should turn left and go home, or turn right and go to Denver. As you can see, I came home. Bummer. Anyhow. I got home at 3:30, took a 15 minute nap, went down to the Young Life office to pick up my sweatshirt that has been sitting there since camp. Then I met Adrienne at Common Grounds and drank a chai tea latte, then I came home and cleaned house for an hour, then I met George and Nick at Chili's and ate lots of chips, then Melissa came and her and I went to Leah's "bachlorette" party, and then Melissa, Cherry, Nick, George and I all went caving, which was awesome, and I got very dirty. And I got home 10 minutes ago, and now I'm sitting here writing and eating reheated mushroom pizza and orange yogurt. So, in a nutshell, that was my wonderful day. And I'm getting up at 6 again tomorrow, so I'm going to turn in now. Night.

October 4, 1:14am
"Man! That hurts SO BAD!"~Neil, immeadiately before carpet "belly-flopping" for a fourth time on Ricks living room floor. I am sure this was one of those "had to be there" moments, so I won't try to explain the situation. But I'd have to say that is probably the funniest thing I have seen in, oh, weeks, at least. Also hilarious was the fact that someone asked Kris if he would try, and he responed by saying "No, that's retarded!" 45 seconds later, he too was throwing himself across the room, in an effort to demonstrate to Neil the "right" way to do it. Wow. People never cease to amaze me. Well, I am considerably more chipper today than I have been. I attribute this to my relentless schedule of the last two days. Yesterday I headed for Spearfish at 7:30, came back to Rapid at 4, went to work at job #2, went from there to the IV fundraising meeting, from there to youth group, youth group to the new Young Life building, then to TGI Fridays to play Shark Attack and drink coffee, from there to job #2 again, and then home by 2AM. I got up this morning and went to job #1 at 8:00. I got off work at 5:15 and headed to Wyld Life. That ended at about 8:30, took Melissa home, got to see a high-speed police chase, took Kammi home, went to Ricks at 9 and stayed till 11, went to work at job #2, and got home at 1, and I'm going out to breakfast at 6:30 tomorrow (this) morning. Im starting to really miss my family, since I haven't seen them at all since Sunday, and won't see them at all until this coming Sunday night, but otherwise I thrive on constant activity. It leaves me little time to think, which lately is a good thing. When left to my own devices, I sometimes just tend to become entirely self-centered. Well, anyway, I'm going to bed now. Have a good Friday.((I am quite delighted at the moment...on my lunch break today, I realized that I hadn't brought clothes to change into after work, and I really really didn't want to wear my scrubs to WL. And I didn't have time to drive home inbetween, so instead I went to Salvation Army, and bought an outfit...jeans for $3 and a t-shirt for $1. Well, I just discovered that the decal on this t-shirt is glow in the dark. Fantastic.))

October 1, 10:50pm
I've spent the last week in anticipation of the concert I attended this evening. I usually find a significant amount of joy in listening to obscure, genuine, homegrown, starving (and not even necessarily amazingly talented) musicians. So I drove all the way back to Spearfish on a day I didn't even have class, and paid my $5. Quite the disappointment. It was terrible. The chick who played the guitar was okay, but it went it downhill from there. The CBS Post review quote on the posters said "She's even better than Ani." That's basically what caught my attention...but maybe the mindless idiot who wrote the review was listening to a different Ani than I listen too. The girl (I think her name was Shannon...something)was okay, but I have lots of guitar toting friends that can write and play and sing far better than her, and I can listen to them for free. The following act was some band, that probably didn't even have a name (or maybe they did...and that's ALL they had) This "band" consisted of three guitars...a bass player who looked like he would rather die then be there tonight, a guitar player that apparently didn't know that the little screw things at the top of the instrument were for tuning it, and a lead singer who was tone deaf. They sounded like they'd never seen each other before in their lives. The one guitar guy apologized after every song. The whole agonizing 5 numbers they played left me feeling like maybe the whole thing was a big joke that everyone else was in on. Anyway. This entry was lame, eh? Well, it served as a much needed distraction for me, from this drama that is my life. Although it was probably dreadfully boring to you. Let's see. What could I say today that would be of interest to you? It is supposed to snow tonight. Alot. Lot's of snow. I am excited. But I'm going to eat dinner now. So long.

September 30, 4:43pm
I was quite happy today to see that I finally had more hits on my page in September than I did in March (the month of the infamous "equation" entry) and I didn't even have to spout anyone's secrets this time. I was also happy to find two people selling hemp jewelry on the grass out side of the library at school (#22 on my list of "Things You Would Never See at Tech") and they were selling it for cheap too, so I bought a necklace and an ankle bracelet. In addition to those things, I was happy to find out that there are free refills on the $1 coffee they sell in the school library, so I can pay once in the morning and drink good coffee all day long. And the leaves are changing color. Lovely. I just thought I would count a couple blessings since I sorta had a bittersweet weekend. But today is a new day. Amen? Amen.
P.S. Got a minute? Share the love...visit Jim's webpage...check out his journal...send him money so he can eat something other than tuna for lunch...(www.oocities.org/mij-pmaknerhav)

September 29, 1:01am
So here I sit and cry. (I should tell you, Covergirl Waterproof Mascara does not live up to it's name.) I think I am lacking some wisdom.

September 28, 1:20am
Someday soon I will write a song about this evening's activites. Possible titles: "Four-wheelin' in a Geo Prism" or "Maybe the Lake's at the Top of this Hill." And maybe I'll also write a book called "Car Tipping: The Trouble-Making Cow's Idea of a Good Time" But I took my contacts out, and I can't even read this unless I put my face about 3 inches from the computer screen. So, for the time being, I will leave this entry up to your imagination. Have fun. Au revoir.

September 27, 1:35am
"I'm so suave, so debonaire, in my brand new underwear."~Bear, from Bear in the Big Blue House, Episode 63:I Love to Use the Potty.
Haha. Man, I had almost forgotten how much I love babysitting, and how much wisdom can be gained from childrens television. Haha. Anyway. Man, if it is possible to develop an ulcer in one very stressful hour, today would have been the day. In Tuesday evenings entry, I mentioned how I assisted in my first surgery, with lots of help from my superviser Laura. Well, today we had a little mix up with the schedule, and, well, let's say we picked up the pace of my education process a bit. A bit faster than I am comfortable with. But then, that kind of pressure, (a.k.a...terror) serves as a rather efficient learning tool. Oh well. I did survive. So did the patient. Don't worry. Well, I finally finished my art homework. So I'm gonna crash. Have a lovely Friday, and don't forget to write me using the contact form at the bottom of the page.

September 26, midnight
This weather is heavenly. Not much else to say. I am pensive, but not in the mood to write much. Do you sometimes find that things are going so smoothly that you are subconciously anticipating disaster? It's a terrible thing. Why is it so hard for us just to be happy? I guess it's not even that everything in my life is going smoothly. Conflict and worry are abundant (as they are in any breathing person's life) But I guess I'm just not too worked up about anything right now. But look at me. I'm complaining about not complaining. Confused yet? Ha. Me too. Autumn makes me ridiculously blissful. So I'll quite worrying, and just be happy. Cheers.

September 25, 12:39am
My car needs a new muffler. I may have mentioned this before. But it is a concern to me, becuase I can't hear myself think when I am in the running vehicle. Which is bothersome, because I spend a signficant amount of time in my running vehicle. I tried to explain to my father that the muffler was not quite so inadequate until after I took the car in to have the tires rotated and balanced. He informed me that this was probably not correct, (after giving me the same look that he gave me when I told him that the car rode smoother after getting the oil changed) because tire guys have no reason to sabatoge my muffler. I told him that I understood this, and that they most likely couldn't have cared less about my muffler. But for some unexplainable reason, it was not that ungodly loud when I took it in, and since I got the car back, you can hear me coming 10 miles away. So. I suppose the moral of the story is...ah...change your own tires. Or something like that. Either way, I have to buy a new muffler. I assisted in my first surgery today. I have observed two others, but today I actually got to assist. Laura sat in the room and told me what to do, so it wasnt' too terribly nerve-wracking, and I didn't have much room for error, which was a relief. I also purchased an entire magnetic poetry set for $3 at the boys club. I understand that foot surgery and magnetic poetry are two entirely unrelated things (like tires and mufflers) but I only employ good writing technique (like smooth transitional phrases) when I feel like it. I have yet another rant about my soc. prof. But I will save that for tomorrow. Stats for my page are up. Jim must be hitting the refresh button compulsively again. Work continues on the new format for my page. It looks sharp. Hopefully someday you will get to see it. I cringe at the thought of the task of scanning some 50 photos. But they sure will look cool when I get them up there. A co-worker won a radio station morning trivia call-in today. Her prize: two tickets to the chip n' dales. She, being the good, upstanding citizen that she is, spent all day trying to find someone who would actually use them. Funny thing, she never asked ME if I wanted 'em. Haha. Just joking! What kind of girl do you think I am?!? AJ comes home on Friday, and I am excited to see her. Sleep is calling my name. Well, sort of taunting me really. So I suppose I should go to bed, so that I can cross it off of my to-do list. Night. Write write (see contact format bottom of page)

September 23, 11:52pm
Ahhh. The first day of fall. Glory.

September 22, 6:23pm
I am quite peeved that there are not enough hours in the day, and not enough days in the week to do all the things I want to do, and all the things I need to do. So I do my best. And though I do not always make the best use of my time, I try. Friday night and Saturday were spent on a little pseudo-vacation/girls-night-out/getaway with my mom and grandma and little sister. We stayed up in Spearfish, and went to dinner, and watched a movie and then shopped all day Saturday. It was so nice to spend some time with my grandma, as she is the most wonderful woman in the world. And who wouldn't want to spend time with the most wonderful woman in the world? No one who knows what's good for 'em! Haha. Last night Steph and I went and saw "Four Feathers". It was a decent film, in that it wasn't just your run-of-the-mill war movie. So many war films have come out in the last couple years, that it seems they are all the same, so I've kinda quit watching them. But this one was slightly more complex and dealt with the less popular theme of cowardice. I don't know that I would give it my highest rating (on the Marci Film Review scale)and I don't know if I would encourage you to pay $7.25 to see it in the theater, but it would be a good rental, when you are standing in Blockbuster with your friends and can't agree on what to rent. That is asuming that neither you nor your friends have a complete aversion to on-screen violence. This movie is PG-13 and though not quite as graphic as, say, Gladiator or the Patriot, or Blackhawk Down, still depicted alot of war. It is so crazy to me, that we can sit and watch that, and then go home and go to bed. That it is just entertainment to us. At least those of us who have never experienced anything remotely resembling battle. But while it almost angers me that we take something that aweful so lightly as to sit and eat jujifruits while we watch, I think it is almost essential that we do see some of it. I, of course, am no judge as to how acurate the medias depiction of war is, but asuming it's somewhat close, I am glad that I have been exposed to it a little bit. Without movies like this, I would be completely nieve to what goes on outside of my little world. I would not have as great an appreciation for the people that fought for my own freedom, or even a little bit of understanding of what people that live in war-torn countries go through. That is not to say that we should saturate our minds with violent images. But ignorance isn't honorable either. Anyhow. Enough of my deep thoughts. After we left the movie, we went over to Corey's to pick up my car. As I was driving away, I realized Donnie's truck was there. It seemed to me that this would be a perfect opportunity to wreak a little havock, since all three guys were sitting inside peacefully watching TV. So I flagged Steph down, and we went over to Fridays to see when Kari was getting off work. Luckily, she got off at midnight, and we headed over to Walmart where we purchased whipcream, toilet paper, balloons, stockingcaps, party streamers, and a $40, 8 ft. inflatable Frankenstein, complete with built in fan and lights. This thing is huge. So we took it all back to the house. When we got there, all the guys were gone (except Paul...but he was asleep at the other end of the house) so we broke in, inflated Frankie (who took up about half of the living-room)and a package of balloons, decorated a bit with the toilet paper and streamers, and then hid behind the couch, where we intended on staying, if we weren't discovered, and then sneaking back out after the initial surprise and the guys went to bed. Paul slept through all of this. We waited, figuring they were either at Perkins, or at Mikes playing Settlers. An hour later, we finally realized that all three of their cars were gone, which didn't make sense. So Kari calls all three of their cell phones (by this time it's 2am) and finally Chris answers. They are all alseep at Chris's brother's house where they are housesitting. Ha ha. Crap. So in a way, the joke is on us. We deflate Frankie and pack him up, and leave, but leave the toilet paper and balloons. Well, by this afternoon, we had been completely found out (they said the pink streamers gave it away). And war has officially been declared against us.(Keep in mind though, we still have Frankenstein...and they may lock their doors, but we have our ways) But the part that makes me really laugh, is that Paul wakes up this morning, sees the "decorations", and calls Leigh, Mikes wife, and tells her how Mike must have come over at about midnight and TP'd the living room. Leigh says Mike was home all night, and Paul's just really confused. So. There you have it. That was my evening. Now I'm going to go clean my bedroom. Write me, using the contact form at the bottem of this page. Bye

September 18 cont...11:49pm
DUDE! You know that cup of coffee that I mentioned when I wrote earlier today? Well that was no ordinary cup of coffee. No sirree! Not your average 8 oz., $.50 cup o' joe! Because I am just WIRED! And that was almost 12 hours ago! Hahaha. (Or maybe it's the rain...a good possibility) I'm so hyper I wore out the middleschoolers at youth group tonight. I gave them a real run for their money in the sock-stealing game. Afterwards, Steph and I went to Perkins (where else? man...we're total junkies...it's really getting pathetic...I'm just not going to mention it on here anymore becuase I'm ashamed that I spend so much time there) to figure out how much money we will have left for food after we make rent payments...and if it's actually possible to live on Ramen Noodles. Gross. I hope not. Anyhow, I managed to cram about a weeks worth of conversation into an hour and a half. And good substantial stuff too. We covered every topic from racism to the frustrations of social welfare and politics. And then she had to go home and do homework, and I don't have any home work (whoohoo!) so here I sit, typing like mad. I wrote e-mails to several people, and checked every on-line journal I could find, and I think now I'm going to go clean out the refridgerator or something, because I sure as heck am not about to fall asleep. Haha. It made me chuckle to read Jim's journal today (www.oocities.org/mij-pmaknerhav)Because he writes about all the protein shakes he's drinking, and I had two Burgerking milkshakes yesterday. Sorry. That's probably not amusing to anyone else. Oh well. I do have a humerous story to tell (at least I thought it was kinda funny...and I gave it a test-run on Steph, and she laughed) but I'm not going to tell it tonight. I'm going to save it for some other time when I can't think of anything to write about. Right. So. Bye.

