EXT. SANGY'S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Zack lies on the couch, holding an ice pack to his face. Misty, Sam, Sangy and Tommy are all sitting in various places in the room.

MISTY
Okay. I think it's time we stopped acting

like Kindergarteners, don't you Zack?

ZACK

yes Misty.

MISTY
Now, before somebody falls off a roof

or sets themselves on fire, I think we should

go over there, knock on the door and invite

ourselves in for a nice, neighbourly chat. Get

to know these people, like we should have done

a month ago.

SAMWISE
That's a good idea. And I'll make brownies.

TOMMY
(stands up, shaking the femur at her)
That's a great idea, and while you keep

'em busy, I'll –

MISTY
You're. Not. Invited.

EXT. CHESTNUT STREET – DAY

The group marches out of the red house in a line, Misty at the lead, followed by Sam, Zack, and Sangy, who holds a plate of brownies in a very official manner. They march across the street and up the Martinezes' sidewalk.

ZACK

Can we do this tomorrow, Misty?

MISTY
Would you relax?

SAMWISE
Yeah, we'll probably find out more in

five minutes of friendly chattin' than you

guys would in a month of snoopin' around.

They walk up to the door. Misty takes a deep breath.

MISTY
Okay. Here we go. Now everyone, just act…

normal.

She knocks on the door. ScruffyKid peers out.

SCRUFFYKID
Who is it?

MISTY

Hidy-ho! It's um, Misty Avery, from next

door.

Sangy takes a step forward and her foot plunges right through the porch. She lands on her butt. The brownies go flying.

SANGY
There go the goddamn brownies.

Sam tries to help her and pick up the brownies at the same time. ScruffyKid opens the door and steps out.

MISTY
(looks at him and stares for a minute)
uh… hi. Welcome to Crunksville. We're

your neighbours.
(shakes his hand)

SAMWISE
(stands up)
We brought dessert –

(stops, stares at him until Misty

elbows him gently)
Uh, is your mother home?

Misty takes him by the wrist and walks in. Sangy gets to her feet and hands ScruffyKid what's left of the brownies.

SANGY

Here you go, boy. Something for the

oul' sweet tooth.

She walks in. Zack follows, avoiding eye contact. ScruffyKid sniffs the plate, then goes inside. They all wander around the house, looking at the run-down interior.

MISTY
I can't believe you've lived here a whole

month and we haven't … come by to say

hello.

Awkward silence.

ZACK
… well, I'm – I'm your neighbour, Zack Avery. That's

my wife, Misty, and that's Sam, and this is uh –

SANGY
Red's the name.
(smiles at ScruffyKid, a little…off )
Don't think I caught yours, sonny.

SCRUFFYKID
(backs up nervously)
Mario.

SANGY
(walks toward him; he backs up more)
Mario! A fine Christian name! What are

you, Catholic?

MARIO
I don't know –

Mario backs into a sidetable, knocking over a picture frame. He picks it up. Sangy takes it from him.

SANGY
Pretty girl. She a friend of yours?

MARIO
No, it came with the frame.
(takes it from her and sets it back up)

SANGY
(mimics his accent)
'It came with the frame'?

MARIO
Yes.

Sam walks over to a door and pushes it open.

SAMWISE
Oh, is this the dining room –

He turns to see the frowny, middle-aged woman from earlier stands in the doorway, and jumps.

SAMWISE
You startled me.

She walks past him, scowling. Mario looks at Sam.

MARIO
My mother, Maria.

SAMWISE
How do you do?

Maria ignores him; she makes a beeline for Zack.

MARIA
(in broken English)

You are living who next door.

Zack blinks. Misty clears her throat

MISTY
Um, why don't we get some coffee, Sam?

MARIO
I – I'll do it.

SANGY
(claps a hand on Maria's shoulder)
What do you say we all sit down for a

little o' the oul' face to face, eh, Maria?

EXT. AVERY'S BACKYARD

Funk runs over to the fence, where Brian is standing. Tommy stands on the the little beam at the top of the fence on the other side with a ladder. We can see that about two inches away from him there's a trip wire that he has to get over.

FUNK
They're in there, all right! They're all just

standing around!

TOMMY
Great.
(starts to put the ladder down on the other side of the trip wire)
Don't worry about this, you guys. I can get this.

BRIAN
Okay.

TOMMY
I really appreciate your help, really.

BRIAN
No problem. Just be careful, though, I mean

that's pretty dangerous with the trip wire and all.

TOMMY
Yeah, okay. Thanks for your advice.

He carefully picks up one foot and, avoiding the trip wire, puts it on top of the ladder. He slowly starts to move the other foot

FUNK
W-watch –

BRIAN
Be careful!

