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| Poetry |
| Some of these poems are what I have written in my healing journey and some are from other survivors and some are ones that I found that were helpful to me. I thought they may be helpful to others as well. Take Care as you journey through these poems. Some may be triggering to you. I wish you all the best in your continued healing process. Sincerely, Marie |
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| I WILL BE THERE! Sometimes the road of life becomes unbearable and it seems easier to give up than to go on. But you should always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For every tear, you will smile, for every rainy day; there will be a rainbow, and for every moment of every day, forever and always there will be someone there to love and confide in. I will always be there for you, to carry you over the rocky roads and lead you through the tunnels. To share with you the smiles, the tears, the rainy days and the rainbows. Whenever you need me I will be there. WHEN YOU NEED ME! Author Unknown |
| CAN YOU HEAR, CAN YOU SEE, CAN YOU FEEL, CAN YOU TASTE? Eloquent pain shimmers and grows, Breathing life of it's own, Disabling all that knowledge knows Beauty, love, flesh and bone I cry mutely, Can you hear? The pilot of anger born of frustration, fed on neglect, lies drunken in its own sadistic fascination within me One silent tear falls Can you see? Nothing quells the quiet riot of my thoughts. They tumble and fall, a mocking parody of my own sanity. A constant reminder of my mortality my heart aches, Can you feel? I choke on the continual irons, my body and soul have been clapped in. I am a walking vessel caging a thousand fluttering butterflies, awaiting release. The nectar of life is bitter Can you taste? Written by: Beth Heintz |
| THE MIGHTY PHOENIX Like the mighty phoenix those of us who are survivors, will rise above that storm we were in and come back out of the fiery ash, on top and soar in the clouds of victory that we haven't been defeated by our perpetrators. Written by: Marie Waldrep |
| If you are a survivor and you have a poem or your story that you would like for me to post to this site, Please feel free to send it to me at themightyphoenix1survivors@yahoo.com and I will consider posting it. |
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| I Got Flowers Today I Got Flowers Today I got flowers today. It wasn't mybirthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe that it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. And it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered Enough courage and strength to leave him. I would not have gotten flowers today. by Paulette Kelly |
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| AS I JOURNEY DOWN A LONELY PATH As I make my journey down this seemingly dark lonely path, I have found supportive people to help me, making sure I stay on the right path to have a happier, healthier life. Some people are there to take hold of my hand, to pick me up if I fall. Some are there to give me words to encourage me to make it through my journey. There are a few more obstacles I will face, grief, my innocence lost to name a few. When I come to each one on this path it will be like a knife that cuts so deep but, I must wrap those wounds and continue on my journey of healing. Written by: Marie Waldrep |
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| I'm Scared I'm scared but, I am suppose to be strong. I am scared but I can't show any emotion. I'm suppose to be strong. I, for some reason want to cry now. I am scared and I'm afraid to let it show. I'm suppose to be strong and I am scared. I am crying now. I am suppose to be strong. Maybe I just need to cry. I am scared. Will someone please hold my hand! I am scared. Will someone please hold me and let me know that everything is going to be ok. I am scared. My heart feels heavy, it is pouring out tears with a lot of pain. I am scared. Please don't leave me alone. I am scared but yet I am suppose to be so strong. Please don't leave me alone. Can you see I am scared and I hate this. Written by: Marie Waldrep |
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| Still I Cry Still I cry when I think about that day. That day my innocents was stripped away. I had no words; I didn't know what to say. I felt dirty, I felt shame, and I felt guilty as if I had done something wrong. Still I cry, am I so lucky I didn't die. I was a child, I liked to run and play. I had no care my life had just begun, I loved to laugh and have fun. Still I cry and I wonder why this had to happen this way. No one knows why. STILL I CRY. Written by: J. Marie Waldrep |
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| I WAIT Through a swirling cacophony of white noise, I wait. My thoughts reach for the unattainable. I plead pitifully and writhe in the engulfing flames of my own inner turmoil. My spirit mourns for bells rung. Like Alice, my existence teeters on the knifes edge that is sanity. My mind crcks, a cistern overfull. Surrounded but for all intents and purposes forever alone, I wait. My soul, an abyss harboring fugitives of light. Sadistic, insistent pain distorts my body in a macabre parody of life's rhythm. My pain threatens to drown the spark in deluge. Hold the candle close, no matter how much it burns. I tread the rim of the active volcano with stifling anxiety. My heart bleeds. Encased in unforgiving irons encircled so tightly. Still, deep down, in the most secret place, I dream of the mighty phoenix. I smile fleetingly. I wait. Written by: Beth Heintz |