September 18, 2002...1:06pm
Is it Friday yet? It should be. Better yet, it should be national "Stay at home in your pajamas and eat soup and watch TV day." That's really the only activity justifiable on a day as cold and rainy as today. After walking across campus a total of 5 times now today, I'm happily, hopelessly soggy. Anyhow. Steph and I have begun the shiny new adventure of apartment shopping. It's a learning experience for me. I have no idea what I'm doing. And I have discovered that without any money, it's really no fun. I am broke. Completely broke. I borrowed $2 from my mom for food today. I spent $.65 of it on Rollos for breakfast, and $1.32 on a small cup of coffee and a mini box of Golden Grahams for lunch. So. Any good will donations can be mailed to me at my home address. Anyhow. About the apartment thing. Neither Steph nor I is picky. We don't need anything big or fancy. But after sifting through a plethera of "drug lord" style studio appartments (the kind that make you wonder if anyone's ever been killed there) and comparing prices, and trying to find a place that will allow Steph to have her ferret, we realized that is would actually be cheaper to put 4 people in a nice 2-bedroom in a complex in my neighborhood. So, if any of y'all know anyone else who is looking for a place to live, and doesn't mind Stephanies ferret, and my staying up all ours of the night knocking around the place, then we are the room-mates for you! Haha. Well, I am destitute when it comes to inspiration lately. I haven't written any poetry since May, and I don't know what else to write about today. Ya'll should e-mail me using the contact form. Now I have to run, or I will be late for my next class. Bye

September 16, 2002...4:55pm
Check that out. It's 5 in the afternoon, and I am at home. It's a rarity. It's nice now, but I may be regretting it when I work 7:30 to midnight instead of 4-9:30. Ah well. It's nice for a change of pace. Anyhow. I screwed up again this weekend. I chronically make bad decisions. I don't understand why I can so clearly see what I want to be, what I should be, and yet it is so hard to attain. I also don't understand why Jared and I can't just be friends, or why they don't make a breakfast cereal that's all marshmallows.

September 14, 2002...12:17pm
Fifteen people sleeping in my house yesterday. That's right. Count them. 15. My whole family, plus six extra nine year old girls, plus Matt, plus Matt's cousin Ashley. It's Jareds birthday today. He's 22. Geesh. That sounds really old. I don't have a gift for him yet. Haha. I think I will go buy him the new Ani album. Hahaha. That would be really funny. He'd be like "What is this?!?" Last year he asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told him I wanted a PHISH album. But he doens't like PHISH and in an effort to condition me to be like him, he bought me the Five For Fighting CD, in which I had little to no interest. So yes, maybe I will just do that. Or not. I'll probably just give him money. Or a new nalgene, since he always borrows mine. He has a habit of returning every gift, no matter what the person gets him. Well, I'm off to work. Enjoy your weekend.

a continuation of September 13, 2002...1:06pm
As I write you today (from the "cyberspot" in the basement of the student union) I have a fervent, angry passion burning in my soul, and the almost uncontrollable desire to throw something at my Sociology professor. This passion is born partly out of the fact that she is so...ARGH!!!!!...and partially out of the fact that, as you can see, I am not exactly skilled at accurately communicating and voicing my opinion/frustration. Anyhow, here is the scoop. I have this professor for both my Social Problems and my Intro to Human Services class, which are practically one in the same. Class essentially consists of group discussion on the weekly topic. So, guess what this week's topic is? Chapter 1: Abortion. Keep in mind that this is a class on sociology. Not debate. And "all good sociologist keep a neutral standpoint." A point that this professor (who shall remain nameless) points out at least daily...while in the same breath clearly indicating her belief that anyone who is not a relativist is the doom of our society. Now, I have been told more than once that I am an unusually open minded conservative. If this is true, than being "open-minded" doesn't require removal of one's spine. I just think it means listening and considering other peoples opinions. Having an appreciation for where they are coming from. Having the ability to change my mind if necessary. But these days, the only way to be freaking politically correct is to never ever acknowledge the line between wrong and right, except in the context of your own life. God forbid anyone tell anyone else what to do.(I write that with a sarcastic tone in my...keyboarding action) Well, does my STUPID TEACHER, who is supposed to be the one with the doctorate in the study of society realize that without people setting standards for a universal wrong and right, all of society would have self-destructed long ago? I mean, regardless of religion, or right-wing and left-wing or political parties, society functions by people setting standards of behavior for other people. You know, maybe I don't think it's RIGHT for me to have to take the exams in order to pass the class! And I don't think it's HER PLACE to tell me OTHERWISE!!! Not sure that would go over so well.(Haha...Chris just walked by and said hi...I must look funny sitting here, typing away like the world is coming to an end.) So this girl brought an article to class. One she found on the internet. It was a testimony of a nurse that worked in a hostpital where live-birth abortions were performed. The girl read a portion of this testimony, and it was horrendous. Just heart-wrenching. Even the adamant pro-choicers in the class were upset by it. And you know what the professor says? "Well, it tells WHY the lady had the abortion, remember? It says at the beginning that it was a downs-syndrom baby." The lady says this like she's freaking justifying it! And if I was one who revelled more in conflict, I would have completely gotten in her face. But I'm not. I usually just scream at her inside my head. So instead of taking the risk of opening my mouth and possibly causing a riot, I broke my pencil. Well, my lunch hour is up, and I have to go BACK to class with this woman. Argh. But, I do feel significantly better now that I just let that all out. So long. Have a lovely Friday the 13th.

September 13, 2002...1:56am
@#$^$!*)_+)*^%#@#!!!!!!!! I just typed up a great long thoughtful entry and hit something on my keyboard and erased everything. Argh. I hate computers. Well. I'm not goin to rewrite it all right now. But I just would like to publicly delare my delight in this beautifully drippy weather. Autumn is well on it's way, and that means that I will basically be in a euphoric state from now until after the first couple of snows. Anyhow. Check back tomorrow for more.

September 12, 2002...12:11am
Too much to say, too much to do, too much to think about, and not enough time no matter how much sleep I sacrifice. So...the abreviated version of the entry I was going to write. My little sister turned nine today. She is young and happy and relatively innocent. She is not yet jaded by all the things we let screw us up. She is beautiful. I called my mother at midnight last night, from the dressing room at Walmart, to ask her if Rayon will shrink when I wash it. She said yes. I appreciate her more than she knows. I realized today that if for no other reason, going to BH this year will be a blessing because the speakers in my car are shot. So I have 2 hours every day to spend talking to God. Okay. I'm falling asleep. Good bye

September 11, 2002...1:22am
"What kind of father gives his son rocks when he asks for fish?" God is good good good. Man, I'm just going crazy to tell someone about it. Pray for me though...I have a habit of being stupid. As much as I would prefer to sit here chilling and writing and listening to Ani, common sense dictates that I should salvage the next 2 1/2 hours of sleep while I can. Night.

September 6, 2002...12:28am
Today I:
*Drank more water and ate less junkfood
*Assisted in a left revisional halux verus surgery (a surgery to fix a bunion surgery that didn't heal correctly)
*ran a red light on accident. but I didn't get caught. not that that makes it okay
*stopped in a new bead shop and visited the art gallery at tech on my lunch hour
*called my brother once, my mom twice, and my dad three times.
*saw my family for a cummulative total of 8 1/2 minutes
*stuck my foot in my mouth
*stuck my whole face in a bowl of jello and bubblegum
*won a round of foose ball AND a round of air hockey
*picked my nose
*made and broke a promise
*midjudged at least one person
*spent 6 dollars on the wrong battery for my camera
*met 8 new people
*got my watch fixed
*was late to work, late to the storage unit place, late to Wyldlife, and early getting home tonight(10:00)
*was a sucky best friend
*revelled in the beauty of the people God has put in my life
*tried to motivate my computer at work by muttering obscenities at it
*was taken by surprise
Forgive me for ever being bored with life

September 5, 2002...12:15am
"It's easier to steer a moving vehicle."~Matt L., on the subject of why he is going to school, even though God has yet to spill the beans regarding his future. I thought it was a wise comment. Well. I'm back. Six hours, five cups of coffee, and a good deal of worthwhile conversation later. I return not with much solace, or direction, but at least with a promise that I am prayed for, and a reminder that this (this journey we call life) is about God. And not about me. I hate admitting that I am unhappy. I hate admitting that all too often I don't even bother to be amazed by the wonder of the day. I hate admitting that I did not enjoy my first day of school. I spent the whole day feeling totally out of place. Just not at peace with my decision to go to school there. At all. And I'm very confused. Because half of me is saying "This must not be where God wants you." and the other half of me is saying "You're just human, and you're subconciously apprehensive about this new experience and you need to buck up and face life head on. You'll like it after you've been there for a little while. Don't mistake the distance from your comfort zone as God's voice." and another half of me is saying "So if God doesn't want me here, where DOES he want me?" and another half is saying "God, this isn't funny anymore. You can quit hiding and come out now." and another half is saying "Wait don't tell me. Don't spoil the adventure." and another is saying "For every semester I spend 'killing general eds' and taking classes like Music Appreciation I am adding like 30 more years of student loan payments" And that adds up to 6 halves, which is 3 wholes (and they say I couldn't get a degree from tech...they obviously never saw me add fractions)So you can clearly see my problem! Add to that the fact that ALL of me misses Andrea very much. I did get to talk to her tonight though, which made me very happy. Youth group had great attendance tonight, and that was very encouraging. Jamin and I are to committing ourselves to just praying like crazy for the youth group. God has really laid it on my heart lately. After youth group, some of us leader type folk went out for coffee, and nearly got kicked out of Perkins. Praise the Lord for good fellowship, great friends. Haha. Speaking of Jamin (I know, that was about 3 sentences ago) he too has been a blessing to me lately. Sometimes he just blows me out of the water, with his insight on things. He has alot of wisdom beyond his 17 years sometimes. Of course he's a dumb teenage guy alot of the time also. Haha. Anyway. On a totally different wave length of subject matter. I stopped by and looked at the public library addition for the first time today. Wow. It is absolutely fabulous. Just gorgeous. I recommend everyone in town go look at it. I figure I techinically own part of it, what with all the ridiculous library fines I have paid over the last couple of years. Yep. Friday (that's tomorrow!)I am headed down with 13 other people to Crooked Creek (near Frasier, CO) for a Young Life Leader Retreat. I really can't wait. How lucky am I to get to go to that beautiful place twice in 4 months? Very lucky, I tell you. Alright. I do feel a bit better about life now that I vented. It's 1 o'clock now, and work tomorrow at 8:30 at my toe-jam job. Hopefully I have written enough senseless blabber to last all you faithful readers for a while, in case I don't get another chance to write before I leave for the weekend. Bye all.

September 4, 2002...6:03pm
Argh. I am envious. Envious of Natalie. Why? Because she is off in a new place, meeting new people, learning new things. And she sounds delighted. "Wait a sec Marc," you say. Aren't you technically in a new place, meeting new people, learning new things? Well, yes. I am. But I am not delighted. I am discontent. And yes, that is my own fault. And I realize it. Today was the first day of classes. And I don't have an ounce of excitement in me. And now, I have to go. I am just aching to write. But I have a busy schedule today. So there I leave you. With this rather depressing entry, and no time to justify myself and attempt to convince you that I really am not as melancholy as I sound, it's just that's where I started, and all the farther I got. So possibly some more cheerful stuff later tonight when I get back home.

August 31, 2002...10:14am
Ahhh. Labor day weekend. My LEAST favorite holiday. Classes begin on Wednesday, and I cringe when I look at my "summer goal list." The one that I made that night in April at girls Bible study at the LaFrance's. I have not memorized Galations. I have not painted a single thing. And I did not buy my car with cash. But I did learn origami. (whoohoo!) I have trained myself to sit with better posture. (Yes, these are kinds of things I put on my goal list) And I do have some swimsuit tanlines (my souveneirs from a week at the lake and a crazy family vacation.) And I did a zillion other things that I didn't put on the list. So. Here's to wading in Rapid Creek at 11:00 at night. Here's to 175+ cups of Perkins coffee. Here's to canoeing in the rain, singing in the rain, and praying praying praying for rain. Here's to moving boulders out of the middle of the road so that we can drive George's dad's jeep out to go caving. Here's to chapter camp, and wyld life camp, and eating nasty, soggy, waterlogged boxed chicken and not caring becuase we just spent 2 hours setting up camp. Here's to countless hours sitting on my roof and solving (or further complicating) the mysteries of life. Here's to me just remembering that I wrote an entry just like this (cheezy, sentimental crap and all)at the end of LAST summer. Here's to working hard, and making money, and saving it all for coll...er...spending it on a 7 foot suit of armour to put in the corner of my bedroom. Here's to the beautiful guys with beautiful dreads playing beautiful guitars on the corner of 6th and Main, who were smoking something a little too "beautiful" for Melissa to let me stop and talk to them. Here's to psychotic devil cats, squirrels named Marilyn, and cooking spaghetti for a couple of guys we don't really know, at 3AM. Here's to Dinosaur Park, and the Lithium Mine, and the church parking lot, and Castaway, and Crooked Creek, and the Joshua Tree/stump, and the Meadowbrook playground swings, and the volleyball courts by the fish. And finally, here's to me finally shutting up and reluctantly going back to reality. Yep. Here's to me going to look for my immunization records so that I can fax them and actually go to school this year. Au revoir.

August 29, 2002...12:25am
"Some clarity for our lives..." Those are Matt Wertz lyrics. Some of my favorite. Speaking of which, I loaned out my cd, and I'm sort of missing it. Oh well, gives me a chance to listen to some new stuff. I have been getting a bit more feedback lately, about my journal, and I appreciate all of it. Jessica W. encourages me to write, which, I seriously enjoy. :) Steph says I should write more about the crazy things we do. I told her that it would take too long to write about all of them, and that the possibility exsists that other people might not find our lives half as entertaining as we do. Jessica Smith said she laughes when she reads my journal becuase it is "so marci". Haha. Quite frankly, I have no idea what that means. Anyhow. More feedback is welcome if you have any recommendations. I would love to write about some crazy things, but I'm about to fall asleep right here. I'm going to try and make it to my bed before I fall asleep. Night.

August 28, 2002...1:33am
"You have the blood of royalty. Daughter of the King." Thank you Jon :) Sometimes it is good to be reminded. Anyway. So. Two weeks since I last wrote, huh? (which reminds me, I need to go get my allergy shots again tomorrow) My apologies. And thank you to Jessica for checking back even when I don't update often enough. My excuse is the usual "things have been busy". In the last three weeks I have been to Minnesota and back, twice, and to Avon and back. The first trip to MN was my family vacation. Wait. I think I already wrote about that. Yep. In the archives. My second trip to MN was to Castaway Club, Young Life camp, in Detroit Lakes, MN. Leading a group of 6 girls. It was like being completely reimmersed in middle school all over again. It was one of the most incredible weeks ever. Followed by 1 really horrid day. Which wasn't cool, because the whole time I was at camp, I was really excited about coming home and writing about all the great things God had taught me, and the awesome kids I got to hang out with, and fun roadtrip stories, and stuff, and then the day I got back was so horrible that I didn't feel like writing anymore. So, that's that. Since then things have pretty much gotten better (actually the "things" in particular are still kinda bad, but I'm doing my best to suck it up...because "God is bigger than:" the cement plant that I drove past when I took the shortcut to A&W tonight and trespassed on private property...which in turn reminds me that God is bigger than the crappy things that life drops in our laps...this may or may not be making any sense. Sorry) My cousins wedding was nice. We had 24 of the 29 grandkids all in the same place at once (plus Amy's husband, and Andy's wife, and Joy's new husband Ryan...duh, it was his wedding, of course he's gonna be there...so that kinda makes 27 of 32) so that was pretty cool. It's one of those things that only happens about once every 10 years...like a solar eclipse or something. Right. So. I removed sutures for the first time today. All by myself. I did very well, and have quite a sense of accomplishment. Don't laugh at me! It's scary taking stitches out of someones foot. Luckily, the patient was a type II diabetic and has neuropothy, so he couldn't feel a thing. Uhhh. What else to fill you in on? Andrea leaves on Friday morning. I am not okay with this. Not okay at all. So I'm in complete and entire denial. And I would rather not think about it. I am just going to pretend that she is on a very long vacation. Tomorrow is my last day with George and Lauren. I don't like this much either. Man, they are the greatest kids. Ya'll should meet them. I love them so much. Well. That's about all I can think to write at the moment. I would rather not get started on any "end of summer" sentimental crap, so I had better not start

August 12, 2002...12:58pm
Well isn't this handy. They now have internet in my allergy doctor's waiting room. So I can sit here and write to you while I wait. I have to sit here for 20 minutes after they give me my shots, because they don't want any malpractice law-suites in case my airways were to collapse or something. It is kinda nice though, because I am so busy today and tomorrow, and I leave on Wendesday, so otherwise I would not have gotten a chance to write at all before next sunday. Not that I'm writing anything very great anyway. Oh well. My mothers birthday is on Thursday, but I will be gone, so we are having a little party tonight. And I don't know what to give her. I always think of good gifts, when it's not her birthdya or Christmas, or mothersday. And I don't buy them. I should, and give them to her just for kicks and giggles. But usually I just go "oh, I'll have to keep that in mind for her birthday." and then I can't remember what it was. Well, my twenty minutes are up. Check out the meteor shower tonight...9-12. I'm going to Minnesota. Later.

