“Kaoru is being weird…I’m so worried about him” Shinya sighed and looked at Die. The red head patted his back and smiled assuringly, “Every man has that day…It’s fine Shinya. It doesn’t take a scientist to know what’s going on between them”

Shinya sat closer to Die, “What do you mean?” he asked

“I know Kaoru and Toshiya have a thing for each other…” he paused.

Die closed his eyes and opened them again, “But some ‘things’ happened …maybe like…a misunderstanding of some sort, and now Kaoru is scared. Because …of the remix” Die sighed and looked at Shinya, “I know about the song. That lil’ imp is not assigning Toshiya to do it for nothing. He knows what’s going on too”. Maybe it’s Kyo’s way to be fairy Godmother… he laughed bitterly at the thought.

Shinya looked away, his eyes confused

Shinya sighed heavily and looked at Die, “I hope things will go back to normal”

Die nodded

“It will”

*

“Toshiya kun, where are you going?!” Furukawa san looked at him confusedly. Toshiya was bending down, tying his shoelace.

“I’m going for a jog. You guys can go on without me right?” he smiled

“Demo…jogging? This hour?”

“Hai! Ja!”

Toshiya ran out through the door and Emiko widened her eyes. She walked into the recording room and looked around.

“I haven’t seen him eating since this morning” she muttered and looked at Furukawa san.

The man nodded, “Me too”

*

Kyo opened the door in front of him and was greeted by darkness. Kirito stood right behind and handed him his bag, “You sure he’s around?”

“Hai. I did call up the studio and no one saw him around since few hours ago. So I’m just assuming he’s either asleep or in the bath” he shrugged, “He takes long baths you know…It’s a Shinya disease. It’s contagious. When Shinya choose to pamper himself, he makes the most of it. Come in”

Kirito closed the door behind him and squinted his eyes when Kyo on the lights.

“Doesn’t seem like he’s in though…” Kyo scratched his head and walked toward the bedroom.

Few minutes later Kyo walked to the living room, pouting, “He’s not at home…but they said he left and-”

The front door opened and Toshiya walked in with wide eyes. Sweats glistened on his forehead and his slender pretty neck. His thin T-shirt stuck to his body like second skin and he was panting.

“Iya!! I thought why was it not locked! You guys!!!” he berated tiredly and closed the door.

“Toshiya, where have you been?”

“Jogging…around the block” he took off his sneakers and walked to the kitchen

Kyo eyed him suspiciously when he walked out holding a bottle.

That oh so familiar bottle with its bitter content

“So what brings you guys here?”

Kirito looked at Kyo, who had a chill smile on his lips, “Nothing. We just stop by to ask you out for dinner with us…”

The other vocalist looked at him in surprise but said nothing.

Toshiya chuckled and waved one hand, “Nay, I’m fine ne. I’m not hungry”

“You look like you had run to Osaka and back, and you’re telling me you’re not hungry?” it was such a shock to see Kyo spat out the words just like that. Kirito joined his eyebrows at the sudden change of the air. Kirito turned to look at the bassist.

Toshiya’s expression distanced, he waited a while and then putting his bottle slowly on the table, he stood up from the chair, his back straightened, his shoulders tensed, his chin up.

“I am fine, Kyo. Thank you for coming”

*

“I’m sorry I can’t be with you tonight” Kirito whispered to his hair, arms wrapped around his body, chin resting on his shoulder. Kyo smiled as he cradled his lover, who sighed in disappointment. The night had been perfect. Almost. Kyo had managed to finish his work early, and they had had a very pleasant dinner and had spent such marvelous time together and what was better than to end the night with passion? Such beautiful evening…ruined simply because Kirito had chores to do.

“Aiji called you know…they had finished it and now it’s my turn” Kirito pouted, “You know how it works eh…”

Kyo nodded, “Hai, I do. Am I such a bad influence? Do they complain about me making you skipping recordings?” he whispered through parted lips, his breath swept the other one’s chin. Kirito chuckled, his hands cupped Kyo’s face, “No, I think they blame me…for not being able to resist you…” he drawled (XD) Kyo’s eyes sparkled as he inched closer, “Mnn…” he moaned, “I trust you do not intend to make them do so tonight?” his palm rested on his lover’s thigh

“It’s a beautiful evening”

“So it is”

“Kyo…”

Kirito struggled with his breath

“Care for a romp?”

