TOW The Candy Hearts
Phoebe: Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing this ritual in the first place.

Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Rachel: Hey he's wearing a sweater.
Monica: No

Monica: Yeah, well, I'd take a little crying any day over Howard, the "I win" guy. I win! I win! I went out with the guy for two months--I didn't get to win once.
Rachel: How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people.
Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're like some kinda magnets.
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.

Janice: By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: That's okay.
Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them and use them in your theater of cruelty!