August 10, 2002...4:41pm
Argh. Shopping for a car is almost as miserable as shopping for a new pair a jeans.

August 8, 2002...3:44am
I tried for 3 hours to sleep, and then I gave up. It was a lost cause. But it's raining. So I went for a walk, and now not only am I still wide awake, I'm also very wet. Don't any of you tell my mother that I go for walks by myself at 3 in the morning...she believes in the boogy man, and I would surely get a talk about being nieve and thinking I am invincible. I am back from family vacation. I must make a confession, and that is that I actually love family vacations. My parents bend over backwards to make them fun, and usually, they do a pretty good job. We left on Friday, and went to hear Jamin sing in Honors Choir in Aberdeen. They were amazing. I could have listened to them sing all night. Beautiful beautiful. We stayed the night there in Aberdeen, and on Saturday we drove to Minneapolis and went to a Twins game. The great thing about baseball is that if you are like me, and get bored after 3 innings, the spectators are always very entertaining. Also, there was a huge lightning storm right above the city, and from inside the metrodome, the thunder sounded like the world was coming to an end. That was exciting. Oh. Here is something funny. In addition to making vacations fun, my parents are also good at making them cheap. So this year they decided to use priceline.com. Haha. We got a room at the lovely and quite pricey Four Points Sheraton hotel for $50. The catch was, we found out upon arrival, the room only had one bed. There are seven of us. And every other room in the hotel was full. Luckily, the next night we were at Embassy Suites...so we had a little more room. Sunday we went to the Como Park zoo, which I highly recommend to anyone visiting the twin cities. It was by far the best zoo I have ever been too. (and I am a very experienced zoo conosieur) And it's free! Luckily we were able to avoid the Mall of America, except to eat dinner at Planet Hollywood. On Tuesday we drove to Valentine, Nebraska. Wow. That is one happenin' place! The reason we were there (as I'm quite sure is the only reason anyone would go to Valentine, Nebraska) was to tube down the Niobrara River. Jared didn't enjoy it so much. I however found this to be a very delightful way to spend 6 hours. I hope to get back with some friends before summer is over. 4:08. I have two and a half hours to sleep now, before I have to get up for work. Work. Ugh. It's so hard to get back on schedule. Heh. Jamins alarm is just buzzing away. He has to be at the television station at 4:45. He got a job running camera for the morning show. Alright. I think he's up. I was afraid I would have to go drag him out of bed. Well, I'm gonna hit the sack.

July 30, 2002...5:29pm
Am I really any better than Rahab? So she was a prostitute. I am a podiatric assistant, with enough hang ups to earn myself gift certificates to the shrink. But she had faith. Me, not so much. So, my consensus is...no. Not any better than Rahab. Is God awesome? Yes. Can he do incredible, incredible things? Absolutely. Is using Rahab the hardest to believe? No.

July 29, 2002...5:30pm
"Consider what a great forest is set on fire by one small spark." ~James, on the subject of tongues.
I have been very convicted. Oh, what a better place the world would be if I could just learn to keep my mouth shut.

July 27, 2002...5:28pm
The following lyrics are the product of my spending 10 hours in a coka-cola hotdog trailer with 4 junior high girls. Enjoy.
VERSE 1:
The wiener rolled right off the plate
and fell on to the ground
I hoped no one had noticed
There were people all around
I picked it up Put it back on the bun
My face was turning red
I handed it to the customer
And this is what I said
CHORUS:
Ten second rule, Ten second rule
No one's ever died from heeding the
ten second rule
VERSE 2:
You only paid a dollar
What more do you expect?
We're just a youth group fundraiser
The FDA does not inspect
The "BallPark Hotdogs plump when you cook 'em"
The name-brand soda's nice and cold
The relish is green, the buns are fresh
Those spots are bugs, not mold
CHORUS 1X
VERSE 3:
A little bit of mustard
covers up the dirt
A little bit of floor crud
Probably won't hurt
Don't look the customer in the eye
Before they take they food and pay
And if they have the nerve to complain
All you need to say is...
CHORUS 1X
BRIDGE:
Quit your whinin'
Take the plate
And have a good day, mate
CHORUS 2X

July 27, 2002...2:33am
DISCLAIMER: The following journal entry contains some thoughts on...((whispers)) love. A topic I rarely approach in this little journal. These entries are few and far between. (As in, this is only the second love-discussing one in the year and a half that I have had this web page). So I thought I would just give you fair warning that I will probably write this, and later regret it. So if you read the following entry, there is the possibilty that I may have to kill you. Anyway. A friend of mine said recently that maybe the reason I don't have a relationship is not because I'm necessarily content being single, not because I haven't found the right guy, not becuase I'm preoccupied with life, or because I'm trying to get my focus on God first, but because I'm "to damn selfish to contribute anything to a relationship," and/or I am so self-righteous that I think no guy I have ever met deserves me. Right. So of course it's no basket of daisies to have someone close to you say something like that, but you can't just forget it either. Whether or not I like it, it provokes some thought. My little brother, in all of his 16 year old wisdom (actually...that's all the longer he's been around, but I have to hand it to him sometimes...he's got more than 16 years usually earns a person)says I'm commitment phobic. I won't bother arguing with that. My mother says I'm too idealistic. I probably shouldn't argue that one either. So I've been thinking, and come up with...nothing. I think I got asked on a date tonight. Maybe. I'm not sure. But it seemed like that was what the guy's intentions were, and for some reason, I got real peeved. Peeved that the possibility exsisted that this guy was asking me on a date. Why!? Why I ask you! Do I have some sort of sub-concious ego thing that makes me subconciously wonder where the guy got the nerve to think he had a chance with a girl like me? I sure as he...I really really hope that's not the case. I don't know. I just don't know. And I was talking to a different friend the other night, about how I think it is quite possible to simultaneously feel completely content in your singleness, and yet still sort of anticipate a relationship. Or maybe that's just called contentment based on the belief that eventually we'll hook up with a great person. Cuz' as Carrie F. put it, God didn't wire us to want to be alone. So I guess one thing I'm wondering is, am I too content to be alone? That's a concept you don't hear about...ever. A good indication that I'm off my rocker on that one. Well...I have to go sell more hotdogs at 10 tomorrow morning. And it's 3:06 now. So I'm going to hit the sack. If anyone has any wisdom they wish to bestow on me, send it via the contact form at the end of this page. Thank you thank you.

July 26, 2002...12:53pm
Word up. Work has got me exhausted. Especially today. I passed up three more opportunities to remove sutures. But I swear, next time I'll do it. Haha...you just wait. I register for classes tomorrow. Which I have a very bad attitude about. First, because it's going to cost me $45. $45 that I would rather be spending on tuition, or books, or a car, or miniture golfing. Also, I have to be in Spearfish at 8 tomorrow morning. So the fact that I don't have to work tomorrow really isn't great, since I have to get up early anyway. Thirdly, I am supposed to be manning a concession stand fundraiser for the youthgroup at my church, but I can't, because I must get orientated. Fourthly, I really don't enjoy "get to know your classmates" torture like the kind they put me through a year ago at tech. We played "toss the beachball and answer the question about yourself" for 2 hours. It was miserable. Fifthly (not sure if that is a word) I will have to figure out how to schedule classes that are compatable with continuing to work three jobs, (because I can't bring myself to quit any of them) and driving to Spearfish. So I'm dreading it. But I should just buck up. It's not like it's going to kill me. On an entirely different note. Kudos to the Nigerian women who took over the Chevron/Texaco plants for the last 10 days to demand clean water and dependable electricity for their village hospitals. Anti-kudos to the morons who are suing (I really don't know how to spell that word)four fast food chains for their life-threatening obesity, caused by being "enticed to over-eat greasy, fattening, salty and sugary foods". Hi. Welcome to America, where we all get fat and happy, and then find some one to pay us for it. Not only can we eat ourselves to death, we can get someone legally obligated to foot the bill for our own stupidity. Sorry to sound unpatriotic, but some days I am not so proud to be an American, when it comes to things like that. Well, I would love to write more, I sure would. But I am dreadfully sleepy. I am excited to say that the new page is coming along. I didn't realize how much poetry I had accumulated until I began the task of typing it all up again. So I will probably start that page back up with one, and then just add more every couple of days or so. Well, I'm off to bed. Have a great weekend. Support the SCBC coffee shop by buying lunch at the youthgroup's stand downtown tomorrow or Saturday. More highlights of times to come: the street dance tomorrow night...the jazz and blues festival Sat. night, the fact that when we go on our family vacation in a week, my parents will let me spend an entire day in the Minneapolis Institute of Art. For the third time. I'm off to bed. Really.

July 20, 2002...4:54pm
Well, this day has pretty much just gone to pot. You know what I did? I slept until 1:30pm!!! Argh! I hate that. I went to bed about 3,(after wandering around walmart for 2 hours...you would not believe how many people shop at walmart in the wee hours of the morning...it's like the week before Christmas) and then I got up and went to Christi's surprise birthday breakfast at 7:30, and then I went home and went back to bed, and I woke up at 1:30! I haven't slept past 10:30 since I was dying of pneumonia in 11th grade. It's really a terrible feeling to wake up and realize you just wasted half a day. Especially when it's a day in July. Especially when it's a Saturday in July. Actually, wait. It's quite delightful also. I'm house sitting again, so there were no parents telling me to get up and "do something productive" and no siblings chasing each other around the house. So I just slept. And when I finally did get up, I spent 45 minutes trying some crazy new styles with my hair (which eventually ended up in a pony-tail anyway) and then ate an apple for lunch, while channel surfing and further sedating my mind, and then, well, that's pretty much all I did. I watered their lawn, and played with their cat. And, yeah. Now I'm here, and it's after 5. So I'll probably do some laundry or something, and then we are having dinner at my grandparents at 7, because me cousin Tara is in town. And...crud. My mother just called and wanted to know how many loads of laundry I've done. So I should probably get on that. Well, adios.

July 16, 2002...12:07am
I know I should be writing more, being it's summer and all, and I have significantly more free time than I will once school gets rolling again. But I just can't bring myself to sit at the computer when I could be running through the sprinkler, or climbing trees, or all the other things that you can't do so much when it gets cold. My sparse writing is also due to that fact that I am finally getting work underway on some renovations to my site. Once I start getting things uploaded, this will have a whole new look. It will be wonderful. I am excited. In fact, I am going to go in a minute, and work on that some more. As far as the drama known as my life, things are as problematic as usual. But I'm not dead yet, so I can probably make it through these ones also. Of course my problems are not the same ones as I had last month, or even a week ago. But that is what makes life life, right? Having different things to worry about. Learning how to deal with things I would rather not learn to deal with...at least not first hand. So it's not so bad I suppose. Because "this too shall pass." Well, I'm going now. I'll try to right more tomorrow if I get time after work (man, I would pay $20 to be able to sleep in tomorrow) Sorry Nat, I know how to put pictures in my journal yet...so we'll try the happy ad thing tomorrow) Oh...one more thing: Matt! In the event that you get to read this, even though you can't e-mail, I just thought I would say hi! And Maggie's gone to Boston, but she said hi too, before she left.
Matt probably won't actually see that, but I figured it couldn't hurt. And I feel better anyway. Alright. You all have a lovely day...and drink lots of water before you shrivel up in the sun.

July 10, 2002...12:13am
I am still coming to terms with the death of the 6th St. Deli. One would imagine that after 5 months, I would have been able to move on. But alas, I am still quite distraught. Sad, really. Very very sad. Maybe it was the fact that I never had any closure. The last time I was there, the night they were taking all the pictures off the walls, Joshua promised me that it would all be okay, because they were going to open soon in that building on 7th st. And they would have 17 couches and an aquarium, and live music every night. And green doors. (Apparently someone decided that this was all more important than having the oldest oven in the state...that thing was bigger than my bed room...I wonder if they ripped it out...a photographer moved in there now...and she probably has no appreciation for a huge antique oven) So I spent 3 months trying to be hopefull, faithfully checking in with the owner of the Celtic shop next door to the building with the green doors. But apparently no one cared that I would be devestated if they never reopened. So. I guess that's it. (That's been it for sure for over a month now, but I've been in denial)No more broccoli salad, no more listening to the girl with the trumpet on open mike night, no more photoshoots upstairs, no more Joshua and free rasberry scones and hazelnut steamers on Thursday mornings. No more people-watching. Crap. And no one wants to give a 19 year old college student with no credit history a business loan. If they would, I would have my own coffee shop by now. I definately would. (But even if I did, it would never be as great as the 6th St. Deli) Well, until that day, the youth coffee house at my church will have to do. Plans are coming along for that. The counter and stage should go in next week. As soon as I can afford paint, I'll start on the mural. Well, I was quite happy to see that Natalie added more poetry to her page, and Jim finally added a journal entry to his. And I swear, mine would be improving by leaps and bounds if FrontPage hadn't vanished from my comptuer. Anyway. I'm off to bed.

