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I had the meanest mother in the world. 
While other kids had candy for breakfast,
I had to eat cereal, eggs, and toast. 
While other kids had cakes and candy for lunch
I had a sandwich. 
As you can guess,
my dinner was different from other dinners, too.

My mother insisted on knowing
where we were at all times. 
You'd think we were on a chain gang or something. 
She had to know who our friends were
and what we were doing.

I am ashamed to admit it,
but she actually had the nerve
to break the child labor law. 
That's right, she made us WORK! 
We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
and learn how to cook. 
That woman must have stayed awake at nights
thinking up things for us kids to do.

And she insisted that
we tell the truth,
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.







By the time we were teenagers,
she was much wiser
and our life became more unbearable.
None of this tooting the car horn for us to come running;
she embarrassed us to no end
by insisting that our friends
come to the door and get us.

I forgot to mention
that most of our friends were allowed to date
at the mature age of 12 or 13. 
But our old-fashioned Mother
refused to let us date
until we were 15. 

She really raised a bunch of squares. 
None of us were ever arrested for shoplifting
or busted for dope. 
And whom do we have to thank for this? 

You're right, our
mean mother.

I am trying to raise my children
to stand a little straighter and taller
and I am secretly tickled to pieces
when my children call me mean. 
I thank God for giving me the
Meanest Mother in the World.

Our country doesn't need a good five-cent cigar. 
It needs more mean Mothers like mine.

Blessings on the wonderful woman for eternity!
Meanest Mother in the World
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