Deep, deep…
Part
7
Die
was sitting in his car smoking and letting the cool breeze to cool himself
down. He could not believe himself to be shaken so easily by Toshiya. He always
thought his love for the bassist was no longer existing
and he was loving the drummer wholeheartedly but just because of Kaoru, he
eventually get jealous.
Why is it so?
The feeling
he has with the bassist while having dinner just now was totally different.
They had been together for about a year but he had never felt this good before.
He remembers that they were mostly spending time in bed other than having
dinner like that when they were together. Mostly because at that time, the
bassist was likely to be a substitute of Shinya in Die’s heart. He never told
Toshiya about it, he has always treated the bassist as Shinya’s shadow and that
why he says Toshiya was the purest person in his eyes, which he is referring to
the drummer.
Toshiya is a substitute but then I
started to see Toshiya’s shadow in Shinya…
Who is the real substitute…?
He
also never told Shinya about it, he know he is selfish, he tried to remain his
love for only one person and he choose the person to be the drummer. Therefore
he ignored the bassist since they broke up even when Shinya reprimand him of
being coldhearted.
Toshiya
was humming some tune when he walks back to his apartment. He had never thought
that he and Die would have a chance to have dinner like today. It still feel
nice to have the red head accompanied and most of all, he did not have any
hatred for the red head at that moment. He didn’t know why is
that so.
Die loved Shinya… that’s the
conclusion!!
Shinya
was nearby Die’s apartment. He notices the light was not turn
on; the red head was not home. Shinya could not understand why he cannot have
much believe in Die, why is he assuming Die has change his heart just because
of a simple incident today?
I always believe that I own Toshiya
something but I start to get mad at him now…
Kaoru
left the studio an hour later after Shinya had left. The drummer decides to be
alone after the incident so he left without Kaoru. Kaoru had finally asked
Shinya about his relationship with Toshiya and the answer given had finally
make Kaoru realize his truth feeling. He finally knows why is
he feeling so unstable within himself.
[Flashback]
“ Are you feeling better now?”
Shinya nodded. He suddenly feels so
embarrassed for crying in front of their leader whom he always respect. Kaoru pad him on the shoulder showing his
encouragement, he also decides to ask Shinya about the doubt in his mind.
“ Can you tell me what’s going on with you, Die and Toshiya?”
Shinya just stare at Kaoru in the
beginning. He notices the change of expression when their leader mention of
Toshiya. Shinya guessed that Kaoru was in love with the bassist.
Kaoru waited for the answer.
“ You’re in love with Toshiya?”
This sudden question eventually strikes
Kaoru. What Shinya had just mention had make him realize his own feeling toward
the bassist. He does not know since when he starts to have feeling toward the
bassist but he was sure now that he does have. Out of a sudden, he does not
want Shinya to answer his question but the drummer had spoken out.
“ Let me figure up our relation first before I tell you the
answer.” Shinya simply answer the leader.
Although Kaoru does not have a clear
answer, he felt relieved. He was afraid to hear the answer that the bassist did
have a lover.
[End of Flashback]
Die drove back to Toshiya’s apartment.
He had make up a decision that is he should tell the bassist his relationship
with Shinya or rather said to explain everything to the bassist and ask for his
forgiveness so that he can set his mind to be with the drummer whom he decides
to love. He knows that he can’t be selfish anymore before he make things worse.
Toshiya
put on his bathrobe and walked out of the bathroom when he heard his handphone
ringing. The water was dripping down from his body, leaving behind a trace of
line toward the bed. Toshiya sits on the bed and pick up his handphone, looking
at the display screen where the red head name appears. Bizarrely, Toshiya
pressed on the answer button.
“ Moshi Moshi?”
There
was a paused for a few second before Die finally speaks up. “
Toshiya, are you free now?”
“ Yes, what’s the matter?”
“ Can you come down for a while? I’ve something to tell you, I’m
downstairs of your apartment now.” Die request knowing that it will be
inconvenient for the vocalist to be around.
Feeling a bit wired, wondering what’s
make the red head to turn back again, Toshiya decides to go. “
Sure, I’ll be down in 5 minutes time.”
