| TOW Phoebe Hates PBS |
| Phoebe: Ugh, PBS. Monica: What's wrong with PBS? Phoebe: What's right with them?! Joey: Why don't you like PBS Pheebs? Phoebe: After my mom killed herself, I was a really bad place you know personally. I just thought it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street cause they were nice when I was little. No one ever wrote back Chandler: Well, you know, most of those muppets dont have thumbs Phoebe: All I got was a lousy keychain and by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys! Ross: Okay then. Here we go. Magic-8-Ball, should I never see Rachel again? "Ask again later." Later is not good enough! "Ask again later." What the hell!This is broken! It...it is broken. Monica: All right, let me see. Will Chandler have sex tonight? "Don't count on it" Seems like it works to me. Chandler: Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best. Monica: Keep talking. Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which won't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH...MY...GOD Monica: Really? Chandler: Oh-aw My God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex! Monica: Well, if we owe it? [she throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms] Oh my...when is Joey gonna be home? Ross: I bet if I talked to Carol and Susan, I could convince them to move to London with Ben. Monica: Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife would be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch up things with your new wife. Ross: It could happen. Phoebe:I can not believe I can't find a selfless good deed. You know that old guy that lives next door to me? Well I snuck over there and I raked up all the leaves on his front stoop but he caught me and he force fed me cider and cookies. Than I felt wonderful. That old jackass! Rachel: Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish. Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right! Phoebe: Hey Joey. I just wanted you to know that I found a selfless good deed. I went down to the park and let a bee sting me. Joey: What? What good is that gonna do anybody? Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of its bee friends. The bee's happy and I'm definitely not. Joey: You know, the bee probably died after he stung you. [long pause] Phoebe: Damn it! Joey: PBS Telethon. Phoebe: Hi Joey. Joey: Hi Pheebs. Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200. Joey: $200? You sure, Pheebs? I mean after what Sesame Street did to ya. Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also know that they bring happiness to lots of kids whose mom didn't kill themself. You know, so by supporting them I'm doing a good thing but I'm not happy about it. So, there. A selfless good deed. Joey: And you don't feel a little good about donating money? Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hampster. Joey: A hampster?What, those things are like ten bucks. Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on. Rachel: I don't care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she's ever had! Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? You said that? Monica: I might've said that. Why is that funny? Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! And you, you lucky dog. Chandler: Hey Monica, can I ask you a cooking question? Monica: Sure! Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard? Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend. Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. [does his Chandler dance]Hey, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves. Monica: Yeah, so? Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had. Monica: Y'know what champ? I think I'll pass. Chandler: Why? Monica: Why? [imitates Chandler's dance] Chandler: What's your point? |