INT.
AMBULANCE – NIGHT
Zack
lies on the stretcher, calming down. He hears the door open and close
ZACK
(mumbles)
who's that
He
turns over onto his back to see Martin come in and sit down next to him
oh. Dr. Martinez, I'm so
sorry. You know,
Dr. Martinez, when I get out
of prison I'm
gonna help you rebuild your
house. I'll even
do some of the work myself.
I have the tools, you
know, Misty's father just
gave me a brand new
set of tools.
MARTIN
Do I look like an idiot, Mr. Avery?
… no.
Do you take me for an
imbecile?
… no.
MARTIN
You may have fooled the others, Mr. Avery, but
you don't fool me.
… I, I fooled the others?
MARTIN
But you don't fool me.
I-i don't?
MARTIN
No, you don't!
… am I missing something,
Doctor?
MARTIN
Come now, Mr. Avery, you were in my
basement. Surely you looked
in the furnace.
ZACK
I-I-I saw your furnace, Dr. Martinez, b-but I
figured a man's furnace is
his own business…
Martin
takes a pair of latex-gloves out of his doctor-bag and puts them on.
MARTIN
You saw one of my skulls, didn't you. Oh yes.
I know you did. It belonged
to a neighbour of
yours. The name was Knapp.
We took the house
from them. I offered to buy
it, but you know how
old people are. They grow so
attached to things.
Zack's
eyes widen as Martin pulls a bloody great needle out of the bag
ZACK
uhyouknow Dr. Martinez I think I forgot my
wallet –
He
tries to get up, but Martin pushes him back down, hands shaking
MARTIN
I let you keep the femur. Now, now I want my
skull.
(suddenly wraps one hand around Zack's neck)
Or perhaps I might just take yours. Mario!
Mario turns and grins from the driver's seat. Zack gasps, coughs. Mario starts the engine. Martin clamps one hand over Zack's mouth and holds the shot with the other; he and Zack struggle for a few minutes.
We
cut to the street; the ambulance flies through the police tape and into a few
yards, knocking things over and plowing into fences. Zack struggles with
Martin, pushing him back with one hand and reaching into the front of the
ambulance to shake Mario by the shoulders with the other.
The
ambulance flies down the street and nearly hits the pizza truck. Both cars
swerve to the side; the pizza truck slams into a tree and the door flies open,
dumping pizza boxes everywhere.
CALEB
PIZZA!
The ambulance drives right onto the Dawkins' porch and into the front of their house. Caleb and his friends cheer. The back doors open and the stretcher rolls out and down the sidewalk. Martin still tries his best to jab Zack with the needle. They go rolling down the street until the stretcher hits Maria's car (now Caleb-friend-free) and they both fall off.
CALEB
… this is so awesome.
Zack
tries to get to his feet, fails, but pushes the stretcher away so he can get to
Martin.
ZACK
CITIZEN'S ARREST. Citizen's arrest, I, Zack
Avery, am placing you under
citizen's arrest…
Zack
manages to get to his feet and slams Martin into the car
… for my attempted murder!
The
Suit that was yapping at them earlier runs over and seperates them. Martin
laughs nervously
MARTIN
The man doesn't know what he's talking about!
ZACK
(sticks his tongue out at Martin)
Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!
Misty
runs over
MISTY
Geez, Zack!
ZACK
(whirls around)
Don't start with me Misty! The man confessesed,
they murdered the Knapps!
MARTIN
He's demented!
Tommy
runs over and joins them. Caleb, Sam, and Sangy walk over as well. Caleb looks
at the open trunk of their car
TOMMY
Hey, Sherlock! Get the Martinezes to tell you where
they buried the stiffs.
SUIT
You don't have a stiff. You don't have any evidence
at all!
Caleb peeks under the tarp in the Martinezes' trunk and grins.
You do now.
Sam screams. The rest walk over and rip the tarp off to reveal dozens and dozens of dead skeletons (DUN DUN DUN DUN.) The DetectiveGuy Tommy talked to walks over and looks in
DETECTIVEGUY
Is this your vehicle, Dr. Martinez?
Martin makes shifty eyes. Sangy looks over and catches Mario sneaking out of the ambulance. Her eyes widen
SANGY
HEY! Pinocchio!
Mario
stops, 'o.o's and looks at her
SANGY
Where are you goin'?
She runs over. Mario tries to make a run for it, but he slips in one of Merton's presents and lands on his back. He gets up, just as Sangy runs over and slides in it too, knocking him down.
SANGY
Gotchya!
They struggle for a minute, before Sangy yanks him to his feet and puts a hand on his throat.
SANGY
Don't you make a move, boy. I was 18 years in the
Wastelands and I can snap
your neck in a heartbeat.
CUT
TO: Tommy, surrounded by a TV crew. He's being interviewed by a news reporter
TOMMY
I think the message to psychos, fanatics, murderers, and
nutcases all over the world
is uh, do not mess
with Crunksvilleans, because
uh, frankly we're just not
gonna take it anymore. You
know, we're not gonna be
content to look after our
lawns and wax our cars, paint
our houses. We're out to get
'em, Don. We are out to get
'em.
CUT
TO: Zack stumbling down the street. Misty walks over to him. He smiles
ZACK
Hello.
(smiles)
hi. So, what are you gonna do now?
ZACK
I'm gonna pack a bag, go up to the beach -
SANGY
(walks past, claps Zack on the back)
We got 'em, neighbour.
ZACK
- … get away from her.
Tommy
runs up. Zack puts his arms around Misty and they walk up the street, away from
Tommy.
TOMMY
Hey, guys! Guys, you wanna go down to Bowl-O-Rama
for a beer or somethin'?
(catches up them, grins at Zack)
Man, that was an incredible choke hold you put on me,
pal. Misty, the guy's a
brute! How's that finger? Is it okay?
Where you guys goin'? Where
you goin'?
ZACK
I'm going on vacation.
TOMMY
(stops walking. They don't.)
"Vacation"? What are you, crazy? This is a major media
event here! Geraldo Rivera's
coming, and he's gonna
excavate the basement of the
Martinezes'! I-it's gonna be
broadcast on satellite all
over the world, live!
CUT
TO Sangy and Sam. Sangy looks at the Dawkin's house and shouts
SANGY
Tommy!
SAMWISE
Your wife is home!
SANGY
And your house is on fire!
Sabrina
runs around in the background, luggage in hand
SABRINA
Tommy, where are you?!
Tommy
looks over, eyes widened. Then he screams
TOMMY
MY WIFE IS HOME?!
CUT
BACK TO Misty and Zack. Caleb walks over to them
CALEB
Zack, where you goin'? It's just starting to get good.
ZACK
I'm going away for a while, Caleb. I want you to keep
an eye on the neighbourhood
for me.
CALEB
(smiles softly)
You betchya, Zack. No problem.
Zack nods at him and walks on. Caleb watches him go. Then he turns to face the camera, grinning
CALEB
God, I love this street.