Deep, deep
Part 12
Three o’clock in the
morning, everyone was sleeping soundly, in the living room together after a
tiring day of discussing on the new single except for one. Shinya just awake by
a bad dream, looking around the living room, he saw Kaoru sleeping on the sofa
and beside him was Toshiya on the floor then Die and himself beside Toshiya
also on the floor.
The
window was not close properly; the night breeze was cool making Shinya shiver
suddenly. He stood up and proceeds to the window wanted to close it before his
fellow bandmates get a cold. Staring out the window, Shinya immediately was
attracted by the beautiful night view, which he did not expect to be able to
see here.
The
breeze blow gently onto his face making him more awaken. Shinya heave a sigh,
suddenly remember of the love life. Die was important to him since so long ago,
they never know about one another feeling until Toshiya come between them and
Shinya nearly destroy the band.
Realizing
the frightening of jealousy was what he had learned from his love life until
now. Shinya know how scary it is but he nearly been control by it again.
Thinking to this, Shinya sigh again. Maybe I should have learned to control
myself better.
Shinya
close the window hoping he had not catch a cold by now. Quietly and slowly
locking it to prevent waking his friend and proceeds back. The very next
moment, Shinya found himself staring at the pair sleeping on the floor. Die
sleeping at one side had his arm on Toshiya and the bassist had swift his body
closer to Die.
Shinya
bit his lip hard.
Griping
his finger onto his pant.
Relaxing
himself. It just normal for any person to move their position during their
sleep, they didn’t do anything… they just sleeping! Shinya cool your mind now!
It’s
normal, Shinya keep telling himself and decides to move back to sleep.
Normal…
It
nothing…
…but why they look so rested sleeping beside one another!? They look
so comfortable, so relax sleeping together.
Taking a deep breath.
Why Die didn’t have this
expression when he sleep beside me? He doesn’t feel relaxed beside me? Is it
because he don’t love me anymore?
Shinya was standing in front
of Die and Toshiya now, looking at them with his mind start running wild.
No. He didn’t have this
expression even from the start.
Shinya trip and fell onto
the carpet, knocking over the fruit basket on the table.
Die only love Toshiya. I
know, it always like that!
Shinya hand felt something
next to him, a fruit knife that had drop onto the carpet.
…… if you didn’t join
Dir en grey.
Grabbing the knife facing
Toshiya.
I killed you and Die
will love me… yes he will love me only if you do not exist.
…~
…~
The next morning, Die was
the first one to wake up. Still not
very wakeful until he hear a sneezing sound from Toshiya, the bassist was
crouching his body, the blanket was push to the end not covering his body.
“ You going to catch a cold
if you continue to sleep like this.” Die smile and mutter to the sleeping
bassist.
Die removes his jacket and
put it on Toshiya together with the blanket covering Toshiya properly. Kaoru
had just wake up to see this loving scene of Die toward the bassist.
Kaoru pout.
“ Ohayo.” Die greet when he
see Kaoru looking at him.
Although a bit displeasure,
somehow jealous to see Die doing this thing so naturally toward Toshiya, he did
not show his mood out and greet his friend back.
“ Where’s Shinya?” Kaoru ask
realizing the drummer was not around.
“ In the kitchen?”
Die went to the kitchen,
bedroom and any other available room to see whether his lover inside. Returning
back with doubt, wondering where Shinya had gone early in the morning.
“ What this?”
Die sees something on the
floor, near the sleeping bassist. Bending down to have a look, Die found a
knife stain with something that look like blood under the table and the patches
where Die saw, after a clear view, Die know that it was blood.
“ It’s blood…”
Kaoru eyes widen, Die put
the knife down, both looking at Toshiya whom is still sleeping. Die doubt the
bloodstain does not belong to the bassist. Kaoru nearly stop breathing, if he
had not see Toshiya moving his body a little.
“ Toshiya…” Die shaking the
bassist, trying to wake the later up.
Shinya!?
Die suddenly remembers his
lover; rushing over to the phone and dial his lover number, bad thought running
in his mind now.
“ Toshiya wake up.” Kaoru
continue waking the bassist but lightly, afraid that Toshiya might really be
injure.
“ What’s up?” Toshiya ask
yawning.
“ Are you alright?”
Toshiya see the concern and
worried look on Kaoru face, feeling that something is wrong suddenly. Kaoru hold
Toshiya up suddenly, checking all over the bassist to see whether there is any
wound. Toshiya blushed but let Kaoru. “ Do you feel any pain?” Kaoru ask while
checking.
“ Kao… Kaoru?? There’s
nothing wrong with me, really! What’s going on?”
Just as Kaoru was going to
explain what going on, they heard Die exclaiming in the phone.
