Note from author:
Everything stated below is a joke. Please don’t take this
seriously.
I don’t own DBZ, but I would like to own Mimbo
Trunks.
I was talked into posting this. For confidentialities sake,
I’ll call the person who talked me into it T. Blue. No… wait, that won’t work.
Let’s call her Trinity B.
=)
By: Mary Sue
Open Scene:
Mary Sue is
sitting in front of the TV screen with two of her girl friends watching DBZ and
talking about how cute "Veggie-kun" is when he's in the shower and
wondering what Piccolo looks like naked. We’ll just call the two friends Mary’s
friend #1 and Mary’s friend #2 since they’re obviously jealous of Mary’s
perfection, therefore threats to her popularity anyway. Plus, making up real
names for them would require too much time and I’ve got to get this finished in
under 30 minutes or it won’t be a real Mary Sue.
Mary's
friend #1: "Are those pink spots on his body everywhere?"
Mary's
friend #2: "Isn't Gohan-chan kawii?"
Mary
shouts: "Hai, arigatou!" (Because she thinks arigatou means "I
love him") “But I want Trunks!”
Mary’s
friend #1: “No! I get Trunks!”
Mary: “No!
I do! He’s mine! I’m two days older than you are and more mature!”
Roughly, a
pillow fight ensues (Oops, I used a big word) I mean… starts… and feathers fly
everywhere. Mary’s friend #1 passes out because her newly painted toe nails are
ruined by the feathers.
All of a
sudden, Mary Sue and both of her friends get zapped into the TV because of some
freak radiation overload caused by Mary's brother using the microwave with the
door open. No more explanation is given since Mary Sue spends her Science
period doing her hair.
NOW IN
DBZ LAND (No time to undo the Caps… I’ve
only got 28 minutes!)
Mary's
Friend #1: "Oh no! We're in DBZ land"
Mary and
Mary's Friend #2: "Gasp!"
Mary looks
down: "Hey, how come I have a tail and you guys don't?"
Mary's
friend #1: "Not fair!"
Mary's
friends #2: "Hey, look at how big our breasts are!"
Everyone:
"Yay! Now we're finally women even though we're only 16!"
Mary looks
over the hill: "I think I see Capsule Corp! Let's go there and see
Trunks!"
Mary's
friends agree eagerly, and take off running. Mary tries, but suddenly takes off
in flight.
Mary:
"Hey, how come I can fly and you guys can't?!"
Friends:
"No fair!"
Suddenly,
for no reason at all, Trunks runs up to them. He nods his head politely at the
two friends, but stares at Mary, a blush coming to the surface of his cheeks.
Silently, he thinks, (Yeah, he can think without making noises) "Wow...
what a beautiful woman and a Sajin-yan too! She's so unlike all the plausible
girl friends I could ever have... and look at how big her breasts are!"
Mary:
"Hey, how come I can read your thoughts and my friends can't?"
Friends:
"No fair!"
Trunks:
*Gasp* "We must have a Sajiyan-jan bond!
Trunks has
a flashback of when Piccolo told him a story. No more detail is given, but is
articulated (oops… stupid big words) told in cheap dialogue.
Trunks:
“Hey! Piccolo told me a story about you! He said that a chosen one would come
from another dimension!”
Mary, who
has on a blue soft, but not too soft angora sweater from Macy’s, a short skirt
that ends 3.5 and1/9 of an inch above her knee, nude color stockings with a
reinforced toe, 1.756 inch high black, leather pumps with straps that go to her
ankles, a satin, lavender, under-wire, triple-D bra that matches Trunks’ hair
that she bought at Victoria’s, a black choker with a little silver bunny-shaped
charm, has her nails that are long enough to look sexy, but not the
five-dollars-for-a-night-of-fun sexy, painted in rotation blue, purple and
black and her hair up in a classic French twist, stares at Trunks blankly.
Trunks:
“Mary!”
Mary:
“What?”
Trunks:
“Did you hear me?”
Mary: “No,
I was thinking about this dress that I have that would match your hair
perfectly! It has a 2.678653 inch strap, a…”
Trunks: “No
time for over-descriptive, paragraph-long, clothing explanations that nobody
really cares about! If this isn’t finished in 30 minutes or less, it won’t be a
Mary Sue!”
Mary: “Hey,
you know my name!”
Trunks:
“That’s because we have a Sauyian-jim bond!”
Mary’s
friends: “No fair!”
Trunks
ignores them, they aren’t really important anyway and are threats to Mary Sue’s
popularity: “Piccolo said that he trained you! If a Namek who isn’t even strong
enough to defeat Freeza trained you, then you MUST be good! You have to help!”
Mary:
"But I don't remember..."
Trunks:
"No time for plot explanations! Freeza's nieces' friend's uncle's
brother's father's cousin's old room mate is back for revenge! None of us
experienced fighters can beat him. We need the help of an inexperienced,
over-glorified, sixteen year old girl with big breasts!"
Mary:
"Okay!" Mary flies off in Trunks' arms (even though she can fly) to
Capsule Corp where Goku, Gohan, Goten, GT Trunks, Bra (Mary’s hero, idol and
worshipped goddess), Pan (worthless whore), Marron (slut), Krillin, Yamucha,
Vegeta, Piccolo, Chaozu, Tien, Master Roshi, Bulma, Chichi, Videl, Mr. Satan,
Mr. Buu, Bee, Oolong, Puar, Mr. Popo, Dende, Korin, Yajarobie, Ubuu and the
announcer guy from the Tenkaichi boudakai are all lying almost dead.
Mary cries
for them, even though she’s a dub fan and has never even seen most of the
people lying on the ground.
Trunks:
“It’s okay Mary. Pan and Marron are scamps anyway. I’ll always love you. You
are the light of my heart. Let me sing you this song, dedicated to your endless
beauty… so much more beautiful than your other two friends.”
Trunks gets
down on one knee and begins:
“Every
night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far
across the distance and spaces between us, you have come to show you go on…”
Mary: “I
didn’t know you could sing!”
Trunks: “I
don’t normally, but I would do anything for you, love.”
Mary makes
out with Trunks for a few moments. Forty-five minutes later, she walks over to
Freeza's nieces' friend's uncle's brother's father's cousin's old room mate
(who has sat patiently as Trunks and Mary expressed their love) and punches him
in the face. Instantly, he explodes.
Later,
Trunks and Mary wish every one healthy with the dragon balls. At a party held
in her honor later that day, Mary announces that she's pregnant with Trunks'
baby, even though they never really had sex and she's only sixteen. They also
announce that they have a Sajinayeoscarmyerwiener-jin bond.
Vegeta
walks up to Mary and gives her a rose to symbolize the love that he feels for
his new daughter in law.
Mary says
something poetic at the end, stolen from whichever Leonardo DiCaprio movie she
saw last as she rocks her baby to sleep. Mary's friends were never heard from
again.
End
So? How was
it?! TELL ME OR THERE WON'T BE A SEQUEL! !!!!1111111!!!!!!!111@~
Author’s note:
Sorry for making you endure that. It’s amazing what the human mind
can come up with when the person’s sick and in the mood to make a statement…
Thank you Mel Brooks, The Simpson’s and Monty Python!