TOMMY
I'm watchin' –

Tommy loses his balance and falls over with a scream and a tremendous thud, landing on the grassless-ground in the Martinezes' back yard.

BRIAN
Didjya make it?

TOMMY
(gets up, gasping for breath, and dusts himself off)
I'm okay. I'm alright. Just throw me

over the tools.

They do so; the pickaxe soars through the air and hits him in the back of the head. We hear Funk and Brian giggle on the other side of the fence.

INT. MARTINEZ LIVING ROOM – DAY

Sam and Misty sit on the sofa; Zack sits in a chair; Maria sits next to him, still scowling and staring at him; Sangy inspects the wallpaper in the background. Everyone is making various idle-uncomfortable-movements in the awkward silence.

Sangy tries to peel up a bit of the wallpaper. She succeeds in 'a little bit', then moves on to 'a great bloody strip'. She looks around, nervously, and tries to stick it back on the wall. Maria stares at Zack some more.

ZACK

… sure was damp, today.

MISTY
Yes, I can do even less than usual

with my hair - …
(trails off)

Sangy knocks on the exposed heating duct. The sound echos. Mario walks into the room, carrying a TV-tray of sardines and pretzels. He offers it to Sam and Misty.

MARIO
Sardine?

Misty opens her mouth to talk, shuts it, and takes a pretzel.

SAMWISE
… I'm trying to cut back.

Mario turns to Zack

MARIO
Sardine?

Zack looks at Misty, waiting for an answer. She nods meaningfully. Zack grabs a pretzel, then layers a sardine on top of it. He gives Misty one last "do I really have to" look. She nods again. Zack takes a deep breath and stuffs it in his mouth. They all stare at him with a silent mix of amazement, pity, and gratitude. Sam coughs.

MISTY
So, uh… how are you enjoying the

town? We just love it, of course.
… don't we?
(looks at Sam)

SAMWISE
… yes!

They smile awkwardly at Mario and Maria.

SANGY
Martinez. What is that, Slavic?

Maria scowls even more and turns to look at her, glaring.

MARIA
NO.

SANGY
(pats her on the back)
About a nine on the tension scale

there, Maria. How do you like

living here so far? Pretty comfortable

house, ain't it?

(knocks on the wall)
Good solid walls.
(stomps on the floor)
Good solid floors.

Someone, or something, knocks back from the basement. Everyone, including Sangy, briefly makes the 'o.o' face; she, however, recovers quickly and chuckles.

SANGY
Oh-ho-ho… got somebody tied up

in the old cellar, have ya, Maria?

Zack coughs once, and proceeds to have a sneezing fit. He grabs a handful of newspaper from one of the half-unpacked boxes lying around and spits out the sardine/pretzel combo into it, while pretending to blow his nose.

ZACK
… packing dust. Sorry.

SANGY
(turns to face Mario)
So, just you and Mom livin' here

in the house, is that it sonny?

MARIA
We is small family. I, young boy
(gestures to Mario, then stands up to look at Sangy)
and husband, uhh, doctor.

SAMWISE
Well, won't it be nice to have a doctor

in the neighbourhoo …
(trails off again. Maria scowls more)

MISTY

… uh… you know, I think it's great that

you've been able to stick with the original

wood.
(gets up and walks over, examining the door frame)
I – I was never over here when the Knapps

lived here.

MARIA
How unfortunate for Knapps.

SANGY

You know, it's funny, but I don't ever

remember seeing a moving van out front,

Maria.

MARIA
I not understand, van parked outside

ALL DAY.

ZACK
(stands up, tries to change the subject)
Say how is the… uh… … drainage,

on your property? I know when it

rains, it – our house – boy, the basement

just floods right over.

SANGY
(thoughtfully)
Basement. Zack comes up with a winning

idea. Maybe we should go down and take

a look in the basement. Maybe that was

your husband down there tapping on the

ceiling a couple minutes ago.

MARIA
Who knows.

SANGY
So what kind of doctor is this husband

of yours, Maria?

MARIA
Why ask him yourself.

She points towards the basement door. Sam, the only one who was still sitting, gets up and walks over to Sangy. We hear the sound of footsteps up the basement stairs; then the door opens and against the wall we see the sillhouette of a tallish guy. He walks out into the living room, looks around, and smiles.

THE DOCTOR
We have guests!

MARIO

… sort of.

MARIA
My husband, the doctor.

THE DOCTOR
(steps forward, shakes Zack's hand)
Martin Martinez. Nice to meet you.

ZACK
Z-Zack Avery.
(shakes his hand)

MARTIN
Pardon my glove.

Martin lets go, leaving what looks like blood all over Zack's hand. [DUNNN.]