July 9, 2002...12:16am
Inspired? Hmmm. Sometimes I don't know what constitutes inspiration. Wired? A bit. I'm folding laundry and talking to my dad about the college financial-aid mail I still have to respond to, and typing all at the same time. And really fast too. And thinking about how I don't have anything to wear to work tomorrow, because my scrubs STILL haven't come in, and how I want to look kinda nice, because what if another light bulb burns out in the x-ray viewing thingy, and those cute maintanance boys have to come by the office again. Hee hee. Terrible, I know. I'm also reading this course listing that my mom was so kind as to find and print out for me. I'm quite excited about this. I just found out that SDSU DOES have an interior design program. I had checked their web catalog a dozen times, and couldn't find it there, because I was looking at their art degrees, instead of their consumer science degrees, where it actually does list it. And even though the thought of going to school in Brookings makes me want to quit thinking about going to school in Brookings, it makes the idea of getting that degree much more practical. Much more tangible. I hate practicality. But I love tangibility. And unfortunately, they usually come together. So, I am quite excited about that. Of course, that still wouldn't happen until next year. Possibly this coming spring semester if I just couldn't wait, but most likely in the fall (heh...which, by then, I'm sure I will have changed my mind again...argh)But this does make BH sound slighty more appealing, since I know that classes would transfer. I also need to check into what SDSU offers for humanities majors...I would love to get a soc. major, but I don't know what kind of job I would get afterwards. The human services thing is still my first choice I think. So I'm thinking I would probably double major. But who really knows? Anyway, I said tonight that if I wrote alot, I would end up writing about being angry. So here goes. I am an angry person. Currently. I haven't always been an angry person. But right now I have waaaaay more anger in my life than is healthy. And to be quite frank, (hehe...Andrea should laugh when I say that) I don't deal with it appropriately. So if any of y'all want to say a prayer for me, I could use a ton of petition in that area. And to add to that, and be even more honest, I have not been in the Word, or in prayer hardly at all. So there you have it. I know it doesn't sound very inspirational or anything. If I wasn't typing so dang fast, I could maybe write a better draft of all that. You know, reorganize sentences, restructure paragraphs, find better words. But I just get ahead of myself, so you guys get the raw, poorly written version. And I really did have some other things to write about...but...yeah. They just left my head. They were sick of waiting around for my fingers to catch up, and so they split. If they come back, I'll catch 'em and put them up here. I'm pretty thrilled about sleeping in my own bed this evening. (Away from Steph's uncle's devil-cat. Who tried to kill me. I have the wounds to prove it) I was camping for a week, and then house sitting (two different houses) for another week, so I finally get to get clothes out of my dresser now, instead of my backpack. It's a nice feeling once in a while. And I cleaned my room, so I get to enjoy the delight of not having clothes strewn about, and of course, the latest addition to my bedroom. Haha. I will have to put up a picture of that. Yes. It's wonderful. Everytime I walk into my room I just want to jump up and down. Of course, I will have to go into a great long defensive tyrade if I tell you all about that right now, so I will save that explanation for a different time. Wow, I sound like a moron when I write like this. Geesh. It only took me 12 minutes to write this entire entry. And I'm folding laundry at the same time. But I have to be to work in the morning. Oh, I stress just thinking about it. This job supplies me with too many possibilites to screw up. I don't know why I have so little confidence when it comes to employment. I've never been fired (yeah, the pizza place didn't fire me..that's a different story that expired about 2 and a half years ago)and I seem to be perfectly capable of all of my duties, so I don't know what I'm so worried about. Okay, I have to get away from this computer. A mentally deficient fly (He flies around a bit, and then kinda rolls over every time he lands) won't leave me alone. Right. So I'm going now. Not to bed. I get to go scrub the kitchen floor actually. So I'm going to do that. Bye. 12:20am

July 5, 2002...1:28pm
I will never ever ever cease to be amazed by the crazy little (and big) things God does for me. It is far beyond my understanding how the almight King and Creator of the Universe would concern himself with the irrelevant details of my life. And I'm not just talking about things that are irrelevant in the large scheme of things, but I'm talking about the really little things, that really have no importance in anyone's head but my own. Things that are so petty and selfish I don't even bother to pray about, (things so petty and selfish I would feel silly even telling you guys) and then all of a sudden...SPLAT. There in my lap is the crazy thing that I was hoping for. And specific enough that I don't even bother to entertain the idea of coincidence. So that is my little thought of the moment. My little vague explanation for why I just did a little dance here on my lunch hour, even though I am the only one home. :) Hip hip hooray!

July 4, 2002...9:46am
Happy Fourth of July! Never in the history of my entire life (a whopping 19 years) do I remember a fourth of July without fire works. And so, in the true American spirit, I purchased a plane ticket to Washington DC to go see the fire works there. Just kidding. I'm broke. I have about $3.00 to my name. No plane ticket. (But doesn't that sound like fun?) So, alas, a fireworkless fourth of july. Oh, but don't despair! In place of the regular festivities we get a laser light show up at Mt. Rushmore. Sorry. Excuse my bitterness. I understand the logic. Heck, while we're at it, why don't we just NOT HAVE TREES THIS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! Just kidding. I'm not actually bitter. Just disappointed. And then, who's not? My house is still standing, and I'm still aloud to be in it, so I should just shut up about it all now. Anyway. I just got home from house sitting (which is why I haven't written in a couple days) and I just read Natalies journal (www.expage.com/natalielafrance) and I'm quite sad to say that I don't have anything half as inspiring to write right now. So I will spare you from senseless blabber about things like the movie I watched last night (Me, Myself and Irene...one of the top ten WORST films ever made) my continuing confusion about school (I got accepted to Liberty...and got enough scholarships to practically make it the same price as going to BH, excluding travel to and from Virginia) and my excessive happiness that it is summer, (and I don't have to work today, and I can go to the heritage festival, and my grandma is making potato salad) and that this is the first Independance Day in about 5 years that we aren't watching fireworks and eating popcorn on Roxene's deck. That's the one that I don't feel like expounding on. So folks, I'm going to run off and pack a picnic. Have a lovely day, abide by the law, and...sing.

June 30, 2002...12:21am
Well kids, I've returned. My vacation is over, and I'm back, and basically in the kind of condition that every one comes home from vacation in. Sunburned, exhausted, and possitively sick at the thought of returning to work on Monday. But, boy. Did we have a swell time. It was no road trip to Seattle (which we are starting TOMORROW saving for for next summer) but it was loads of fun anyhow. We got to do whatever we felt like, whenever we felt like it, (which included alot of laying around on the beach, and swimming, and fishing, and biking, and hiking, and reading, and eating, and saying "Let's just not go home...ever." We made it five whole days without killing eachother, we didn't forget anything we couldn't live without, and we are not responsible for any of the forrest fires that are eating up the whole country. So all in all, it was just plain fun. Well, as usual, the ratio of things to write about versus time to write is not exactly balanced, and Jared just called this evening beg me to sing on the praise team tomorrow, so I have to be at church for practice at 7:30 tomorrow morning. So I suppose I need to go pray about an attitude adjustment about that. Signing off,
~*Marci*~

June 25, 2002...1:22am
It was nice to hear that my writing was missed. Silly little stuff like that is always nice to hear. So (note to self) tell people when you miss them. Or you miss their writing. Or you appreciate them. I hardly ever tell people how much I appreciate them. It's a terrible thing. I'm trying to change that. Anyway, I'm sorry that it has been so long since I last wrote. Things have been rather crazy in my little world lately. And I haven't written because I don't know how much I should write about. I don't mind nosey people. If you are just dying to hear any juicy details that I may neglect to include, just e-mail me, and I'd be happy to tell you pretty much anything. Haha. That's right. Oh, the drama of the life of Marci. I am sure that you could get thousands of dollars from the tabloids for any gossip about me. Well. Anyway. Anyway. I managed to wreak havock on most of the people I love. Twice in one week, infact. So, just to clarify, (because the story managed to lose some key elements by the time it made it's rounds) I wasn't "missing" per se, last Tuesday night. I went on a walk, (an act of free will) and neglected to inform my parents of my whereabouts, and a home-made search party ensued. (I knew where I was the whole time)Had I had any clue what chaos this would entail, I would have left a note or something.(But I will NEVER get a cell phone!!!!)So, I owe an apology to all the people I made worry. (Steph, who called Melissa, who called George, who called Nick, who called Cherry, who called Jessica...) I am safe at home now. Let's see. What else do I have to catch you up on? Oh. My ER visit on Friday. But see, that's the other thing where I went and got everyone all worked up. And it's pretty much just embarassing, so I'm not going to tell that story. Well, it's 1:47 now. Steph is picking me up at 8:15 tomorrow, and I haven't packed a thing. And my dad wants me up at 6, so that I can tell him what I need him to dig through the garage for before he goes to work in the morning. So I will skip all the other things I was going to write about for now. I can't think of any good transitions to those things right now anyhow. I am going to go make a packing list. Or several of them. I'm crazy about making lists. Last semester I learned about a psychological disorder concerning list making. Crazy. I probably have it. Yeah, I am sure we all suffer from something. Better list making than, like, those freaky fetishes that we learned about, right? Well, I leave tomorrow, and I won't be back untill Saturday. So have a lovely week. I'm going fishing. Night.

June 17, 2002...11:59pm
I have plenty to write, that I have been thinking about all day, but we have company arriving any minute,and I'm not exactly in hostess attire. So I might just head up to Sarah's room. That is where I am sleeping tonight, so I might do that. Sleep. Since I got about 4 hours last night, and I work at 8 tomorrow. This will be my third day at this job, but I'm still kinda nervous. So I should sleep. Right. Night.

June 17, 2002...2:48am
I...I went to the grocery store on my lunch hour the other day to buy something to eat. By the time I checked out with my $3.50 worth of hummus and pita and SoBe, I had gone up and down every aisle twice, and barely had enough time to make it back to work. I was 10 minutes late for church this morning because I couldn't decide if I should wear the brown sandals, or the other brown sandals. I will be spending my second year of college still "just getting my generals" at a school less than an hour away from home, because I couldn't bring myself to make a decision that might change something permenantly. This is the story of my life. And now I have a slightly more important decision to make, and I am stuck. I have no idea what to do. I have gone to the two people I always go to first for advice, and they gave my directly conflicting advice. In this case, they are essentially enemies (I'm not talking about my mom and dad) and I am stuck in the middle. Confused, torn, foolish and indecisive. No, I'm not going to tell you what the decision is about. Because I don't have to. The point is I'm thoroughly stumped. And God doesn't seem to be inclined to slip me the answer sheet right now. Or maybe he has and I'm ignoring it. That is entirely possible

II...My friend ran away. The last call she made was traced to the bus station in Salt Lake. She doesn't have much money. She has no fear of hitch-hiking. And she's emotionally unstable. Please pray for her.

III...To attempt to kinda-sorta explain. "Blue Guitar things" include, but are certainly not limited to:
~*~skipping out of work (not entirely without permission)to go antique hunting on a Friday afternoon in June.
~*~Finding a 60 yr. old poetry book with pressed violas inside and having the owner of the store say "This one's on me" when you try to pay for it
~*~a body-builder that owns his own antique shop. because it's just something "he always wanted to do"
~*~having a 75 yr. old guy who you don't know tell you his entire life story, which includes an alcoholic wife, 10 kids (two of which are lesbians) an attemped murder, a love story, and three clean jokes
~*~the story on NPR about the lady in downtown DC who makes pies and puts them on her windowsill for the sole purpose of letting strangers steal them.

June 16, 2002...1:05am
Somedays I feel significantly less than beautiful. Somedays I lower my standards so that I don't look quite so stupid when I trip over them. Somedays I am amazed at certain peoples unfailing ability to defy reason. Somedays "blue guitar things" just keep popping up, one after the other, and I wish I could explain so that someone would understand, and better yet, someone would care. Somedays I just get sick of waiting. Of being brave, and patient, and independant. Somedays you are the same.

June 15, 2002...3:07am
Sometimes I go back and read my entries and I cringe.

June,14, 2002...12:14am
Well, I am just beat. Very glad that tomorrow is Friday. This whole working 45 hours a week is wearing me out. I never want to be a grown up. I really wish I could go back to being 8. My sister is 8. I envy her immensely.But alas, time moves quickly, and I have no choice but to tag along. This new job is going to be an adventure. It's exciting, really. Eventually, I will get to do things like remove stitches and the like. And I have been invited to stand in on any surgery that intrests me. So that is pretty cool, since I've always been so intruiged by medicine. I don't know if it's something I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's not a bad way to pay for college. And I got to order scrubs today. This was quite thrilling for me, because I've always wanted to wear scrubs, and was quite envious when Steph got the job at the vet clinic and got to wear scrubs. Ha. Well, simple joys like that are what get me through any job. Because actually doing any job usually sucks for the first couple weeks or even months untill you really get the hang of it, and feel completely capable, like you are an asset to your employer. That is waht I hate about first starting a job. I always feel like I am such a burden to my boss and senior employees, until I learn everything. But I guess that is just something you have to deal with everytime you start something new, and something that employers know they will have to deal with. And it's probably not as big of a deal as I'm making it. Well, like I' said, I'm exhausted. Hmm. The lead singer on whatever band is playing on this talk show is very very stoned. Crazy. Interesting discussion on Politically Incorrect tonight. Well, at least the last 5 mintues I saw when Jamin was flipping channels. Led to the same exasperating conversation that he and I have had a dozen times about whether or not marijuana should be legalized for medical purposes. It's a very dumb conversation actually, because we never get anywhere. Just lots of him stating "facts" and me asking to see the sources of the "facts" and then him attempting to change the subject. So I'm not really sure why I bother. Oh. I'm quite proud to say that I did ride my bike all the way to work yesterday, and all the way home. I was quite miserable and quite proud of myself by the time I got home. And then I ran again tonight. And I've been trying desperately to eat healthy. I did great for three days, untill about an hour ago. I was going to eat a bowl of fruity pebbles, and reasoned that since I had been doing so good today, fruity pebbles were justifiable. So I thought about the fruity pebbles for quite some time, while I played with my kitty, and folded the laundry, and then I went up to get the fruity pebbles, only to realize to my chagrin, that there was no MILK!!! So in a hungry, senseless frenzy, I ended up eating some unidentifiable microwavable food something that came in a "crisping sleeve." I don't know why they bothered. Can you imagine? I'll bet some moron made a lot of money thinking that one up. And now I feel very much like a failure, because even eating hummus and pita for lunch can't cancel out something that contains processed cheeze and requires a "crisping sleeve". Well, for the third time, I'm really really tired. I'm going to bed. Ya'll have a lovely weekend.

June 12, 2002...1:29am
That's it. Hell has frozen over. The pigs have flown. The fat lady has sung. PERKINS IS CLOSED!!!!!!! We didn't know what to do. We just sat there, dumfounded in the car, reading the "Closed for repairs. Open again on Thursday" hand-made sign that was taped to the door, about 4 times. Like we didn't understand what it said. Ha. At least we believed 'em. The guy that pulled in behind us actually got out and checked to see if the door was locked. Like even though the parking lot was empty, and there wasn't a soul in the place, he thought maybe some liar had put the sign up. However, every single one of the lights was on, maintaining our theory that Perkins has no light switches. They never close. Why would they need light switches? So we had no choice but to grudgingly retreat to Denny's. Can they sue me for saying that? It was aweful. Quite the dining experience. I won't even start, because I could rant and rave for a ridiculous amount of time about the... Nope. I'm done. I said I wouldn't get started. Anyway. Though I left thoroughly frustrated, I wasn't too upset, because amusing circumstances are always worth something, even dealing with stupid people. Well, before the great ordeal of trying to find something to eat after 10:00 at night, we were four-wheeling out by Stage-Barn canyon, which was wonderful. And before that, Steph forced me to go running with her, part of her "Get Marci in Shape" program. She's trying to kill me. If I die mysteriously, any time soon, inform the authourities that she probably had something to do with it. Death by exercize. "Just to the next light post. Just to the next light post." There are 38 light posts from my house, down the hill, around the road construction, up Sheridan Lake Rd., and back to my house. But I made it. At least through todays torture session. And I'm strangly motivated to ride my bike to work tomorrow. So who knows. She just might make an athlete out of me after all. And before that, I had my first day at my new job, which I am pretty excited about. It was overwhelming, but not terrifying, and it looks like it will be a huge learning experience. So that's good. Before that I played make-believe with George and Lauren all morning. Well, that was my day. Backwards. I'm pretty much exhausted now. And I get to do most of it all over again tomorrow, starting at 8:30 with chasing a 5 year old and a 22 month old around for 5 hours. So I'm going to hit the sack. Actually, the couch. In the process of reorganizing and minimizing, I cleaned everything out of my car trunk, closet, and under my bed, and deposited all of it in the middle of my bedroom floor, at which point I promptly lost all motivation. And now there is such a heap that I get a headache just looking at it, let alone trying to sleep amidst it. So to decrease my anxiety level, I'm just going to close the bedroom door and crash on the couch. I'll clean it all up tomorrow night.
Good advice #1. Always, always, buy lemonade from kids when you have the opportunity. Especially from the ones who resort to making a human road-block across a very busy street during the 5 o'clock traffic rush.

