Once I got started on my Brothers homestead Tribute site, I would go there and remember my Brother and all the loving things about him. Dot (Online Mom:) and I were working on a site at Geocities. She talked me into trying Geocities. She is the very first person I met online, years ago:) I happened to come across her web site, after I realized there were so many out there. I had just fogave my Brothers friend that was driving the night they were in the crash, and my Brother died.

I was hurting for many different reasons. There was a awful, tradgic trauma that happened to myself and my family, My Mom was in the hospital, and there was the brightest light I ever saw, and JESUS the night it all happened. It happened really fast. Not fast enough that I doubt I seen JESUS though. I believe Jesus wanted me to be prepared for what was ahead of me. He seen me crying..literally weeping in my backyard. My Dad was at the crash scene (a half mile away) when this all happened. I knew, before my Dad pulled in the driveway that my Brother was gone. To be honest, I knew in my heart, as fire trucks and ambulances started rolling by our house, that it was my Brother in the crash. We had just gotten home from the hospital about 10 p.m. and my Dad was heating up grease for F.F. Then, the sirens started from the square. I knew..I just knew deep down, Mike was involved. A few minutes later, the phone rang and it was someone from down the road that lives near there. With the words..Mike's been in an accident.
I pretended that I didn't know he was gone, when my Dad pulled in the driveway, after he left the crash scene... Like there was some "Chance" my Brother pulled through- some how. That didn't happen. I had to carry on, for myself and others.

I used to not share as openly about that night, but I know the Lord wants this shared, now more than ever. My husband and I were not with my Brother that night. We were whooped between our ride from N.C. to Ohio and traveling about 2 hours back and fourth to and from the hospital for a week. We didn't plan to go to Ohio for my Mothers surgery. It was right after Labor Day. My Parents came to see us in N.C over Labor Day, because Mom wanted to see our baby. It was supposed to be a 2 hour surgery to remove cancer (She had had 2 other times). It turned out there was some in her leg. The surgery turned out to be about a 7 hour surgery. She was asleep for a long time. She was doing OK a day after, but the next day, she got very ill. Dad said she was gasping for breath. When Dad called to tell me, he said she didn't want the vent. He demanded the doctors to take her, and put it in anyways. My youngest son was just 2 weeks old. I was still tired from having him. My Dad told me not to come right now, when we did. He knew I had just had Zach and plus the doctors told him to be very careful about people crying when they seen my Mom and getting alot of family in her room, while she was on the vent. The doctors said, alot of times patients are aware and if they see that, they think they are dying and then they stop fighting to stay alive. I just could NOT stay in N.C. while my Mother was sick like that in the hospital. I felt, if anything, I could atleast take care of the house and things like that (My Dad and Brother had enough to do) My Brother called me later that night and said are you coming in? I said yes, we will be there tomorrow (it is a 9 hour drive or so) He said, I had to hold Dad up in the elevator today. He was laying on the floor of it. He said, that was hard Melissa. I told him we were on the way. I Prayed all the way to home, please don't let her go..if it is going to happen, let me get there to say Good-bye to her. I did see her, with 24 IV's hanging in her arm, her face the size of a beachball and a tube sticking in her neck. She couldn't talk but she squeezed my hand. I couldn't stay in there for long. About 5 minutes was all that I could handle. I had to run (I mean run) out of there and just cry. My Dad and my Brother had already told me how important it was that I didn't cry at all. They said, it is hard, but you can't do that in her room. She did get better and was taken off the vent. The doctors acually called her their "Miracle Patient" they could not believe how sick she was and then a few days later, she was so much better. It was the night of the day she got moved from ICU to a regular room again, that my Brother died. My Dad and Uncle went and brought her home at about 3 A.M. the night Mike died. She came home in her hospital gown and blanket and went to lay down. My Mom is a strong person. I was amazed at how well she held together though it all. My heart really hurt(s) for my Parents. I felt so helpless.
Our attention was so focused on her and what were we going to do if we lost her,
then..it was totally different.

We had a last week with Mike that we would not of had, had we not went home to Ohio. My brother did get to see and hold our Baby Zachary, before he passed away though. I felt I was there for my Dad, as best that I could be. My Mom did get to be at her Son's funeral. She was in a wheelchair, but she was there. She said, she would of been devastated if she had not been able to be there.

My husband and I were trying to clean up our lives alittle {but we were still "Far" from the Lord Jesus then, in 1997} before my Brother died. Sometimes, I think how things may have been different had we been with my Brother. They could of been better or worse. We could of left the hospital with my Brother, and he would of never went out that night, we could of stopped at the bar, and he could of left with us(however, my husbands driving was still sorta out of control, as far as driving fast and without any sense)But, it could of been the other way, we could of went out with him and he still would of left with his friend. We could of been drinking ourselves. Guilt would of been added. I trust we were not there for good reasons.

My Brother left the hospital like it was any other day, at about 5 p.m. He looked nice. He was in a dress shirt and tie. He had went back to work at Office Max that day, because our Mom was OK, and she was out of ICU that day. It was just a stressful, hard time for each of us.

I am Thankful, for the first time in a while, my husband and I came to our hometown that time with NO intentions of "Partying". I am sure mostly because we thought my Mom was going to die.
We didn't have any "smoke" with us nor were we drinking.

What made me look up to the sky that night in my backyard, alone, and cry out to God for help? I guess, it was the times that I was in the United Church of Christ as a little girl. I went until I was in about 6th grade or so. Then, I fell away..So did my Parents. I got caught up in things OF this world and NOT the things of God. If I would have listened to the Lord calling me (more than once) years ago, I would have began living for HIM alot sooner than 1997. I was to busy running and doing what I wanted to do. I didn't make time to truly listen and give my life to the Lord Jesus. I would not of been in some situations that I was, had I surrendered and gave my life to the Lord Jesus years before 1997.

No time to go back, and redo my childhood, but..if I could, I sure would. I have repented from it all. Now, I Press on to what is ahead, NOT behind me. That would be awful if we had to stay the same person all our lives. If we didn't have JESUS to go to and cast our worries and burdens on HIM. If we didn't have HIM to give us Grace and Forgiveness. It is not that we are worthy of that, it is JESUS who died for us. He is Faithful and Just.
I am so Thankful for his Mercy and Grace. WE ALL SHOULD BE. We ALL can have HIS Mercy and Grace, if we sincerely ask for it.

I am living for the Eternal life. That is where my Treasure is. What IS to come in Heaven.

"Thank God" for His Mercy and Grace. What a gift Christ has given each of us. He died for us, so that we may live..HIS own Blood was shed for US.
Thank You Jesus for Forgiving Me of my Sins, when I sincerely asked for Forgiveness.
HE is Just and Faithful to Forgive.