| TOW The Lottery |
| Phoebe: What's more important money or friends? Everyone: Friends! Monica: Money! (rethinks) Friends. "What a great night to be running around the street looking for tickets...and the wind sure made it fun"-Phoebe "I've been a bad girl...is daddy going to spank me?"-Phoebe Ross: [to Emma] Yes, you're daddy's little girl, yes you are! [turns to Rachel] Phoebe totally ruined it for me "She's going to be a scientist!"-Ross about Emma "I think I broke your bowl"-Phoebe Monica: How do you know she [Emma] is going to start talking? Rachel: Well, when I talk to her, I almost feels that she understands what I'm saying. Chandler: Ah, kinda like Joey! Joey: [silence] What's that now? Monica: So, does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? Ok, how about this? We divide them into 6 groups of 40 and the remaining 10 could be read by whoever finishes their pile first. Rachel: Oh I have another idea! Monica: I'm sorry! Idea time is over! Joey: Hey Monica, can I borrow the Porsche? Monica: Okay. But what is it not? Joey: A place to entertain my lady friends. Monica: And, what else is it not? Joey: A place to eat spaghetti. Monica: Very good. Joey: Thanks. Monica: What do you need it for anyway? Joey: Uh, the Powerball Lottery is up to three hundred million and they don't sell tickets here in New York so... Rachel: Oh, so you're driving up to Connecticut? Joey: Yeah. Yeah, Connecticut, not West Virginia. Monica: Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there. I'd like to buy some tickets myself. With Chandler not getting paid, we could really use three hundred million dollars. Chandler:Yes, because if I was at my old job, we'd say, "Three hundred million? No thank you." Phoebe: You don't want to win the lottery? Ross: Sure I do. I wanna be king of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earheart. Chandler: Still on Amelia Earheart? Ross: The woman just vanished! Ross: Seriously guys, I can't believe you're going to spend $250 on the lottery. That's such a bunch of boo-hockey. Chandler: I'll ask. "Boo-hockey?" Ross: Oh. Oh, we think Emma's about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her. Rachel: Yeah, so get ready to heart a lot of boo-hockey, gosh darn it, and brother pucker. Monica: God, look at all of these tickets. It's so exciting. You know, I haven't won anything since the sixth grade. Chandler: Pie-eating contest? Monica: Oh, you assume because I was heavy that's the only way I could win something? Chandler: No.I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries. Monica: That was a good day. Joey: Oh my God, Ross! You don't have Emma! And Rachel, you don't have Emma! Where's Emma? Who has Emma? Rachel:Joey, relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there. Joey: I was? Rachel: Yes, and you talked to her. Joey: I did? Rachel: She dropped off a casserole. Joey: Oh yeah, the casserole lady. Monica: Did you come by to watch us win the big bucks? Ross: Yeah and then I figured after you win, we could go out on the balcony and watch a night rainbow with gremlins dancing on top of it. Joey: Did you get it? Chandler: One of the slots got filled. Joey: By you? Chandler: Sense the tone. The Nate kid got it. Monica: Oh, I hate that guy! Come on kid, pull up your pants! Phoebe: You're not going to believe this. I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely going to win the lottery tonight! Monica: Hey, that reminds me. I thought we could use some extra luck so I brought a wishbone home from work. Ross: A psychic and a wishbone? Guys, give someone else a chance! Monica: All right, who wants to do it? Phoebe: Oh! Can I? Vegeterianians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either you know because just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcases. Monica: Rach? Rachel: No, I'm good. I don't want to get the turkey smell all over my hands. Joey: I'll do it! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine. Phoebe: I hope I win. Monica: Oh it doesn't matter.You're both wishing for the same thing, right? Joey: I can't tell you what I'm wishing for or else it won't come true. Monica: Right. But we know what you're wishing for. Joey: But can't really say. Monica: I understand, but you're wishing for what we think you're wishing for, aren't you? Joey: I'm not really comfortable with these questions! Rachel: Please! Chandler: Just do it! Phoebe: All right, 1...2...3! [wishbone breaks] Joey: I won! Hey! Ross: You know what? I'm sure your wish is gonna come true but, you guys, just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp. [rubs