June 11, 2002
Today was perfect. There is nothing in the world that I could validate myself complaining about on a day like today. Except maybe spending 5 hours at work feeling like my heart was going to beat right out of my ears, but that is my own fault, for drinking a triple caramel latte without eating breakfast. So I'm not complaining. It was a fantastic triple latte. The thing is, my neurologist seems to be annoyed when I tell him that caffiene seems to trigger these horrid dizzy things, and I still drink the coffee recklessly. So, I'm still not complaining. Perfect. Splendidly perfect.

June 10, 2002...12:58am
Well, summer charges on unmercilessly. I just realized I have been out of school for a month, and have accomplished very little. But then again, isn't that the point of summer? So I will try not to agonize too much about it. I got a third job, (accidentaly, as a matter of fact...crazy how God does those things) which I start on Tuesday. Working at another medical clinic. I was promised that I would start by answering phones and making appointments, and work up to patient care, i.e., sticking needles in peoples feet. And life just doesn't get much more thrilling than that. I also got a kitty. Yes. A real, live, baby feline. Her name is Lil' Bit, and she is 10 weeks old. And she is the cutest thing in the world. You think I'm exaggerating. I am not. She really is the cutest thing in the world. The problem is, she is just a sort of "foster" kitty. A "trial-run" kitty. We only get to have her for two weeks, and then her new owner will return from summer camp, and we will have to give her up. But I am sure that my "I only like dogs" mom will be so thoroughly attatched by then that we will have to get a new kitty, to keep. And I am happy to say that 9 months of allergy shots must be paying off, because this kitty has been all over my house since Friday and I am still alive. Miserble, but alive. That is notable improvement. I am thinking that I will go look for a fourth job. And no, I am not insane. Well, actually, maybe I am. But not because I am looking for a fourth job. It's just that all three of my jobs are 8-5 jobs. So no matter what, I still can't get in more than 40 hours a week. And at what I am getting paid (I'm not complaining...just stating a fact) I need more than that to pay my bills and fancy my whimsies. And buy something with wheels and an engine before school starts. I am a little worried about finding an employer who doesn't mind that I'm going on four vacations this summer. Yeah, that could be a challenge. Oh well. We'll see what God has in mind for that. Well, I might just head off to bed. I have to be to work at 8:00, and even after more-than-adequate amounts of sleep, it is physically impossible to stay awake at a computer for that long. At least I have Jim in the optical department to keep me company. He is so funny. I helped him pick jokes for the party he had to M.C. on Friday, so tomorrow he will probably spend 8 hours telling me about how well they did or didn't go over. Oh well, I don't mind. It beats talking being left to my own devices for 8 hours a day. Ha. Alright. You folks have a lovely week, and write me with the contact form at the bottom of this page!

June 7, 2002...1:21pm
Behold. The wise words of the public figures representing our generation. Full of integrity. Argh.

"I figure there isn't anything that can't be fixed. If you get a job and don't like it, you can quit. If you marry someone and it doesn't work out, you can always just get a divorce." ~Christina Ricci

June 5, 2002...11:25pm
I have written and deleted this entry 6 times now. My soul is tortured. I have nothing else to say.

June 3, 2002...11:52pm
I try to be an optimist. I really do. It is a perpetual goal of mine to seek out the best in people, to be constantly aware that every person has some redeeming qualities, and that even the biggest idiots have a reason for the things they do. But it is becoming more and more of a challenge for me to deny that some people are incredibly, inexcusably, just plain dumb. There is no other word for these people. Just dumb. Nothing more, nothing less. Not stupid, not imbicilic, not even deserving of profanity. They are amazingly similar to the word itself. Dumb. Following is a detailed account of my confrontation with one such person. Read on.
19:00. Steph and I arrive at the movie theater(Rushmore 7, for the record), to meet the Young Life crew {the campout was cancelled} purchase tickets for "The Sum of All Fears". We enter the specified theater, and choose seats. Everyone settles in as the previews begin, and I exit the theater, to get soda and popcorn. I get larges of each, becaues you get free refills on larges, and give the snack stand boy a $10.00 bill. He rings up my refreshments and gives me my change. I return to the dark theater, which is now approximately 75% full and find my seat, approximately halfway towards the front, in the middle section, on the right hand aisle. Seated in front of me is a group of middle aged women. To my left is Stephanie, and behind me, a group of teenage guys with a collective vocabulary of 5 words. About half-hour into the film, not counting the previews, I am still trying to get comfortable, and find that I cannot slouch, because my hair is in one large knot on the back of my head, and this position puts my neck at a very awkward angle. So I remove the rubberbands holding my hair in place. This causes my hair to simply fall loosely, and I can comfortably slouch, with my head against the seat. It is pertinent at this point to note that I have fairly long hair. Two hours later, the movie concludes, and I, along with everyone else in the theater stand to leave. As we move into the crowded aisle, I remove one of my hair ties from my wrist, where I had put is previously, and reach back to gather my scraggly hair back into a ponytail. It is important at this point to note that I do not have rear-view mirrors mounted on the side of my head. My extensive hair is not in anyway visible to me. As we migrate with the crowds toward the exit, Stephanie mentions that when I got up to refill the popcorn halfway through the movie, one piece of monetary change fell out of my pocket, and proceeded to roll noisily all the way to the front of the theater. (This is a very irrelevant comment...I just thought it was kind of humorous, so I included it in my report)By the time Steph and I exchange another 2 or 3 comments regarding the comical aspect of the dropped coin, we are standing outside of the theater, about 3 feet away from the trash can. At this point, the crowd has sort of come to a stop in the hallway and we are forced to stand still. I am still wrapping the afformentioned rubberband around the afformentioned hair. (No more than 3 mintues has passed since the lights came up in the theater)In the meantime, a short, slightly comical looking gentleman of approximatly 60-65 years comes from directly behind me and approaches me from the left. He makes eye contact with me, and proceeds to inform me in a harsh tone that I had hit him in the face FOUR times by swinging my hair around. I smile awkwardly and laugh nervously. I think he is joking. He is appalled that I would chuckle at him, and informs me that he is not, in fact, joking, and that it is horribly rude of me to swing my hair in his face, and then to laugh. To make a ridiculously short story long, I will say that he spent the following 3 mintues, lecturing me, or reaming me, or biting my head off, about my lack of manners and lack of consideration. I am embarrassed, confused, trying desperatly to quit laughing, and apologizing helplessly, over and over, to no avail. The man finally gives up, and stomps off in a huff. Quite frankly, I am supprised he didn't press charges, and if he had chosen to do so, would not have been so surprised if he had won. These dumb people have a knack for doing such things. And winning. Argh. The end.

June 2, 2002...12:03am
I wrote no poems on September 11th
I had nothing to say that wasn't
already said withing the first
fifteen minutes of the crime
Because America probably set some
world record for the largest number
of people saying "Oh my god!"
all at the same time
And like 5 trillion people who were
terrified and stupified
horrified and hate-rified
I watched so much CNN my brain was fried
And like all of us too far west
to smell the smoke or run and hide
I grasped for some kind of distant
personal connection among the
thousands who died
But I hear that now, nine months later, they are charging admission
To stand on a deck and view the remains
of destruction
You can get a lovely hand-painted
commemorative stein
For three easy payments of $24.99
I'm not trying to belittle
the pain or the hero's
the victims or their families
or the hell of seeing it all first hand
And I'll be the first mid-westian to admit
that most of the reality hit
by way of the back-drop behind the anchor woman
on news channel ten
And I don't claim to know a thing
about foreign policy
And world peace isn't going to come
from any grand idea of mine
But neither will it come from
three easy payments
just three easy payments
of $24.99

June 1, 2002...2:25am
I fell asleep on the couch at 10:00, and then Henry called, and I went and met him and Nick at Perkins, and I had more than enough cups of coffee, and as you can see, I'm still going strong. It's a terrible thing really. I don't think I am addicted to it yet...but I can see the impending doom. It's a terrible downward spiral to the dark life of a coffee junkie. Oh well. There are worse things to worry about I suppose. On an equally somber note, my lizard died last night. Yes, the same lizard I got just 2 weeks ago. I am not admitting guilt though. I did everything the petstore girl told me to. I fed him live crickets, I misted everyother day, I even tried to keep my room at a sweltering 80 degrees. I talked to him. I finally named him. It can't be my fault. I think it was just unresolved issues in his past. Living in a science project eco-column constructed of 2 liter pop bottles, in a 10th grade class room, without food and water for 2 weeks could have traumatized him plenty. He was probably already done for, despite my best efforts. Though I am sad, hopefully this will be the end to my killer chameleon night-mares. Yes, I was actually having dreams about it. In my dreams, he ate all those crickets at once, grew enormous during the night, escaped from his cage, and crawled onto my face, causing me to have a nervous break-down. I had this dream 3 different times. Maybe THAT'S why he died. Maybe he could sense my ridiculous fears, and developed an inferiority complex, and lost the will to live. Yeah. That's it. Anyway. I think I might just stick with plants from now on.

May 28, 2002...12:19am
I suppose I should apologize for telling all my new camp friends to check out my journal "that I write in about everyother day" and then not writing for a whole week. I have been pretty busy, and my computer access is limited. Which is probably not a bad thing for me, since it tends to devour my time. Well, how was everyones long weekend? Mine was grand. I attended something like 12 graduation parties in the course of 3 days. Steph and I declared ourselves the cake experts after about the 5th party, and I think either Nic won our highest approval. This weekend has been kinda wierd, because I just keep reminiscing about this week last year, which seems like about a month ago. Crazy. Alot has changed in the last year. I suppose alot changes every year though. Anyway. Today I went out in the hills with my family, and we did some hiking. I am not quite sure why everyone is in such a hurry to get out of this "God-forsaken country." If you ask me, if you are going to be forced to spend at least 20% of your life in the same place, this isn't so bad. Personally, I love it. But maybe it's because I've never lived anywhere else. Of course I want to leave at times too. Especially right now. I really really really want to leave. But in the long run, I would be content living in the Black Hills for the rest of my life, of course, with a sufficient amount of travel. Yeah, right now I do want to get away. I had my year of hanging around and coming to the full realization that I can start making major decisions for myself (with God) and now I am ready to make some decision. Now, if only I could have some idea of which ones to make. God has really been laying missions on my heart again recently, and several people I know are doing some long term things with YWAM. That sounds pretty wonderful to me, but I would have to raise support. So being the voice of reason that I am, (right...) that wouldn't be a real option until maybe Spring semester. But another thing God ahs also been reminding me is that I shouldn't go where he DOESN'T send me either. So maybe as much as I want to go to Africa and take care of orphans, maybe his plan is for me to just stay here. In which case, my job is to find joy in that. So for the fall, much to my chagrin, I will probably, inevitably, be attending BH. As for a major, I am still thinking human services, with a minor in art. But I tried to give up my tendencies towards architecture and interior design a while back, in an effort to narrow down my options, and I still keep coming back to it. So who knows? Oh well. It makes everything an adventure! This summer I will have alot of time to think about it, since I will be spending 28 hours a week in an office with one window and a laptop, and my mind tends to wander. I think this is okay, because it doesn't seem to have any effect on my working efficiency. Haha. Another 12 hours a week I will be hanging with George and Lauren. I stopped by the Friendship Factory in Keystone today, and reminded Betty that they really should call me on occasion, even though I couldn't be out there full time. The rest of my summer will keep busy enough. I made a goal list 3.5 miles long. And growing. Jared moved out, into the quaintest little house with his friend Shawn. He said I could come over whenever I wanted, so my first project is planting both gardens out front. After that I'm moving onto painting the porch trim, and then draperies, and then light fixtures. The house is ancient. It didn't even have electricity when it was first built. But it's just adorable. Oh, I got a lizard! I inherited it reluctantly from Jamins science project. He's a camelion or somehting. He changes color alot. But I've had him a week now, and still he remains nameless. Any good suggestions should be e-mailed to me via the contact form below. Actually, any anything should be e-mailed to me via the contact form below. Stats for the page are up, but feedback is down, so feel free to send me a note. Well, I hope that was enough blabbing to last you awhile. As you can tell, I decided to give any writing skills I might have had the day off. Sorry about that. Well, I have to work at 8 tomorrow, and haven't slept much recently, so believe if or not, I am going to bed! That's right. Without anyone telling me to. Goodnight.
~Marci*~
P.S. Kudos to Nat, Kris, and Matt for an excellent movie recommendation. Extreme Days was the first movie AJ, Steph and I all agreed on enjoying.

May 20, 2002...5:48pm
For some reason I have this crazy fear of saying things that have already been said. So I sometimes shy away from talking about God...in discussions and poetry and everything, because it seems like whether good or bad anything, it's not going to be an original thought. But chapter camp is over. And this is what I have to say, and I hope is sounds valid even though you may have heard all of this stuff a hundred times before.
* God IS really good.
* God DOES answer prayer.
* And a week in Colorado can't FIX everything, but it can CHANGE some of them.
Being part of the work crew was incredible. For some reason I was a little afraid that I wouldn't have the same amazing spiritual experience that I heard chapter camp was about, since I wouldn't be doing a track or anything. But God is also sovereign and knew that that was exactly what I needed. Man, I have alot more to write about, but I have to go now. Peace.

May 8, 2002...3:50am
"You could spend your whole life with another person and never scratch the surface of their being. Hope though that you can learn from what you do know."~Jim Vahrenkamp.
THE MORAL OF THE TUESDAY:
We all tell a helluva lotta lies. I don't really know you. And you don't really know me. But it's all we've got, so it must be worth something. For what I put up with, it better be.
On a random side note. I e-mailed Kimberly yesterday. It was her birthday. I haven't talked to her in over 18 months. Wierd.

