Arthur (pictured right) has recently made regular contributions to the blog of Andrew Bolt, mainly based on his observations of Kevin Rudd and the Labor Party.
Arthur has created this website to catalogue some of his poems and stories and he thanks you for taking an interest in his observations.
“The good doctor here, awaiting your attention, so grab a chair and listen up,
The tide is turning, we’re making ground, seems people are sick of Rudd’s crap,
Malcolm, please don’t sit behind me, I need to see where you are at,
If you’re in front of me it’s almost impossible for you to stab me in the back!
We’ve got to work together, united to expose these farces in power,
They ignore their own advice and propose crappy legislation every bloody hour,
Rudd’s a flim-flam man, making it up as he goes, how dare he change his mind,
Notwithstanding I was once a member of the Labor Party and I’ve been married 3 times!
My leadership’s stronger and we’ve made some ground on the Labor bunch of wannabes,
Even Oakes and O’Brien have made some nice comments about my leadership qualities,
I was proud being compared to Horatio Nelson, being told I’ve got the ‘Nelson touch’
Unfortunately I soon found out they were referring to ‘Nelson Muntz’
Now Julie, as my deputy, I think you’re doing some pretty fine stuff,
You dress well, you’re articulate, and your hair’s always immaculately coifed,
Sometimes you look a bit cross-eyed, but you’ve been a great support to me,
And unlike Gillard on the other side, at least you sit down to pee.
Tony Abbott, you make me laugh, you’re such an angry foul-mouthed beast,
I can’t believe the words that come from your mouth, particularly for an ex-priest,
But forget about the leadership mate, just concentrate on your business,
Or you’ll be back on your knees, begging “Please, God grant me forgiveness”!
Where’s the big fella, the smiling assassin, oh there you are Joe,
Mr. Hockey, congratulations mate, you’ve really put on a fine show,
In Question Time, get into Rixon, with questions plentiful and frenetic,
She’s bi-polar now, but when we’ve finished with her, she’ll be schitzophrenic!
Malcolm, what am I going to do about you? It seems you and I are incompatible,
I say one thing, you say another, and we’re both made to look like a rabble,
Labor keeps saying you want my job, you’re the challenger in waiting,
But enough of that crap, let’s get down to business, let’s have some mass debating!
I had the most vivid dream last night, a smiling man came up and said ‘Hello’
I said ‘Hi, how are you? Can I help you’? And he said “I’m Peter Costello’
‘You may remember me, from past years, but lately I’ve been on the back bench’
And then I woke up in a cold sweat, and was greeted by the most horrible stench!
{Standing to attention to address his troops}
Seems you’re all out to get me, you all want my job, there’s knives aplenty in my back,
But I won’t back down, I won’t be defeated, I’ll always keep bouncing back,
But should the inevitable challenge arise and the numbers end up toppling me,
Peter, Tony, Malcolm or Joe, may I humbly request the shadow health ministry?
‘Hello, can you hear me guys? It’s Kevin calling from afar,
Is anybody there? Hello? Or should I say ‘Konichiwa’!?
I’m calling you all from the land of the Rising Sun,
Let me tell you, me and Jeeves are having lots of fun’.
‘I miss you all so very much, I’m sure you miss me too,
Hang in there guys, I’ll be home soon, ‘cause there’s so much for me to do,
I really thought these Japanese would be hanging on my every thought,
But I’ll be the one hanging if I persist with my threat of the World Court’.
‘Fukuda said ‘Russian Roulette or the World Court’ Rudd: what do you say to that?
So I’ve dodged a (silver?) bullet and won’t proceed, I’m ever the diplomat,
I said “Fukuda-san, we’re brothers man, just like Ackroyd and Belushi”,
But frankly the reason I won’t proceed is because I love the taste of sushi’!
‘But of course it as straight down to business, and as you know I never stop,
But when I told Fukuda about my Asian Union plan, you could’ve heard a pin drop!
But I soldiered on, stuck to my guns, ‘I’ll show him who’s the boss’,
But when he asked for the details of my plan I was at quite a loss’.
‘I didn’t dare tell him there’s no detail, it’s another ‘policy on the run’
So I filled him (and me) with sake, and we sang karaoke until one,
He’d see I’m a fool, a nothing man, and that’d be like committing ‘hari kari’,
So I told the DJ to keep spinning those discs, from Kumi Koda to Deborah Harry’.
‘But karoake soon got me bored, the sake had me wanting more,
So in my best “Ausjapanese” I asked ‘Where’s the nearest Scores’?
Me and Fukuda kicked on until very late, sake & geisha girls, what a rage,
Make sure you check out the photos tomorrow on Jeeves’s ‘FaceBook’ page’.
I spewed out all the clichés to Fukuda, ‘low hanging fruit’, ‘Rubber Hits the Road’
‘Blame Game’, ‘Rock & Roll with the Punches’ and ‘Fork in the Road’,
‘A Bridge too Far’, ‘Burn the Midnight Oil’, the whole night was a slog,
But we were both so “fukuda’d” by the end of the night, we shared a Dagwood Dog’.
‘The next morning it was clear their PM didn’t give a Fukuda about me,
So I humbly gave him my dosier outlining how he should run his country,
He looked at me, he shook his head and said “Thankyou Rudd, we’ll file it”
I fear this tour of mine has been about as successful as a kamikaze pilot!’
‘As I boarded the plane to leave Japan, I wish Fukuda’s abuse could have waited,
But he screamed at me “Never before in our history have we been so humiliated,
You’re an idiot Rudd, a shmuck, a dud, you’ve left us feeling numb,
You are the greatest disaster to hit our country and that includes the Atom Bomb'.
Hello? Is anybody there? Konichiwa? It’s Kevin….. Jeeves, I think the line’s dropped out……Jeeves, my Kimono needs ironing….."