Deep, deep
by Tsmrhara
Part III
I want to ruin your relationship with Die and I just know how to… because you’re feeling guilty toward me.
Shinya opens his eyes slowly; the sunlight was too bright for him to continue sleeping. He stares at the ceiling, then he try to recall what’s going on but in vain. His head hurt like hell and worse of all, why is my body hurting like hell too?
“ Die?” Shinya pull the blanket away from his lover, trying to wake him up.
“
Mmm… let me sleep a little longer.”
Shinya’s
eyes widen. His heart is pumping double faster than usual. He turns around
slowly and his eyes meet against the blonde head.
“
TO…TOSHIYA!!?” A scream was let up in Shinya’s heart.
------------------------
The
two bishounen sits facing each other, speechless.
Shinya
looks down on the table all the while, trying to hide the pain on his body,
trying to hide his sadness of betraying Die, trying to hide his guilt from
Toshiya, trying his best to stay calm.
Toshiya
frequently glance at the drummer, give out an expression of being hurt, giving
out an expression of about to cry but all this was his act.
So Shinya-chan, what will you do now? Hahaha… I think I might have hurt your body too badly but you deserve it and you can’t run away from me now! So let our show begin now!!
“
Shinya… I’m, I’m… sorry.” Toshiya finally speak up. “ I didn’t mean to hurt you
like this but I really did not expect that we’re drunk and…and…”
Without
finishing his speech, Toshiya starts to weep bitterly. Shinya looks at the
bassist, he felt lost now, what have I done?
I suppose to let you feel happy but now I’m hurting you more… sorry… sorry Toshiya.
“ Toshiya, please don’t cry.” Shinya move in front of the bassist and hug him tightly. “ It not your fault, we’re drunk…”
The bassist embraces Shinya tighter and finishes his show of ‘sobbing bitterly’ but with a grin without the drummer notice.
“
Shinya… please…please stay with me.”
“
Of course, I will stay with you.” Shinya answer. But not knowing what the
bassist really means. “ So please don’t cry now.”
“
No, I mean… I mean.”
Shinya
stood still, waiting for the bassist to finish what he wants to say.
“
I mean… after all this while, I felt that I want to be with you. Not like a
friend but something closer.”
“ Toshiya!?”
Toshiya
grin again without Shinya notice, he just love to see the confusion on his
bandmate face. Shinya was stun, what happening now? What’s going on now? Why
Toshiya?
“
Shin-chan… don’t take it to heart, I’m just… just joking.” Toshiya said but trying to put out a sad
expression.
Shinya
remain silent, Toshiya waits.
“
Shinya?” The bassist finally broke the silent. “ Really, I’m just joking! Don’t
take it to heart.”
The
drummer looks at his friend, the hurt in his friend’s eyes and this is what he
had done so far. He hurt him more than the beginning.
---------------------------------------------
The
practice was finally over after such a long hours in the studio. With the last
note ended, the red head put his guitar away and leave the room without saying
any goodbye to his bandmate. Shinya stares at the closing door with sadness in
his eyes.
Die
was frustrated. It does not make sense to him that why his lover is spending
more time with the bassist instead of him. He know he had agreed to his lover
idea in the beginning but now, it seem that something is going very wrong.
He
had think of this problem long ago about telling the bassist the truth about he
and Shinya but it seem that he could not speak out everytime he wanted to. What
am I afraid of? After a long thought, he took out his cell phone and dial his
lover’s number.
“
Moshi Moshi.”
“
Shinya.” Die called when he heard his lover voice.
“
Die? What’s up?”
“
Listen Shinya!” He paused. “ I’m going to tell Toshiya about our relationship.”
“
No!! You must not….” Die had hanged up the phone without letting Shinya finish
his sentence.
Shinya
stand still, the phone was still in his hand. What to do now?
Die
put his cell phone down and starts the engine of his car, heading toward
Toshiya’s place.
Shinya
look at the clock, it late but why Toshiya have not come?
Toshiya
look at the time, Kyo was coming back. It was time! (to
be mention here that Totchi doesn’t know Die’s coming)
Die
parked his car. He look up of the building where Toshiya and Kyo live, the
light was not turn on. They’re not home?
Kyo
enter his apartment, he drop his belonging at the sofa and head toward the
kitchen, which was his ‘daily work’ on returning home.
“
Ouch….!” Kyo exclaim when he trip on something.
The
sound of the ambulance alert Die from his deep thought. The red head then take
another look at the apartment where he saw the light was on. He get out of the
car where he saw Kyo and …….!?
“
Toshiya!?”
The
phone rang, Shinya pick it up and hear his lover voice. Has he told Toshiya?
What’s Toshiya reaction? Does he know about the night where Toshiya and I had
sex?
“
Shinya.” The drummer notices the deep voice from his lover. “ I’m in the
hospital with Kyo and Toshiya….”
---------------------------------------------
The
drummer sits beside Toshiya who was still unconscious on the bed. He was really
going crazy earlier on when his lover call him and tell him that the bassist
was award to the hospital for over dosing of sleeping pill.