the lamp] Ow! That thing gets hot! Rachel: You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. How are you gonna feel if we actually do win? Ross: Uh, you're not gonna win. Rachel: Oh, I know, I know. The odds are against us but somebody has to win and it could be us! And then how ya gonna feel? You know,everybody's gonna be like "Oh, let's take our helicopters up to the Cape" and you're gonna...and you're gonna be all like "Oh, I can't guys. I'll have to meet you up there. I have to gas up the Hundai." Chandler: I can see the headline now, "Lottery Winners' Friend Eats His Own Arm" Ross: Why would I eat my own arm? Chandler:Well, you wouldn't. But we own the paper we can print whatever we want. Chandler: Okay, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win? Ross: I don't know, I'll probably just invest it. Chandler: Oh, calm down. Joey: Seriously? That's your fantasy? To invest it? Ross: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say invest it? I meant be cool and piss it all away. Joey: Oh! We should pool all our money and buy the Knicks! Rachel: I don't really care about the Knicks. Joey: Oh you will when I pick you as starting forward. Rachel: You would do that? I never get picked! Chandler: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go. Joey: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks? I can't believe you're taking this away from me! Chandler: Why, it has been your dream for over 15 seconds. Ross: Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy? Chandler: I'll take this one too. Uh, Mommy? Ross: Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma, which, I now realize, we are not. Phoebe: Okay, well are all the tickets in the bowl? Monica: Yeah. Chandler: What about the ones you have on the nightstand? Monica: There are no tickets in the nightstand. Chandler: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago. Monica: Uh, no you didn't You must be mistaken. Chandler: Honey, there are like twenty tickets on the nightstand. Monica: Chandler, sense the tone! Rachel: [walks out of Monica & Chandler's bedroom] Well, well, well. Look what Mommy found. Monica: Okay, fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler. Phoebe: [gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed. Ross: I can't believe this. I thought we were all in this together. Monica: Hey, you just got in five minutes ago! Ross: Three minutes ago. I don't know why that's important. Joey: Hey, I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut. When did you even get those? Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without even taking off the plastic! Joey: [to Ross] I'll show you how. Rachel: Okay Monica, suppose one of your special tickets win. How are you going to feel when you lose all your friends? Monica: Oh, please! If I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of ya for three days! Rachel: Chandler! Will you just tell her what she did was wrong? Chandler: [to Monica] She's right. You shouldn't have bought tickets just for us. Monica: [gasps] Chandler: Let me finish. [to Rachel] However, it doesnt look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles so screw you! The tickets are ours! Monica: Ah! There's the man I married! [they slap hands] Rachel: All right, believe me. If you win the lottery, it's the last you'll hear from us. Monica: Fine, don't be my friends. I'll buy new friends! Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they look just like you. Phoebe: Guys, we have to keep the tickets together. Monica: No, we should divide them up and I should get the extras since we used my car to buy them! Joey: Hey, it was my idea! Chandler: Oh yeah, thanks for inventing the lottery! Rachel: Okay, just give 'em to me and I'll split them up. Phoebe: AHHHHHHHHH! I can't take anymore.I'm putting an end to this. Rachel: If she jumps, I get her tickets! Phoebe: Do not come any closer! Chandler: Can I come a little closer? Valuable things are getting a little squished. Chandler: Hey, there's two messages. They could be from work. Monica: Oh, play them. Phoebe: [voice on the machine] Hello, this is the pigeon, from the balcony. I'm just calling to apologize. I...I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It was all my fault...not her's.Bye...coo [everyone stares at Phoebe] Phoebe: Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do. "Hey Rach, come on!They're already announcing the numbers. God, I can feel myself changing"-Joey "Yeah, I want my tickets too [takes bowl of tickets from Rachel]! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!"-Joey |