| TOW Monica Sings |
| Michelle: Thank you so much for letting me do this. Public bathrooms freak me out, I can't even pee, let alone do anything else. Ross: But, what's great is that you don't mind talking about it Michelle: It's so amazing that I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it's like you lose a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend. Ross: Uh-huh Michelle: No, don't worry. this is not some rebound thing. I'm totally over Eric. Ross: Good choice Ross. Rachel: Oh, hey! Hi, there you are,I've been looking for you everywhere! Ross: Oh, yeah, hello, well, now, here I am. Rachel: Listen, my mom is not bringing the baby back until nine o'clock. So I was hoping you and I could have a chance to kind of talk...somebody here? Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's Michelle. Rachel: Who? Ross: Oh, just this woman I've been seeing. Rachel: You've been seeing someone? Ross: Yeah, didn't I mention that? Yeah, I mean, we haven't been going out for too long, but rather there is this amazing connection between us. I-I mean, in fact just before you came in, she called me her boyfriend. I thought it was a little too soon, but it was also, you know, kinda cute. "What are you taking amoxicillin for?"-Michelle Ross: How great is this? You are already comfortable enough to look through my stuff. Oh, I am sorry Michelle, that's my roommate, Rachel. Rachel: Hi, and I am also Emma's mother. Michelle: Ah, who is Emma? Ross: I told you about my daughter. Michelle: This is your daughter?I could be your new mommy! Michelle: Ross! You didn't tell me you were a doctor! Rachel: What, what, wait a minute! You haven't even told her you were a doctor, yet? How long have you know her, like an hour? Michelle: Actually about an hour and a half. Ross: I told you it wasn't long, but there is an amazing connection between us. Michelle: You feel that too? Oh, I thought that it was just me! Ross: Are you kidding? Michelle: Hey, do you want to go away this weekend? Ross: We'll see. Rachel: Ok, Ross, what's going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now? Ross: I don't know, are we just kissing guys on balconies? Rachel: How do you know about that? Ross: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep.... Michelle: Emma Ross: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what, a week? Rachel: Oh, that's what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me? Michelle: No, actually, see I had to pee, 'cause I can't use public bathrooms because the doodie parasites. Ross: Ok, Michelle, it's time to go. Michelle: Well, call me! Ross: Ok. Michelle: No, wait, you don't have my phone number! Ross: You know, if it's meant to be, I'll guess it. Bye bye. Rachel: Score. Chandler: And done! Joey: Oh my God! I didn't feel a thing! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles around that sadistic bitch at the salon. Phoebe: Can you totally see through her shirt? Mike: Like an X-Ray. Bad day not to wear a bra. Monica: "Take me to the mansion in the sky-y". I am sorry, the song is over. Did you see me out there? Phoebe: Every little bit of you! Monica: I can't believe I did this! I can't believe I'm singing for people, and they liked me! Hey, did you hear that one shouting, "look at those tips!" I mean, did I really help you get a lot of tips? Mike: Sure Phoebe: Mon, not that you didn't sound good, but... Monica: Good?Didn't you hear them...I was great! Thank you so much for making me do this! That's is the best gift ever. Mike: Also a good gift? Underwear. Monica: Okay, for my next song, I think I'll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the Pointer Sisters "I am so excited". And make it bouncy! Phoebe: Oh, you'll probably take care of that on your hands. Chandler: I am sorry I am late. You'll understand when you see Joey. Monica: Honey, you're just in time, I'm about to sing another song! Chandler: Really? In front of all these people? Monica: And they love me! Chandler: Oh my God! Phoebe: Yes, she gives the people what they want. Chandler: Are those my wife's nipples? Phoebe: Oh, isn't that funny? I didn't see that before, I wouldn't have let her go up again. Chandler: I gotta stop this. Monica: Oh who cares. They still love me. "I am so excited..." Ross: Why....why should I? I mean, if she wants to move on, fine! Chandler: You know when "that's fine" sounds true when someone yells it and spits! Ross: No, I'm serious. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but..at least she could have told me. You know. I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys she barely knows, then so will I. Very funny! Eoss is gay! Ha haha. Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me. And the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand. Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life! Ross: Well and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmental Potluck dinner. Chandler: Why did I get married?! Rachel: Hi guys! Listen I really need your help. I think I did something really stupid. Phoebe: Well yes Rachel but you got something so beautiful out there Rachel: No not that. I kissed Gavin last night. Phoebe: Oh my God. Monica: You kissed him? Rachel: Yea. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and... Monica: Wait wait wait. I was at home the time. How did I miss that? Phoebe: It was at the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper. Monica: Oh yeah...so how did you end up kissing? Rachel: You know we were all alone and he was being really nice to me and, oh and he gave me this scarf... Monica: I thought you hated him? Rachel: You know, honey, there is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line is...a scarf! Monica: So are you thinking of starting up something with this guy? Rachel: I don't know. It's so complicated. I work with this guy, you know, I have the baby, and I have Ross, and I just...I don't know what to do and I have to be at the office and see Gavin in ten minutes. Monica: Sounds like you need to think about what you want, talk to Gavin, and you should definitely talk to Ross. Rachel: Or...I could call in sick and not deal with it at all... Phoebe: Wow! Five-month maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker, call in sick, they're lucky to have you! Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything. Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not going to get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross, really really. (noise of key in lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide! Gavin: Yeah! But you said not to worry about... Rachel: I lied! And I'm not sick! Just stay behind the curtain! Gavin: So hum...why did have to hide? Rachel: I thought it was Ross. Ross: That's an interesting necklace you have on. Girl In Central Perk: You already hit on me an hour ago. "You! Touching yourself! Out!"-Chandler Joey: I'm here for my eyebrow appointement. Salon girl: Name? Joey: Chandler Bing. "Please I have an extremely high threshhold...Holy Mother of God! My face! My face! I'm all right! I'm all right! Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm ok! [tries to avoid the tweezers] Damn it! Woman! How! Hooow!"-Joey Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving going? Ross: Not well. I went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand but that person neither female nor wearing pants. Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself. Ross: That's funny...Do you think you'll ever work again? Chandler: What are you doing? You know I can only dish it out! Molly: Don't panic! Rachel: What? Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have mace in my purse. Joey: Look, I'll get a new headshot taken, all right, so I want to get my eyebrows shaped. Chandler: I am sorry, moment to make fun of that, please! Joey: You may be a sissy but I'll pound out out on the ground. All right, it hurts so bad, I could only let her do one eyebrow and now...they don't match! Chandler: It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama! Joey: All right, look, you got to help me out, okay? Look, I have the magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one so I don't look stupid for my pictures. Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green! Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do? Chandler: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you. Joey: What, what? Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mine by plucking the eyebrows of my father and his "business" partners. Joey: Oh my God! Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess you don't need my help Victor Victoria! Joey: Ok all right, no,no,no,no I do. I do. I do. I need your help, but Chandler, I don't know if I can take anymore plucking. It hurts so bad! Chandler: Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe Vera and my gentle self-loathing touch. Joey: Listen, that's a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it. Chandler: Yeah. Joey: Comb my eyelashes. "Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony.And she said "No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"-Chandler Ross: Hey, check out those two blondes over there. Hey, come with me. Chandler: Are you trying to get everyone divorced? Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it's the two of us, like college. Remember? First you break the ice with some kind of joke, so they know that you're the funny one. Then I swoop in, with some interesting conversation, so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one. Chandler: I thought I got to make the jokes. |