EXT. AVERY HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY

Something rustles in the bushes. Cerulean, laying out in the sun, lifts his head, ears twitching. TOMMY DAWKINS steps out of the bushes aiming a gun, 'camouflaged' with a few leafy branches duct taped to his head.

Cerulean immediately jumps up, runs over and begins barking at Tommy in a most irritating manner.

TOMMY
Shhh. Quiet.
(growls at Cerulean)

Tommy, having spotted his target, aims and fires at a spider crawling on the ground. He misses, and only succeeds in sending the spider running back towards him. He shrieks and jumps back, firing at it again.

CUT TO the kitchen. Zack stands up and looks out the window. The 'WTF' expression on his face quickly changes into an 'aw crap' look.

ZACK
Tommy's got a gun!

He jumps up. We CUT BACK to Tommy, who is still shooting at the same spider, chasing it around the yard. Zack pushes open the back door and runs out.

ZACK
Tommy!

Tommy finally nails the spider, but nearly shoots Zack's foot in the process. Tommy looks up and lowers his gun.

TOMMY
Oh, hey Zack! What are you guys,
eatin' in there?

CUT TO: Tommy chowing down on the breakfast Misty made. He's soaking up what's left of the pancake syrup with a slice of toast. Misty, cleaning up dishes, takes Tommy's empty plate and replaces it with a new one.

TOMMY
Well, you know how Sabrina is

about spiders. They start showing up
out of nowhere, she's all over my back

to get rid of them.

MISTY
I don't remember seeing a whole lot of
spiders around here before.

TOMMY
Oh yeah. Big bastards too. That's
why I've got the gun, I'm gonna pop a few
of 'em.

Zack repeatedly pokes himself between the eyes with the eraser end of a pencil.

ZACK
So why didn't you go with Sabrina to
her mother's house?

TOMMY
Hey. I'm eating here, okay? Could you
imagine me and the two of them alone

for a week? I'd rather chew broken glass.

Misty walks by with a bowl of dog food in one arm. She collects a few empty coffee cups, and before she turns away, Tommy grabs a handful of dogfood from the bowl and eats it without actually checking to see what it is first. He makes a face and washes it down with coffee.

TOMMY
It's gonna be a biiig week for the
bachelor kid. Uh-huh.

(pauses)
How come you're not at work,
Zack?

ZACK
I took the week off.

TOMMY
Oh a week off? That's great!
What are you guys, going down

to the beach or something?

MISTY
(bitterly)
No, the backyard.

TOMMY
The backyard?

ZACK
(gets up and pours another cup of coffee)
I just wanna hang around the
house and relax.

TOMMY
Relax?! Oh, oh, good luck with those

maniacs you got livin' next door.

MISTY
Have you met the Martinezes yet,
Tommy?

TOMMY
No.

(gets up, opens the fridge door)
Nobody on the block has. But uh...
I did talk to the real estate broad
that sold 'em the place. Apparantly

their last house? It only... burnt

to the ground.

Tommy begins digging through the refrigerator. Zack raises his oversized eyebrows.

ZACK
Really.

TOMMY
Yep. A hideous, raging

inferno.

ZACK
... neighbours from hell.

Zack sits back down. Tommy finishes, closes the door and returns to the table, arms full with a pineapple, some kind of leftover meal wrapped in tin foil, and a bottle of syrup.

TOMMY
Maybe. Whatever it is, I'm sure
glad I'm not livin' next door to 'em.

I mean, come on, let's face it. Y'know,
these Martinezes are strange.

(leans closer to Zack)

I've been watching that house ever

since they moved in. No one goes in,

no one comes out, no visitors, no

deliveries. What do you think they're

eatin' over there, Zack?

ZACK
Well, maybe these people just wanna

to keep to themselves, Tommy.

(talks over Tommy, who begins to make

disgusted 'ugh!' noises)
Remember when the Knapps lived next

door? How many conversations did

you have with the Knapps? I had two.

They didn't even say goodbye when

they moved.

In the background, Funk gets up and looks through the fridge

TOMMY
Come on. Oh please, don't even

compare the two. I mean, at least

if they weren't conversatonal, the

Knapps were semi-normal. They

worked in their yard, they mowed

their lawn - they had a lawn to mow!

These Martinezes, we don't even know -

(takes a bite out of a barbecue rib, which came from the

tinfoil)

- how many of them there are!

FUNK
There are three of them.

Startled, and just now realizing that Funk was even in the room, everyone whirls around to look at her.

FUNK
They only come out at night.
(walks over to the table)
Brian Bell says they're nocturnal

feeders.

ZACK
oh, Brian Bell says.

FUNK
(looks at Tommy)
Last week, when I was up on

the roof spying on them with

my telescope, I saw them in

their backyard.

MISTY
(amused)

What were they doing, love?

FUNK

Digging.

Tommy and Funk both take a bite out of their food (ribs and an apple, respectively) at the same time, wide childish eyes level with each other's.

TOMMY

Kinda like... gravediggers?

FUNK
Maybe.

ZACK
(throws his pencil down)
Alright, that's enough of this

conversation.

(ushers Funk out of the room)
I'd like you to stop spying on the

Martinezes with Brian.

(turns to Tommy)
And I'd like you to stop filling her

head with such half-cocked

theories.

Zack walks off. Tommy drops his fork, wipes syrup from his face and shouts after him.

TOMMY
Where are you going?

ZACK (OFF-SCREEN)
I'm going to change into my vacation

togs.

TOMMY
Are you done with your eggs?

Tommy smiles sweetly at Misty as he reaches for Zack's abandoned plate. Then he stuffs his face with scrambled eggs.

END SCENE