| GOD ME LOVE ME BY ME
I see myself in you the negative and the positive side of me And along the way of self discovery, I did hurt you, You know I won't hurt you but I did unintentionally and intentionally (reaction of my negative side) The intensity of that pain will grow if you and I will allow it to happen, because when you are hurting I am hurting myself too. There were lots of questions in life which I knew the answers then, when I was young and innocent. (Without reasons and validity) I grew up and my knowledge widens, I let society (family, friends, lovers, community) mold and told me as to how should I be I had a struggle inside of me, because part of me is not part of the society, as I was told. I don't want to be different from them, I need to be accepted (in w/c I don't know why), I saw a solution by forgetting me (human nature) it did gave a temporary solution but the problem is still there. And much I see the contradictions of my life in the society, I must survive. Then came out, self- thought immunity (self-denial) A new cycle begins ,me equipped with the immunity ,I allowed individuals (good and bad Gods) in my new chapter in w/c I can be convenient and letting me enjoy my new found gadget , the tool I used to give me temporary balance. These Gods gave me asked and unsolicited wisdom, advices and criticisms. (With their own positive or negative ulterior motives) From these circumstances, came out my potentials, as to which a part of myself and the society wants........CONTROL I enjoyed this feeling and somehow created an arterial society wherein I had power in my life I controlled my life, I knew all in my life at the same not against society, I was a good God in this fake life. Being a good God I shared my immunity to my family and society because it will be the expected answer to their questions but that wasn't the solution, I got hurt, the good God's power is crippling. Reality sets in how can my heaven be in hell, I know I did good why is it worst, the ideals of life is contradicting life ,I'm tipping of the balance need to get a new gadget to gain my power ,my control and my Godness. I thought changing place will be a new beginning the power might come back because..................... I can't accept failure, which is what I know (from society) And the new cycle begins again but this time Reality came in on a reverse and backward cycle, it came too early with me not prepared, still without the gadget to give solutions with the new questions that need answers quickly. Then you came along in w/c society told me you hold the gadget that have all the answers and being weak I asked for you to help and give me the temporary solutions. The expected result is a disaster. Now I was weak and angry because the temporary solutions don't work, I'm losing all my power the control is broken .Society left me alone. I judged the society and your help and hatred is what I see. I am becoming a bad God because my immunity was lost, I got hurt because I failed ................. Failed from whom? The society that left you? "Boo, there you are, where did you go?" was a reaction from a kid from nowhere but this child looks like me, the real me, I've forgotten me all this time. Being a kid , I was built with curiosity and not knowing things , did self thought experiment(self -discovery) , I could be sneaky from the society they know I'm alone somewhere with you ,since my immunity is lost all left was plain me but you left already and went back to society. My society expects me to be what they want but what is it for me in return ,with all these cycles I've been going through , all that I can see are lies and hypocrisy , then came you but a smaller you in multiples(society) carrying a big ,big thing I got curious and opened the thing, ALAS this is what I need, a solution ....... then answers came out for life is just like that and accept it as it is because questions in life may or may not have answers only time will or will not, and came why do I put myself in these situations is because I allowed it to, so why be angry, so why with all the hatred, stop clinging with that immunity, it is false Acknowledging my faults brought out the true me, the different me, the only me in this society, the special me, the true God in me, because that God is Love And I'm enjoying it now I'm going to love my self , be true to my self , know myself because I will love myself I'm going to nurture myself and educate myself, I will absorb all the good Gods out there and sponge out the one's that wont reflect me. I will have power over my life ,I will control my life, I will be true God to myself. This will be a new journey A new cycle , with a new gadget to balance my life a bumpy road trying to be in balance with my society and ME I may not be prepared if the answers will work, so what coconut ? :-)...................All I can say is I LOVE YOU because I see myself in you therefore I LOVE MYSELF. |