| TOW The Fertility Test |
| Chandler: I missed most of the party. Charlie's a girl, right? Ross: Yes, she's this new professor in my department who I did not kiss. Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her. I mean out of all of the girls at the party, god! Ross: Why do you care so much? Monica: Yes, Rachel, why do you care so much? Rachel: Because....you know...Ross is the father of my child and I want him to hook up with alot of women. All I'm saying is I just think Joey & Charie don't have anything in common. Ross: I don't know. They seemed to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils. Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a Professor. Can you imagine if they had kids? And the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism, those nerds would get laid! Phoebe: Hey guys, look what I got. [takes out a pair of shoes from a box] Rachel: Oh, I love those. Where did you get them. Phoebe: I got them off Ebay. They used to belong to the late Shania Twain. Rachel: Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive. Phoebe: Oh, then I over paid! Rachel:Oh, so now I can't get a massage? There are so many things she disapproves of. I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting. Monica: Do you want to go hunting? Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option! Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. It's a good idea to see if anything is wrong. It's just a few routine tests. Chandler: But I don't want to do it in a cup. Monica: Why don't you want to do it? Chandler: It's weird! You're in a doctor's office! Monica: Oh, it's not okay to do it in a doctor's office but in a parked car behind Taco Bell?! Chandler: I cannot believe Ross told you that. And in my defense, it was a Wendys. Monica: I dont want to do these tests either. Chandler: Yeah okay, I'm sure this can't be worse than on a class trip to the Hershey Factory. Monica: [gasps] Chandler: Oh yeah, Rachel talks too! "Who says wine has to cost more than milk?"-Joey Charlie: And I wanna see the Met. Joey: Okay, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck! You wanna see the Yankees. Charlie: No, not the Mets, the Met. Joey: Which one? They all suck. Charlie: The museum. Joey: I don't think so. Joey: I don't want her to think I'm stupid. Ross: Are you wearing two belts? Joey: [looks down and realizes he is] [laughs] Hey! What do you know? Janice: Oh someone's a little cranky today because they have to do it in the cup. Oh, they gave you the kiddie size! Chandler: What?! Janice: [does her hidious laugh] Monica: This was fun, but I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to! Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I've got a hot date.[points to the cup] Rachel: No, nothing's wrong. Hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden? Phoebe: Um, Stockholm. Rachel: Damn, I wish I knew if that were right! Phoebe: You knew it was me? Rachel: For like a half hour. Man, can you lie about Sweden! "It is not okay that I am aroused by this now!"-Chandler [holding a cup in his hand] Monica: Hey Sweetie. Chandler: Dr.Connolly just called. Monica: Oh, with good news? Of course it's not good news you just said Dr.Connolly just called. If it was good news you would've said [in a high pitchy voice] Dr.Conolloy just called. But, um, so what is it? Is there a problem? Is it me...or you? Chandler: Actually it's both of us. Monica: What? Chandler: Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment. Monica: [completely shocked] Oh. Well, what does that mean? Chandler: It means my guys won't get off their Barkaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. It means.. Monica: [getting upset] Chandler... Chandler: It means we can keep trying. But this may never happen for us. Monica: [starting to cry] Oh my God! Chandler: I'm sorry. Monica: I'm sorry too. [moves in to hug him] Chandler: Well, we're gonna figure this out. Monica: I know. "Tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank"-Monica |