May 6, 2002...3:55pm
Anger is not generally a prominent issue in my life. I just don't have very much of it. I get frustrated, disappointed, confused, irritated, annoyed. But not mad. At least not very often. Sometimes I hate this, because my emotions plateau for very long periods of time, and I get bored. So sometimes I even fabricate them. Like that tea bag thing...George thought I was actually mad about it. I wasn't at all. Just bored. So sometimes it is a bad thing. Most of the time I suppose it's a good thing. I think. But recently I've been learning that it can sneak up on you. Anger, that is. And it breeds alot of things even uglier than itself. So, yes. I am angry right now. Irrate. And very very very confused. And craving a sort of consistency. Or something. I really have no idea what I want right now. Like Paul said...(I think it was Paul...I hope it was Paul) "The very things I hate, I do. And the things I love and want to do, I don't do." (Marci's paraphrase) Maybe I wish things would just slow down enough so that I could figure some of it out before I have to move on to the next thing. I just don't know. I am irritable and discontent, and at the moment I just want to cry. And I am very very very confused. Wait, I already said that. So I am going to go write one of the four Shakespeare papers due tomorrow, and then I am going to clean my room. And then we are going to celebrate my Grandpa's 81st birthday. And then I will write more shakespeare papers. And then I will do my geology, and work and psychology, and work, and all my other civil duties and responsibilities that come with being human, and then on Sunday, I get to leave. And then, hopefully, things will change. I really hope some things change. And what makes me content to wait until Sunday?

May 2, 2002...12:27am
It is my firm belief that at any given moment in time, there is, somewhere on this planet, a God-ordained pair of blue jeans for each living person. It is simply a matter of finding your perfect jeans. They could be anywhere. At your local thrift shop, at the mall, in Japan, or perhaps actually currently on another persons body. Or perhaps you are one of the those blessed people that has found your soul-denim. I am not. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as I resume my quest for the jeans I am meant to be with. Thank you.

May 1, 2002...1:24am
Yo diggity! 'Sup kids. It's been almost a week since I last wrote, huh? Sorry about that. I don't have any good excuse except the usual, which is that I can't manage my time, therefore producing the illusion that I have an insanely busy schedule. So, what to catch you all up on? D-Now (Young Life sponsered youth retreat) was awesome. As usual (why does that word look like I'm not spelling it right? usuall...nevermind) God was faithful, despite my less than excited attitude, and lack of expectations. I went into the whole thing with the "Did I tell you I'm missing my friend Tara's wedding to stay here this weekend and chaperone?" attitude. But it really was a blessing. And a blast. I was the leader for the 8th graders (7 of the 8 were girls) and then two 7th grade boys who somehow got shifted over to our group. This involved spending the entirety of Friday through Sunday afternoon (day and night) with them. And we had a GOOD TIME!!! The deal with the retreat is that they split all the kids (I think we had a total of 97) up into "families" and then each group stays in a sponsers home. So we have small group discussion times and stuff at the homes, and then we all meet back at the church several times for the speaker, and cricket spitting, and music. A fantastic musician by the name of Matt Wertz came up from Nashville to lead worship and play some of his own stuff for us. (check out mattwertz.com)I really enjoyed this, because it was the kind of music that I could listen to for hours. Just one person and an accoustic guitar. I appreciate the sincerity of that kind of music. So that was good, and just getting to know the kids in my group was exciting. Being as I was pretty apprehensive about leading the small group time, and not knowing how that would go, I kinda lucked out. All of the kids in my group go to my church, and I have known all but two of them since they were born. So I didn't have any of those kids that are on drugs, or are atheists or anything. Making my job a little less stressfull. But we had some awesome discussions about submission to God, and all those others questions that still don't go away once you get out of junior high. And like I said, God worked. Particularly in my heart. He seems to be doing that alot lately, and I am grateful and excited. Tonight at IV small group (which was considerably smaller than normal...I don't know where everyone was...) we had a little lesson on confession. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Over the last I don't know how many years, my faith has bordered on routine, and when that happens, I tend to forget the basics. Like the principle stated in that verse. Is is possible to just forget that God wants to forgive me? Is is possible to forget that even now He can cleanse me, and I can start over new. Right now? I think I had actually sort of forgot about that. I have also learned that with out saturating myself with his word, I can grow quite comfortable wallowing in my sin. But that is the beauty of his blood. HE died so that I can be free. I have to remind myself of that on a daily basis. Feel free to remind me also if you get the chance. One a less "of eternal importance" note. I am finally finished with my geology lab. Praise the Good Lord Almighty. I finished the class. I have yet to find out if I pass, but at this point, I can't change anything anymore. The final was today. I think I probably got about 30% of the answers right on the test. And I know that I got all the extra-credit correct, and that was a bunch. And I kicked some serious geological butt on the formation cross section. I was pretty happy about this, because it is supposed to be the most challenging thing of the whole sememster, and I did it all correctly. I know this, because she showed me the chart with what it's supposed to look like when you are done, and mine matched. So even if I don't pass the course, I will have that pretty little colored cross section on my refridgerator for a while. Well, I leave on Thursday to go down to Laramie with my family . We are going to help Jared pack up some of his stuff, bacause his Ford festiva doesn't hold more than him and a suitcase. And then we are proceeding to Ft. Collins to spend our $1000 gift certificate on Colorado Rockies merchandice. Haha. That still makes me laugh. $1000 of baseball parafenelia! What the heck am I going to spend my $150 on? Purple towels? If you would like a shirt, or a hat, or maybe one of those little guys with the bobbing heads for your dash-board, let me know. I am happily taking requests. The week after next is chapter camp, and I am getting kind of excited for that. I am going to be on the work crew, to save myself the $300. So we will see how that goes. I am just begging God to change so much in me that week. Not that God needs a camp or a retreat or something to change a persons heart, but it helps to be able to get away from a job, and everything else we have to worry about at home, and just spend some time focusing on nothing but him. Wow. This year just flew by. I can't believe it. And I am awefully excited that it's almost summer. One of my goals (another topic discussed at small group tonight) is to really advance in my guitar playing. Man, I would pay a zillion dollars just to be able to write songs. Well, good songs. I would maybe pay a million for ANY song writing ability what-so-ever. But for a zillion, they better be good songs. Well, it is after 2am now, and I think I should head off to bed. I do have class and work and a young life meeting tomorrow, among other things. Oh, one more thing. Just something for you to look forward to...heehee. I am going to hopefully be giving this site a whole new look in the weeks to come. New colors, new photos, and poems. I just have to find a time when Jamin can sit down with me and show me how to work frontpage. Alright. Of to slumber I now go. I'm a dork. Adios.

April 25, 2002...1:35am
See little Marci. See little Marci try try try. See Marci fail. See God remind Marci for the zillionth time that she is not self-sufficient. "Oh Yeah. Duh." says Marci. "I still love you." Says God. "HELP!" says Marci. "Okay" Says God. And they all live happily ever after until the vicious cycle repeats itself. The End. No, wait. Definately not the End. The middle.

April 23, 2002...11:30pm
So now I am going to throw MYSELF off a cliff!!!!! And then, when I am lying broken and bloody and evendually DEAD at the bottom of the CLIFF, you can tell my geology lab TA that I DON'T CARE WHAT ROCK FORMATION IT BELONGED TO!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, things in that class did not go so well today. Or last Tuesday. Or, wait....every Tuesday the ENTIRE SEMESTER!!!!!!
~*Marci*~

