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These readings are only truly indicative of the poster's beliefs, if even that.
The humble spoon contains the secret of understanding your existence, for in it you can see yourself from a thousand different angles.
On The Importance of Spiritual Tradition
There was a master in a monastery that had about thirty disciples. They used to conduct meditation, prayer, and other spiritual exercises. The master loved cats, and therefore had a cat in his monastery. During meditation, the cat would run around disturbing the meditation. The disciples complained to the master, so the master tied the cat in the corner of the meditation hall during meditation time, in order that it would not cause a disturbance.
Thus, things went on. During meditation, the cat would be tied in the corner, while at other times it was free to roam. Several years later the master died, but the cat remained, and the disciples continued to tie the cat in the corner during meditation.
Eventually, the disciples changed; the new disciples did not know why there was a cat inside the hall during meditation, but they nevertheless continued to tie it in the corner at the appropriate time. And when in time the cat died, they went and bought a new one, and tied that one in the corner during meditation time, too.
As time went by the group grew and founded new monasteries. The new master, though he did not know the origin of the cat in the corner, said that it helped the meditation and therefore declared, "Let us have a cat tied in the corner during meditation time in all our monasteries." So in all of their monasteries, there was a cat tied in the corner during meditation time.
Soon many learned treatises were being written about the spiritual importance of tying a cat in the corner during meditation. Some disciples even wrote that it was impossible to meditate properly without the cat.
And this is how Theology and the Philosophy of Religion are created.
A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for the task for which it was created, but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Do you notice that there are flowers only on your side of the path but not on the other pot's side? That is because I have always known about your flaw. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you have watered them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots but, it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
Take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. Blessed are the flexible, for they are never bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or, as I like to think of it, if it hadn't been for the crackpots in my life it would have been pretty boring and life certainly wouldn't have been beautifully interesting...
A young student asked of the Master "what did you do before you became
Master?"
The Master replied "I fetched wood and carried water."
The Student asked "What do you do now that you are Master?"
The Master replied "I fetch wood and carry water."
Lao Tzu
Now, just about everyone who has hung about spiritual circles for any time has heard this. It may not be from Lao Tzu, legendary composer of the Tao Te Ching, maybe 2500 years ago, contemporary, more or less, with Gautama the Buddha, as it is often said to come from Ch'an or Zen sources. But what does that matter?
We may take the ordinary events of life as unimportant when we engage on what we perceive as the `great mystical journey.'
Still, what does this cost us? Is it worth the price?
We have this trip to take; but can we say which parts of life are more or less important?
After the powerful `peak experience,' it always seems to go back to this: "Chop wood; carry water."
Maybe we have to learn that no thing in life is more than another, and each is part of the warp and woof, the interwoven strands, the weaving, of its tapestry.
Is enlightenment then just that, the putting down of the heavy load we have carried and been burdened by, our suffering?
Are we then like Sisyphus, who was condemned by Zeus to push the heavy boulder up the hill, nearly to the peak, only to, forever, have it slip from his grasp to the bottom again, only to have to start again over and over from the beginning?
"Before Satori, 'Chop wood; carry water;' after Satori, 'chop wood, carry water.' "
Riddle #2
Patch upon patch
Without any stitches
Riddle me that
And I'll buy you some britches.
Riddle #3
Hicky Picky locked the gate Hicky picky locked it weel Hicky Picky locked the gate without iron or steel.
Answers Answer
RIDDLE 1
"Neither flesh,
Nor feathers, nor bone
But Still has fingers
and thumbs of its own
Answer Answer
A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner Dr. Eskin and its steward Benny who managed to swim to the closest island.
After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. The other man was quite calm, relaxing against a tree.
"Dr. Eskin, Dr. Eskin, how can you be so calm?" cried the Benny. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."
"Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Benny," began the confident Dr. Eskin. "Five years ago I gave the United Way $500,000. and another $500,000. to the United Jewish Appeal. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, since I did very well in the stock market, I contributed $750,000. to each. Last year business was good, so the two charities each got a million dollars."
"So what?" shouted Benny.
"Well, it's time for their annual fund drives, and I know they're going to find me," smiled Dr. Eskin.
NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.
"Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."
Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence."
"I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."
The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. As a matter of longstanding policy, He has traditionally left the task of interpreting His message and divine will to clerics, rabbis, priests, imams, and Biblical scholars. Theologians and laymen alike have been given the task of pondering His ineffable mysteries, deciding for themselves what to do as a matter of faith. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by the deep sense of shock, outrage, and sorrow He felt over the Sept. 11 violence carried out in His name, and over its dire potential ramifications around the globe.
"I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you'd get it straight, because I thought it was pretty important," said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions. "I guess I figured I'd left no real room for confusion after putting it in a four-word sentence with one-syllable words, on the tablets I gave to Moses. How much more clear can I get?"
"But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody's spouting off some nonsense about, 'God says I have to kill this guy, God wants me to kill that guy, it's God's will,'" God continued. "It's not God's will, all right? News flash: 'God's will' equals 'Don't murder people.'"
Worse yet, many of the worst violators claim that their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur'an.
"To be honest, there's some contradictory stuff in there, okay?" God said. "So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit it—My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it's God's will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall."
God praised the overwhelming majority of His Muslim followers as "wonderful, pious people," calling the perpetrators of the Sept. 11 attacks rare exceptions.
"This whole medieval concept of the jihad, or holy war, had all but vanished from the Muslim world in, like, the 10th century, and with good reason," God said. "There's no such thing as a holy war, only unholy ones. The vast majority of Muslims in this world reject the murderous actions of these radical extremists, just like the vast majority of Christians in America are pissed off over those two bigots on The 700 Club."
Continued God, "Read the book: 'Allah is kind, Allah is beautiful, Allah is merciful.' It goes on and on that way, page after page. But, no, some assholes have to come along and revive this stupid holy-war crap just to further their own hateful agenda. So now, everybody thinks Muslims are all murderous barbarians. Thanks, Taliban: 1,000 years of pan-Islamic cultural progress down the drain."
God stressed that His remarks were not directed exclusively at Islamic extremists, but rather at anyone whose ideological zealotry overrides his or her ability to comprehend the core message of all world religions.
"I don't care what faith you are, everybody's been making this same mistake since the dawn of time," God said. "The Muslims massacre the Hindus, the Hindus massacre the Muslims. The Buddhists, everybody massacres the Buddhists. The Jews, don't even get me started on the hardline, right-wing, Meir Kahane-loving Israeli nationalists, man. And the Christians? You people believe in a Messiah who says, 'Turn the other cheek,' but you've been killing everybody you can get your hands on since the Crusades."
Growing increasingly wrathful, God continued: "Can't you people see? What are you, morons? There are a ton of different religious traditions out there, and different cultures worship Me in different ways. But the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism... every religious belief system under the sun, they all say you're supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It's not that hard a concept to grasp."
"Why would you think I'd want anything else? Humans don't need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other—you've been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes!" God said. "The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get?"
"I'm talking to all of you, here!" continued God, His voice rising to a shout. "Do you hear Me? I don't want you to kill anybody. I'm against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don't kill each other anymore—ever! I'm fucking serious!"
Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept.
Osama bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering who to terrorize next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Laden" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Osama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Osama paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr.Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Osama asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Osama sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Osama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Saints above!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Laden! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Osama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"
The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in Big trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, Big trouble?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"
JESUS LOVES YOU. Itfs the rest of us that think youfre an asshole.
