Our Hashkafa (Philosophy)
The Ten Criticisms passed down by the NPOJHARTHA:
1) There is only one diety, but His judgement is suspect since we are not sure where He received His Smicha
2) Always start a conversation involving gossip with, "I really shouldn't say this Lashon Hara, but..."
3) Always wash. Never Bench.
4) Always leave Shul 18 minutes before your guests, in order to turn on the blech
5) Thou shalt know all the sports scores in Shul, but never reveal your sources
6) Shush people in Shul who distract you when you are talking about the stock market
7) NEVER covet another man's wife... but ALWAYS check out her cleavage
8) Confiscate your friend's non-kosher skittles, then eat them in the hallway
9) If your wife or girlfriend is not putting out, dump her and start dating a rabbi's daughter
10) Thou shalt not covet the freedoms of the Reform and Conservative movements (though you believe in exactly the same things they do, you feel superior) |
