INT.
ZACK'S BEDROOM – Evening
Zack's
given Misty the book to look at. She flips through it while he sits at the end
of the bed, watching TV, with a vaguely zombie-like expression on his face.
Cauliflower sits next to him.
Satanists, eh? Ritual killers.
Nice.
Very very nice.
(shuts the book, looks at Zack)
So let me get this straight, the
Martinezes are offering up the Greenleafs
as a sort of human sacrifice to Beelzebub,
is that it?
ZACK
That's one of the theories, yeah.
Lovely, lovely. So, this is
your relaxing
week at home, then? I
wouldn't have
missed this for the world. A
week in
Jonestown.
She
gets out of bed and heads for the door. Zack looks at her.
Where are you going?
MISTY
… to the toilet. Relax.
(walks off)
Zack sighs and directs his attention back to the telly, where, ironically enough, the Exorcist is playing. He watches for a few minutes, then changes the channel to – if you can believe it – the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He switches it again, and finds Hannibal.
INT.
ZACK'S BEDROOM – later that night
The
TV is static. We pan over to find Zack asleep. Groggily he stretches his arm
into the space next to him, expecting to find Misty, but finds the book
instead. He opens his eyes, blinks.
… misty?
CUT
TO: Zack walking downstairs. He peers into the living room.
ZACK
Misty?
(walks into the front hall and
checks the computer room)
Misty!
Suddenly a chainsaw rips through the wall behind him, right through a portrait of Misty, Zack, Kooky and Funk (Misty – beaming; Zack – solemn resignation; Kooky – covered in paint; Funk – fingers pulling up to expose inside of nostrils.) The side of the picture with Zack on it falls off the wall and crashes to the floor.
Zack dives into the kitchen and crawls until he reaches the back door, then stands up. The door swings open and smoke pours into the house until it fills the whole screen… then it fades and we're looking at Misty on the back porch.
MISTY
Zaaaackkky… it was so nice of you
to invite the new neighbours over for
a barbecue.
And suddenly, Zack finds himself being tied onto a human-sized barbecue pit by several hooded figures. Tommy's chanting voice is heard: "I wanna kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is our pal." Zack looks around at the hooded figures and finds a familiar face: the scruffy kid from the Martinez home, holding a chainsaw and grinning at him. Then we hear a voice:
CRUNK
Horribleman!
Zack looks over to see Crunk standing in a garbage can, holding Merton. She's got an axe in her head – the dog has a miniature one to match.
CRUNK
Oh, Horribleman, whatever you do,
don't let them do to you what they
did to meeee…
Vick the garbageman walks up and seizes the handle of the can. He looks at Crunk and winces.
VICK
oooh. I bet that hurts, huh?
We hear the screech of a blender. The camera cuts over to see Tommy spring up from behind a tree, wearing glasses, dressed in Soda Fountain Attire. He grins manically and walks over to Zack
TOMMY
Hey hey hey! Who the heck ordered
the blood shake,
eh? Hahaha!
(takes his glasses off, leans closer to Zack, eyes wide)
hey Zack, it's not really Skip, it's me, Tommy.
I'm just pretending to be Skip. Hey you didn't
happen to see an ice pick anywhere around here
did ya?
(giggles like a maniac, ducks out of sight)
The middle-aged woman Zack saw earlier walks over to him, holding a sword.
WOMAN
Importe de su propio negocio!
(raises the sword, aiming for Zack)
IMPORTE DE SU PROPIO NEGOCIO!
(brings it down)
ZACK
… huh? Crap!
Then we CUT TO ZACK'S BEDROOM, morning. It'd been a dream. Zack sits on his bed like a zombie, clutching a cup of coffee and staring blankly at the telly. Mr. Roger's is on, singing his theme song. Zack sings quietly along – "I have always wanted to have a neighbour just like you" – before catching himself and shutting his mouth. He picks up the remote, thinking about shutting the TV off, then sighs and throws it. He gets up and wanders out of the room, and we
FADE TO him sitting on the back porch, sipping from his cup of coffee. Sangy and Tommy run around to the back of the house and shout at him.
TOMMY
Zack! Hey, Zack! We got a plan!
Come on, we got –
Zack starts to stand up. Misty walks out, hugs him, and he slowly sits back down. She turns to face the others.
MISTY
Sorry guys, my husband's not feeling well
today. He has to stay inside.
SANGY
(looks at Tommy and whispers childishly)
oooh, he was bad.
TOMMY
Come on!
SANGY
Pleeease, Misty, let him come out?
Misty starts to lead Zack into the house. He goes willingly.
SANGY
Come on!
MISTY
He can't come out until he resembles
the Horribleman
that I married!
TOMMY
We don't have that kind of time!
Misty disappears into the house.
SANGY
Misty, please let him come out!
TOMMY
Come on!
She returns outside and gives them all an especially withering Look.
MISTY
I think that I have given you
my answer.
Tommy looks down and kicks the ground with his foot, defeated. Sangy shoves her hands in her pockets. They walk off sadly like little kids, glancing back at the house as if hoping Misty will come back out and say "awww, I'm only kidding. Of course he can come out!"