RELIGION IS FOR PEOPLE AFRAID OF GOING TO HELL, SPIRTUALITY IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALREADY BEEN THERE
HAVING ABANDONED MY SEARCH FOR TRUTH, IfM LOOKING FOR A GOOD FANTASY
DONfT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK
HAIL TO THE SUN GOD! HEfS A REAL FUN GOD! RA, RA, RA!
gIfM PRO-CHOICE AND I SHOOT BACKh
ANOTHER CATHOLIC JOKE: Sex is evil. EVIL IS A SIN. SIN IS FORGIVEN. SO SEX IS IN.
WHATfS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEW AGE AND PAGAN? ABOUT $500 A WEEKEND
THE DEFINITION OF gSAINTh: gA DEAD LIBERAL WHO IS WORSHIPPED BY LIVING CONSERVATIVESh
PLEASE DONfT SQUEEZE THE SHAMAN!
***ERROR #666 HARD DRIVE POSSESSED! LOAD EXOR.SYS (Y/N)***
HECK IS A PLACE FOR PEOPLE WHO DONfT BELIEVE IN GOSH
I HAD MY CARfS ALIGNMENT CHANGED. ITfS CHAOTIC EVIL!
I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD: BUDDHA
WASP – WE ARE SEXY PAGANS
CHRISTIANS: YOU CANfT LIVE WITH THEM, YOU CANfT FEED THEM TO THE LIONS ANYMORE
DRUIDS DO IT IN STONE CIRCLES
THAT WAS ZEN; THIS IS TAO
DEATH TO ALL FANATICS
NEVER TRUST A PRIEST WITH A HARD ON
JESUS IS COMING EVERYONE LOOK BUSY
MY KARMA RAN OVER YOUR DOGMA
MILITANT AGNOSTIC, I DONfT KNOW AND NEITHER DO YOU
RELIGION IS WHAT KEEPS THE POOR FROM MURDERING THE RICH
GOD PROTECT ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS
LORD, HELP ME TO BE THE PERSON MY DOG THINKS I AM
BORN OK THE FIRST TIME
DOING MY PART TO PISS OFF THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT
IfM SLIPPING DOWN THE FOOD CHAIN
RELIGIOUS FREEDOM MEANS ANY RELIGION
COFFEE IS GOD
DECAF IS THE ANTI-CHRIST
GOD, PROTECT ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS
FUN IS MY SPIRITUAL PATH
CHURCHES SHOULD STAY OUT OF POLITICS OR BE TAXED
ITfS YOUR HELLc YOU BURN IN IT
HERETIC
YOU CANfT KILL THE SPIRIT
OH SURE, BUT WHATfS THE SPEED OF DARKh
LOVE YOUR ENEMIES. IT REALLY CONFUSES THEM.
SUBVERT THE DOMINENT PARADIGM
RELIGIONS ARE JUST CULTS WITH LOTS MORE MEMBERS
DONfT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOUfRE TOLD
FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DAMN FAMILY
A CONSCIENCE DOESNfT PREVENT SIN, IT JUST PREVENTS YOU FROM ENJOYING IT.
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION
SHUT UP AND BE SUPPORTIVE
MINI VANS ARE TANGIBLE EVIDENCE OF EVIL
DONfT SPANK ME WITH YOUR BIBLE BELT
HERMITS UNITE
THE GODDESS IS ALIVE AND MAGIC IS AFOOT
A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY
ALWAYS YEILD TO TEMPTATION BECAUSE IT MAY NOT PASS YOUR WAY AGAIN
ANKH IF YOU LOVE ISIS
BACK OFF IfM A GODDESS
BORN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAINc
BORN OK THE FIRST TIME
BORN AGAIN PAGAN
CHRISTIANITY HAS PAGAN DNA
CAUTION: NEVER DRIVER FASTER THAN YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL CAN FLY
DONfT MAKE ME GET VOODOO ON YOUR ASS
FREEDOM FROM RELIGION
GOD MUST LOVE STUPID PEOPLEc HE MADE SO MANY
GIVE ME THAT OLD TIME RELIGION
GET A TASTE OF RELIGIONc LICK A PRIESTESS
FREEDOM OF RELIGION MEANS ANY RELIGION
GODDESS BLESSED
GODDESS WORSHIPPER
GOD IS NOT A NAME. ITfS A JOB DESCRIPTION.
