Deep, deep…
part I
I stole a glance at him when he walk pass me. The pain in my heart ascends again within second just by looking at him. He could be mean sometime, truly mean but I did not expect that he would ditch me. How could him? I love him so much and he says he loves me too, he was the one who approach me first but … what should I do now?
*
Die pout when the studio assistant ask him to wait a little longer before his turn to take the photo shot for their new single. Being boring, he starts looking around ignoring his ex-lover who was glancing at him for the time being.
Toshiya
stare down at the floor when he realizes that Die had been ignoring him all the
while. He wanted to give up all his hope of being about to get back with Die at
that moment but he just could not take the fate that Die does not love him
anymore.
The
studio assistant called for Toshiya again but it seem that the bassist did not hear
it at all. Shinya approach his friend and tap him on the shoulder, Toshiya
finally regain from his thought from that tapping and look up at Shinya. The
drummer was shock, follow by Kaoru who had just walk out from the studio room,
then the studio assistant.
Tears
was dripping down from the bassist’s cheek. It was really an astonish for them
to see Toshiya cry, the ‘never mess up my make-up’ bassist crying right in
front of so many peoples, not caring of his important image.
“
What’s the matter with you?”
Toshiya
stop crying all of the sudden when he hear Die asking him. He did care for me?
I just know he did! He was just too angry with me that make him ignoring me.
Yes, it must be! The bassist comfort himself and decides to apologize to Die
for whatever mistake he had make although he does not even know what he had
done wrong, wishing that they could patch up again.
“
I fine… just …”
“
You’re fine, then continue with the shooting! Don’t waste my time!”
The
sudden happiness in the bassist’s heart vanish within second. It was all his
wild thought, he just know it. Die will
not love him anymore, he is just concern because he was in a hurry.
“
Wakarimashita.” Toshiya said softly and follows the assistant into the studio
leaving his worried bandmate behind.
*
Toshiya
sits down in front of the mirror to redo his make-up again. The studio was
unusually quiet today. The assistants decides that it is better not to ask anything,
they know that once the bassist broke down again, it will really be a disaster.
The bassist close his eyes when he think of this sentence, the sentence that his lover had given him as an excuse for the break up. He know it was not the real reason but Die just won’t tell him anymore thing.
Why?
The
photo taking section went silently done that evening, no question asked, no
jokes, no explanation.
***
Toshiya
wander down the street, people looks at him as usual attracted by him, but this
time, he just ignore them and continue walking. He is in no mood to entertain
them. Everyday since he had break up with Die month ago, Toshiya had been doing
the same thing at night, wandering around the street in hope to forget…
He know that he had been a slut in everyone eyes and this including his bandmate. He had manage to overcome all this just because someone tell him that he is the purest person in his eyes. Never did he expect that this ‘only’ person would also break his heart and dream.
Toshiya, no matter what others
thinks about you, you will always be the purest person in my eyes…
…
Can you be my lover?
I accepted him. I put my trust in him. I love him wholeheartedly. But…
I feel tired being with you.
The only reason for the break up. I know that this is not the real reason but he just won’t tell me. And all this happened within a year.
Days of waiting for him to come back and tell me he is just joking with me, he still loves me! But my heart die, my trust faded, I lost my hope.
Wandering around the city now seem to be my only entertainment.
*
Shinya walks out of the restaurant follow by Die. Laughing and chatting as they walk down the street to get the car. It was rather tiring after the whole day of practicing but being able to stay together with one another was the best relaxing program for the whole day.
They had just realize the feeling for one another after wasting so many years of just being friend and bandmate. Shinya never think that Die will actually love him as the red head was just interested in making fun of him.
Die was happy, Shinya finally feels being love, both was devoted in the love. The only thing that was still distracting them was their bandmate… Toshiya. Betrayed…
*
Die stops the car while Shinya turns behind the seat to get his bag. Die suddenly pulled Shinya back to face him and place a kiss on Shinya’s soft lips.
“ Die?” Shinya protest slightly and blush.
“ Let me stay overnight.” Die said in a low and husky voice.
Shinya blush hard but nod his head slightly. This will be their first night together after so many years of ‘secret love’.
Die was overjoyed. He pulled Shinya toward him and hug him before they starts kissing passionately. Die’s hand move down slowly and undo Shinya’s shirt while placing kisses on Shinya’s neck.
Shinya enjoy the feeling but he does not want their precious first time to be in the car and starts to protest by pushing Die away.
“ Not here.” Shinya said softly.
Die smile and get down of his car immediately, he walks to the other side of the door and open it. Shinya just stare confusing before he notice that Die had already carry him out of the car and in his arms.
“ Let’s go up then.” Die said to Shinya who was still being carry in his arms.
*
Toshiya stood still, his leg could not move at all although he really wanted to. Who’s telling me what is going on now?
Remember I am always there for
you if you have any problem.
Isn’t this what he had tell me? I thought there is someone finally care for me other than my lover. Shinya, the drummer of our band. He is such a nice person and recently, I starts to treat him as a close friend.
I was just about to tell him my problem with Die. He say I could talk with him anytime if I have any problem that’s why I decides to look for him today.
Then there he is, kissing and hugging with my lover?
I should have realize it earlier, no one will really care for me, Shinya had been nice to me because he want to make up his guilt for stealing my lover?
HATE…….
*
A bitter smile appear at Toshiya’s lips then it began to change to a hysterically laughter which could only be heard in Toshiya’s mind.
The person I trust wholeheartedly and the person who I feels like trusting… both of them betrayed me. My lover and my ‘so call friend’…
He would have cry out loud by now but this time, there is no tears. The only sound that Toshiya could hear now was not his sobbing sound but a hysterically laughter from nowhere…
Hahahahah….you are just a fool, a fool!!! Wah hahahahahahaha………..
Again, a smile appears on Toshiya’s lips. But this time, it was rather to be describe as a grin, an evil grin.
to be continue…