Kirito groaned

“Here?”

“Mmhmm”

“Now?”

“I don’t mind the backseat”

There was a moment of silence until they both laughed, breaking away. Kirito then pulled him close, “I’m really sorry”. Kyo pouted, ““It’s cool. I don’t want you to skip rehearsals…

Makes me feel bad you know. I mean, when one of the boys did that in my band…” he shrugged. Kirito nodded

“Isn’t it cool to have someone who’s in the industry as a koibito?” Kyo’s tone was somehow…sarcastic? “Damn understanding” he added. He placed his arms on the steering wheel and looked forward. Sensing something was amiss, Kirito placed his hand on the other guy’s.

“Where are you going?”

There was a pause before Kyo sighed aloud, “I think…” he didn’t finish the sentence, merely staring into space.

Kirito held his hand tighter

“Kyo…sometimes…it’s better if one becomes ignorant…”

Kyo looked at his lover, his eyes searching. Kirito looked as if he was thinking hard of using the right words to say.

“Sometimes, one would prefer to let others sort things out themselves” Kirito smiled assuringly and when he Kyo opened his mouth he shook his head and added, “Regardless who started it”

“I started it! YOU KNEW!” Kyo hissed, “How can I just sit down and watch everything turns…worse!”

“Kyo! Listen to me!” his hands forced Kyo to look at him, “It is NOT you fault! They chose their own way! You’re just someone who was unfortunately placed in between those things that had happened. It IS true that one thing let to another but they MADE the choices!”

Kyo looked as if he was about to cry. Kirito sighed and held his shoulders strong.

“If Die had faith in himself he wouldn’t be messing around with his sexuality. If Kaoru wasn’t that egoistic he would be having a relationship now…with the person that is so special to him. And if Toshiya was smart enough to realize his feelings toward Kaoru …Shinya …he’s like you, no? He too was caught in this tangle of mess. But there is nothing you can do about it!”

Kyo lowered his gaze and smiled bitterly. After a while he nodded …

“What do I always say Kyo?”

…

“One thing let to another”

“Yes. It does. Let it be…leave it alone…”

Kyo nodded

“Can I trust you in that?”

“Hai…”

Kyo looked up and gave him a kawaii smile

Kirito smiled back, “Okay…must go now” he leaned closer and gave Kyo a kiss, “Ja ne…in the morning”. He got out the car but Kyo managed to grab his arm, “Kirito!”

“Yes?”

Kyo nodded his head

“Arigatou”

*

“Sunshine and sunshine…” Toshiya chirped as he walked into the studio. Ignoring the weird stares from everyone he sat down and smiled tremulously. “The sample is done. I have handed the demo to those guys over the recording room in few minutes…” music filled the air, “Ah, here it is” he sat back and winked at Kyo. All Kyo could see was himself walking straight into doomland. Toshiya could do whatever he wanted since he was assigned to do so. It was predicted that the remix would be a piece of Toshiya’s vengeance toward whatever Kaoru had done to him. Kaoru himself would feel unhappy and no doubt Kyo would feel guilty.

Die raised an eyebrow, “It sounds good”

Kyo paid attention

True enough, the beat was slow, more like relaxing. There was the sound of the sea, its waves…and

…

Girls

Kyo could practically hear Kaoru twitched. Shinya widened his eyes. Die’s surprised look was replaced by a grin as he understood the ramblings of the girls. It was about them, Dir en grey. Kyo narrowed his eyes at Toshiya, who grinned. Die laughed as the girls claimed they did not know who Toshiya was. Shinya fumed and ducked his head shyly as he was being mentioned.

Kaoru’s expression remained emotionless.

There was a distortion and all the sudden bass line replaced the strings and vocals and moans and groans and shouts sprang free into the air. Kyo sat down shocked while Die’s jaw dropped. Kaoru looked disgusted while Shinya’s eyes widened. Toshiya still had the little smile that played on his lips. The section proceeded until all the sound effects and moans and shouts faded all together and the music resumed to whatever it was, all relaxed, strings and Kyo solo.