GOD IS COMING AND IS SHE PISSED
GOD IS COMING AND IS SHE FAT
HELL THE HOT PLACE TO BE
HAPPY HEATHEN
HIGHER POWERED
HOW DARE YOU PRESUME IfM A CHRISTIAN
I AM A GOD
I AM A GODDESS
I BELIEVE IN MAGIC
IF YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO EVILS, PICK THE ONE YOUfVE NEVER TRIED BEFORE!
IF THEY DONfT HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AINfT GOING.
PAGAN & PROUD
PAGANS GO HOME YOUR FOREST NEEDS YOU
PAGANS MAKE BETTER LOVERS
PLEASE LORD, WINNING THE LOTTORY WONfT SPOIL ME.
NO, MY POWERS CAN ONLY BE USED FOR GOOD.
MY GODDESS GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR GOD
LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATIONc I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
MAGIC HAPPENS
LAST TIME WE MIXED RELIGION WITH POLITICSc PEOPLE GOT BURNED AT THE STAKE
KEEP YOUR ROSARIES OFF MY OVARIES!
JUDGING BY PICTURES, HELL LOOKS MORE INTERESTING THAN THAT OTHER PLACE.
JESUS PAID FOR OUR SINS. NOW LETfS GET OUR MONEYfS WORTH!
JESUS IS COMING LOOK BUSY
JESUS LOVES YOU, BUT IfM HIS FAVORITE
I WALK THE PATH OF THE ANCIENT ONES
IN GODDESS WE TRUST
ITfS A DRUID THING
I THING WE MET IN A PAST LIFE, AND I WAS A WITCH THEN, TOO!
IfM REALLY EASY TO GET ALONG WITH ONCE YOU PEOPLE LEARN TO WORSHIP ME.
IfM PAGAN AND I VOTE
I KNOW THEREfS A HELL - I WORK IN RETAIL
Back in the 16th century, about the time of the Reformation (not ours, but the Christian churches) it was common to use "thee, thou, thy, thine" to address close friends and "you, you, yours, your) when addressing multiply people or when speaking to a superior, respected person or a stranger (c.f. tu vs. vous in French, Du vs. Sie in German, ect.)
Well the protestant revolution introduced the idea of having a direct connection with god and encouraged a more personal link. People followed Jesus' lead and spoke to Jesus, God, ect with the familial form. However due to perhaps growing English stand-offishness and societal alienation, soon stopped using the familial form... except in church. Church being a place where public behaviour is scrutinized, somehow people began to believe that "thee, thy, .." was only for respected people; in effect, REVERSING the previous roles of these two categories!!
I guess their maybe an underlying lesson; "People tend to misunderstand the closeness of the gods." Even monotheists have constantly told us that God is not up in the sky, but between your shoulder blades. The Qu'ran says "God is closer to you than your juglar vein." Let's try to see the gods around and in us in our daily lives.
Leafs caught in stream's flow. Scarred, wrinkled and tossed away. Is this retirement?
It's obvious that the Ancient Irish ate alot, despite the sparse kinds of foods which included;
Plants
Wheat (rare), oats, hops & barley (mostly for beer), apples/pears, strawberries, cabbage, onions, kale, squash, turnips, parsnips, garlic, leeks, wild mushrooms, hazlenuts, chestnuts, acorns (only if desperate).
They raised and hunted the following animal fleshes:
sheep, goats, swine, cattle, pheasant, chicken (rare), honey, deer, rabbits, seals and anything else that moved slow plus wild bird eggs.
Dairy products It appears that milk products abounded in great diversity and played an important part of the diet.
