Bogans!!!

Bogan is Australian (especially teenage) slang for someone who is not `with it' in terms of behaviour and appearance, someone who is 'not us'; hence, someone horrible, contemptible.
Some lexicographers have suspected that the term may derive from a town called Bogan Gate, the 'way through' the Mullet Proof Fence, but this is far from certain, and it seems more likely to be an unrelated coincidence.

Bogans (maximumus tightblackjeanus withmulletus.) were first identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) and the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney). It is believed the initial Bogan population was introduced to such places as Wollongong and Yass.

However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Cooma and Golburn, while authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from The early'90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Canberra, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts were moved to a small protection reserve called Queanbeyan.

In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered.

 
Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" (short front and sides, long at back). Some scientists believe the growth is genetic, while others argue it is a product of nurture, as even extremely young males seem coerced by parents to adopt the growth. Other distinguishing male characteristics include a tight black denim covering on the hind limbs and bright flannelette markings on the forepaws and belly. Males adopt a dominant status within the community, with a vague sense of rank defined by the ownership of aging Ford and Holden motor vehicles and the size of there mullet.

Female Bogans are entrusted with the raising of multiple offspring, a role they perform from a young age and often without the presence of the male. They may be similarly identified through distinctive denim markings, though the colour is usually "stonewash". In warmer weather, females have been known to shed the lower layer of demin to just below the genital area, resulting in a "cut-off" effect. Both males and females have been known to cover their lower hind limbs with furry pouches called "ugh-boots."

Bogans live in small shabby fibro houses with their paint peeling or washed away, their scraggly yards full of dust, weeds and rusting pieces of iron and old cars.

While the wild population of Bogans is dwindling, it is still possible to view them in their natural environment. The species has been known to congregate around regional "shopping malls", where family units often come to settle domestic issues using high-pitched wailing sounds. After sunset, younger males and females meet in small dark enclaves known as "Taverns" where they consume large amounts of a liquid called "Bourbon.".Bogans also drink "Bourbon and Coke", "Rum and Coke", "Rum and Bourbon", and assorted "Beers" depending on their Habbitat.

There are numerous factors attributed to the decline of the local Bogans population. Scientists have identified the unpopularity of stadium rock as a contributing cause, while the development of adequate social infrastructure (ie. schools, medium density housing) may have fragmented the species. More controversial theories suggest many bogans may have removed their mullets, purchased "cargo pants" and attempted to integrate themselves in mainstream population, but these claims are yet to be substantiated.

Authorities got a better idea of Bogan numbers when many Bogans congregated in mid-2001 when Bogan elders AC/DC visited major Bogan settlements for concerts. Other Bogan-centric pursuits include Big Wheel truck racing and the Motor Show.

At present there seems little hope of restoring the Bogan population to its previous levels. Recent attempts included the development of a new artificial habitat named "Queanbeyan", but is seems this area may be too close to civilisation to attract large numbers of the species.

More successful is an enclosed breeding program called "V8 Supercars", takes place annually. The program has proven highly effective, combining motor vehicles and bourbon with rampant displays of female sexuality.

Authorities advise should you unwittingly cross paths with one of these unfortunate creatures, your best form of defence would be to point and laugh hysterically but also advise caution, as these tend to be a pack breed and are rarely seen out grazing alone.