Die was lighting up another cigarette
when he heard the bassist calling him. He put the cigarette away and faces the
bassist who was wearing a simple T-shirt and a pant but was still looking good.
Toshiya saw the expression on Die’s face; he didn’t expected
to see such serious expression on the red head and starts to get uneasy.
“ So what’s up?” Toshiya asked trying to change the atmosphere
around. “ What make you turn back?”
“ Something important, I must tell you now.”
Toshiya had guessed what the red head
was trying to tell him at this point. He didn’t expect himself to be so
careless for letting the red head to have a chance to destroy his plan of
revenging.
“ What thing?” Toshiya asked nervously.
“ My reason for breaking up with you.”
Toshiya stared at his ex-lover. Die
looked into the eyes of the bassist without blinking, those beautiful eyes and
it was what Shinya don’t have. He used to kiss those pair of eyes when he kiss the bassist but he never kiss the eyes of the drummer.
Toshiya stared onto the ground, his
heart was beating fast, his heart was hurting him
suddenly. It was worse than the time when Die break up
with him. He doesn’t know why his heart starts to get painful but it just like
someone tries to tear it apart.
“ Toshiya actually I …” Die was about to speak up when he heard the
bassist muttering something.
“ Please… don’t said it now. I don’t want to … hear … anything now.”
Die look at the bassist who was still
staring down onto the ground but this time, he saw tears dropping down onto the
ground from the bassist. Die slowly lifts the bassist’s head up, he was
confused why the bassist was crying but it seems to hurt the red head this time
to see the bassist crying.
Although confused, Die holds the
bassist closer to him and hugged him, letting the bassist to cool down first.
Toshiya clutched onto Die’s shirt and held him tightly, still sobbing on Die’s
shoulder.
For so long, I’ve been hoping that you give me a reason but now
why I hope that you won’t tell me anything? Is it because I’m afraid… but for
what!? Revenge?
“ Toshiya…? Are you feeling better now?”
No!! It not because of revenge now, why didn’t I realize earlier…?
I don’t hate him anymore but since when?
Shinya wandered down the street from
Die’s apartment. These must be what the bassist had gone through when he snatch
Die away from the bassist. Now he could understand how much pain and loneliness
the bassist had suffered and it seem that it was his retribution now to go
through the same thing the bassist had gone through. For an hour, he had waited
for Die. But the more he look up at the empty apartment, he starts to imagine
things.
Will you return to Toshiya? Will you treat me like how you’ve
treat Toshiya if you dump me? Who can I blame if it really happened,
it is all my fault…
“ Sorry, but I can’t control myself just now.” Toshiya speak up
first after the long quietness.
Die let go of Toshiya when he knows
that the bassist will be alright now. This is when he realizes he still cares a
lot for the bassist. He do lied to Toshiya many time but his concern for the
bassist was always a fact although he does not show out or might as well said
he does not know how to. Shinya always reprimand him for been cruel to the
bassist but the drummer does not know that he was actually trying hard to keep
his distance away from the bassist.
Because I was afraid that I might really fall in love with you… I
already have Shinya and I love him first.
“ Sorry!” Die said suddenly. “ Do you know I’ve
been using you all the way.”
Toshiya remains silent. He didn’t
expect the red head to be so straightforward.
“ I have been treating you as a shadow of someone I love, I
never thought I can be with him so I taking you as a replacement of him but I
was so afraid suddenly because I starts to see your shadow in him now.” Die’s voice starts to shake. “ I never tell him this but it seem that I’ll be hurting
both of you now if I said it out.”
Toshiya pouted.
“ I know it may be unfair to you but I’ve decides to ……” Die
stop when someone interrupted him.
Die look at that person together with
Toshiya, both dumbfound.
“ Is what you’re saying just now the truth, Die?” That person
asked. “ You’ve been seeing Toshiya in me?”
“ SHINYA!?”
By Tsmrhara
Author: Wah… I am turning my back on
Kaoru and Shinya. >_<
Kaoru, Shinya: What are you trying to
do!!?
Die: See… I’m actually a nice person!^^;
Toshiya: @@
Author: Feedback please…
it seem I’ve been begging all the time. ^^;
to be continue…
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