From the ocean
clams, crabs, lobsters, oysters, mussels, periwinkle, prawns, mackeral, salmon, trout, plaice, kippers among others.
The harpist is the only musician who is of noble standing. Flute-players, trumpeters, and timpanists, as well as jugglers, conjurers and equestrians who stand on the backs of horses at fairs, have no stuatus of their own in the comuunity, only that of the noble chieftain to whom they are attached.
Speech is given to three: to the historian poet for the narration and relating of tales, to the poet-seer for praise and satire, and to the Brehon for giving judgement.
The time alloted to each Brehon for pleading his case is log or short according to his dignity. In determining the length of the speech he is allowed, count eighteen brethings to the minute.
Children shall be sent at an early age to distant members of the tribe to be reared in the hereditary professions of law, medicine, peotic composition or war, or of tilling th esoil and wifeliness. Foster children shall be returned to their parents at the marriage age: fourteen for girls and seventeen for boys.
No need to fear the wind if your haystacks are tied down.
Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbour. It makes you shoot at your landlord. And it makes you miss him.
Humour, to a man, is like a feather pillow. It is filled with what is easy to get but gives great comfort.
Many an Irish property was increased by the lace of a daughter's petticoat.
Charm against backache:
May Peter take it and take it Paul,
May Michael take it and take it John,
May Moleesha take it, may Mweelin take
This pain from my back, this savage ache.
Charm for a Happy Death:
When your eyes shall be closing
And your mouth be opening
And your senses be slipping away.
When your heart shall grow cold
And your limbs be old
God comfort your soul that day.
Charm for taking Snuff at a Wake
Seven fills of Patrick's Island,
Seven Fills of the tomb of Christ,
Of the blessings of the good God on your soul,
And on the souls of the seven generations before you.
Three Rudes ones of the world
Three Ungentlemanly things:
Three laughing stocks of the world.
Just before Rosh Hashana, a team of terrorists invades the shul and takes the rabbi, the cantor and the shul president hostage. Hours later, the governor stands tough, he won't give them a million dollars, nor a getaway car nor a Jumbo Jet.
The terrorists gather the three hostages in a corner and inform them that things look bad and they're going to have to shoot them. Nevertheless, to show that they're not really a bad bunch, they'll grant each hostage one wish.
"Please," says the rabbi, "for the last two months I've been working on my Rosh Hashana Sermon. What a waste to die now without having carried it before an audience. I'll go happilly if you let me recite my sermon. It's an hour - ninety minutes long, tops."
They promise to grant him the wish.
"Please," says the cantor, "after 50 years I've finally gotten the 'Hinneni' prayer just right. What a waste to die and not sing it to an audience. It's only about 45 minutes long - then I'll go happily."
The terrorists promise to grant the cantor his wish too and they turn to the shul president.
"Please," says the president with tears in his eyes, "Shoot me first!"
Nasruddin used to take his donkey across a frontier every day, with the panniers loaded with straw. Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he trudged home every night, the frontier guards searched him again and again. They searched his person, sifted the straw, steeped it in water, even burned it from time to time. Meanwhile he was visibly more and more prosperous. Then he retired and went to live in another country.
Here one of the customs officers met him, years later. "You can tell me now, Nasruddin," he said. "Whatever was it that you were smuggling, when we could never catch you out?"
"Well now that you ask... Donkeys", said Nasruddin.
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it. Said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
"Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
But then...
A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is:
That no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
Spring is come, and many of us are not joyous, since the cycles of business and academia don't really care about seasons too much. Sure we get some holdidays, but are they holydays? Sigh.
I went out to try and catch fish, barehanded. Didn't work well. Touched about 8 of them, but I lacked the claws and my mouth was too small to catch them well.
Getting sunny, wearing my big straw hat in DC. I look funny, but it sure does the trick. Who says outrageous fashion has to be impractical?
My Back really hurts, grey squirrels frolicking and bounding. Is this Jealousy?
