| TOW The Jam |
| Monica: Hey, look at me! I'm making jam--been at it since 4 o'clock this morning. Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning? Monica: Went down to the docks. Hey, bet ya didn't know you can get it wholesale. Rachel: I didn't know there were docks. Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed? Joey: No! I had a whole story worked out but then, Chandler, uh, sold me out. Chandler: Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just fell out of the socket. Joey: Whoa! I love jam! Hey, home come we never have jam at our place? Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes. Chandler: Okay. Well, Janice said, "Hi, do I look fat today?" And I, I looked at her... Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You looked at her? You never look! You just answer! It's a reflex: Do I look fat? No! Is she prettier than I am? No! Does size matter? Rachel: No! Ross: And it works both ways. Joey: Remember when you were a kid and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon. Rachel: You're so pretty. "Okay, first--I'm not crazy. And second--say it, don't spray it."-Phoebe "Okay, I asked for the news not the weather"-Phoebe Chandler: Hey, Joe. I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place --buck naked [holding up one hand] or [holding up his other hand] a big tub of jam? Joey: Put your hands together. Monica: I figured I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now: babies. Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars. Monica: Alright, how's this? Twenty-seven. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family! Seven sisters and he's the only...boy. Oh my God, under personal comments: New York Knicks rule. Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule! Monica: Okay, sperm donor 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis. Ross: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna... Monica: You're gonna what? Ross: I'm gonna tell Mom. Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you but you're crazy. Ross: Crazy. Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something... Ross: Oh, it's not the ideal way... Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know? Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby. Rachel: Are you serious? Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan. Ross: Well, aren't you forgettin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad! Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid. Chandler: That's, that's what's stupid. Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff. Rachel: Down to the docks again? Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids. Monica: Two girls and a boy? Joey: Yeah! Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them. Joey: Sure! [Monica gets very depressed] But hey, you know this way sounds good too. Monica: Yeah. Rachel: [reading a note] 'Gone for more jars. Back Later. Monica Geller.' Ross: Wait a minute, look. Rachel: What? Ross: Look, look, look. Rachel: What, what, what? Ross: It's an empty apartment. Rachel: Oooh. Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment. Rachel: Honey, come on. I have to be at work in like 10 minutes. [Ross starts kissing her neck] Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything [they fall onto the couch] |