August 30, 2001
I hope you are all enjoying these heaps of entries, because I am afraid that next week, when school starts again, and I have to start thinking about those two nasty words (time-management...or is that one word?) again, this might start tapering off a bit. But don't fear, we will have more pics, and more poetry and more, umm, other really cool stuff for you to check out every day. And fun new stuff for me to write about, starting college and all. I am not particularly excited or scared or anything. So we will see how it goes. It will be different. I know this sounds dumb, but I am really missing highschool this week. Man, I still have the fabric I bought to make a very fabulous skirt up in my room, but it is still only that...fabric. Not a skirt. I am not doing anything of much importance at the moment, maybe I should go pull out the old sewing machine. Or not. Sitting around is nice too. Although, I will be the first person to tell you the even a little bit of idleness can lead to a horrid amound of self-absorption. It's sad really. Hmmmm. I think I might go walk my dog. Or read a book in the park, or one of those things that come November, I'll wish I had time to do.
August 29, 2001
In the last two days, two people I love very much have both been diagnosed with cancer. I haven't cried or anything. When bad things happen, I have this way of pretending like they haven't. Just putting them out of my mind, and making myself forget. This can be good, and this can be bad. It helps so you don't worry yourself to death, but you also feel guilty, because you wonder if you don't really care, and people get angry, because they think you don't care. I don't know alot about this kind of thing. I have been so blessed. I've never really had to deal with anything too tough. Now, moving on to a lighter topic or two. I realized today that I had time to sit down and read a book. This is the first time I remember this happening since about 6th grade. It's a weird feeling. In fact, it made me feel terribly unproductive, so after reading for about 4 minutes, I ended up cleaning out kitchen cupboards. Then the wierdest thing happened...I actually felt this bit of eagerness for school to start, so that I could be horribly busy again. I must be losing my mind. Speaking of epiphanies, (I really should keep a dictionary by my computer, so I can improve my spelling) it occured to me this summer, as I was trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for college, that education is a very good thing. I finally have a sincere desire to learn. I wish I had realized this passion when homework was free. Well, I am actually in the mood to write write write tonight, but unfortunately, my mom needs the computer.
August 27, 2001
Blah blah blah. I'm kinda bored at the moment. Page down to read the two entries from my trip. Man, I lifted weights tonight and did about 6,000,000 crunches (it's the thought that counts, right?) I'm gonna be ripped by the time school starts. But I'm going now. Sorry. This is short.
August 24, 2001
Wow! I'm early! It's only 11:00pm! I am so exhausted, so this is going to be short. We went shopping agian today, and then to Water World, which was a blast. Mostly I just rode the lazy river around and around. There weren't any crowds at all. It was so nice. I think someday when I win the lottery (however, I suppose that would require purchasing a ticket) I will put a lazy river in my back yard. Wouldn't that be lovely? Anyhow. So then we went to Joe's Crab Shack with my aunt and uncle (who's house we are staying at tonight) and that was a lot of fun. They have really good clams. And I met this delightful little girl named Samantha while we were waiting for our table. Well I'm sleepy, so I'm going to go now.
August 23, 2001
12:53 a.m. So that makes it Friday I guess. Family vacatoin time yet again. I will spare you the horrific details of the day, because, frankly, they are quite embarassing. So we'll just skip that. Now we're here at our hotel and everybody else is in bed. Being as they don't appreciate the light much, I am sitting on the floor of this little tiny bathroom, writing is this ugly gray spiral bound notebook. Wow. The things I do to keep you people happy! I'm just kidding. Writing makes me content. Sort of. I am also listening to my new Ani CD. Whoo hoo!!! I bought Living In Clip and it's incredible. It makes me so excited. It really makes me wish I could dance with out looking so retarded. Ooh. Shy. This is a great song. In fact, I think it's onc of the first of her's I heard. Do you guys get sick of me talking about her? Probably . Sorry. Jared gets sick of it. He hates her music. Speaking of which. I am very perturbed by him right now. I made a half-hearted attempt to remedy the situation, and then I gave up and decided to write about it instead. "I fight fire with words..." Sorry. I'll stop that now. Okay. Just one more thing. Joyful Girl. This song makes me want to cry. It gives me this immense feeling of lonliness. But now it's over. So I promise to write about something else. And that would be...hmmmm. I really need to get some new trains of thought. Recently everything is about the same 4 or 5 things. I need to broaden my horizons. I really have this urge to just take off and run. I've been kinda frustrated with everything lately and it makes me want to either kick box a punching bag or run run run. However, 1: I don't have a punching bag....2: I only remember 2 kickboxing steps...luckily, running is sort of a no-brainer. However, I don't even have anywhere to run right now. I'm in the middle of Denver. I could take to the halls, but....I won't. Eew. I have a mosquito bight the shape of Nevada on my foot. Hmmm. I just now got to thinking about my family . Families are such complicated things if you think about it. And it seems that the more people you have, the more complex it all becomes. It's like God took all these personalitites at random and said. "Here. Be friends." It's crazy. I think I've already gone over this actually, in a previous entry. I apologize for that. Ahhh. There's a broken tile in here. I wonder if anyone else will ever even notice that. Oh. But I was going to say how much I love my family. I really do. I just get angry sometimes because they show me who I really am, and sometimes that just sucks. "I don't why red fades before blue, it just does." This is how my mind works when I let it out of that little "schedule" cage that responsibilities require us to keep it in. It just wanders all over the place. From one thing to another. I wish I had someone to talk to right now. How crazy would you think I was if I just happened to give you a call from CO at 1:00 in the morning just becasue I'm bored? Pretty crazy I suppose. That's okay. I won't take it personally. And don't worry. I'm not going to call anyone right now either. I think I'm going to bed, even though I'm not tired at all. Oh wait. I have a better idea. there. I just turned off the music so I can dwell on my own thoughts, instead of someone elses, though the latter is usually the much more interesting of the two. Ohh. I can hear A little cricket outside. Actually , I don't know if he's big or little. It doesn't matter. He's still out there chirping like he's all that matters right now. Man, this summer just flew by, didn't it? You know how time seems to go faster and faster the older you get? I heard on the news the other day that the chemicals in the part of your brain that controls your perception of time increase or decrease or somthing as you age, actually causing time to seem to progress at a faster rate. I'll bet you appreciate knowing that, right? I found it interesting. But my head is starting to hurt, and my eyes are doing that double...uh...thing, whatever now. So I'm gonna crash. Night.
August 21, 2001
I think that I am finally ready to quit being so cynical. For a while at least. Maybe you will appreciate that. I am very sleepy right now, I only went to bed less than 12 hours ago, and I have been awake now for 6, so I feel like I could use a nap very soon. We are leaving tomorrow to go on a family vacation to Denver. I think it will be the 5th time IÂ’ve been there since Christmas. Oh well, at least it is sort of new and different. They have some decent architecture down town, if nothing else. I think that bodies of water contributes so much to the character of a city, and being as Denver has none, it seems a bit drab to me. My entire family is going, all in our minivan. It will be a virtue-strengthening trip I am afraid, meaning that with all seven of us (including Jared)in one spot for more than an hour can teach you tolerance like no other situation in life. I am looking forward to it though. It really wonÂ’t be as bad as I am making it sound. I finally took my guitar in to get fixed. I am glad because it has been about a month, and I really need to start playing again. I am afraid that it will be like starting all overÂ…I donÂ’t always retain things for too terribly long. I went to Smatterings today with Josh, and picked up a job application. They are hiring an assistant, and I think that would be a really great place to work. I donÂ’t knowÂ…I found the application a bit intimidatingÂ…it asks you to write about art in your life, and the importance of it and such. It will probably take me a month just to fill out. I think Amanda has a great plan for youth group tonightÂ…she planned some games and stuff and then the Jr. and Sr. High are splitting up and she is going to lead the Sr. High. I am really looking forward to itÂ…and very glad that I got off work todayÂ…it is the only time I have to go to the fair. Well, my mom wants me packed before I go to church tonight. So I think I might go be lazy and take and nap, and then I have some errands to run. We wonÂ’t be back until Sunday, so IÂ’m sure I will not have another entry for you untill then. Unless of course, I can get access to a computer while IÂ’m in Denver. Who knows. Bye.
August 19, 2001
12:53 am. Do I know you? Are you friends, family, acquaintances, strangers? I don't know. For some reason you are here though. Maybe because you are bored, maybe because you have been here before and you were hoping that tonight I would have something "polydimensional" (maybe because you ran out of words and wanted to see if I had invented any more of my own lately) to write about, maybe because you want to learn. And not necesarily learn about me, simply learn from me. I doubt that I have a thing in and of myself to teach you, but most of learning is simply observing anyhow. You can learn from any situation. Do you crave blatant (I think I spelled that wrong) honesty? Telling the truth is like jumping in the dark. The truth is I am scared. The older I get, the more things I find to be afraid of. This seems backwards to me. I am afraid of making telephone calls. I am afraid of driving. I am afraid of meeting new people, and meeting old people. I am afraid praying when other people are listening. I am afraid of eating steak that isn't done medium well. I am afraid that because I am 18 years old, and have yet to lose someone close to me, it could happen tomorrow, and if it does, I will snap. I am afraid you will read this and worry that I am clinically depressed. I am afraid you will read this and not blink. Basically, I am chicken. So then there is God. I am to give him my fear and worry and concern. Easier said than done. Not sure why things work this way. I am not as depressed as I sound. I am happy go-lucky. I am happy because I am being brave and making friends. ("It's not brave if you're not scared."-what movie is that from?) I am happy because one of my friends brought me a hockey stick and puck today. Happy because my mom loves my family, happy because Maggie likes my poetry, happy because it is summer, happy because I can sleep in tomorrow, happy because it is quiet in my house right now, happy because you cared enough about something to read this far. Gross. And now I am mad because this sounds like a childrens book "Sunday Suzie feels mad. Monday Suzie feels excited. Tuesday Susie feels quite. Wednesday, Susie feels happy..." 1:22am....maybe I would produce far more satisfying writing if I tried at a different time of the day. Possibly before midnight. Everything good that I had to say all day seems to disintegrate about 7:00pm. August 18, 2001
I am kind of depressed right now, because I have had to say goodbye to four friends in two days. I am mostly sad because they are leaving, and a little bit sad because I am not. I am jealous. I know that if I was going away to school, right about now I would be really really scared, but scary is exciting, and I feel like I might as well be going right back to high school, with as excited as I am about starting college. I am excited about my classes, sociology, psychology, art history. I'm looking forward to those. Well. I am really in a bad mood. Do you ever just get so frustrated with the way things are going? And the worst thing is when it is your own fault that things are going that way. I honestly get far more angry at myself than I ever get at anyone else. Sharlissa and I went stargazing last night. It was great. The sky was so incredible. I completely forgot that there were that many stars, and then I get out there, and you feel like you are in a different world, there are so many. But I honestly didn't have a great time, because I was just so sad about everybody leaving, and missing people that were already gone. And I am depressed because I think I might be getting sick and I hate that. Of course I hate that. Everybody hates getting sick. Geez. Am I making you depressed yet? Sorry. I didn't mean to, but I'm not trying very hard not to either.
August 14, 2001
So here I am "camping" for two nights, although Steph says I can't call it that, because I am in my cousins brand new 8 person camper tonight, and then a cabin tomorrow night. Well, whatever it is, this is where I am. I am glad this page is getting a significant amount of traffic lately. But in a way it kind of sucks, because I am becoming more and more limited in what kind of stuff I can write about. What do you like to read about? I like to read about peoples feelings and ideas and how they handle differents situtaions. But the more I let people know about that kind of stuff, the more vulnerable I become, or at least that is how I feel. But do you really care what my daily life consists of? Well for those of you who do, I will tell you. For those of you who don't, you can skip the next part. Let's see. I slept in, which was nice. I worked for 13 hours yesterday which was nice also, to feel like I did something worth while. Anyway, I went grocery shopping with my mom. I really love grocery shopping. I'm not sure why. I guess I just love how....nevermind. That is so dumb. If you are highly intriged now as to the particular reason for my facination with it, e-mail me and I'll.....shut up now. Anyway. Then we loaded up the car and came and met my dad's brother and his family . My cousin Mariel is only 13, but she is nice to hang out with. We went rock climbing for a while, which was alot of fun. It's way easier to climb barefoot than with tennis shoes. I am sure you will appreciate that useless piece of information at some point in your life. :) Then we went on a trail ride, which, at $20 for an hour of walking single file on a very worn path seemed sort of like a rip off, but it's so beautiful out here it was worth it. And we saw 2 huge bucks, and that was cool. Now I'm in bed in this camper, which I really like. I think I would like to buy one someday. An airstream. The same way I am going to buy a guitar and a computer and a horse and a moped. Oh no. I just now remembered I was supposed to call for a telemarketeing list this morning. Crap. I am going to be so busy for the next two weeks or so. Everybody is going away to school and we all want to see each other "one last time" . I hate it when people leave. I am particularly missing our singers group this week for some reason, and I'm sure we will never all be back together again. We are already quite spread out as it is. Maryland, Idaho, Utah, Washington, Chicago, Souix Falls, Minnesota, New York. I know it is dumb to miss the things of highschool, but Singers is something I really appreciated. Oh well, life goes on. You know something I hate? I hate it so much when I can't help people. It's the most depressing thing, really. And what do you do when you don't even know what to say? You tell them to pray. And then what do you say when they tell you they have, but they've given up because it wasn't "working"? And how can you tell someone to pray in the first place, if YOU don't even pray enough? I worry like mad. It's terrible. It makes me sick sometimes. And by the time I'm 30 I will look 55 because I'll have so many anxiety wrinkles on my face. I think worrying is sort of hereditary. My mom has always worried alot. My mom's birthday is tomorrow. (Isn't it wild how one topic always leads to another essentially unrelated one? It reminds me of that game we used to play when I was little [or maybe it was only a couple of years ago - I have very little concept of time] where one person just writes a single word, and then another person writes the first thing they think of when they see that word...it was sort of a dumb game, now that I think about it. But it was an interesting look into the association aspect of psychology.) My entire life is merely an endless cycle of tangents sometimes. Hmmm. Well like I was sying, my mom's birthday is tomorrow. and I felt bad because I was in Denver on mothers day and didn't get her much of a gift. and I think she has always kinda felt bad bacause I let just about everyone but her read my poetry. So I'm making this sort of collage/collection/book thing of my art and poems. It is kind of cheezy I know, but I am sure she will like it. It's a mom thing, you know. She will probably find a way to get it to hang on the fridge or something. Ha ha. Well, I've written 5 1/2 pages, and it's only midnight and I'm wide awake, but everybody else is asleep. So I think I will turn off this little light in case it is keeping soemone else up. Goodnight. Oh yeah. Stats show that traffic on my page is up, but oddly enough, feedback is down. Lol. So e-mail me and tell me what you think. Otherwise, I forget you are even out there reading this. It's not too tough, just look for the "contact me" link on my page. Thanks.
~*Marci*~
August 12, 2001
I am kinda tired of being so busy, but that is what keeps me going I suppose. If I'm not doing something I'm obligated to do, usually I'm so lazy that whatever I choose to do isn't very profitable. So I guess that's how I work and it's a good thing. Listen to me. I'm just blabbing. My aunt and uncle and cousins are in town, and so my parents went out to watch the air show with them. I chose not to go....that just isn't on my list of things I enjoy (black pavment, hot weather, craning my neck, squinting in the sun...hmmm there must be a better way to have fun...whoa..that rhymes....I am such a dork)But anyway, what I was saying is that I have the whole house to myself for the next 4 1/2 hours, which is really nice. I think I will probably clean my room...ins't that sad? I spend so much time cleaning my room. I am trying to be more organized and efficient over all, and I'm doing a little bit better. I also might take a nap. Or maybe just go for a drive in the hills and think. No, I have spent far too much time thinking in the last 3 days. I wish I could stop thinking for a while. At least maybe stop thinking about specific things and get a new train of thought. I am reading another book Jim loaned me. It's called "Issues and Ideas" and it is just a collection of essays about a whole assortment of things. I'm currently reading some stuff on the authorship of Skakespears plays. Very interesting I might add. One of the points Mark Twain makes in his essay about the topic is that everybody, no exceptions, has all second hand beliefs. Isn't that sad? Sad but true. Nobody has original ideas. The other thing he points out, is that no matter how hard we try, we can't change this. This is probably true also, but I"m not quite sure. If so, it is a sadder truth than the first. Well, I'm going to go now, since I can't think of anything interesting to say. Sorry. Maybe this afternoon, since I have the whole thing without other people around to distract me, I will come up with something pensive and brilliant to write about. Maybe, but probably not. We'll see.
~*Marci*~
August 8, 2001
I am working here in the church and I am pretty bored. It's awefully quiet here. It's nice though, I've had time to return some phone calls and write in my journal and read my Bible and work on a ton of youth group stuff. Speaking of which, I just rememberd I was going to type up an announcement sheet to hand out tonight. So I'm going to go do that...maybe I'll write more tonight.
August 7, 2001
I'm sorry, I haven't written in four days. I did have time, I just didn't feel like writing, because it is the same thing every time it feels. But tonight I went canoeing, which really was more fun than I've had in a long time. It was really great. Well, my dad is telling me to go to bed. So I think I will. Sorry this is so short. Good night.
August 3, 2001
I am the most unorganized person, and I hate it, so I'm trying to change before school starts. I started by cleaning out a closet last night. I think I will go clean out my car and vacuum it now. I hate how I never know where anything is, and I miss every deadline I ever have. It's a very bad weakness to have. I was supposed to have a job interview yesterday, but I cancelled. I thought about it, and the job wasn't worth the hassle and such, (it is up at Mt. Rushmore, and only for another month) so I decided not to bother. I really do need to find a job for the fall though...the Cookie Lady wants me to fax her my resume and said she wanted to interview me. That would be a fun job I think...decorating for weddings, delivering singing telegrams...my my my....I am dreadfully idealistic, aren't I? Jared always asks me, "When are you going to get a real job?" He's right, you know. I should just waitress or something. Yesterday I went and took a bunch of senior pictures of Steph and Andrea...we got some really great shots downtown, and at old story book island. I will put some of them up on my page as soon as I get the disks back from Steph. Well, I am supposed to be helping with crafts at VBS right now, but I had to run home to send an e-mail for my telemarketing job (as usual, I forgot about a deadline) and then I have to work at the Friendship Factory from noon to 9. And the phone is ringing now. Probably my mom, saying "come back! you're supposed to be helping kindergardners paint periscopes" or something.
July 31, 2001
