DEREK LECKENBY

*fights strong urge to give that man a huge cuddle!*

LEK!!!!!!

LEK!!!!!!

Oh, this man is my hero of all time. I love him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much! “Why?” you may ask. Well, because he was just so cool. Plus the fact he was the only one who owned a Vespa in Mrs Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter. He was like a bassist with two extra strings on his guitar!

Plus he made glasses-wearing cool. The British Buddy Holly you might say. Only he was seriously cool and didn’t sing down his nose or do those stuttery “Ooh-ooh-ooh” things when he sang. Sorry, everyone, I’m not a Buddy Holly fan. Sorry. I know, I know he was like the Godfather of rock’n’roll, but… I couldn’t listen to him all day every day like I could with other people! I’M SORRY!

So in my opinion, Mr Derek Leckenby was wondrous. He was fab. And not only that, I love him. Obviously not in the same way that I love Keith Hopwood, more in the type of way that I love Eric Idle, in that he was a wonderfully cool, funny and generally fantastic person. Who wrote great songs. Like Gaslight Street, which he wrote with Keith. (“Every night at nine, there’s children playin’ around the street, tryin’ to dodge their parents who have called them in to go…to…sleep…!”)

Still, I bet you don’t know too much about him from that.

Try this then:

Name: Derek Leckenby – but just call him Lek, everyone else seems to!

DoB: 14 May 1945.

Hair Colour: Kinda sandy blond

Eye Colour: Brown.

Height: 6’1”.

Please Note: I can’t write about Lek’s marital status, current place of residence or what I’d do if he read this page for the simple reason that unfortunately Mr Leckenby passed away in 1994. The world lost a great man, the music industry lost a wonderful guitarist, and Keith, Karl, Peter and Barry lost a good friend. Lek, as long as me and the other Herman’s Hermits fans are around, you’ll live forever in our hearts. God bless.

Played: Lead guitar. Listen to I’m Henery VIII I Am for an example of how great he was!

Best Lek Quote: Oh GOD! In Mrs Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter there were so MANY! He stole the whole film, he was wonderful! But I think out of all of it, his finest moment was “Look, siddown will ya? Yer givin’ me an ‘eadache!” to Peter. It was the first time in the whole film he’d actually shown some emotion other than pure boredom. It was fab! OR, maybe it was “I wish I’d missed it!”

As before, I’ll let you know the build up to the line and my thought processes:

PETER: You will look after me bike, won’t you?

*Spev is glad to see that Peter is getting his priorities right. Never mind the fact he’s going to seek fame and fortune in London, oh no, just make sure his bike’s well looked after!*

TULIP: I’ll treasure it, like me life!

*Spev feels that Tulip is taking her bike-minding responsibilities a little TOO seriously, and is sure that as long as nobody nicks it, Peter won’t mind too much if she doesn’t risk her life for the bike*

PETER: Oh, where are the lads?!

*That’s just what Spev was thinking, it’s been at least, ooh, twenty seconds since she last perved over Keith!*

TULIP: Oh, they’ll be ‘ere, you’ve got plenty of time… Well, give us a kiss!

*Spev doesn’t like Tulip at all and in fact will now continue to call her Trollop instead.*

[PETER kisses her forehead]

*Spev applauds loudly at his non-display of affection towards Trollop*

VOICES: OI! TULLEY!

[enter KEITH, BEAN and KARL]

*Spev sees Keith running and thinks how manly he looks. Oh and also falls in love with his black bumfreezer jacket. WOOF!*

PETER: What’s the rush? We’ve got plenty of time, lads, don’t sweat!

*Spev thinks a rude thought about Keith*

KEITH: *starts panting slightly*

*Spev nearly has a heart attack and her warped thoughts go into overdrive*

KEITH: [to PETER] You’re the one who’s sweatin’!

*Spev frowns, disappointed that her rude thought couldn’t last that long. Although… Spev slaps herself for thinking rude thoughts about Mr Noone.*

BEAN: It’s a shame Lek wouldn’t come with us.

*Spev agrees because Lek is so cool and the ‘Ermit’s aren’t the ‘Ermits without him!*

KARL: Oh, never mind ‘im, he played too loud anyway!

*Spev is appalled at the way they are slagging Lek off.*

BEAN: We’ll get another one when we get to London, they’re a shillin’ a dozen there.

*Spev can’t believe they are being so heartless about Lek.*

PETER: Course we will! Come on, then!

*Spev is disgusted that they are so cheerful about not having Lek with them and considers going off Keith completely until she sees him struggling with his suitcase and turns to mush again*

KARL: [to Keith] What’ve you got in there?!

*Spev hopes it’s her…*

KEITH: It’s me mum!

*Spev is disappointed again*

TROLLOP: Ey, you lot? Don’t I even get a last kiss goodbye?

*Spev wonders if Trollop deserves one, after all, she’s been trying to seduce Peter for the duration of the film, why should she get a kiss of her Keith?!*

TROLLOP: You’re all I’ve got in the world…

*Spev thinks sarcastically “Oh, my heart bleeds!”*

[KEITH gives TROLLOP a kiss on the lips]

*Spev slaps the TV screen in anger that Trollop has kissed HER KEITH! On the LIPS, no less! Grr! Yes okay so technically it was her Keith who kissed Trollop, but she is sure he was only doing it out of politeness…*

[TROLLOP whitters on tearfully about how she’ll miss them and gets kisses of Bean, Karl, and then TWO off Peter!]

*Spev decides that next time she wants to kiss four fifths of Herman’s Hermits, she’ll start whinging too, only she’ll rearrange the two kisses thing so her two are off Keith*

[enter LEK]

TROLLOP: LEK! You MADE it!

*Spev considers killing Trollop or at the very least sending her to smiling/posture lessons*

LEK: I wish I’d missed it!

[LEK runs off with the others]

*Spev wonders what happened to the Trollop “you’re like my big brothers, and you’re leaving me, give us a kiss!” speech when Lek turned up. Was Lek not good enough for her or something?!?!*

So, there you go, some major rambles about Lek which kind of turned into a Keith lusting session. Don’t know how that happened! Sorry, everyone!

If you’ve got anything to say about Mr Leckenby, then please email it to me so I can put it up here with all my ramblings about him! Merci beaucoup!

Back to THE BEGINNING!