“
Why do you do this?” Shinya whispered.
Do you know you’ll be dead if Kyo didn’t found you on time? Why you did this?
Toshiya
opens his eyes slowly; the drummer was holding on to his hand and laying his
head on the bed. He notice it, the warm feeling from the drummer which he
really hope that it will come from Die when he woke up but he know his wish
will never come truth.
I’ll never get what I want now so I’m going to take yours away too. But why, why I felt like crying?
“ Shinya.” Toshiya called
softly.
The drummer wipe the
tears from his eyes not wanting the bassist to see it, then with a smile on his
face, he turn to Toshiya.
“ Are you alright? Shall
I call for the doctor?”
“ It’s okay, Shinya.”
Both of them went quiet
again before the drummer decides to ask what’s on his mind all this while. As
for the bassist, he knows the moment has come once the drummer asks him that
question.
“ Why you doing this?”
Finally, the question that Toshiya was waiting came out from the drummer.
Toshiya keep quiet and
stare at the drummer.
You’ve asked it!! But why, why I hope you never ask it. What’s going on with me? I should be happy that I got the chance for my revenge but why I feeling…
Shinya waits for the
answer.
Nothing comes out from
the bassist.
NO! NO! TOSHIYA!!! Don’t feel bad about it! This fellow deserves to be punished!
“ I… I…” The bassist
finally speaks up. “ I can’t stand it anymore, the pain, the longing.”
“ What do you mean by
that?”
Pain? Longing?
“ I want you Shinya!”
The drummer was stun. The
worse moment in his life finally strike him.
“ I tries, I’ve tries to
keep my feeling in my heart. I know you does not love me but I really can’t
held it any longer.” Toshiya starts his
‘prepare speech’. “ I always thought that I love Die even until now but after
all this time that I spend with you, I found that you the one I really wanted.”
Shinya remain silence.
What should I do? Someone please tell me!
“ I feel pain in my
heart, I’m longing for your love but the expression you gave me that day when I
told you I want to be with you had tell me your answer.” Toshiya paused for a
while. “ The expression of yours had told me that you don’t love me.”
Toshiya pause again. This
time, tears were dripping down his face. The bassist was surprise himself too,
the tears were not part of his act, and it’s for real.
Why should I feel bad? Why should I feel hurt? Why did I cry?
“ I decides to let my
love die but I can’t. It hurt so much and I can’t stand it anymore.” The
bassist continues. “ I saw the pill so I take it, I know I’m foolish but I just
want to end my misery.”
Shinya
had never expected that he was the cause for the bassist to commit suicide. He
was shock, sad and angry with himself.
“
Shinya, can you give me a chance to be with you?” The bassist asked suddenly.
“
Toshiya!?”
“
You already have someone you love?”
God! I can’t possibly tell you the one I love is Die.
“
I… no but…”
“
So you really have one.” The bassist said sadly.
Shinya
fell like dying right now. What he is doing now is just like jumping deeper and
deeper into a hole.
“
No, I don’t have a love one.”
Shinya
notice the sudden change of mood from the bassist. It is so easy to make him
happy but what I am doing now is actually hurting him more and more if he were
to realize the truth some day.
Toshiya
stretch his hand out and touch the drummer’s face before moving forward to give
the drummer a kiss on the chin.
“
I love you!”
“
Toshiya… please stop it… please.” Shinya finally regain his sense and push the
bassist away.
It my entire fault! If I didn’t snatch Die away from you, if I didn’t think so highly of myself that I can make you happier. But now what have I done? I make you gone through hell again!
“ I don’t want to go through this pain again. I’ve lost Die once and now I’m making you unhappy.” Toshiya said softly but loud enough for the drummer to hear. “ Sorry Shinya, I won’t force you again.”
“ Toshiya…”
“ Let me vanish from this world, I had enough!”
Shinya stare at the bassist, Toshiya look back at the drummer who seems shock of what he had say. Toshiya smile, Shinya pout.
“ I’m joking! Okay, don’t get mad at me. I promise I won’t take committing suicide as a joke again.”
You’re joking again? I don’t believe you anymore. What
if you do it again and gone forever. I’m the one who should hold all
responsibility. Sorry Die but I have to do this.
“ Don’t you dare to do it again!” The drummer said after a long thought. “ I don’t want to lose a lover.”
Toshiya stare at the drummer, shock to hear what he had say.
I success!? I won Shinya over? Hahahaha… I should be
happy but why am I feeling…?
Toshiya notice the look in Shinya’s eyes, the sadness in his eyes. Why you doing this? You can just ignore me and enjoy your life with Die but you choose to hold all responsibility.
You such a fool!
End of part 3
To be continue…
Kyo: Why my appearance so little? >_<
Kaoru: You better shut up!
Kyo: Why? <_>
Kaoru: Because I don’t even have a chance to appear! >/\< Hey! At least I’m the leader! WHY I seem to disappear from this band?
Author: ^_^;
Any feedback for me!? Help?
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