Harveys Homily:
A mans brain is his Achilles heel.
Newmans law:
Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.
Gregorys Observations:
A belief is of no value until you can defend it rationally against all comers.
When a man becomes so busy that he forgets the beautiful things in life, then it can be said, he is truly poor.
Humistons Law:
When youre up to your as in alligators, it is hard to remember that your original intention was to drain the swamp.
Grandpas Law:
Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one.
Renaus Rural Rule:
If your cow doesnt give milk, sell him.
Browns Bromid:
A "peace loving nation" is one which bans fireworks and makes hydrogen bombs.
J.B. Stearns Homily:
Success is like a fart- only your own smells good.
Finley Peter Dunnes Credo
Trust eveybody; but always cut the cards.
Nowlans Theory.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit. -
Longs Notes:
1. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
2. Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
G.K. Chestertons Observation:
I have seen the truth,... and it makes no sense.
Feldsteins Law:
Never, ever, play leap-frog with a unicorn.
The Golden Rule:
He who makes the gold, makes the rules.
Greenbergs First Law of Experts:
You dont ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
Hobsons Homily:
Common sense is the least common of all senses.
Jaegers Facts:
1. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and hell believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and hell have to touch to be sure.
2. Theres a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.
Emil Freireichs Law:
General solutions to specific problems become specific problems with general solutions.
Grandma Soderquists Thoughts:
There are those who dont even like to be rubbed the right way.
Hodges Homily:
There comes a time in a mans life when he must rise above principle.
Sammy Davis, Jr.s Dictum:
A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesnt feel like it.
Leo Rostens Law:
Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
Dickersons Truism:
"Off the top of the head" ideas are like dandruff - small and flaky.
Attorneys Rule:
If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, pound the table and yell like hell.
Cavanahs Discovery
Never, ever, enter a battle of wits half-armed.
Duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Got any bread?" Bartender says, "No, no bread here.".
Next day, the duck walks in again and says, "Got any bread?" Bartender says, "No, sorry buddy, still no bread." The very next day the duck walks into the bar yet again and says to the bartender, "Got any bread?".
Bartender is getting annoyed at this point and says, "No! We do not have any bread here! No bread! N-O NO bread!" But again, the very next day the duck is back, and again the duck says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender just about throws a fit and says to the duck, "I have never had any bread, I will never have any bread and I don't have any bread now, AND if you EVER come in here asking for bread again I will nail your feet to the bar!"
Next day, duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any nails?" Bartender says, "No." Duck says, "Got any bread?"
Once in ancient India there was a tournament held to test marksmanship in archery. A wooden fish was set up on a high pole and the eye of the fish was the target. One byu one many valiant princes came and tried thier skill, but in vain. Before each one shot his arrow the teacher asked him what he saw, and invariably all replied that they saw a fish on a pole at a great height with head, eyes, fins, etc.; but Arjuna as he took his aim, saying, "I see only the eye of the fish," and he was the only one who succeeded in hitting the mark.
One day an archery teacher took his student to a cliff top range where the waves of the ocean beat thunderously at the base, wild winds tore at their clothes. The teacher set up a target and told the student, "Hit the target." The student aimed very carefully and managed to hit the target dead in the middle. "Very good", said the teacher, "Now it is my turn." The teacher pulled the bow back as far as it could been, aimed and released it...completely in the wrong direction. It soured and hit the ocean far away. "Bulls-eye!" the teacher cried.
The fair was in full swing, and Nasrudins senior disciple asked whether he and his fellow sudents might be allowed to visit it. "Ceretainly," said Nasruddin; "for this is an ideal opportunity to continue practical teaching."
The Mulla headed straight for the shooting gallery, one of the greatest attractions: for large prizes were offered for even one bulls-eye. At the appearance of the Mulla and his flock the townsfolk gathered around. When Nasrudin himself took up the bow and three arrows, tension mounted. Here, surely, it would be demonstratted that Nasrudin too had his limits!