After the song ended, Kyo shifted his gaze from Die, who was laughing to Shinya, who was looking at Toshiya in disbelief to Toshiya, who had this….shadow in his eyes and finally to Kaoru, who remained stoic. The blond guy quickly shot his gaze back to Die, who stopped laughing and bit his lips and looked at Kyo. Sensing something was about to burst, or rather someone, he winced and looked at Kaoru.

Shinya blinked and did the same.

Kaoru sneered and broke the silence

“So much of band image…”

Shinya looked at Kyo, his eyes asking questions. Die scratched his head and opened his mouth, “Ano…”

“What do you mean by that?” Shinya finished the sentence.

Toshiya’s eyes were locked at Kaoru, who replied, “It’s so lewd…it’s not us. Dir en grey is not like that”

“But Kaoru, I think it’s okay. It’s really…” Die said, he looked at Toshiya, “Creative”. Toshiya looked at the purple haired guitarist, “I was merely doing what I felt. It is as unexpected as our band, isn’t it? Who would think Dir en grey could come up with this kind of remix?”

Kaoru hissed, “You make it sound cheap” then he stood up, “Die, you do the remix” he looked at Die, who looked at Kyo helplessly. Toshiya stood up, “Who are you to make that decision?!” he demanded. “I am the original writer of the song and I am unhappy with the remix” Kaoru’s gaze was piercing, it bored into Toshiya. “I have the right to change it”

Toshiya sneered, “Once I am assigned to do it, I can do anything that I want! Yes, you have a say in this but there is nothing that you can change!” he confronted. By now everybody was looking at Kaoru.

Kaoru, with his eyes narrowed, his chin up and tone cold, replied, “It is downright cheap, shameful, lewd… not to mention vulgar and highly offensive to the rest of the band” then he smiled, just little movement of the corner of his lips, “But I am not surprise. Judging by the person who did the remix…it is expected to be all that, is it not?”

“K A O R U!!!!!!” Toshiya shouted, his cheeks burning, but it was not as stung as his eyes, not as piercing as what his heart was feeling right now. The man, that he LOVED, had insulted him with the worst terms one could have defined about another. The man turned away and walked straight toward the door. Kyo winced as the door slammed shut, Die looked beyond shock while Shinya stared at the table in disbelief.

What had it led to?

How could it not come to him sooner?

Shinya looked at Toshiya

Did he mean more that what met the eyes? Toshiya…

Shinya looked at the closed door

Did Toshiya mean that much…to Kaoru?

While Shinya’s eyes were searching, they met Kyo’s and found guilt.

“No one…” he heard a whisper, “…no one is to change anything”

“We won’t” Kyo whispered back

Shinya watched as Toshiya got to his feet and walked out the room, his shoulders rigid, his back straight. Then after a while, he looked at Die and Kyo. The red head was the first one who spoke up, “What was that about?”

Kyo sighed audibly, “Something personal” he replied and looked at Shinya, “I’m afraid there is nothing we could do right now”

Shinya nodded

“Best leave them alone…let them cool down”

*

He stared the engine of his car and stopped. Resting his hands on his lap, he recalled what he had heard.

And recalled too, what he had said

He narrowed his eyes

Kaoru bit his lip and raising his fists, he punched the steering wheel so hard and so many times that he felt pain but pain was something he was familiar with, for he was feeling pain right now, in his heart.

Never meant to say those words, but he had and in such fashion…he not only hurt Toshiya so badly he hurt himself too, not believing he could say them so loudly, in front of so many people.

Kaoru took a deep breath and leaned back on the seat, bringing his arms above his eyes.

His chin trembled but he shackled whatever was about to come out.

It felt cold

But the sun was shining …so painfully bright.

*

Toshiya ran and ran as fast as he could, he crossed the road without looking and ran into the park. No one was around to see the tears streaming down his cheeks that mingled with his sweats. It was so cold in the evening, but his body was burning, and his body was drenched with sweats. And he paid no attention to the stone until it was too late that he tumbled and fell to his side on the hard ground.

Toshiya winced and lying on the ground, he looked up at the sky.

There were stars…

He started to cry all over again…his body jolted with sobs

Then his vision blurred…for all the stars in the night sky started to disappeared…one by one…like his hope, his dream…his wish…

…of love

***