In some families, the youngest child often gets left out of excursions and parties. In others, the parents are so conscious that he might feel left out, they try to include him in activities before he's ready for them.
My wife Judy and I try to steer a middle course with Andrew, our youngest, who is 4. Our other children are Amy, 10, Molly, 7, and Stuart, 6. There are very few family activities from which Andrew is excluded. I never had the heart to leave him home, even when he was a baby.
When he was only 2, the family paid a visit to Disneyland, where a child has to be about 4 before he can really enjoy it. Frankly, it did make the trip a little more difficult for the rest of us, but it would have bothered Judy and me much more if he'd been at home with a baby sitter while the rest of us were out enjoying ourselves.
At home, there are activities in which we all participate. When we gather around the player piano, each child eagerly vies for his turn to press the pedals and they all sing.
My wife drives them all to and from school. Adam-12, the series in which I appear, is shot on various locations around North Hollywood. The children go to school in this neighborhood, including Andrew, who goes to nursery school. If my wife passes a location where we're shooting, she stops the car and points out that this is where Daddy is working that day. I must say they're not overly impressed! The girls would rather visit Robert Wagner's set and, as for the boys, Stuart once confided to a friend, "My daddy's really a carpenter." That was because I'm handy around the house and he was impressed by my work there. He figured that a carpenter had better status. I think he was a little vague about just what an actor does!
The children all go to bed at the same time, about 8:30 during the week and about an hour later on weekends. If I let them stay up later to watch a fine children's show, Andrew is apt to fall asleep on the couch. But we don't urge him to go to bed ahead of the other children.
Naturally, there are activities in which Andrew just can't be included. The others ride bicycles; he isn't allowed to. To make up for this, we take him on short auto rides with us more often than the other children.
Recently, I took Stuart to Arrowhead as a member of The Indian guides, who camp in the mountains overnight with their fathers. It was hard for Andrew to understand why he couldn't go with Stuart and me. I told him, "You'll have to wait till you're two years older. But just think how much fun you have to look forward to!"
Some parents worry about the youngest child being spoiled. When children are as close in age as ours, that isn't likely to happen. Of course, a visitor may be so enchanted by a baby, he'll concentrate on him and the others may feel ignored. Then I extol their virtues in front of the visitor, or say, "Let's go into the other room. I have something to show you--a painting Amy did." That takes the spotlight off Andrew and puts it on one of the other children.
There is no overt rivalry among our children. They do fight among themselves. What normal children don't? But let an outsider pick on one and they stand together as a unit. I tell them, "Individually, you have no power, but as a team you're unbeatable." And they do function as a team. Stuart may be playing with a 7-year-old boy who suddenly starts picking on Andrew. It that happens, he'll not only hear from Stuart, but from Amy and Molly, too!
Our children have all had some respiratory problems which required a stay in the hospital. At such times, either Judy or I remain with the sick child. Once, when I wasn't busy with work on Adam-12, I went into the hospital with Andrew, but usually Judy is their guardian angel there. Since we do this for all, none can feel discriminated against.
When the baby in the family is treated as an equally important member and never excluded from anything unless it's really necessary, he's not apt to be a special problem!