I know what I'm going to try to say, but I don't know if it will make any sense. Oh well. Here goes. Do you ever look at your life, and see everything in this future, sort of idealistic way, like you are just waiting for everything to finally BE like it should? Like you put off enjoying life and everything, because you almost subconsiously think that things are going to get better than they are now? I don't know if you can even understand what I'm trying to say. But mostly this dawned on me earlier this summer, when I realized that highschool was over. All the stories I'm going to tell my kids about when I was in highschool, have happened. That's all there is. And it was never quite what I thought it would be. It wasn't bad, by anymeans, just not what I had pictured. It seems I kept telling myself that once I was more organized, or less busy or something, I don't know. I'm blabbering. But I mean, just think. Now. This is your life. This is what you have. This isn't previews, it's the real thing. As stupid as it sounds, I sort of tend to forget that periodically. And even though now might now be what I've been waiting for, it's really great. I should stop talking. I'm trying to get all my poems typed up, so that if something were to happen to my disintegrating spiral bound note-books, I wouldn't have lost all those thoughts. It's a time consuming process. I hadn't realized I'd actually written that much. I didn't realize that writing poetry was actually something I did. Isn't that wierd? It was just this "I'm bored" thing I started, and then it just recently occured to me that it is actually one of my hobbies. I'm so wierd. Tech offers an astronomy class, which I really really really wanted to take, but they only offer it evenings, and that just doesn't really work for me. Bummer. The EMT class is offered at night also. So much to learn and so little time. Since a particular person demands to know why it is that I give up so easily, I am trying to remain really diligent with the guitar. I will admit, I'm getting bored with it already, becuase I'm a tiny bit into immeadiate gratification. And I don't pick things up too terribly quickly. I figure, there isn't anything I can't do, you just have to wait for me to want to do it. And then, I was trying to play an Ani song, and broke a string trying to tune it to one of those crazy tunings she writes everyhting in. Jamin wasn't very happy with me. Well, I have a bunch more typing left to do tonight, and another day of Bible school tomorrow, at 8:30 (I really love it, but it can be so exhausting)I'm trying to get a job for the fall, so I will have to deal with that tomorrow also.
~*Marci*~
July 28, 2001
I hate computers! I had this whole very long corny sentimental entry all typed up, and my computer kicked me off of the internet. And it’s pretty tough to recreate corny sentimentalism, but I will do my best. Lets see. Where was I? Oh yeah. The book. I just finished reading “The Catcher In the Rye”. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It really made me think. It also made me realize that maybe I’m not as weird as sometimes I feel like I am. Does reading ever do that to you? You get to wondering if you have a really weird thought process or something, but then when you read other peoples thoughts, you see that you are actually an awful lot like everybody else. The book also got me thinking about something else. I was thinking about how I hardly ever tell anybody how I feel about them (except when I tell my family when they piss me off) but I never tell my parents that I love them; unless they tell me first (which really is horrid. You should always tell your parents you love them, even when you are mad as all hell at them) and I never tell my friends how much I appreciate them. Maybe I’m the only person who does this, but when I find out that a friend is moving or going away or something, I start thinking about the when the last time I will see them will be, and I start thinking of all the things I will say to them when I say goodbye…how I will tell them how much I care and everything I should have said before then. And the worst thing is, if I find out after that that they aren’t leaving after all, all those things go unsaid. Isn’t that the dumbest thing ever?!? I don’t know why I don’t say those things when I should. That is something else I hate, how I will know what I should do, what is right, and I will make a conscioius decision not to, mostly out of laziness and lack of determination. It’s disgusting, really. Anyhow. I went to Kierstens wedding this afternoon. Oh, how I love weddings. It was so (AHHHHH there’s a cricket! Hang on….I’m gonna kill him….crap, he got away….anyhow….I was talking about the wedding.) It was so beautiful. So nice a simple. That really how love should be anyhow, right? Without all the hoop-lah (what kind of word is that anyway) and glitter and everything. I mean, they didn’t need all the huge fancy stuff, because you could just tell that they were so completely in love with each other. I really liked it. It made me a bit envious. But weddings make everybody envious I think, whether they want to admit it or not, because everybody just sits there and wishes they were that happy. No, that’s a rather cynical thought. Never mind. Maybe somep eople don’t get at all jealous at weddings. I shouldn’t generalize. Anyway. It made me happy. A little bit jealous and a lot happy. Andrea and I went down to the jazz and blues festival after she got off work, but we are both too cheap to spend $15 to get in when we could only be there for 2 hours ( a person shouldn’t have to pay that much for good music) so we just layed out a blanket and ate a bunch of junk food and read trashy beauty magazines and listened to the music. It was really great music. A lot of the people were unforgivably plastered, but they were pretty entertaining to watch dance. AJ bought me the Up Up Up Up Up Up guitar songbook! I was so excited that I left it on the roof of my car with a bunch of other stuff, and then drove away, promptly depositing it in the middle of that intersection by the holiday in. But Andrea, being the wonderful friend that she is, rescued it from an untimely death. I think it got run over, but that’s okay. Well, I’m going to go clean or something before my parents get home. Sorry. I managed to recapture all the corniness of the first attempt at journaling. And I didn’t even use good sentence structure to do it either. Oh well.
~*Marci*~
July 23, 2001
So here you have it. Another over-due entry, and 10 minutes of my time. Let's see. Oh, on a little previous note, I found a great sun-rise location, for any one who cares. The other night when I didn't go to bed, I went out at 5 to watch the sunrise, upon which, I remembered you can't see it from my house because skyline drive is in the way, so I decided to drive to a better spot, which ended up being the Menards parking lot. But anyway... I added a couple more poems to the poetry page for you. I've got some more to put up when I get a chance. Hills Alive was pretty good. Nothing extremely spectacular, but not too bad either. Burlap to Cashmere, Caedmon's Call and Kendall Payne were probably the highlights, in my opinion. I came home rather inspired to write my own music, but I soon found out that's pretty hard to do with my 4-chord guitar knowledge and lyrical handicap. So, don't expect any Marci albums out any time soon. Or maybe ever. Who knows. On Sunday our senior pastor resigned so the day turned out to be a bit disturbing, and now my church is in administrational (administarial? I think that's it) shambles. But though some feel that the whole church will now "go down the drain" I sort of have a peace about it. That sounds kinda crazy, because we've got an average attendance of 500 something, and in a month we will be without a senior pastor, associate pastor, and youth pastor, leaving us only with our all ready over-worked wonder-secretary. But I think it will be okay. The youth group has come so far in the last 6 months without a youth pastor, that all the high-schoolers are feeling pretty confident. Speaking of which. I seem to keep moving youth work up on my "possible careers" list. I've pretty much scratched architecture off of the list. I don't think I'm that technically minded, though it really interests me. The idea of an art-design major is really appealing, but then, what would I do with that? It doesn't exactly provide a dependable job once you graduate. Not particually noble either. Journalism is sounding vaguely appealing. Well, I need to go to work now. Bye.
~*Marci*~
July 17, 2001
It is currently 4:07a.m. Yes, that's right. As in "in the morning". So, technically, this is my July 18th entry. I'm sure you are asking yourself why I am up at 4 in the morning (well, maybe you aren't) but anyway, I just decided I had too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. I mean, why waste time sleeping, when you could be doing something worthwhile. So I'm pulling an all-nighter. And being very efficient in doing so. I have (in the last three hours) washed and folded 6 loads of laundry, and cleaned every room in the house, with the exception of the downstairs bathroom, and bedrooms other than my own.(Believe me, that's alot...I started at 1:00)But being that I'm not really tired, I think it is about time that I move to China, where I could possibly lead a normally scheduled life. I'm a little tiny bit tired, but if I were to go to bed now, I'm afraid I will never make it to work. So I think at about 5 maybe I will drive to a prime sunrise watching location, and then get some coffee at 6th street bakery, and then I'm not sure what I will do inbetween then and 9 when I have to be at work. Hmmmm. Come to think of it, maybe I"m tireder than I thought. Maybe I will come back home and get an hour of sleep or so. Well, for now I think I will go work on my poetry page a bit, untill I can switch these socks to the drier.
~*Marci*~ July 23, 2001
So here you have it. Another over-due entry, and 10 minutes of my time. Let's see. Oh, on a little previous note, I found a great sun-rise location, for any one who cares. The other night when I didn't go to bed, I went out at 5 to watch the sunrise, upon which, I remembered you can't see it from my house because skyline drive is in the way, so I decided to drive to a better spot, which ended up being the Menards parking lot. But anyway... I added a couple more poems to the poetry page for you. I've got some more to put up when I get a chance. Hills Alive was pretty good. Nothing extremely spectacular, but not too bad either. Burlap to Cashmere, Caedmon's Call and Kendall Payne were probably the highlights, in my opinion. I came home rather inspired to write my own music, but I soon found out that's pretty hard to do with my 4-chord guitar knowledge and lyrical handicap. So, don't expect any Marci albums out any time soon. Or maybe ever. Who knows. On Sunday our senior pastor resigned so the day turned out to be a bit disturbing, and now my church is in administrational (administarial? I think that's it) shambles. But though some feel that the whole church will now "go down the drain" I sort of have a peace about it. That sounds kinda crazy, because we've got an average attendance of 500 something, and in a month we will be without a senior pastor, associate pastor, and youth pastor, leaving us only with our all ready over-worked wonder-secretary. But I think it will be okay. The youth group has come so far in the last 6 months without a youth pastor, that all the high-schoolers are feeling pretty confident. Speaking of which. I seem to keep moving youth work up on my "possible careers" list. I've pretty much scratched architecture off of the list. I don't think I'm that technically minded, though it really interests me. The idea of an art-design major is really appealing, but then, what would I do with that? It doesn't exactly provide a dependable job once you graduate. Not particually noble either. Journalism is sounding vaguely appealing. Well, I need to go to work now. Bye.
~*Marci*~
July 17, 2001
It is currently 4:07a.m. Yes, that's right. As in "in the morning". So, technically, this is my July 18th entry. I'm sure you are asking yourself why I am up at 4 in the morning (well, maybe you aren't) but anyway, I just decided I had too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. I mean, why waste time sleeping, when you could be doing something worthwhile. So I'm pulling an all-nighter. And being very efficient in doing so. I have (in the last three hours) washed and folded 6 loads of laundry, and cleaned every room in the house, with the exception of the downstairs bathroom, and bedrooms other than my own.(Believe me, that's alot...I started at 1:00)But being that I'm not really tired, I think it is about time that I move to China, where I could possibly lead a normally scheduled life. I'm a little tiny bit tired, but if I were to go to bed now, I'm afraid I will never make it to work. So I think at about 5 maybe I will drive to a prime sunrise watching location, and then get some coffee at 6th street bakery, and then I'm not sure what I will do inbetween then and 9 when I have to be at work. Hmmmm. Come to think of it, maybe I"m tireder than I thought. Maybe I will come back home and get an hour of sleep or so. Well, for now I think I will go work on my poetry page a bit, untill I can switch these socks to the drier.
~*Marci*~ July 16, 2001
I am sort of feeling like my life is one of those cute little snowglobes (the cheap plastic kind, with little plastic souvenier scenes) and someone took it and is just shaking and shaking and shaking. And everything is all misplaced and constantly changing and quite screwed up. Every principle I had before, might as well be abandoned, every constant factor has become a variable, and nothing stops moving long enough for me to regain my bearings. I am certain that is actually a far more extreme description, that nothing is quite as big of a deal as I make it, but it is just kind of feeling that way right now. Nonetheless. Hmmmmmm. What to write? I am tired. It is 1:30, and I have to do kick boxing at 8 tomorrow morning with Steph and AJ. Well, this was lame. I suppose I could think of something worth writing if I sat here long enough, but I can hardly type legibly right now anyhow, so I will do it some other time.
~*Marci*~ July 12, 2001
People are so terribly terribly confusing. Is it possible to really understand someone? I don't know. You think you know someone, and realize that they are actually complete strangers. It's pretty disturbing. I guess that is something I can worry about for a while. The sunset was most incredible last night. It was raining at the same time the sun was setting. I have never seen anything like that before. I can't really write about it. It's one of those things where you just had to see it. Looking at it, I could hardly breath. I was just standing there, feeling so blessed to experience such glorious perfection, and it just sort of dawned on me, that that is how God loves us. That much, and so much more....that we don't even know. And to think that heaven will be better than that...wow. It was so beautiful. So beautiful. *sigh* I absolutely adore summer, but it is one of those things where you can't really be totally happy that it is summer, becuase at the same time you are sad because you know it is going to end. Huh. Not too much has been going on in my life beside work work work and some screwy relationship things. So I don't have a bunch to write about tonight. Somebody should write and give me some ideas. I could ramble about just about any topic, so if there is something specific you want to hear about, just let me know.
~*Marci*~ July 8, 2001
I've been thinking about so many things lately, I don't know where to start. God is awesome. That's always a good place to start, right? And a decent place to end also, I suppose. Because no matter what is going on anywhere else, we serve a holy and sovereign God. Amazing how that should be what compells me to breath, and yet I forget it so easily. I have decided that apologizing is one of the hardest things in the world to do. It is easy to say I'm sorry, and still hold a grudge, and it is easy to feel sorry, but not be able to bring your self to tell a person that, but for some reason, I have yet to manage apologizing sincerely when I have wronged someone. That sucks. I tend to just wait for things to blow over. I figure, if you wait a couple days, things will return to normal, and you can just pretend like nothing ever happened. But this leads to waiting for your whole life to blow over, and that, ovbiously, is not good. Selfish-ness is also a very ugly thing. It tends to attack when you are not looking, and usually takes more than one person to point it out to you before you begin to consider that it might be a problem. Conviction is a bitter thing. I also tend to forget that God is in control. Those of you who spend much time with me know that I tend to freak out on occasion. Okay, alot. Over little things. I can make any minute "problem" (i.e.....anything that I perceive in my screwed up brain as a problem)a monumental, life-threatening catastrophe. I haven't always been this way, so maybe one of the reasons for this is that I got bored with life, and realized that the more dramatic something was, the more entertaining it is. Second reason, is that I forget that GOD HAS A PLAN. And when this happens, and I am faced with a "massive dilemma" (like the one I am currently dealing with) I become hysterical. And then I open my mouth. Be kind to a hysterical person with an open mouth. They tend to release many words into the atmosphere like a shaken two-liter bottle of Root Beer. (Okay, bad analogy)They do this to anyone and everyone. And before they know it, they have explained in great detail their horrible story to anyone who will listen. And chances are, it is generally a story best kept to a minimal number of people. See? Look at me now!!!! I can't even shut up! Sorry. Oh, my fingers hurt so bad I can hardly type. But at least I've been diligent practicing the guitar for the last couple days. I can only play one song (and that one sounds like crap) but I am still very proud of myself. I think that I will talk to this guy at my church whose hobby is buying old guitars and fixing them up. Since I don't really know anything about the instrument, I figured he could help me buy one that won't be a rip-off. Okay, I gotta go. Bye.
~*Marci*~
*~< July 6, 2001
WHOOHOOOOO! I can finally play a whole song on the guitar! It doesn't sound real fabulous, but I will blame it on the fact that my capo is 25 years old and doesn't exactly do it's job. But that is okay. I am so very very proud of myself, because I just went online and printed off tabs (which I didn't even know how to read) and after listening to the CD a thousand times and just playing the same four measures over and over, I finally got it!!!! As you can probably tell, I am in a significantly better mood than I was yesterday. I think that being unproductive put's me in a bad mood. For the most part lately, I haven't been doing much except working at my paid jobs. I haven't gotten anything done around here lately. So I got up really early this morning and got a whole long list of things done today, and I have such a wonderful sense of achievement, which is pretty dumb, when you think that the things I did were cleaning my room and balancing my check-book, and stuffing about 30 "Mitten Kittens" and folding 5 loads of laundry and other things like that. Oh well, at least I feel like I kinda did something with my life today. And I was able to make a huge payment to my parents on my loan (the one I borrowed 1 1/2 years ago to go to NY) which leaves me with $3.09 in my checking account, but only two more payments. So I'm pretty happy. Hmmmm. Can't think of anything great to write about at the moment. I have to work at 9-5 again tomorrow. Losts of work, but I guess it pays off. Good night.
~*Marci*~
July 5, 2001
Liar Liar Liar. I am such a liar. If I could play two different poeple on stage as well as I can in real life, I would have won a tony by now! Or at least made it into a school show. I am so good at lying to other people, that I'm not even honest with myself. Am I the only person that does this? Does anyone tell the truth? NOW listen to me! I am even trying to make excuses. Let me tell you something. I have come to the realization that I am not a credible person. So do not believe a word I tell you. AHHHHH! That is disgusting. Disgusting and dissapointing. I suppose I could dwell on this issue for a ridiculous amount of time, but that probably would not be profitable, so I will change the subject. I had a nice long talk with Adrienne today. I am glad, because I was missing talking to Adrienne. She is such a great friend, because she says the things that need to be said. She asks the questions that you don't want to answer, and those are the ones that you know are out of sincere concern. Questions like "How are you today?" are not generally sincere questions. Questions like "When was the last time you prayed Marci?". Now those are the kind of questions that demand an answer, and are generally only asked by the people who care about you. Hmmm. Steph's mom called tonight to give me her address. I was gone, so she talked to my mom. And she cried (Steph's mom). So I am feeling very much like crying. Yes, I think I will go cry now. Goodnight.
~*Marci*~
July 1, 2001
I'm afraid this is going to be a short entry, because it's a quarter 'til 2a.m. and I am really exhauseted, but I will try and real quick just catch you up with the last 11 days of my life. Let's see. I went to MN with my family, it was a pretty fun trip. We did lots of geeky family attraction stuff, but it wasn't to bad. Went to the Ani concert in Souix Falls on my way back, which was awesome (I could write significantly more about it, but I'm pretty sure that if my friends hear the words "Ani" or "concert" or "EEEEEEK! IT WAS SO AWESOME!" come out of my mouth even one more time, they are going to duct-tape it shut, because I've kinda worn the topic out over the last 6 days)Anyway. As you can see, Jim did a ton of stuff to my page, and it looks great (and he got rid of those annoying error messages, so those of you who keep using it as your excuse can come see the page more often now!) so now I'm a bit more motivated to add stuff. Keep your eyes peeled for new things on here in then next couple days. I'm going to add the Souix Falls Newspaper Review of the concert on my essays page, along with the lyrics to some Nick Drake (that's his last name! Drake! I remembered!) songs. I found some of my older poems in a discarded blue spiral bound notebook under my bed, plus I wrote several more in the 37 consecutive hours I had in the car with my family on our vacation. (Okay, maybe more like 10, but I think it's valid to multiply times the number of people in the vehicle, divided by the number of cubic feet in the vehicle, or something like that) But my point was, I will probably add some of those to my poetry page. As soon as I get a chance I will scan some more pictures to upload for you also. And I might put some things on the art page to if I get a chance. What kinds of things should I put on the art page? Hmmm. Ooh, and the profile, I'm not sure what information to put on there either. Let me know if there is anything specific I should post up there. I will also put my journals from the trip up there (in the archive section) just click on archive and scroll down a little ways to the little line of asterisks (*) and then read up from there if you want to start at the beginning of my trip. Hope that's not too confusing when I get it up there. Sorry. This entry is really dull. I'm just sortof thinking to myself, and somehow it ended up on here. Stephanie starts boot camp tomorrow. She said she's not scared at all, so I took it upon my self to be scared for her. I'm sure she will do okay. Youth group camp out was Friday and Saturday. Due to some extreme weather (which I really loved, but I'm afraid not everyone appreciated) we had to pack up at midnight last night and come home. That kinda sucked. I was having a really good time. (For the most part, but the part where I wasn't having a good time is a story for a whole seperate journal entry. Made yet another resolution to learn to play the guitar. Hmmm. Maybe one of you needs to keep me accountable about that. You should but me inseccently about it, and maybe I will then keep up with practicing. Well, look what this "short" entry turned into. I need to go to bed. Goodnight.