“ Shinya! Where are you?
Are you injured? Why you left so sudden?” Die continues asking without giving
the drummer a chance to speak.
Toshiya is looking at Die
talking loudly over the phone and listening to Kaoru telling him what going on.
The bassist was blushing all the while, seeing how concern Kaoru is to him.
“ Did Shinya hurt himself?”
Toshiya ask as soon as Die hang up the phone.
Die nod.
“ Is he alright?”
“ I think so.” Die speaks
while gathering his belonging. “ He told me he had hurt his hand but not so
badly. I going to his place now.”
“ Let’s go together.”
Shinya drop the phone on
the floor, sitting on the floor hugging his leg, shivering. Blood start to
gather on the cloth wrapping on his hand staining the white cloth.
Fear in Shinya eyes.
“ What am I doing…?” Shinya
cover his face muttering to himself.
Shinya took the knife
pointing at the sleeping bassist. His hand was shaking somehow but a voice in
his mind was telling him to stab the sleeping bassist. Moving nearer and nearer
to Toshiya, rising his arm and staring at Toshiya.
Killed him…
Killed him…
The voice was spinning in
Shinya mind. His hand was shaking badly at this moment.
Don’t you want your
lover back… killed him then…
Killed… killed… killed…
Shinya lower his hand with
the knife toward the sleeping bassist heart slowly, bring it up again, this
time closing his eyes and went down at a fast speed…
Are you alright
Shin-chan?
Let me treat your wound…
Shin-chan…
Opening his eyes suddenly,
Shinya stop his action. He remember how the bassist treated him nicely, how he
is at wrong first for snatching Die away from the bassist.
Killed him…
Are you alright
Shin-chan…
Shinya nearly shouted out,
he is going crazy any moment, the voice spinning around his head, telling him
to kill the bassist, telling him not to kill the bassist. Shinya rise the knife
again…
Slashing his left hand…
blood dripping down… no pain but fear. Shinya dropped the knife onto the
carpet. Tears formed around his eye, he look at the sleeping bassist.
What am I doing!?
I wanted to kill
Toshiya?
Shinya stand up, away from
Toshiya and left Kaoru apartment.
The doorbell rang, alerting
Shinya. Kaoru, Toshiya and his lover were at the door. Shinya look at them,
they look at Shinya; worried. The drummer eyes were red.
“ Why are you crying?”
Toshiya…
Shinya stare blankly at the
bassist; fear enhance in the drummer again by looking at the bassist. Shinya
remember he nearly killed Toshiya and now the person he nearly killed is
standing in front of him, feeling worries for him.
“ Shinya!?”
Die embraces his lover
tightly. “ Is there something wrong with you? Are you feeling well? Why are you
crying?”
“ Shinya your hand is
bleeding.” Kaoru was the first one to see the blood stain cloth wrapping around
the drummer hand, which is now dripping blood.
Kaoru and Toshiya was busy
treating Shinya injure hand, Shinya still staring at the bassist making Toshiya
feel a bit of uneasy.
“ I’m okay, just the pain
hurting me and I was crying…”
Kaoru, Die and Toshiya look
at Shinya whom speak out suddenly. Is he telling the truth? They doubt.
Die walk out of the bedroom,
closing the door lightly. Shinya was finally asleep after they help him to
treat the wound on his hand. Die looking a bit trouble, wondering what wrong
with his lover.
“ He’s sleeping.” Die takes
a sit beside Toshiya.
“ Is Shinya really okay? He
looks wired.”
“ He’s is, just like he
say. Believe him.” Die lied not wanting to make Toshiya worried. “ He tell me
he is alright before he sleep just now, he is smiling to me.”
“ Shinya not being careful
recently, he had just cut his hand and now he slash his hand again.” Toshiya
muttered.
The living room went quiet
suddenly.
“ Alright then, I think we
better get going Toshiya.” Kaoru say after a long silent in the living room.
Toshiya agreed.
“ Kaoru, I think Shinya and
I won’t be going to your place tomorrow.” Die say before Kaoru and Toshiya
left.
Kaoru nod, hiding his smile
from the other two.
I didn’t expect you and
Shinya will be coming at the beginning either.
Kaoru smirk as they were
walking down the stairs.
That mean it finally just
Toshiya and me! Great…
“ Kaoru are you okay?”
Toshiya finally asked, wondering what wrong with him.
Kaoru sweatdrop. “
Nothing.”
Kaoru happiness doesn’t
last long as Toshiya called the next day telling him that he would be going
back to his hometown since the others was enjoying their holiday and will only
be back on the day before the band start practicing again.
Kaoru: Why…? ;; __ ;;
To be continue…
By Tsmrhara
[6/6/02]