Advice For Writing Bad Poetry

Open your poem with a stanza
of what the poem will be about;
include some obvious images in the next stanza
to show what the poem is about
& end with a stanza full of statements
summing up the poem
just in case the reader missed your point.

Litter your lines with statements.
Make them as general as possible
using as many cliches as you can shake a stick at.

Tell, don’t show.
Showing is for kids.
Telling is for adults.

Only use rhymes of one syllable, yeah.
Fit them into meter, if it’s possible there.
If they do not, don’t worry about that.
Just as long as we know your cat on the mat was sat.

Mix up your pronouns
so nobody can work out
Who’s who or where she, he or it are at.

Try not to allow a single noun to go unattended
by a little adjective or two or even three;
the more lovely adjectives, the better the bad poem.

Attach adverbs to your verbs
constantly, consistently, ruthlessly
& confidently.

Try to change your tenses,
as you have moved from the past to the future
& going to the present & went back again as often as possible.

Never listen to any advice.
Remember, your first thought is always your best
& never change a word
of what you’ve written.

Follow these ten simple rules
& you’ll always be a bad poet.
Good luck, altho you won’t need it.



Myron Lysenko
(c)8:22.5.02