| TOW Phoebe's Birthday Dinner |
| Phoebe: Oh hey you guys, I couldn't get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to go to dinner Thursday night instead. Joey: Thursday? But that's Halloween. Phoebe: So? Joey: So spooky, that's all. Phoebe: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. That's fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven't been together, the six of us, in a really long time. Monica: What are you talking about? We're all together right now. Rachel: Um, Mon, Chandler's not here. Monica: Oh dear God! "No! I just happen to know a lot of trivia about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called leihalalokos."-Chandler Chandler: Yes, but I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two packs...a...a carton. Three big fat cartons in two days. But it's over, I made a decision, I'm not going to smoke anymore. Monica: (pats Chandler around) finds a pack in his pocket Chandler: But, those are for you. "Hey, you only heard Monica's side of that. That little fatso was a terror."-Ross Ross: No, no, really. You should go. Just go! Go! Go out! Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up the heels. Paint the town red. Rachel: You need to learn some new slang. "Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn't worry, they shan't be long"-Phoebe Chandler: And no kissing your neck. Monica: Oh good, I hate it when you do that. Chandler: And lots of kissing your neck! Rachel: What if she jumped out of the bassinet? Ross: Cant hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out. Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on? Ross: You never cooked since 1996. Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in! Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirl pool that fills the apartment. Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true. Monica: Oh sure, now you're Mister Sensitivity. But when you wanted to have sex right after my uncle's funeral... Chandler: That was a celebration of life! Alright, look, I'm not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want our baby to be conceived? Monica: Do you want to? Chandler: Yeah, let's celebrate life! Monica: Okay. Mrs. Geller: "I understand, seperation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his willie between his legs and cried out: "Mommy, I'm a girl, take me with you." Ross: Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you. Chandler: You tricked me into bed? Monica: That's right, I got mine. Chandler: I feel so used. Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, this way I'm not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she's doing at home and I'm being completely here with you and oh, she spit up! Ross: What? Rachel: She spit up. Judy! She spi...Judy! Look alive, Judy! Thank you. Rachel: Ooh, everything looks delicious. What should I ha-ave? What should I have? Joey: (to himself) Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman. Ross: Y'know this ?? is incredible Joey: (still to himself) Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach. Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the...manipulative shrew. Waiter: (leaving) I'll give you another minute. Joey: Why are you going? (follows the waiter) He said she wanted the shrew! "Chandler, control your woman!"-Joey Rachel: (lifts glass for toast) Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast...to Phoebe. She dropped her sock. Phoebe: Aw...what? Rachel: No, no, Emma dropped her sock. Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town. Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground. Phoebe: It's a good toast. Rachel: (to Ross) Could you please get her attention? Ross: Mommy! Phoebe: (gets up) Oh, for God's sake, (shouting) Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody stares) I'm sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my lil-outburst blunt the hideousness that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn't even have the courtesy to call. (her phone rings) Well, it's too late now. "Yes smokie, that is what it was. I just can't get enough"-Monica Rachel: Oh thank god, if Phoebe's going, can we please take Emma home? Ross: You know, I think that's a good idea. Our babysitter just pounded down another Chardonay. Bye, you guys. "Nah, just me. All alone. (all food is served) Dinner for six for one, huh. (to waiters) You boys are about to see something really special"-Joey Waiters: (with a birthday cake, singing) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear.. Joey: Joey! Joey.. Waiters: ...Joey, happy birthday to you. Joey: This is the best birthday ever. "Are you kidding? Monica's got the nose of a blood hound...and the breasts of a Greak goddess!"-Phoebe Monica: How can you smoke in this day of age? Do you not see that ad where the little kid walks up to grandpa, it's chilling. Chandler: I messed up, it was a meeting, everybody was smoking. Monica: So what? Don't you have any will power? Chandler: Will power? I've watched home movies of you eating ding-dongs without taking the tinfoil off. Monica: You said that was sexy! Chandler: Ok, look: Can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again. Monica: That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again. Chandler: You forbid me? Monica: Um-hm. Chandler: You know, I flew a long way to see my loving wife...is she here, by the way? Monica: Don't joke with me, okay? I'm very, vey upset right now. Chandler: Oh, would you say this was the most upset you could be? Monica: Yes. Chandler: Then, I might as well do this [lights a cigarette, exhales, pauses] Not really sure what to do now. Monica: Well, I'll tell you what we're gonna do: we are already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner, so you put out that cigarette, we're gonna put this fight on hold and go have sex. "Oh, Holy moly are we in a pickle now"-Ross |