"Study me attentively," The Mulla flexed the bow, tilted his cap to the back of his head like a soldier, took careful aim and fired. The arrow went very wide of the mark. There was a roar of derision from the crowd, and Nasrudins pupils stirred uneasily, muttering to one another.
The Mulla turned and faced them all. "Silence! This was a demonstration of how the soldier shoots. He is often wide of the mark. That is why he loses wars. At the moment when I fired I was identified with a soldier. I said to myself, "I am a soldier, firing at the enemy."
He picked up the second arrow, slipped it into the bow and tweaked the string. The arrow fell short, halfway towards the target. There was a dead silence.
"Now," said Nasrudin to the company, "you have seen the shot of a man who was too eager to shoot, yet who having failed at his first shot, was too nervous to concentrate. The arrow fell short."
Even the stall holder was fascinated by these explanations. The Mulla turned nonchalently towards the target, aimed and let his arrow fly. It hit the very center of the bullseye. Very deliberately he surveyed the prizes, picked the one which he like the best, and started to walk away. A clamor broke out.
"Silence!" said Nasrudin, "Let one of you ask me what you all seem to want to know."
For a moment nobody spoke. Then a yokel shuffled forward. "We want to know who fired the htird shot."
"That? Oh, that was me again."
I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us... We need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forest far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the ax for the frozen sea inside us. -Franz Kafka
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldnt give it up because by that time I was too famous. -Robert Benchley
Three kinds of prayers, and souls:
1. I am a bow in your hands, Lord. Draw me, lest I rot.
2. Do not overdraw me, Lord. I shall break.
3. Overdraw me, Lord, and who cares if I break!
The problem with introducing Oriental spirituality into America today is that the cultural barrier which the light from the East must pass through functions as a thick prism. The prism consists of American consumer culture and psychological individualism. Robbed by the prism of its color and sharpness, the now refracted oriental light serves as one more support for the structure its original teachers had most hoped it would undermine: the isolated, Western competitive ego.
The application of this knife, the division of the world into parts and the building of this structure is something everybody does. All the time we are aware of millions of things around us - these changing shapes, these burning hills, the sound of the engine, the feel of the throttle, each rock and weed and fence post and piece of debris beside the road - aware of these things but not really conscious of them unless there is something unusual or unless they reflect something we are predisposed to see. We couldn't possibly be conscious of these things and remember all of them because our mind would be so full of useless details we would be unable to think.. From all this awareness we must select, and what we select and call consciousness is never the same as the awareness because the process of selection mutatues it. We take a handfull of sand from the endless landscape of awareness around us and call that handful of sand the world.
"Oh, if only it were possible to find understanding," Joseph exclaimed. "If only there were a dogma to believe in. Everything is contradictory, everything tangential; there are no certainties anywhere. Everything can be interpreted one way and then again interpreted in the opposite sense. The whole of world history can be explained as development and progress and can also be seen as nothing but decadence and meaninglessness. Isn't there any truth? Is there no real and valid doctrine?"
The master had never heard him speak so fervently. He walked on in silence for a little, then said, "there is truth, my boy. But the doctrine you desire, absolute, perfect dogma athat alone provides wisdom, does not exist. Nor should you long for a perfect doctrine, my friend. Rather, you should long for the perfection of yourself. The deity is within you., not in ideas and books. Truth is lived, not taught. Be prepared for conflicts, Joseph- I can see they have already begun."
"Peace is such a precious jewel that I would give anything for it but truth."
You may study with the highest teachers, but you will find no one buy yourself teaching you. You may travel the world over, yet find nothing but yourself, reflected the world over. So if you now find yourself in a cell, take heart that out of all the teachers in the world, out of all the places in the world, you still have with you the only ultimate ingredient of your journey: yourself.
