| TOW The Mugging |
| Chandler: I got a job in advertising. Monica: Oh honey that's incredible! Phoebe: What's the pay like? [everyone stares at her] Oh come on now. If I don't know who makes the most money, how do I know who I like the most? Hey Joey! Joey: [winks at her] Chandler: Actually it pays nothing, it's an internship. Joey: Oh yeah, we have interns at "Days of Our Lives. Chandler: Right. So it'll be the same, except less sex with you. Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think I would be really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "Got Milk?" Ross: Yes I did! I did! [Monica looks at him] [to Joey] I should've written it down. Monica: Oh! He was so good in that movie of MacBeth. Rachel: You saw that? Monica: No, but I saw the previews. They played it right before 'Jackass.' Ross: And I know we've only gone out twice but I've got a good feeling about her. Phoebe: Oh, I heard divorce bells. Mugger: Alright lady, now give me your purse. Phoebe: No. Ross: What do you mean, no? I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay! Ross: Oh my god, Phoebe, you used to mug people? Phoebe: Excuse me, Ross, old friends catching up! Joey: Oh, and he said that I should think less. Monica: Well, so far, so good. Chandler: Honey, I'm old! Monica: What's wrong? Chandler: I am so much older than these other interns. I cant compete with them. Monica: So what if you're a little older? Try to look at the positive. You have all this life experience. Chandler: Yes, but I don't think life experience is going to help me with these. [shows her the shoes he has in a box] "Kids, kids! Roll your way to childhood obesity!"-Chandler Chandler: Okay, would you help me try to sell these? Monica: Okay, have you considered using a girl with huge knockers? Chandler: I don't think that's the kind of thing they're looking for. Joey: Hey, that'd work on me. Why do you think I buy Mrs.Butterworth's? Monica: How do you know the mugger? Phoebe: I'm sorry I have friends outside the six of us. Ross: You wanna know how she knew him? Because Phoebe used to mug people. Monica: Seriously? Phoebe: Well, I'm not proud of it but you know, sometimes, living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff I... Monica: Phoebe that is awful. Phoebe: Well okay, I wasn't rich like you guys, okay? I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony. My mother was killed by a drug dealer. Monica:Your mother killed herself. Phoebe: She was a drug dealer. Monica: Wow, this must have brought back some really bad memories for you,Ross. Phoebe: Why? Monica: Well, Ross was mugged as a kid. Phoebe: You were? Ross: Yeah, it was pretty tramautic. It was outside St.Mark's Comics. I was just there minding my own business, you know, seeing what kind of trouble Spiderman got into that week.. Monica: [coughs] Wonder Woman [coughs] Ross: Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery you know to pick up a couple dozen linzertorts for someone [looks at Monica] when out of nowhere this thug with a pipe jumps out and says 'Give me your money, punk!' Phoebe: Oh my god. Ross: I know. And the worst part was they took my backpack, which had all the original artwork I had done for my own comic book, Scienceboy. Monica: Oh yeah. What was his superpower? Ross: A superhuman thirst for knowledge. I...I better get to class. Are there any more of your friends I should lookout for on my way, Phoebe? Phoebe: No. Actually, you might wanna stay away from Jane Street. That's where Stabby Joe works. Monica: What? Phoebe: Well back in my mugging days, you know, I worked St.Mark's Comics. Monica: Yeah..? Phoebe: Well a pipe was my weapon of choice. And um, pre-teen comic book nerds were my meat. Monica: So...? Phoebe: Well there was this one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said... Monica & Phoebe together: Geology rocks! Monica: Oh my god! Phoebe: I know! I mugged Ross! "They're so uncomfortable it's like getting kicked in the nuts in your feet"-Chandler Joey: Hey, that eggnog in the fridge was really great! Rachel: Joey, that was formula. Joey: We gotta get more of that! Chandler: Hey, these aren't that bad. You should suggest these to Ralph Lauren. Rachel: Okay, first of all that's stupid. And second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph. "The cold weather hurts my hip!"-Chandler Phoebe: Hey Ross. Okay look I know you're still mad at me but could I just talk to you for a sec? Ross: Sure, go ahead. Oops, sorry [puts hands in the air] Sure go ahead. Phoebe: I just really wanted to apologize again. And show you something that I think you'll find very exciting. [shows him a box that says "Crap from the street] Ross: Oh my god, crap from the street! Phoebe: Look Ross, in this box, are all the things that I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell..or smoke. [opens the box] Anyway I was looking through it and I found "Science Boy"! [shows him the comic] Ross: Oh my god! [sighs] I never thought I'd see this again. It's all here! Phoebe: Yeah Ross: What made you save it all these years? Phoebe: I guess I just thought it was really good. And maybe it'd be worth something one day. Ross: You really thought "Science Boy" was worth saving? Phoebe: Yeah, but you should know I have a jar of vaseline and a cat skull in here. Ross: Still, still this is amazing! Oh my god, thank you Phoebe. Phoebe: Your welcome. Thank you for "Science Boy". I learned a lot from him. Ross: Your welcome. "Wow. That's a big cable bill. You don't have a job but you don't have a problem ordering porn. On a Saturday afternoon. I was in the house!"-Monica |