STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Constant c Productions and Amblin Television in association with Warner Bros. Television, NBC and probably a slew of other people have prior claim. Anyone you don't recognize comes from my imagination.
RATINGS DISCLAIMER: Sex = a same sex relationship but otherwise PG, Violence = PG, Language = PG.
CONTINUITY DISCLAIMER: To be precise canon up to Rampage and then alternative universe. This is a segment of the Thing-verse, a chronological list can be found at the site.
BLAME DISCLAIMER: Sharon Bowers. I didn’t even watch the damn show until she started writing it.
FEEDBACK, COMMENTS AND FLAMES: Email at maven369@sympatico. ca
“This is stupid.”
“This is a valid therapeutic method.”
“At the psychiatric department of General Mills University?”
“If I told you once I’ve told you a million times, it was in a Cracker Jack box. Now, you in or out?”
“I don’t know…”
“Valid therapeutic method.”
“That’s what you said about role playing.”
“Um, yeah. But it is.”
“Isn’t role playing supposed to be me putting myself in another’s position so I can appreciate their side of the debate?”
“Um, yeah. Usually.”
“Well, the whole prison guard, bad convict scenario…”
“Okay, let’s ignore past attempts of communication that dissolved into hours of mindless, passionate sex…”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“…and concentrate on this attempt. Patient has in the past exhibited tenancy to externalize emotions to the point of being a cranky bitch.”
“Bite me, Legaspi.”
“Exhibit A.”
“Fine. Who goes first?”
“I am the trained professional so me. Neener neener neener. Ready?”
“No, but go ahead.”
“Okay. Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“What scares you the most?”
“Like spiders and snakes?”
“No, like showing up at work naked.”
“Showing up at work naked.”
“Seriously, Kerry.”
“Failing.”
“Pretty general. Care to narrow it down?”
“Failing you. Failing myself. Failing my staff. Failing my patients. Failing you.”“You did me twice.”
“It is the big one. My turn?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. Didn’t I tell you this was being played under Legapsi Rules Truth or Dare?”
“Is that like Aussie Rules Football?”
“Similar. I get to ask ten questions and then, if you answer or dare them all you get your turn.”
“Oh.”
“Further…”
“There’s more?”
“Rules, Kerry. Plural. Further you specify before I ask the question if you’re going to answer truthfully or accept the dare. If you should, upon hearing the question, wuss out totally you may switch to the d are. The dare is, drum roll please…”
“Wait, you tell me the dare now?”
“Oh, yeah. Less moaning and bitching later. Anyway, your dare is you have to kiss Romano in the emergency department in public with at least one witness.”
“Kiss. Romano.”
“Yeap. No other qualifiers.”
“Why do I love you?”
“I’m cute, gainfully employed and can spell potato without an E.”
“That’s it?”
“That and I made you scream so loud that the neighbour’s dog started barking.”
“Oh, yes. That. How did you explain that to Mr. Rodriquez?”
“I just smiled my ‘I am a stud’ smile and winked. Nearly had an MI on my hands.”
“You didn’t.”
“If you doubt me you can make that one of your questions. Now, don’t think that this little distraction is going to work, missy.”
“Drat, foiled again.”
“Ready for question two?”
“Yes. I am truthfully ready for question two. Now, question three?”
“I can’t believe I feel for that.”“Question three?”
“Fine. If you were a tree what type of tree would you be?”
“What?”
“What kind of tree?”
“Is this still valid therapeutic method or have we switched over to method acting?”
“Kerry. Tree. Now.”“Elm.”
“Question three A. Why?”
“Three A?”
“You cheated me out of a question two.”
“You snooze, you lose.”
“Fine. Question four, why?”
“Because in a lot of areas they were nearly wiped out due to disease but those that survived adapted and are now thriving.”
“Wow.”
“Wow?”
“Wow, you need a full time shrink.”
“I hear Wiseman’s looking for a job.”
“Its tempting?”
“Excuse me?”
“I said question five. If you were going to have an affair, whom would it be with?”
“I knew sex was going to enter this somewhere.”
“Answer please.”
“You.”
“No, no. Not me.”
“I don’t know. Where are you in this hypothetical question?”
“I dunno. Africa or San Francisco or Vulcan or somewhere.”
“Um, the milkman.”
“We don’t have a milkman.”
“Mailman?”
“I want a name.”
“Fine. Christie.”
“What!”
“Definitely Christie.”
“Christie? Why?”
“Two reasons. First is to see what the hell the attraction is because it certainly isn’t her sparkling personality. Second is to see your reaction. Hurt your jaw when it hit the floor?”
“Funny, Weaver. Now, question six…”
“No, question six was ‘Christie? Why?’ in a shrill voice. This is question seven.”
“Fine. Nitpicker. Exclude my friends. Now who?”
“I want to take the Fifth.”
“Sorry, no. Answer please.”
“No, no idea.”
“I know who.”
“That little taunting, sing-song voice can be very annoying.”
“Wanna hint? Pink scru… Ow!”
“If you won’t allow the Fifth Amendment I’ll just have to fall back on the Second.”
“I don’t think our founding fathers envisioned a militia armed with throw pillows. As that little childish display confirmed my guess as to who question seven is we’ll continue. Next, exclude co-workers. Now who?”
“I sense a theme. Are you sure this isn’t some ploy for more role playing scenarios?”
“Nope. Quit stalling.”
“Mlungisi.”
“Your old beau?”
“Beau? You just used the word beau in a conversation?”
“Lover of the male persuasion.”
“Excellent lover. Probably the best I’ve ever been with.”
“Present company excluded, right?”
“Oh, of course. Although there was one night…”
“Stop! We’re bordering on too much information on top of serious ego bashing. Question nine. What fictional character?”
“CJ”“On West Wing? Isn’t that a bit narcissistic?”
“What?”
“Fiery red head that takes no shit and rules her professional domain.”
“Well, I’d say Abbey Bartlett but I’m pretty sure that’s treason.”
“Question ten. Um, what’s your favourite colour?”
“Excuse me? How lame is that?”
“Valid therapeutic method.”
“Gimme a Cracker Jack University diploma and I’ll show you valid therapeutic method.”
“Sorry, I just have one box left and it’s mine.”
“You’re not going to share?”
“Nope. Mine, all mine.”
“Gimme!”
“Arrghh! Stop! Tickling! Unfair!”
“Share!”
“Fine. Do you want the petrified peanuts or the shellacked, stale popcorn?”
“Why do you insist on buying this stuff at the bulk food place?”
“Twice the caramel goodness for the buck. Besides, it’s so old you sometimes get a real prize instead of one of the cheesy ones.”
“Well, in deference to my dentist I’ll just take the Pokemon collector disk.”
“Sure here, you find the prize and it’s yours if you want it.”
“Thanks. Why do they always put these things on the bottom? You always spill popcorn all over.”
“Only if you’re greedy and go for the prize first.”
“Eureka!”
“Whachya get?”
“This box must be ancient because it is a real prize except the fake gem came off the ring. Be careful you don’t mistake it for a peanut. Oh…”
“Ker?”
“This is a ring, Kim.”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Ker?”
“This is a ring, Kim.”
“We covered that. Aren’t you going to say anything else?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, you’re going to say something else?”
“Yes was my answer to question eleven.”
The End
Next story in the Thing-verse: Spring
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Email at maven369@sympatico.ca