All the archaic images are surfacing out of the collectice unconsciousness. The ancient ways and ancient esoteric schools have taken on a new life in the midst of a technological society. From Tibet, from the Middle East, from Scotland, from Mexico, and from the American Southwest, the archaic ways are coming back and offering themselves to us. They have lived in secret for a long time, and in secrecy they have flourished. Now, as they blaze forth into the open, they will die and, in their death, make a new life possible. Like a dying star that in its explosive end scatters the material needed for the evolution of life, the supernova of esoteric and occult we are witnessing is both an end and a beginning.
No one ever told us we had to study our lives, make of our lives a study, as if learning natural history or music, that we should begin with the simple exercises first and slowly go on trying the hard ones, practicing till the strength and accuracy became one with the daring to leap into transcendence, take the chance of breaking down in the wild arpeggio or faulting the full sentence of the fugue. ... And in fact we can't live like that: we take on everything at once becfore we've even begun to read or mark time, we're forced to begin in the midst of the hardest movement, the one already sounding as we are born....
Every religion has to eventually come to grips with the existence of death, "evil" and decay. Some, like Shinto, claim that evil comes from contaminating activity; bad karma if you will. Other religions, such as the monotheistics believe similiarly, but posit a deity (Satan/Shaitan) as the source of all this woe.
I can't speak definitively for the RDNA, but I believe that Nature removes creatures so that new ones can take their place. Like it or not, our limited units are bound to wear out, but the greater process (call it evolution or whatever) continues on with or without our interaction and input/influence.
Without death and decay, certain emotions would not be possible for us. We know that if you remove a few instruments from an orchestra, the result is less dear. In such a way, our life's music (whether sad or joyous in tone) is more rich as a result of our opportunities to experience our grief, regret, misgivings, anger towards death. They say that certain trees can not flower in spring until they have sufficiently been frozen by frost.
Ecologically and culturally, a rebirth happens every year around New Year/Christmas. The sun returns up from his earlier descent to fight towards spring. Governments and businesses begin anew with a calendar year. People call forth on their best wishes towards their fellow men, and hope this will last until next year. I like-wise hope you have a wonderful year, and fulfill your dreams and hopes.
After watching "Chicken Run," I received this story from my Japanese teacher. It is by Abe Kobou, and I've translated it into English for you.
A long time ago, chickens were still living freely in the wild. However their life was not an easy one, for they were chased about by weasels and cats; so much that there day was divided between searching far for food, and flying out of the reach of predators.
One day as they were pecking, a human came up to them carrying a bunch of timber and tools. He offered, "I will build you a wire-covered house in which you will be safe from predators." The chickens looked distrustingly at him. "Look here, I do not have claws like a cat, nor do I have fangs like a weasel. There is no reason to fear someone as harmless as me, is there?" The chickens began to discuss this, but the human quickly proceeded to construct the house without waiting for their decision.
The chickens inspected the entrance which had a large lock that could only be opened by a human hand. When they pointed it out, he said,"If you could open it, so much more could a weasel or a cat. Do not worry, if it is food you are seeking, I promise to bring some and fill your food box everyday." This impressed most of the chickens very much.
One chicken, distrusted the honeyed words of the human. "Perhaps," he said, "you wish to still our eggs, and sell us to the butcher?" The man smiled and replied, "I have only a wish to protect you. Why, indeed, perhaps you yourself are receiving bribes from the weasels and cats to dupe your fellow chickens from this safe alternative?"
This immediately divided the chickens. As the wise chicken could neither prove or disprove his innocence, he was soon doubted and ostracized from the group. A great debate broke out, but eventually the sensible faction decided, "Let's try it for now, and if we don't like it, I'm sure that we can renegotiate an equitable change of the contract." That decided the issue and their victory was sealed. The human, gentilely opened the door wide and the chickens stately marched into the coop. The rest, as we all know, is history. (See "Chicken Run" the movie, 2000)