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One Day One day I will find courage to face my fears, I will not be scared and I will not shed a tear. One day I will find my strength and be able to stand with armor on my chest and a sword in my hand. One day my life will be plentiful and free from all the awful things that happened to me. One day my broken spirit will heal and I will take my wings and rise above these storms in my life and I will fly, be free and live. One Day! Written by: Marie Waldrep |
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| As I Walk To The Light As I walk down this narrow path walking closer and closer to the light. I come to the end of the path and everything opens up so beautiful and bright. I see my Savior standing there with a smile so bright, holding out his arms to put arond me and hold me so tight. I know he is here guiding me and telling me things are going to be alright. Dream of that day my child when you will see me and I hold you in my arms so tight. That will be a great day, a wonderful delight. So take a deep breath now, don't give up this fight. I know Jesus is with me as I walk to the light. Written by: J. Marie Waldrep |
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| Is There No Shame Who's to blame, does anyone have any shame? Do you think I should go on and live the same, before all this took place. I had a different voice, a different face, a tender body, and no disgrace. My innocence was stripped away in an awful kind of way. I was forced to be grown; now my childhood is gone. Are you ashamed? Do you have anything to say? I learned to trust and that trust was misplaced by someone I thought who was supposed to protect and lookout for me, but that's not what happened you see. YOU my brother RAPED me! ARE YOU ASHAMED? Written by: J. Marie Waldrep |
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| YOU SUPPRESS ME Why are you still here. Why somethings time cannot seem to heal. My wounds still bleed. These wounds still hurt. All these years, You still suppress me. You are still here. Why are they somethings time cannot heal. Written by: Michael Waldrep |
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| Poisoned Poison of being molested Runs deep into a child's veins We struggle with fear, nightmares, Being alone and shame to name a few The poison is so hideous, venomous, So strong and toxic We struggle with our being, We become lifeless We feel the need to give up We wonder what the point in continuing on is We know it is going to happen again Just unsure of what moment, We need help But are unsure who we can turn too Our trust has been broke How could he do this? Our world is not as we once knew We must figure out a way to stay alive We must find someone we can trust That we can talk too Anxiety and depression are some of the toxic poisons; The perpetrators left when They molested and raped us Cutting or hurting ourselves is not the answer To this poisonous turmoil Help me please This poison is sucking the life right out of me I struggle and I fight to not let the poison Of those men that raped me take the rest of my life. Written by: Marie Waldrep |
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| 8/3/2005
Healing With and Through Music The Darkness to Light Show: Breaking the Conspiracy of Silence, hosted by Kathleen Brooks, Ph.D. My guest was singer/songwriter, Alice Marie, a recording artist whose CD, ANGELS NEAR, we listened to excerpts of. The CD is part of her healing journey through CSA. Bob Leane of the Songwriters Hall of Fame says, "Alice Marie offers the best of both worlds, intelligent yet ethereal songs that have memorable hooks and aren't afraid to explode." |
| "no"
in the corner you'll find her, curled up so tightly, tears falling. Whispering the word that never helped the word that should have saved her innocence. "no" the word echoes in her mind "no" this word engraved for all time. his shadow towers above her tiny body The gleaming blade shimmers in moonlight He hears her protests but laughs quietly She closes her eyes, no not this...not now... "no" this word echoes in her mind "no" this word engraved for all time. a tear silently trails down her face what can she do to prevent this? what can she do? what can she say? "Goddess, save me from this destruction! " "no" the word echoes in her mind "no" the word engraved for all time. "Please no" it should have made it stop "please no" it should have saved her innocence. he only turned his head, to show a deaf ear. her cries suffocated by his laughs. Celeste Barnes |
| my reality
in a dark room, watching a white wall watching painful memories being played My eyes glued to the horrible images My mind whispering every word with it. Tears silently fall as I relive each moment I feel the pain, I hear your voice... I know this is a dream but I cant awaken. Held down, I feel the ropes, Mouth taped over, I cannot scream Music so loud, my screams are deafined. I lower my head, I cant stand to see this. I hear his laugh and my heart breaks. This is my life...this is my reality. Celeste Barnes |
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